Christmas with the Grumpy Alpha (Feuding Hearts Christmas)

13. Chapter 13

Chapter 13

Lena

Oh God.

Does he really believe those things he said?

I’m pacing Tanner’s room, agitated and unsure. All those warm, cozy emotions from the past two days have fled in an instant, leaving nothing but cold, regretful confusion in their wake.

Is this the man I’ve been enjoying myself with?

The man I was actually daydreaming about and imagining sharing a life with?

I stop mid-step and glance at the dresses neatly folded on the bed, the ones retrieved from my room earlier.

I reach for the thick wool sweater dress at the top of the pile, soft and a deep cranberry red.

My fingers tremble slightly as I pull off the clothes I’ve been wearing. The snug warmth of the dress should be comforting, but it isn’t.

This is what you get , a voice inside me hisses viciously. I know that voice.

I wrap my arms around myself, trying to push away the chill creeping into my bones. It’s not the weather—it’s the uncertainty gnawing at me.

Was Tanner just being honest, or is he trying to push me away because he doesn’t believe in what we could have?

I glance at the mirror, my reflection staring back at me, bundled up in a festive winter dress that feels at odds with the chaos inside.

My wolf stirs uneasily, sensing my doubt.

This is what happens when you’re foolish enough to trust again, despite what you went through last year.

Really, Lena, after everything you went through, one would expect you to be wiser and more intelligent.

But you went ahead and did the exact same thing!

How could you be so stupid? How could you give love a chance when you know what happened last time?

I moan, burying my head in my hands.

God, I’m an utter idiot!

I mean, really, Lena!

The prize for naivety and idiocy goes straight to you! There aren’t even any other contenders!

You had your heart broken ruthlessly by one brother, and what did you do then? Huh? You went right ahead to the other brother to have the same thing happen to you again!

Did you really think there was a chance for you both to have a happily ever after?

Did you actually think he was your fated mate?

The sad part is, I did, I really did. I didn’t know he looked down upon fated mates with such disdain.

I rise from the bed and head over to the bathroom, turning the faucet and splashing my face ferociously with ice-cold water. As I do, Tanner’s words echo in my ears, set on repeat like a broken cassette tape looping eternally.

The main dining area is booming with laughter when I reenter it.

Breakfast has been cleared away, and all the guests are nursing a beverage that is the specialty of this area, a freshly brewed tea flavored with rich, local cinnamon.

Its smell is pungent and tantalizing. I sit down next to Tanner and grab my own steaming cup. Take a small sip. Hmm. Delicious.

Warm and both sweet and spicy at the same time.

A combination I’ve never tried before. But still not good enough to clear my confusion.

“You, okay?” Tanner asks, eyeing me carefully. “There’s that typical frown on your face, the one you get when something’s up.”

I realize I’m letting my inner turmoil show, but I’m not in the mood to let him off that easily. My lips twitch into a smile, but it’s far from warm. More like the kind of smile that says you really want to do this right now?

“I’m fine,” I tell Tanner lightly. “Just wondering what the hell went into this tea to make it taste like this.”

He chuckles, though there’s a hint of unease in his eyes. “Yeah, I was wondering the same thing.”

I set the cup down a little too hard, the clink of ceramic on wood louder than necessary. “You think everything’s a joke, don’t you?”

I cross my arms, narrowing my eyes at him. “You’ve got all these ideas about how life should work, that fate doesn’t matter, and we make our own way, but honestly, Tanner, do you really believe any of that? Or is it just easier to push people away so you don’t have to deal with what’s right in front of you?”

His smile falters, and I know I’ve hit a nerve. Good.

I lean in slightly, my tone sharp. “Just because you’ve decided to live in denial doesn’t mean the rest of us have to play along. So go ahead, laugh it off like you always do. But don’t think I’m buying it.”

The rest of the afternoon passes by peacefully.

Daphne and Larry keep everyone engaged with their stories, narrating funny incidents from the past.

Daphne recalls that bizarre time when she was almost convinced that Larry was gay, because he had stopped returning her calls due to a small emergency.

Larry tells us about when he first met Daphne’s best friend and became convinced that I hated him, until he realized that was just how I was around people.

