Claimed by Shadows (The Shadowmen #2)

Chapter 16

CHAPTER SIXTEEN

“ELASTIC HEART - PIANO VERSION” BY SIA

IRIS

J ulia finds me still chatting with Johnny in the dining hall after breakfast.

“Good morning, Iris, Johnny,” she greets, a smile on her face. “Iris, might I have a word, please?”

My palms grow slick, like they used to whenever I was called into the headmistress’s office. Silly really, but I’m not due to have my first therapy session until later this afternoon, so I can’t help but wonder why she’s calling me in now. Johnny gives my hand a reassuring squeeze.

“I’ll see you later, babe,” he says, getting up and heading out of the room. I watch as he passes Rufus, blowing the other man a kiss, who flushes a deep red. A smile tugs at my lips at how much of a tease Johnny is until I remember Julia is waiting.

“O–of course,” I reply, getting up from my seat and following her as she leads me out of the dining hall. Rufus follows behind us, keeping his distance, but I can feel his presence like a reassuring warmth, which is already a comfort at my back.

“I’m glad to see you’ve already made a friend. Johnny has been with us for a while now, and I know he’s been desperate for a companion,” she tells me, leading me down a wide hallway. We reach a wooden door, which she opens and ushers me into. “I’m afraid you need to stay put here, Mr Woods,” she says to Rufus, who looks at me, and I give him a nod.

The room is bright and airy, so when she closes the door, I don’t feel trapped, though my heart flutters inside my chest as I wait for her to tell me the reason for this visit.

“Johnny is like a breath of fresh air,” I tell her, and she indicates a deep pink velvet sofa for me to sit on. It’s surprisingly comfortable, and I wish I could just sink into it, but nerves keep my back ramrod straight as I keep my gaze focused on her. She takes a plush chair that’s close but still leaving plenty of room between us, which I appreciate.

“That he is,” she says, reaching over to the low table by her chair and picking up a file. “Now, you know we did a series of medical tests yesterday? I want to assure you that everything is fine on the sexually transmitted diseases front, so you don’t need to worry about any of that.”

A breath whooshes out of me. To be truthful, I hadn’t even thought about possibly catching something nasty from Sergi, not until they said they needed to check, just in case.

“T–that’s good news,” I mutter, my brows drawing close when I see her smile turn slightly strained. “What is it?”

She licks her lips. “The pregnancy test came back positive, Iris. You’re about four to five weeks pregnant.”

All the breath leaves my lungs, my world narrowing down to a pinpoint as a rushing sound fills my ears.

“P–pregnant?” I whisper, my stomach swooping. Like the possibility of STDs, I hadn’t ever considered the possibility of getting pregnant, but then I remember Hunt taking out my IUD, my period following, and then…nothing.

“Yes, and there is plenty of time to decide what you want to do, so you don’t need to decide now,” she says, sitting forward but not reaching out, like she knows I couldn’t bear her touch right now.

“What to do?” I question, my voice sounding a little distant and disconnected. Blinking, I look up at her, and she gives an understanding nod.

“Whether you want to keep the baby,” she replies in a gentle voice, but I rear back, my hand flying to my stomach even though it’s the same as it’s always been.

“Get rid of my baby?” I ask, my breaths becoming shallow, my hands trembling.

“Only if you want to, but you don’t have to. Or make any kind of decision yet. There’s time for you to think, Iris. It’s not a decision to be made lightly. Raising a baby in these kinds of circumstances comes with some challenges that cannot be ignored.”

A child who is the product of rape, that’s what she means, because this just isn’t my baby. It’s his too. Sergi’s. Bile fills my throat, burning as I swallow it back.

“I understand,” I utter, licking my dry lips. “But it’s not the baby’s fault that it’s father…” I trail off, unable to say the words aloud yet. One of those challenges, I suppose. As will seeing the baby’s face every day. Will it only remind me of Sergi?

It might look like Nik…

Tears fill my eyes thinking about having Nik’s baby, not his father’s. There’d be no question about keeping it. I love Nik, I always have, and I suspect I always will. His baby would be cherished, loved, and untainted by terrible memories, but maybe this baby could be too? I’ve always wanted a family, a large one, which is something Hunter made me face when he took control that time and removed my coil. I’m also a believer that children shouldn’t carry the sins of their fathers, or either parent. Nik is not responsible for his father’s actions, just like I’m not for mine. Just like this baby isn’t.

