Coastal Runaway (Coast to Coast #1)

Thirty-Two

thirty-two

I ran.

It’s the one thing I’m good at. I didn’t even second guess myself as I took off my dress, packed a few things and got behind the wheel of Baby Blue. I didn’t know where I was driving at first, I just drove until I couldn’t anymore and stopped at a hotel. When I got to my room, I collapsed to the floor and allowed myself to finally feel it all.

I ruined my relationship with Nolan. The hurt in his eyes destroyed me—his words hurt even more. I didn’t know how I could face him again knowing his true feelings. Three years ago, I didn’t tell him the truth in order to preserve the relationship that he had with his best friend.

I thought that I was making the right decision, but I was being selfish by not wanting to admit the mistake that I made. I knew now that if I had just told him, that this all could have been avoided, but hindsight was always twenty-twenty.

I ruined my relationship with Luke, too. The words I said to Luke broke my own heart. They were a bold faced lie, but if I didn’t let him go then his father would destroy his future. I wouldn’t be the reason that he didn't achieve everything that he deserved. A part of me wished that he would call and beg me to come back.

But he didn’t.

And I knew him, he wouldn’t. He would respect my wishes and let me go like I asked him too.

Three days later, I found myself pulling into the parking lot at the cemetery that held my mother’s grave in Hartford, Connecticut.

Kind of ironic, wasn't it? This was the town that I needed to escape, yet it was the only place that I could think to go.

I was sure the internet thought I was dead, I hadn’t gone this long without posting, well… ever. I couldn’t put on the fake smile for them though. I couldn’t lie to them.

I walked up to the small, white marble mausoleum that read ‘Kelly’ in bold letters across the top and opened the door. My dad had this built for my mom and any other family members who wanted to be laid to rest here in Connecticut, but right now she was here alone. The thought broke my heart; the woman who drew in people with life, currently sat alone in death.

Inside, there was a small bench in the center where someone could pay their respects. I sat down and read the nameplate in front of me: Maureen Kelly, Loving mother, wife, and friend. She was a bright light in a world of bitter darkness.

“Hey mom,” a tear slipped down my cheek, “it’s been a while. I think I screwed everything up. I don’t know what I’m doing. I wish so badly you were here to guide me. Everyone says we’re so alike but I don’t see it. Dad says that you had this power to draw people in and brighten their day. All I seem to do is incinerate everything in my path. You see, I fell in love with a boy. A really, really pure and kind boy. He makes me feel more seen than I ever have in my entire life but I had to end it. And now I don’t know how to move forward.”

I sat there and told her the entire story. Starting from the day that I met Luke, up until the other night when I let him slip through my fingers. I sobbed, and let it all out. I was sitting with my knees to my chest when someone cleared their throat behind me.

I let out a small scream and put a hand to my chest, steadying my breath, preparing to face the evil spirit that was about to take my soul. When I turned around I was stunned to find Ryleigh standing in the entryway.

“Hey, baby sister.” She smiled.

“Oh my god!” I ran up and tackled her in a hug. I didn't think that I had any tears left but the moment she wrapped her arms around me I broke into a curdling sob and we fell to the ground.

“Shhhhh, it's going to be okay, Keegs,” she whispered and ran her hand through my hair.

“What are you doing here?” I sniffed.

“Daddy called me. I was closer than he was so he asked me to check on you.” She said simply.

“How did he know where I was?”

“Maeve guessed. When I didn’t see your Jeep at the house, I thought I would check here.”

“Does dad hate me, too?” I peered up at her.

“No, sweet girl. He was worried.”

“How do you do it?” I asked, and she looked down at me confused, “how do you live everyday knowing that mom would be proud of you?”

“I don’t. I live everyday doing what makes me the happiest. That’s how she lived, too.”

I sat up and we both leaned against the door, “I don’t know how to let people in,” I blurted.

She chuckled, “seemed to me like you let lots of people in.”

“How much did you hear?”

“Most of it, I think.”

“Great.”

She wrapped an arm around my shoulders and pulled me in close, “what you don’t understand, my little Keegan, is that you light up rooms when you walk into them. Just like mom did. People want to be around you. You push them away because you don’t think you deserve it. But, I’ll let you in on a secret,” she leaned in and whispered, “you deserve all of the love in the world. But if you can’t open your heart up, even to yourself, then you’re going to miss out on the best parts of life.”

We sat there for a while. Ryleigh told me some stories about our mom and I told her all about Luke. While she knew Luke as a child, Ryleigh was always a free spirit who would go off on her own. I thought she left us behind, but she was probably the only one of us who ever really felt free.

“So you broke up with him because his asshole dad said you weren’t good enough?”

“We weren’t like technically official?—”

“Don’t give me that,” she raised her hand at me, “do you love him?”

I didn’t even have to think about my answer, “so much it hurts.”

“Then why not figure it out together?”

“Because Luke would choose me.”

“And that's bad because?”

“Because he deserves to choose himself and the future he has been fighting for. And if I love him I shouldn’t stand in his way.”

“That’s sweet of you Keegs, but I also think Luke deserves the right to choose his future for himself. With or without you.”

I let that sink in. I knew she’s right, but if he loved me back then he would’ve chased me. Eventually, we peeled ourselves off of the floor and drove home to the one place that I hadn't returned to in three years, tucked into the suburbs of Hartford, Connecticut.