“I was so confused!” Larry exclaims, chuckling. “I thought Lena was subtly throwing shade at me! But then I paid a bit more attention and found out she was doing the same thing with Daphne too, and that made me relax. I realized she was just like that. She liked to banter.”

“It’s a welcoming ritual,” I tell him with a wink. “Whenever I make someone part of my inner circle, I subject them to that treatment. It’s just my way of showing love.”

“Well, that must mean you loved me from the very start,” Tanner whispers, leaning in close so only I can hear. “Because you’ve always had a way of getting under my skin, ever since the first time we met.”

I elbow him playfully.

The chitchat continues for a while after our drinks are finished, and then Daphne finally lets out a big yawn.

“Oh, I think I’m going to take an afternoon nap,” she announces, stretching her arms above her head. “Remember, guys! We are having dinner tonight in the hotel restaurant. Be punctual.”

I stifle a yawn of my own, suddenly infected with Daphne’s drowsiness.

“I think I’m going to hit the pillow too, for a while,” I tell Tanner. “What about you?”

“Work,” he states simply. “I’ve been vacationing too much, and it’s starting to show. There’s a pack that needs handling and people that need leading. Issues that aren’t going to fix themselves.”

He leans back slightly, running a hand through his hair. “I’ve got wolves questioning my decisions. Border patrols haven’t been running smoothly, and there’s tension between some of the younger pack members.

Fights breaking out over territory claims, the older ones disagreeing with my approach, acting like I don’t know what I’m doing.

They’re pushing back, challenging every move I make.”

His jaw tightens. “And then there’s been word of rogue wolves creeping too close to our borders. They’re testing us, seeing if we’ll react. I should be there, making sure they don’t get any ideas.”

He glances at me momentarily, then chugs the last few drops of his tea, rising from his seat. “I’ll see you this evening, Lena.”

“Yeah, see you,” I call out, watching him go.

Much to my surprise, sleep overtakes me a few minutes after I’ve snuggled inside Tanner’s duvet. I was expecting to be kept awake for a while by my turbulent mind, but that doesn’t happen.

My eyes close, and darkness rushes in, swiftly transforming into a dream so bizarre that I can barely recall it upon waking. Only bits and pieces of it are still left in my memory, fragments so disjointed that I cannot fit them together to form a cohesive whole.

All I can recall is that both Tanner and Joanne were somehow in the dream, and there was a fight happening between us.

Maybe it was a premonition, I think to myself, rubbing my eyes blearily.

First Joanne took Derek from me, and maybe now she’ll take Tanner too .

As soon as I think that thought I feel silly for thinking it. No one can take anyone from me. People are free to make their own choices.

Except for fated mates, of course. For them, there is no choice. They’re destined to be together…. like Tanner and me. If he really is my fated mate.

Which seems more and more probable by the minute, judging by what I’m feeling.

Before I can spiral down again into that same whirlpool of confusion, I rise from bed to get ready, hoping a long, hot bubble bath will clear my mind.

It does. Considerably.

And when I step out later, dressed for dinner, Tanner has returned.

“How was work?” I ask casually, grabbing a towel and drying my hair.

“Exhausting,” grunts Tanner, popping his knuckles and stretching. “How was your nap?”

I pause. “Relaxing.”

Tanner cracks a smile. “Good. At least one of us had a good time.” He glances at the clock on the leftmost wall of the room. “When do you want to leave for the dinner?”

“No later than ten minutes, please.” I laugh. “Daphne has been very punctual about all the events at her wedding. I don’t want to face her wrath at this point.”

“Ten. Sounds good.” Tanner steps inside the bathroom to change, shutting the door and turning the lock. It is only then that I realize how “couple-like” our interaction has just been.

Like two people who’ve been married forever.

He’s the one, Lena. How many more signs do you need? And you both are already acting like you’re together!

“ Shut up ,” I say to that voice inside me, combing my damp curls.

Once I’m done, I put on a pair of black sandals and grab my phone from the bedside table. Tanner exits the restroom right then, wearing a white Oxford dress shirt and simple charcoal pants.

“We ready to leave?” He asks me.

I give the room a final survey to see if I’m forgetting anything, then turn to him. “Ready as ever.”

We’re the first ones to arrive for dinner, which pleases Daphne as soon as she spots us.