“As I said, Iris, there is time. It’s a complex situation and there is no rush to decide either way, not until around twenty-four weeks,” Julia informs me, her voice still soothing.

“Okay,” I reply, my hand giving a stroke over the life growing inside me before I rest it on my thigh. “Was there anything else?”

“No. You have art this morning, followed by yoga, and then our one-on-one session,” Julia says, placing the folder back on the table. “But I’m here if you want to talk through anything, okay?”

“Okay, thank you,” I say, getting to my feet, my legs feeling a little like jelly. She gets up too, taking a step towards the door, but my hand darts out, lightly grasping her arm. She turns back to me, her face open and patient. “Can, I mean, you won’t tell anyone else of this, will you? I’d like to tell them when I’m ready.”

Her face softens, her hand coming over mine to squeeze gently. “Of course, it’s medical and thus confidential. You are in control here, Iris. You call all the shots.”

My tight chest loosens ever so slightly as I give her a nod, releasing my grip and following her to the door.

“Thank you,” I tell her just as she opens it, Rufus standing to attention outside. His gaze traces over my face, his brows dipping at what he sees. I imagine I look as shocked as I feel, as conflicted about the decision I need to make.

“Of course. Anytime, Iris. I mean it. I’m here anytime you need to chat. See you later,” she replies, allowing me to leave her office and then gently shutting the door behind me.

“Everything okay, Iris?” Rufus enquires, and I blink as I look at him, frozen for a second.

I’m pregnant with my rapist’s baby, the father of one of the men that I’m in love with but can’t bear his or anyone else’s touch anymore without limitations.

“Everything’s fine, thank you,” I say instead, only a slight tremor in my voice hinting at the lie I just told. I’m not fine, far fucking from it.

But worrying solves nothing, and it won’t help me make this seemingly impossible decision. So I do what Julia suggested and allow myself time to think. It’s what I’m here for after all.

NIKOLAI

It’s been a couple of weeks since Sergi lost Iris in that poker game and he’s still not so silently fuming. He knows he can’t make a move directly to take her back. Lucifer made that clear when he came back into the room and Iris and the Shadows were gone. It took a great deal of strength not to fall to my knees and sob when he gave me a subtle nod, telling me they had her and she was safe.

Fuck, the relief that flooded my veins was unlike any I’ve ever experienced, and I owe the Fallen a debt that I doubt I’ll ever be able to repay. I would wonder how they knew, but they seem to know everything, so it’s no surprise really. I’m just grateful they took our side and got Iris away from my father. That I couldn’t is something that will haunt me for the rest of my life.

I’m sitting in my father’s office while he issues orders to his men in Russian. He’s hitting the Shadows in other ways, trying to fuck up their business deals and having the police keep a very close eye on them, but I can see by the almost constant eye twitch of his it’s not enough. There’s a weight on my chest that tells me he’s looking for another way to hurt them and still hasn’t given up on getting Iris back.

I can’t understand it, his obsession with her. I knew there must have been something or some reason why he was so fixated on having her. More than just a debt to be paid, an object to be owned, and when she told me about him calling her by another woman’s name, I tried everything to find out who Anushka might be but came up with fuck all. She’s a mystery, and I’ve a feeling only my father knows who exactly she is and what she means to him.

My face cracks to the side, pain slicing up the side of my cheek and jaw.

“Nikolai!” he hisses, and my attention snaps back into the room, realising too late that he’d been talking to me and I’d zoned out. Stupid fucking idiot, taking your eyes off the apex predator in the room. “Did you hear my orders, you useless fucking waste of space?”

I grit my aching jaw, my nostrils flaring as I imagine, just for a second, taking the gun at my hip and blowing his fucking brains out. It would be too quick of a death and would sign my death warrant, but there would be satisfaction in ending him once and for all.

“I’m sorry, Father,” I grit out, straightening in my chair, Andrei and Dima shifting behind me.

He bares his teeth at me in a snarl that is reminiscent of a rabid dog. Fucking disgusting . “You’re to lead the team to blow up that little club of theirs. You and your men will set the bomb and make sure the whole of fucking London feels it. Next Saturday should work. Make sure you’re ready. Understood?”

I take in a deep inhale through my nostrils. He has no fucking care for any innocents that might get hurt. Saturday must be one of the busiest nights for Depravity, the Shadows’ club in Shoreditch. Plus that only gives me seven days to put everything in place.

I don’t know why his actions surprises me anymore. I know what type of monster he is. Yet a part of me still can’t believe the things he will do just because he can.

