Citrine (Deliverance #3)

24. Eli

24

Eli

I jolt awake, heart pounding. Mind racing, trying to take in my surroundings and still confused.

My dreams were in no way peaceful. It's been a while since I've had any, but this one was as vivid as ever.

I was coloring with my mom, when she was still my mom and padre was watching us while fixing something in the kitchen. Life was simple… peaceful even.

My dream turned into a nightmare as my stepfather appeared. Then I sensed something looking at me. The gaze was intense, like it was right behind me. I knew it was about to kill me right before I woke up.

A shudder passes through me when I realize someone likely is watching me, though I no longer believe he plans to harm me.

This time, my morning is ushered in by the sounds of critters moving around. I'm drenched in sweat, a terrible combination with the grass I wove to be my bed. I laid in a fetal position too long last night and stretch myself out. I turn my gaze to my arm and rotate it a bit, feeling a difference in the pain levels.

It is not my first broken bone, not by a wide margin, but I already feel weeks along in the healing process.

My dream and broken bone remind me of the years of beatings I received before I finally ran away. The days and nights I spent crying because he ruined the vestiges of the relationship I had with my mother and made my life a living hell.

My dark childhood transitioned into my dark adulthood. Homelessness, hunger, near-death experiences… all of that.

I forcefully push all those memories away and imagine my golden cape of sunshine draping over me. I can't let my heart get hard. My father would've never wanted that for me.

It wasn't always easy, but I have focused on putting on a smile, never complaining and rarely cursing. I bowed my head when I needed to and took an extra shift here and there so my coworkers would get along with me.

I was the ultimate pushover, yes, but there was no need for me to be aggressive when I had food to eat and at least shelter for myself.

Sunny Eli.

I glance down at my new garish yellow hair and laugh at the irony. Sometimes the universe listens, but not in the ways you expect. Or want.

I stand and stretch properly, rising to the start of a new day. The nightmare fading to the back of my mind, I look around the empty clearing. The birds are still up in the trees, and the bugs are still buzzing, but I'm the only human here.

Lost in the mist, struggling dearly to get back up. Nightmares are always mirrors of reality.

Feeling more stable on my feet, I head to where I found the plants the last time, hoping to find more intact fruits. The purbees seem to hold a grudge because they try to prevent me from taking more of their flowers, but they don't have stingers, so all they are is a bunch of pestering flies.

I take my haul back with one hand and sit by my tree.

I finally get the chance to calmly eat, this time filling my stomach.

As the sugary scent of the fruit fades, I wonder why I don't stink by now. I've been there for a few days. I should smell like something died. Maybe even worse, since I haven't taken a dip in the water.

Thinking of the water, I feel thirsty. I head out of the cove, walking toward the water, and I immediately feel his gaze on me. He's always watching, always waiting. I wonder if he even sleeps at all.

Ignoring him, I bend by the water and take a scoop, using my hand to drink it. I have the same logic for everything. If the food didn't kill me, I doubt the water can.

I seem to have a hyperactive immune system since I was taken. I don't know whether to be grateful or terrified.

I look at my arm. Okay, definitely grateful.

With my belly full, I call out to Wroahk. He comes almost immediately.

"Are you in pain?"

I realize he almost looks… friendly. Almost. Or at least not menacing, because his face is really just an expressionless mask. For him, friendly. In a mean, scary shark with sharp teeth and tentacles ready to crush you sort of way.

"The pain is gone now that your smiling face is here before me."

He's definitely not smiling, and doesn't even bother asking what the word means. I'm pretty sure his face can't do it, anyway. It doesn't deter me, though. He's the only one here, and after that nightmare, I need his company.

"The weather here is nice, but the nights are cold."

I continue rambling about the weather and something about global warming when my brain reminds me I shouldn't talk too much. He'll leave. Just like everyone else I chatter out of my life.

However, the world around me is still scary, and this is the only way I can soothe myself. My mouth just refuses to stop dropping words.

I used to be a quiet child, but during my adolescence, I started rambling. I don't know if it was because of rebellion or just a natural progression of my character, but it's compulsive now. That thought reminds me I can control anything I want, and I take a deep breath and just look out over the water.

It gets me talking about the refraction of light on water, and I just keep at it even when half of my words don't translate.

I'm talking more to myself, I know. When I was younger, my father used to tell me facts and sometimes, when we are both exhausted by the weary worries of the world, we'd sit on the porch and just watch the stars, imagining we could fly in the constellations.

I'm among the stars, padre. Just like we dreamed. It's just… nothing is ever the same without the people you love.