Come As You Are (Twisted Bard)

7. Vee

Vee

After Sebastian left me alone in his apartment, I continued to stand by the bay window overlooking the street. It was crazy to me that a few days before, I’d been sleeping on a worn-out mattress in a room with no heat, and sharing my space with roaches and other vermin. Sebastian’s place was practically Versailles by comparison, and I couldn’t believe my luck.

Of course, it made me feel shitty that I was supposed to be spying on them, and I resolved to tell Stormy I couldn’t do it anymore. I’d miss the extra cash from her, but since I hadn’t had a chance to do anything with it before my asshole ex-roommates stole it, it wasn’t like it had done me much good. I also resolved to come clean to Sebastian as well as Olivia. They needed to know that Orsino was up to something.

Having made up my mind, I spent about fifteen minutes in my room putting away my stuff. I had a little bit more than what my roommates had left me with by virtue of a visit to Goodwill and Out of the Closet, but it still wasn’t much more than a couple of pairs of jeans, some T-shirts and flannels, and underwear. Thank God I’d been wearing my boots when they took off otherwise I’d be needing to replace those as well. Same with my phone. It was still the same one as when I’d left home, and the fact that my service hadn’t been cut off gave me hope that maybe I could mend things with my mom since she was the one who made sure all the bills were paid.

The assholes had taken off with my charger, though, but a quick search through the apartment turned up Sebastian’s and—go me!—we both had the same type of phone. I’d been using the other dancers’ chargers all week long to keep the juice going so I could set my alarm and not get caught at Illyria in the mornings.

Once I was as settled as I was gonna get, I returned to the kitchen to see what Sebastian had to eat. As much as it hurt my pride to take his charity, I wasn’t going to let that stand in the way of putting some food in my belly. I’d make it up to Sebastian by cooking and cleaning for him as best I could.

Half an hour later, I was full of pasta and kind of dozing off in front of the TV when my phone buzzed with a message. There weren’t many people who would be calling or texting me, so I carried my bowl back to the kitchen and picked up my phone from the counter. It was a text from Sebastian wanting to know how I was doing and if I’d found everything I needed.

The message made me smile. It felt good to have someone looking out for me. I took a picture of my empty bowl and sent it to him.

Doing good so far , I typed and hit Send.

The three dots appeared, then disappeared for a moment before returning. I held my breath waiting to see what Sebastian would say, but nothing came through before the dots disappeared again. Disappointed, I hooked my phone up to the charger once more and set about washing the dishes I’d used then went back to watching TV.

My phone buzzed with an incoming call just as I was starting to doze off, and it took me a moment to remember where my phone was. Fortunately, I found it before the call went to voicemail. Caller ID told me Sebastian, and I grinned as I hit Answer, my chest warming with the idea that Sebastian was checking in on me again. The jumble of sound that greeted me told me it was just a butt-dial. Sebastian probably didn’t know his phone had called me. I knew I should hang up but my curiosity got the better of me.

Illyria was pretty crowded most nights of the week, but when I was up on my platform, I couldn’t hear much of anything except the music. Listening to the sound of the club through Sebastian’s phone was fascinating. In the foreground, I could hear Sebastian taking drink orders and talking to customers along with the rattle of ice as he filled a glass or used the shaker. In the background, I heard the drag show. Because I was off on Monday nights, I hadn’t had much interaction with the drag performers and rarely saw Maria in her Dick Pics persona, so hearing her gruffly introducing the next act filled me with a kind of…it wasn’t nostalgia, but that kind of longing to be part of something that wasn’t in my immediate vicinity.

These were people I hung out with on a regular basis, had come to know over the past several weeks. In some small way, I’d begun to think of Illyria as a kind of home since I was lacking in any other at the moment. It wasn’t just the place, though, it was the people I’d found there, who had taken me in and taken care of me in a way my own family no longer would. Sebastian had given me a place to stay, but Illyria had given me a home.

I was about to roll my eyes at myself for gushing like this, when I heard Sebastian greet Festus and ask what had happened earlier. The sound was muffled—the phone was, after all, in the pocket of Sebastian’s jeans—but I was still able to make out Festus’ response.

“Just some bozo who wanted a free show. Thanks for the water.”

The sounds went back to the former patter of drink orders and teasing between Sebastian and the customers. Occasionally, Toby passed close enough that I heard him land one of his well-placed jokes, and then got the treat of listening to him and Sebastian laughing.

Something niggled at me, and I hung up feeling a vague sense of discomfort. My first thought was that it was because I’d been eavesdropping on people I considered my friends, but I didn’t think it was that. I glanced at my phone, surprised that I hadn’t listened for more than a minute or so, which was a reasonable amount of time for figuring out that a call had been a butt-dial. Or so I told myself, and hoped Sebastian wouldn’t be upset when he saw the call.

