Cocky Secrets (Cocker Brothers #29)

45. Luna

FORTY-FIVE

Luna

I groan, “Mmm…” as I take another bite of the Fatburger Jett brought me. “This is amazing.”

“Best in town,” he grins, chomping on one of his own. “And best name for a burger place, ever.”

We eat in silence for a while.

When a nurse knocks on the door, he calls to the door, “Yeah?”

She walks in, and it’s the woman who was ogling Jett before, right in front of me. Her admiring face has transformed to embarrassed and awkward, which means it was her who walked in on us the other night. Ha! I was hoping it was. It’s all over her face that she knows her fantasy is over. He’s not ever going to be hers.

Good.

Wait…what am I talking about?

I don’t have any claims on him. In fact, I know we’ll be saying goodbye soon. I guess I haven’t given a lot of thought to what I’m going to do now that it’s over and Matias is finally gone for good.

What do you do when you’ve fulfilled your dream?

“How are you feeling today?” she asks, carrying in the machine to check my vitals. They do this every two fucking hours. It’s annoying as hell.

“Third day’s a charm. Feel like my old self. Can you get the doctor for me after this?”

She turns right around to do it now. That’s how uncomfortable she was. Silently laughing to myself, I gobble up some delicious, thick French fries.

“You eat like a guy, Sunshine,” Jett tells me, highly entertained.

“I eat like I love food.”

“And so delicately,” he teases.

“Fuck being delicate.” I open my empty mouth wide and take the biggest bite of burger I can fit.

He starts laughing when I realize it was too big and I can’t chew it. “Ha! You remind me of my brother Jason. He’s done that shit so many times!” Bending over in laughter, he hands me a napkin. “Here. Spit it out and start again.”

Dr. Mackey, the one who’s been checking on me for the past three days, and who performed my surgery, walks in with a smile.

“Fatburger? I’m jealous. I have to eat what’s in the cafeteria.”

“Oh, please,” I say with an eye-roll. “Everyone knows doctors can afford the good stuff.”

I pretty much shock this guy every time he sees me by saying things well-mannered — and boring — people don’t say. He pauses then shrugs. “When I’m off duty, sure. But I work twenty-four hour shifts, sometimes longer. In surgeries for eight, ten hours at a time.”

“Holy shit,” I whisper, impressed.

He smiles. “Yeah, not able to go anywhere but downstairs and eat what’s there.”

Jett offers up his half-eaten burger. “Want a bite?”

Dr. Mackey laughs. “Thanks, but I just ate.”

Jett smirks and chews away.

“How’re you feeling?” the doctor asks me.

“I want to get out of here.”

“Well…” he picks up my chart and reads, frowning like he needs glasses. “Looks good. Looks really good.”

“Can I go?”

“Well, you’re not being held here, Luna.” He slips his hands into the enormous pockets of his lab coat. “You’re free to go at any time. We’d like to keep you here longer, to make sure your brain has healed properly.”

I bring my knee up under the blanket and lean on it. “It’ll heal wherever I am. It’s in my head. Not going anywhere.”

“But if you’re here, we can do something if…need be.”

“Like what, cut my skull open?”

On a glance to the floor, he says, “Maybe.”

“Fuck that. I’d rather be out in the sun again if anything that drastic goes down. I’ll take my chances, thanks.”

He nods and glances from me to Jett. I look over to see Jett staring back at the doctor with a look that says, She’s the boss . And he’s got a smile on his face filled with certainty that I’m going to be fine.

Can I just admit that he’s scaring the fuck out of me?

It’s like he’s tuned in and knows what I need.

But in my mind?

We just met five, six days ago.

He’s got three months on me that I just don’t have.

“I’ll have them draw up the release form for you to sign, saying this is your choice, and that you won’t hold us liable if something happens to you.” Dr. Mackey waits for me to understand.

“Okay. Do what you have to do. I’ll sign it.”

“It was good meeting you, Luna.” He steps closer and extends his hand. “Didn’t know if I’d have the chance to.”

Shaking it, I only nod. It’s so crazy to have almost died and be looking at two of the men who saved your life. I know Honey Badger is included in that list. And I guess Scratch, too. Jett’s told me about them, but I’ve yet to officially meet them. That night at the motel doesn’t count.

I’ll have to tell Jett to let them know I’m grateful.

Before the doctor disappears, I call after him, “Dr. Mackey!”

He leans into the room with his eyebrows up, hand on the doorframe. “Yes?”

“ Thank you .”

He smiles. “You’re welcome.” He nods to Jett and holds his look a moment. He’s known Jett longer than I have, too. The men silently say goodbye to each other and the doctor leaves for the last time.