“On time, as usual!” she says with a smile. “You two have been the most punctual guests at this entire wedding. I swear, it’s like I’m seeing a whole new side of you, Lena.”

Tanner chimes in smoothly, “All thanks to Lena, of course. She’s the one who wanted to make sure we didn’t disappoint her best friend.”

“Is that so?” Daphne raises an eyebrow, then gives me a knowing wink before adding, “Well, in that case, I owe a huge thank you to you for making sure your boyfriend is always right by your side.”

Boyfriend.

The word hangs in the air for a moment, and I feel a strange jolt at hearing it.

Even though it’s all pretend, the casual way she says it makes it feel... different. Real, even. The way it makes my heart flutter is completely unexpected.

I force a small smile, but inside, I’m still reeling from the word boyfriend. I glance at Tanner, who doesn’t seem fazed at all, and that only makes my thoughts spin more.

We take our seats on the table opposite Larry and Daphne. They have their napkins spread out on their laps and are waiting for the food to be served. True to her word, Daphne is going to start this dinner right on time, latecomers be damned.

The first appetizer is three steaming bowls of broccoli cheddar soup, which the waiter brings in large ceramic cups to place at both ends and in the middle of the table.

The soup inside the bowls is creamy and smells delicious. But the most tantalizing of all is the heat wafting from them, rising in thick curls of steam that drift up towards the ceiling.

It is the perfect way to begin dinner on a snow-packed mountain. I can already imagine the soup’s warmth melting all that cold within me, which has slowly been gathering over the past few days, courtesy of this area’s freezing climate.

Before I can reach forward to serve myself, though, Tanner’s hand beats mine. He grabs the ladle and slides the ceramic bowl towards himself.

I begin to think that he must be really hungry because he’s never done this before at any of the branches until Tanner takes out a generous spoonful of soup and fills my own cup with it.

Wow, how sweet, I cannot help but think, watching him dutifully fill my cup before serving himself. The soup suddenly looks even more appetizing than it did a second ago, now that Tanner’s served it.

All of us dig in, the conversation at the table momentarily ceasing as we imbibe our meal’s hearty warmth.

I wolf down the contents of my bowl in less than a minute and am reaching out for another serving when the man sitting next to me does the same.

He’s looking somewhere else while he does so; however, he is unaware of where his hand is going.

As a result, the man’s elbow strikes his own bowl and sends it skittering right over the table’s edge and onto my lap.

“Ahh!” I let out a little shriek and jump up, feeling wet heat spreading across my thigh.

“What? What is it?” Tanner’s on his feet instantly, right by my side, checking me for injuries. “What is it, Lena?”

“I—uh, nothing.” My voice calms down quickly.

The soup is not hot, or at least not as hot as it was when it was served. Thankfully, it is not hot enough to scald me.

But the wet stickiness is still terribly uncomfortable. “Some soup accidentally spilled on me, but it’s okay.”

“Oh, I’m so sorry.” The man who made the mess has now risen too and is turned towards me, looking apologetic.

“I’m truly sorry about that,” the man repeats in a glazed voice as if the soup has sent him into a kind of stupor, and he’s not really aware of what’s happening. “I was reaching out for the bowl, and I didn’t realize my elbow—”

“Get away from her.”

Tanner’s voice cuts through the man’s fumbling apology. It’s so cold and sharp that I turn in his direction, surprised.

Tanner’s kneeling near my feet and is gathering napkins from the table and dipping them into his glass of water.

Once the napkins are sufficiently wet, Tanner begins wiping away at the stained part of my dress, his hand moving in quick, determined strokes.

“Really, I’m terribly sorry about this,” the man speaks again, his voice still inflected with that irritating drawl. “I didn’t see where my ha…”

“Go away. Now.” Tanner utters that last word so ferociously that his voice morphs into a growl at the very end, making the hair at the end of my neck stand up.

His hand continues cleaning my dress uninterrupted. His head is bent, and his eyes are hidden from view, which I think is a mercy right now because the fury in them would be unmistakably visible.

There is a grinding sound of a chair being dragged out of its place.

The man who had caused the incident rises to his feet, looking a mixture of afraid and sheepishly embarrassed, before walking away, muttering something about needing to go to the restroom.

