Come As You Are (Twisted Bard)

1. Vee

Vee

I washed up on the shores of San Francisco like so many other young men before me, arriving in the iconic gay city by the bay after being disowned by my family after coming out as gay. The promise of building a found family of like-minded brothers to replace the one I’d lost in Idaho shone like a homing beacon, and I fell in love with the city almost as soon as I arrived. I quickly learned the cruel truth, though: San Francisco was a cold bitch even on a sunny day in the middle of summer.

Within a month, the meager savings I’d arrived with had dwindled to just over a hundred dollars which wasn’t anywhere close enough to cover my share of the rent in the squalid apartment I shared with four other guys in the Tenderloin, not if I wanted to eat anything other than a twenty-five-cent ramen packet stretched over for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. I’d been busing tables at a coffeeshop where working girls and alcoholics waited out the daytime hours in our booths.

The pay was shit and the tips were non-existent, but at twenty-one, I didn’t have any marketable skills for city life. My family owned a small ranch about fifty miles outside of Twin Falls, and I knew how to work cattle, ride a horse, and irrigate a field of alfalfa, but not much else.

One of the guys I lived with tricked out to make rent, while another supplemented his shifts at a dodgy restaurant on Eddy Street by selling drugs. Neither of those appealed to me, but my third roommate suggested I try some of the clubs in the Castro. Seems my parents’ genes had given me a six-foot-tall body to which ranch life had added some good muscles. My diet of ramen had thinned me down enough that I had, according to him, “cheekbones to die for.”

“Might as well use those country boy good looks, dude,” he said. “At least you’ll be making better tips. Those gay boys will fall all over themselves once they get a look at that ass.”

All of which is how I ended up standing outside Orsino’s Grotto looking at a “Now Hiring” sign. There was no indication of what they were hiring, but I assumed there might be a busboy or waiter position. I got lucky enough that someone was coming into work at the same moment I was standing there and let me inside even though it was a couple of hours until the club officially opened.

We passed the bar, and the guy led me up some stairs to the second floor where there was a dance floor and a stage. As soon as we entered this part of the club, I would have turned around and walked out if the guy who’d let me in hadn’t led me over to another guy with thinning hair and a protruding belly, and introduced me to Orsino himself. The man sat in a red leather booth watching the scantily clad women on the stage half-heartedly work through their routine in sky-high stiletto heels. It was like a scene out of some Hollywood movie with low lights, the smell of stale smoke and booze, and a cheap sound system that pumped up the bass and distorted the music.

The guy who’d brought me in told Orsino I was looking for a job then left me standing awkwardly not knowing where to look. I’d never been in a strip club before, never seen that amount of skin on a woman in real life, and decided the safest place to look was at the floor. But then the performers finished their rehearsal and left the stage, at the same time a heavy-set woman with a huge bouffant hairdo and…was that? It was. The woman had a beard. Which was when I realized I was seeing my first drag queen.

I couldn’t stop myself from staring as…she? He? I knew the convention was to call a drag queen in persona by her stage name and female pronouns, but this…person was wearing jeans and a zip-up hoodie with full makeup and hair. So? Half? I didn’t know. In any event, this person came over to Orsino to tell him that the toilet in the dressing room was stopped up again and could he please bring in a plumber?

“If you girls would stop using that crapper as a garbage can, it wouldn’t stuff up so often,” Orsino said, but he picked up his phone and dialed a number.

“And who might this be?” The drag queen sauntered my way, then extended a hand as they reached me. “Stormy Cs at your service. How can I serve you?”

I felt the blush heat my cheeks, but I reached out and shook hands because it was polite. “I’m waiting for Mr. Orsino,” I said.

Stormy laughed. “Oh, Mister Orsino, is it? Orsi, dear, this delicious young man is here to see you.”

Orsino waved in our direction without looking up.

“And what is it you want with my other half?”

The blush turned blazing hot and rushed up to my hairline. Other half? That meant spouse, right? I looked between the two of them. “I’m looking for a job,” I said. “But I don’t think—”

Stormy grabbed my hand and pulled me in front of Orsino. “Orsi, put down that phone this instant. You’re being very rude making this young man wait.”

“Hold on for a sec,” Orsino said, then glared at Stormy. “Just what is it you want woman? First, I need to call the plumber since you girls all have bladders the size of peas, then I’ve got to hang up on the guy because you want me to pay attention to some bozo who just wants a free peek.” He turned his attention back to his phone as the person on the other end of the line started speaking. “Yeah? Great. Thanks a lot.” He hung up and looked at Stormy. “Plumber will be here before the show starts. Happy?”

“Delirious, darling.”

Stormy still had a firm grip on my hand or else I would have run that moment. “Orsi.”

The man sighed and finally turned to look at me. One glance. “We don’t have anything for you, kid, sorry.”

“Be nice,” Stormy said and turned to me. “What kind of work are you looking for?”

I shrugged. “Anything, really. I can bus tables, run drinks, do maintenance and clean.”