“I don’t know what I’m gonna do now,” I say aloud, but mostly to myself.

Jett leans forward in his chair. “Come with me.”

Meeting his confident eyes, I shake my head. “No, Jett.”

They darken as he takes this in. “Why not?”

Because I don’t know what love is.

I’ve never had anyone care about me like this before.

Because I’ll lose you one day when you realize I’m a piece of shit, and then it’ll hurt too badly.

This way I’m in control.

“Because I like to travel alone,” I whisper, staring at the stupid hospital blanket.

He stands up so quickly I feel a soft wind lick my face. But I keep my eyes down because I don’t want to see how much this is hurting him.

“Fuck,” he mutters with pain in his deep voice. “Okay...Fine.”

The sound of his feet heading for the door and then it closing brings my head up. I expected to be alone now, but there he is leaning against the wall, arms crossed, eyes locked on the tile floor. The muscles in his face are tense with confusion. “What do you do out there, Luna? How do you survive?”

I hate it when he calls me by my real name. I’ve gotten really used to Sunshine.

“I get by.”

“How?”

“None of your business, Jett.”

“Do you help or hurt?”

“What?”

He pushes off the wall, hard, and walks toward me, unzipping his fly. I blink at him, wondering what the fuck he’s doing. He yanks down the front of his pants just low enough so I can read the tattoo again.

I lift my eyes to lock with his. “Why are you showing me that now?”

“Tear ‘em down to stand ‘em up. That’s what we do. We ride around this fuckin’ country and leave it better than we found it. We do it rough, because some people need to have their face shoved into the dirt before they can stand up on their own. But when we ride away, we’ve changed lives.”

I pull my knees up and hug myself, soaking it in. I didn’t know that’s what the tat meant. I mean, I kinda grasped the gist when I read it, but thought it was just something cool to have on your body. Like when people tattoo Japanese words about courage into their skin, when they’re not Asian.

“Okay. What do you want me to do with this piece of information?” I ask him.

He zips and buttons his pants up, scowling at me. “When you’re out there – that place you want to be alone in – do you hurt or help?”

The truth is I do both, but mostly hurt.

I shout right in his face, “I came back here to free those women!” Totally flustered at how wrong it felt to yell at him, I stammer, “I didn’t know they were pregnant, but I knew they were in a hell they couldn’t get out of on their own!”

Jett paces away in balled up rage. “I know about the blankets,” he growls over his shoulder. “I know what you stole my credit card for.”

“Then why are you standing there accusing me of being a bad person!”

“I’M SAYING YOU’RE A GOOD PERSON!” He hits the wall, then storms at me. “I’M SAYING, JOIN US! ”

“Jett.” My shoulders soften with my voice. “I don’t know how to love you.”

I watch his nostrils flare and his eyes widen, stunned speechless. He stares at me like he wants to make me understand something, but doesn’t know the way. Fiercely rubbing his beard, he walks to the shitty bed he’s been sleeping on for over three months and sits down on it, laying his head in his hands.

“I’m sorry,” I whisper.

“Sunshine,” he groans and lifts his head to look at me with eyes that tear me up inside. “Let me teach you.”

The silence that follows kills us both.

He lays his head in his hands again and waits for me to say something.

Anything.

I just can’t.

Finally after what feels like weeks, Jett rasps, the whole time staring at the floor. “Carmen needs someone with her on that train. Tonk wants her with family when that baby comes. If you don’t want to be with me, I understand. I won’t force you, Sunshine.” He pauses and closes his eyes for a second. “But come with us as far as Louisiana. Then you can go. Ride that train with the girl. She trusts you. I trust you. And Tonk trusts you. Make sure she doesn’t pop, and if she does, that she’s not alone until the train’s next stop.”

He meets my eyes, waiting for my answer.

I owe him my life. I’m terrified of getting close to him, but I would be a real piece of shit if I said no. I want to do it. I want to help Carmen, and I want that baby to have a good start in life, because I sure didn’t have one.

So I don’t even hesitate. “Okay, Jett. I’ll do that for you.”

He nods with a beaten-down resolve, rises up and walks to the dresser where his jacket sits waiting. He stares at it before putting it on, like he’s seeing a memory. “Tonk and I will ride by the train, so if anything happens we’re there and ready. We’ll pick a place to stop for a night because we can’t make that distance without sleep.” Pulling out his keys, he mutters on his way out, “I’m goin’ for a ride. Need to clear my head.”

Without looking back, he vanishes.

Numbly I stare after him, wishing I was a better woman.