“Yes, sir,” I reply, taking his nod as a dismissal. I get up, turning and heading to the door, Dima in front and Andrei behind me. They’ve taken to trying to protect me from him, keep me safe from my own fucking father. I’d laugh if I hadn’t been living the reality for my whole life.

“Nikolai,” Sergi barks, my name a command to pay fucking attention. I pause, twisting to face him once more, Andrei shifting to the side, though not all the way, so he is still somewhat in front of me. “Don’t fuck this up. You won’t like my punishment if you do.”

His eyes drift to my men and I get his meaning loud and fucking clear. They will be the ones to suffer if I mess this up. I grit my teeth until pain shoots up the sides of my face. He knows they are a weakness of mine, that he can control me by threatening them. Fuck .

“Understood, sir. I won’t let you down,” I reply, the words burning as they leave my throat. I wish I could just end this, but I’m not ready yet. The party the other night allowed me to further my cause, sound out some of the bigwigs in attendance, but working with my father benefits them at the moment. I can’t offer them anything better. I need to first make it appear he’s not worth working with, tarnish him in the eyes of these corrupt men so they want him gone.

Easier said than done when the men in power all just want more power, more money, and more influence. None of my thoughts show on my face as I give my father a last nod and leave his office, heading to my wing where we can talk without fear of someone listening in. My steps falter when I pass by her room, her scent of honey and cocoa tickling my nose as if she’s just waiting on the other side of the door.

I’m fucking glad she isn’t. The hell she lived while she was here is something that I will never forgive myself for. Yet having her close after so long of having to be apart was the light of my day, and it makes me a bastard, but fuck do I miss her and some days wish she was here with me. Maybe then I wouldn’t feel so fucking cold, so dead inside.

Heaving a sigh, I carry on past her door and walk into my room, Andrei shutting and locking the door behind him and Dima. I stand in the middle of the room, just breathing. The walls feel so close, my mind swirling with all the things that I need to somehow sort out but don’t know how yet.

The others leave me alone, knowing that when I get like this, I need space, time, and silence to bring together my thoughts.

“I have to warn Hunter. I can’t be responsible for the deaths of hundreds of innocents,” I muse aloud, knowing that the stain on my soul is already too dark. It can’t take something like that on top of all the other atrocities I’ve had to commit at the command of my father. “And if we can somehow use it to discredit him, without him knowing it was me or us that let the information slip, it might go some way to convincing his associates that he’s no longer capable of running the Bratva. We need to make them want to get rid of him so there is no backlash when the time comes for me to take his place.”

“We need to make your father think that one of his men is a rat, betraying him and leaking intel to the feds and the press. They were in the room just then. It wouldn’t take much to cast suspicion on one of them. Sergi is paranoid as fuck,” Andrei adds, and I’m nodding, a spark of something making my pulse quicken.

“So we make it seem that one of them is tipping off the Shadows and the pigs, but I think we still need to blow up their club so that he doesn’t think it’s me and punish you,” I tell them, bitterness coating my tongue. Hunter is going to fucking kill me, but we all have to play games, and this will be worth it in the long run. I have to believe that, otherwise I’ll go fucking mad. “Or…” I trail off, my mind whirring. “Or we make out that one of his men is ratting us out to the Volkovs, who’ve wanted to take London for themselves for a long fucking time. We set it up so it looks like the Volkovs are setting us up, making out like the Embassy is involved too, which will piss them off as they don’t want any public connection with us.”

I’m nodding, the threads weaving into a complicated tapestry, all leading to my father’s eventual downfall and removal from this earth. Only then will Iris be safe. Only then will I be free.

I’ve thought about just taking Sergi out, myself with him, but it seems I’m more like my father than I’d like to admit, because now that I know what having Iris feels like, I’m desperate to make that a full-time reality. I need her in my life like I need air, and if I’m gone, even without my father around anymore, how will I make sure she’s fully protected in this dark and dangerous world?

Sure, the Shadows care for her. Who am I kidding? They love her as much as I do. I’m not fucking stupid. I can see by the way they look at her, the way losing her was like an open wound, refusing to heal. She belongs to them as much as she belongs to me, and I might not like it—the idea of having to share her with Hunter especially makes me violent—however, when I vowed to do anything to make her happy and keep her safe, it was not an empty promise.

To fulfil it though, I need to be alive. I’m the only one I trust to keep her truly safe, even if I failed when she was here. I refuse to fail her again.

“I’ll send Hunter a message.”