Citrine (Deliverance #3)

40. Wroahk

40

Wroahk

Overwhelmed.

That's how I feel right now. I shouldn't feel anything, I shouldn't think so much, but I do. For the first time, my… head is… opened?

Not the one on my shoulders, exactly, but the one currently swirling around like I'm riding an ocean current.

I don't like it.

I've only ever needed my head for hunting. Observing prey, watching it, calculating when I need to make my next move, and enjoying the chase. I never needed to understand how the prey felt, never have I ever needed to make the prey feel better.

This is not my way.

'What would happen if you lost your gills?' she asked.

What else? I am a hunter who has lived his entire life in the water.

She hates the changes. She almost screams every time she sees her reflection in the water.

Every day, she changes into a new creature. She is frightened, and she is confused. Those emotions are common in prey. But… she isn't prey to me.

I want to keep her.

Her question still makes my head hurt. What will I be without what makes me myself? What would I do if I find myself stranded on land with just two lower limbs like her, no gills and no fins?

Would I still cling to the water, even if I could no longer have it?

I look at her tentacles, her fins and her gills and wonder if I would fight as much for my survival if I were to change like her.

I thought she was stealing from me, and I hated her for it.

If it was intentional, I don't think she would be this scared. She looks like she's genuinely suffering, even though she has no pain in her body physically.

Not when she is under the water, at least.

I have never held something so tightly in my tentacles as I do right now without the goal of killing it. All the things I've crushed and all the things I've destroyed, all of them do not feel as heavy a burden as what I grip right now.

She feels like a weight that extends far beyond her slight form.

All this creature does is talk and talk. The very sound of her voice annoys me and once her lips open, I want to shut them. Yet, I don't. I let her be.

I don't understand it, but this is what she has made me into.

Kind touch . It came with changes I never imagined. Both of us are becoming something we never thought possible.

The warmth of her emotions when she imprints on my body makes it worth it to me, and soon she will understand the worth in her own changes.

There's something different about her again. I felt it when I put her grasper on my face, but I didn't tell her. I should've but I didn't. When I saw the panic in those eyes, I wanted nothing more but to calm her, to protect her, to keep her safe from those very emotions she so vividly projects.

It must be her eyes. It's like they're reaching out into my head and swirling it around, putting on pressure that her graspers otherwise cannot. When she screams in pain, somehow, I can feel that pain, too.

I don't like it.

Those eyes of hers, those vivid reminders of her life, they're closing now. I know from her breathing that she's just falling asleep, but it makes me feel… fear again. What if she doesn't open her eyes anymore? What if the warmth of her body disappears?

What do I do then?

Since the first moment I had it, I've endlessly craved her touch. As time goes on, I only want it more, want her more.

I cannot stand being separated from her, even in slumber.

I put my head on her chest and listen. I can hear her heart. It thumps on in her chest, steadily and quietly. It's nothing like I've ever heard before. I'm used to tracking heartbeats when I'm hunting, but this one is unique.

When I hear it, I don't think about stopping it. I think about letting it beat, making it stronger.

Letting her swim, even though she's clumsy. Feeding her, even though her teeth are blunt. Holding her, even though all she does is fight back.

Even now, I want to keep her no matter what I must do, or what I must kill.

I hold her close, wrapping my limbs around her now. I don't know what this is. I've never done this before.

I'm sure she would have a name for this action. She always has a name for everything. She called our lips touching a kiss , so what would she call our bodies continually touching?

She made everything so… different.

My head is still on her chest and I'm counting the beats and numbering the intervals. It is useless energy to number a life, but I am afraid of it stopping.

All she's doing is sleeping and all I'm doing is worrying about her. Why do I worry? Why have I changed so much? I never wanted to change. I was fine the way I was. It was cold and… well, I was fine.

Was I really? I haven't lived a long life, but I've lived long enough to know that not all her words are lies.

I can survive on my own, but do I really want to?

I have before. I wandered the great oceans, rode currents, and hunted more monstrosities than her puny mind could comprehend.

Of all the places in this new world, why did I end up with her? Why her? Why did I get the rambling, never-stopping female stupid enough to offer me her touch? Teach me about a kiss , from which there is no escape from wanting more.

As has become my reality, there are questions and there are no answers. No matter how many times I ask the same ones.

It looks different, but her skin feels just like mine now. She hasn't realized it yet, but I hope that when she wakes up, she likes it.

Hope. I never do that. I never hope for anything. It has always been something for the weak.

I don't know what to make of this new experience. Thinking of her constantly may dull my teeth as a hunter. I will no longer hear other heartbeats like I used to before because I will always search for hers.

I will no longer spend hours patiently waiting in the dark to catch masterful prey because I want to get back to her. I'll be stuck with easy kills.

"Mhmmm…"

Her sudden groaning startles me. I know she is still asleep because her heartbeat remains unchanged. I look at her and caress her skin. Her skin is now my skin. Her body is now my body.

What would happen if the females of my species were more like her? If they didn't want to bite the male's head off? If they stayed together after mating?

Is that the start to this community she won't stop talking about?

Through her endless words, I understand that her species depends on one another to survive. Do I need to depend on her now? But she is weak and her ability to provide for herself is… terrible.

Depending on her seems unwise.

It is much better for her to depend on me. That, I can accept.

Yes. It is just that simple. I don't know why it took so long to occur to me. All she has to do is continue to depend on me and she will always give me her kind hands .

In return, I will protect and provide for her. I understand her point now. It isn't a deal , it is… something else I don't have a word for.

This is why thinking is so exhausting, but now that I've started, I cannot stop.

The best thing to do right now is control it.

The night is long and while my eyes grow weary of watching, I cannot bring myself to sleep. Not while she still resists her changes. I don't want to wake up and find that she's no longer in my limbs.

The morning comes and my eyes are still open. I wait for her to awaken and for the pain in her eyes to no longer remain.

She looks disoriented when she wakes but doesn't struggle against my hold. Just lays there and looks at me. She can talk underwater, but I don't want to acknowledge it.

I have food ready for her, but I know better than to force her.

She doesn't resist and feeds herself, and my limbs relax. She is watching me, too, more than she has. She wants to know something, but she doesn't speak, and neither do I.

I release her from my hold, but she doesn't swim away immediately. She looks at me, surveys the cave and keeps moving around. Her limbs are more streamlined and she's moving more smoothly in the water.

She's learning now, instead of resisting.

She has yet to notice her skin, so I don't tell her. The only thing that hasn't changed is her teeth and that desire in her yellow eyes to express her thoughts faster than should ever be possible.

"You can hear me, can't you, Wroahk?"

I don't reply, but she doesn't stop talking this time.

"You can pretend not to be listening, but that doesn't mean I'll stop talking. You should give me more credit . I'm not stupid."

I refuse to respond. She can't know I can hear her. It will only make it worse.

"Oh, do be prepared, my tentacled alien man . I have many questions to ask you."

There's now rage burning behind those eyes. I have seen her rage before, but this one is unlike the others. It's controlled and channeled. She's focused now, just like she should be if she wants to be a hunter.

I approve.

My mating tentacles stir as the desire to touch her and give her pleasure surges. Higher than anything I have ever experienced. I want her fingers to dig into my flesh as I taste her. I need to feel her again.

"Don't look at me like that, Wroahk. It was easy to figure out. I always know when you're listening and when you're not. You probably don't realize it, but you have a tell ."

She is clever.

Our nights are going to be even longer now. I hope my mind will survive intact.