Orsino looked at me over his shoulder as a group of drag queens took the stage. “Don’t need any of those,” he said. “And you’re not what we put up on the stage.” He waved a hand. “Chicks and trannies, that’s what we give the people, and you’re neither of those things.”

“Forgive him,” Stormy said with a scowl at the man. “What he means is that we do drag shows and all our dancers are trans. You don’t look like you’re either, dear.”

With a shake of my head, I disengaged my hand from Stormy’s. “I’m not. Sorry to have taken up your time.” I turned to go, but as I did, I suddenly felt lightheaded. My vision turned black, and I barely had time to register that I was falling before I passed out.

“There he is,” Stormy said as I opened my eyes to find myself surrounded by dancers and drag queens as well as one impatient-looking Orsino.

Someone helped me sit up, and someone else handed me a glass of water, urging me to sip it slowly.

“Low blood sugar,” someone said. “When’s the last time you ate, sweetheart?”

My face flamed. In truth, I’d eaten my last packet of ramen the night before and was going to stop off at the store to purchase a few more on my way home. “Breakfast,” I lied. “I had oatmeal and toast.”

Half a ham sandwich appeared next to me, and my mouth began salivating at the smell of the bread and meat. “Nice try, dear, but we’ve all been there. You can have this.”

I took the sandwich with gratitude and ate it in three bites to the amused chuckles of those around me.

“All right, everyone, back to work. I’m not paying you to mother hen every stray that walks through the doors.” Orsino made his way through the crowd which began to disperse. He squatted next to me and handed me my wallet. “Needed to check if there was an emergency contact. Not much in there. You keeping off people’s radar for some reason?”

Taking a sip of water to stall for time, I took a moment to look Orsino in the eye. He wasn’t angry, just tired. And while I’d initially thought he was older, up close he only looked about my dad’s age. He had my dad’s color eyes, too. I took another sip of water. Swallowed. “No, sir. Just don’t have a lot to keep in my wallet at the moment.”

Orsino smiled and shook his head. “Wish I could help you out, kid, but we’re not hiring at the moment.”

Stormy still squatted at my side. “Orsi,” she said, drawing out the syllables, her voice a confusing mix of masculine and feminine, bass notes and flirtatious high tones. “Can I talk to you for a moment?”

With a shrug, Orsino motioned her to the side.

“You wait here, dear, I’ll be right back.”

Stormy patted my shoulder before standing, and I admit, it had been so long since someone touched me with any affection, I leaned into it wanting the contact to last as long as possible. The last thing my mother did, while my father was demanding I leave the house, was hold me and pat my back, telling me to stay safe.

Too soon, the warmth from Stormy’s hand disappeared, and I was left still sitting on the floor wondering what Stormy wanted to talk to Orsino about.

I didn’t have long to wait before they were back to my side, helping me stand and escorting me to a chair at a small table. Orsino sat heavily across from me and put his hands on the table.

“So, we can’t hire you here, but Stormy reminded me that you’d fit in really well at Illyria. You’re exactly the kind of kid Olivia likes to hire.” The smile he gave seemed like it was trying to be engaging and friendly, but something whispered in the back of my head to be careful.

“To do what?” I asked.

Orsino shrugged. “Almost anything as long as they’re pretty. See, we’ve got the girls and Olivia’s got the boys, and you would fit right in.” He pulled out his phone. “I know someone over there and can put in a good word for you if you’re interested.”

At that moment, my stomach growled. Half a sandwich doesn’t go very far when you’re already down so many meals you can’t even count them anymore. So, I found myself nodding. “That would be great. Thanks.”

“Terrific,” he said and stood up. “Give me a minute to make a call, and I’ll get you all set up.”

I watched him walk off, wondering if this was going to be another dead end. But what choice did I have? If the universe was handing me an opportunity, I had to take it, right?

Stormy slid into Orsino’s vacated seat and slid some bills across the table. I looked at her in confusion.

“I need you to do me a favor,” she said. “We used to have a bit of a friendly competition with Illyria when Olivia’s brother was running the place, but he died a while ago and now she’s spreading some shit about how we run our club. We know she’s got someone here who’s working for her, so I was thinking, if she hired you, you could kind of check things out and let us know what’s happening over there. Maybe figure out who she’s got working for her.” Stormy tapped the bills with a long, red fingernail. “That’s a hundred. You come back when you get the job and there will be another hundred waiting for you.” She smiled. “You understand what I’m asking you?” Her smile got broader when I nodded, the effect heightened by her bright red lips and elaborately done makeup. “And you don’t have to tell Orsi about this. He’s too proud to admit how hurt he is by that bitch, but it’s killing him inside. He and Antonio were such good friends, and she didn’t even let him go to the funeral.”

She left the money on the table when she stood, and then looked back down at me. “Put that in your pocket, okay, pumpkin?” She waited until I’d done it before walking over to Orsino and whispering in his ear.