I turn back to Tanner, suddenly not at all hungry anymore. Suddenly, I’m hoping that he can’t notice the clench in my inner thighs, which has not been caused by the soup but by his protective actions.

It’s a clench of arousal, stirred up by the anger he just showed towards the man who messed up my dress, even though he didn’t mean to.

There’s only one reason why Tanner would react so explosively to such a minor inconvenience, and my inner wolf reminds me of it right now, in its soft, smug voice.

Mate , it whispers.

I cannot help but agree.

“Lena, are you okay?” Tanner asks in a low tone, still too busy cleaning my dress to notice the way my legs have stiffened at his touch. “Did the soup burn you? Do you want me to get any bandages, o—”

“I’m fine, Tanner.” I place my hand on top of his, to steady him, steady his anger, and steady my own madly beating heart.

His hands are moving with a fierceness I’ve never seen before, obsessively scrubbing the blotch of creamy soup staining my dress.

“Tanner, it’s okay. It’s fine. Get up, please.” I grab his robotically moving hands in an effort to get him to stop.

Tanner pauses for a moment, still staring at the floor, letting his anger cool down. Then he looks up at me.

He takes a deep breath, his hands relaxing in my grip.

Then he kisses me.

His movements are fast, impulsive, and entirely unpredictable.

Before I know it, his lips are pressed against mine, hot from his own soup. He kisses me long and hard before finally letting go and settling back onto his chair.

I break away, slightly breathless, and find the entire table ogling us.

Jesus. That was….bold.

I don’t know whether to feel embarrassed or thrilled by Tanner’s brazen kiss, so I just feel both.

He pulls his chair close to the table and settles down on it, not the least bit concerned by what he’s done or the reaction it’s caused.

“Here, Lena, you can have my bowl.” He slides over his unfinished bowl of hot soup towards me. “I’ll just get some more from the kitchen for myself.”

“Tanner, it’s fine, I can get my own food.” I try to laugh but can only manage a short chuckle instead. My throat is too dry with excitement at Tanner’s behavior.

“I know you can.” Tanner looks straight into my eyes, his gaze marked by twin halos of blue fire. “But when you’re with me, you don’t need to.”

With that, he rises from his seat once again and walks over to the kitchen, leaving me with a kind of hunger that no amount of food in the world will be able to fulfill.

Later, once dinner is over and the post-dinner chitchat has concluded for the day, I find myself in Daphne’s room, lying with her in bed.

Larry is out with the rest of the pack, doing some manly activities that we can’t relate to and don’t want to participate in.

“Man, today was a long day,” I grumble, rubbing my eyes tiredly.

Daphne is lying next to me. She doesn’t say anything, but I feel her smirk.

“For you it definitely was,” she mutters, chuckling. “I’d be tired if I were you too.”

I remain silent for a moment, not knowing what to say. In the end, I decide to say everything.

“What do I do, Daphne?” I ask her. “Everything inside me is screaming that Tanner is my fated mate. What he did today, at the dinner, just confirms what I already know to be true.”

“Then what’s the problem?” Daphne asks simply. “If he is your fated mate, then be with him. That’s it.”

“No, that’s not it,” I groan, frustration bubbling up.

“You don’t understand how he feels about the whole fated mates thing, Daphne. He doesn’t respect it at all. He doesn’t even believe in it! We were talking about it, and he literally told me he’ll choose his mate, not the universe or some preordained law. Like, he actually thinks he can just ignore fate and decide for himself. It’s insane!”

“It’s not,” Daphne answers quickly. She pauses for a second, and then sighs. “Look, Lena, I don’t know how else to tell this to you. Have you ever heard the phrase, ‘where there’s a will, there’s a way?’”

I nod.

“That’s all this is. If you like Tanner enough, you’ll find a way to be with him, fated mates or not. You’ll do what it takes. You’ll write your own destiny, even if you really want it. So, stop worrying about what’s destined or not, and start thinking about what you really want, and what you’re willing to do to get it.”

What I really want.

Daphne’s words have hit home. I turn sideways on the bed and close my eyes, meditating upon what she has just told me. It sounds oddly accurate. Fated Mates or not, it’s my choice to try to get what I want in life.

The question is only this.

Do I want it, like really truly want it?

And if I do, will I get it?