I wandered back to the couch and the TV, phone still in hand as I puzzled out what my brain was trying to tell me. For the life of me I couldn’t figure it out. It wasn’t until about half an hour later that it finally hit me: Orsino had accused me of being a “bozo trying to get a free peek” when I’d shown up at the Grotto, and Festus had used that same phrase when talking to Sebastian.

“Bozo” wasn’t exactly a word in common usage anymore. I thought my grandfather may have used it a few times when I was growing up, but surely it wasn’t common slang. Did that mean Festus was hanging out with Orsino enough to pick up the way he spoke? I couldn’t fathom it, but then again, I’d been sent to Illyria to be a spy.

I was pretty sure by now that Stormy’s story about Olivia planting a spy at the Grotto was a load of horse shit. I’d been introduced to every employee at Illyria at some point, and hadn’t heard anyone mentioned that I didn’t know, nor had I seen anyone who seemed suspicious. I’d be the first to admit that I had no idea what I was looking for, and no one was looking at me and thinking spy, but everything at Illyria seemed to be on the up and up. Except for the fact that the club was losing money, and someone had greenlighted my hiring even when I so clearly wasn’t a dancer. The fact that the customers seemed to love me was just dumb luck.

Once again, I resolved to come clean with Sebastian and Olivia even if it cost me my job and a place to live, but I couldn’t go on deceiving them. I hoped they understood.

Waking up the next morning was incredible. For the first time since I’d left home, I was able to sleep as long as I wanted to in a soft bed with enough blankets to keep me warm all night. Although it had taken me a bit of time to fully relax, once I had, I’d fallen into a deep sleep. I couldn’t remember a time I’d been happier to open my eyes and discover the worlds I visited when I was asleep didn’t compare to what I saw when I was awake. The room might be small, but it had a door I could close, and I trusted Sebastian not to enter unless he had permission.

I stretched in bed, reveling in the thought that there was a shower with hot water next door and a kitchen with coffee and toast just down the hall. All these things I’d taken for granted when I was growing up now seemed to be worth more than anything I’d ever owned.

The apartment was silent, and a glance at my phone told me it was just after nine. I had no idea when Sebastian had gotten home, so I crept out of bed and into the bathroom as quietly as I could assuming he was still asleep. After I took care of business I made my way down the hall to the kitchen. My stealth paid off, though not in the way I’d thought it would.

Sebastian stood in the middle of the kitchen wearing only a pair of gray sweatpants slung low on his hips. I nearly swallowed my tongue at how gorgeous he was. It must have been sleep deprivation or fear that had clouded my thoughts when he’d asked me to stay in his apartment because it had completely escaped me that scenes such as this were inevitable. And though he’d seen me in far less when I danced, I had never seen him in anything but jeans and button-ups with the sleeves rolled up to reveal his muscular forearms. I was in so much trouble.

As if in agreement, my dick twitched and began to press against the front of the boxer briefs I had foolishly decided not to cover with my own sweats. I needed to get out of there fast, but as I turned to go, Sebastian greeted me.

“Sleep well?” he asked.

“Yeah.” In panic, I slid sideways into one of the chairs at the dinette and breathed a sigh of relief when the table covered my groin. Though now it looked like I expected Sebastian to serve me breakfast or something.

“You know it’s nothing I haven’t seen…or felt.” Sebastian gave me a wicked smile, and I felt my face flame as I realized I wasn’t hiding anything from him. And that he’d felt it when I got hard during our dance.

He poured me a cup of coffee and slid it across the table. “Relax, Vee,” he said. “It happens. It doesn’t mean anything.” Going back to the stove, he looked over his shoulder. “Unless you want it to.”

I gaped at him as he chuckled and turned away to finish making his own breakfast. For the life of me, I couldn’t have formed words even if someone had put a gun to my head. To distract myself, I took a sip of my coffee and nearly gagged. It was awful. Too strong. Too bitter. Too…thick. I forced myself to swallow what was in my mouth, then pushed the mug away from me.

“That’s horrible,” I said.

Still laughing, Sebastian poured me a fresh cup and brought it to me. “Try this one.”

I eyed him over the rim of the mug and took a good sniff. The liquid didn’t smell overly strong or burned. Cautiously, I took a sip. My surprise set Sebastian laughing all over again. “What did you do?” I asked.

Sebastian shook a jar of instant coffee at me. “I thought you might need a boost,” he said, that grin still playing with the corners of his mouth.

“No, thank you.” I took another sip. “I’m not really much of a coffee drinker to begin with, but that was…” I waved at the first mug. “That was disgusting.”

“True. Consider it a bit of hazing. And it did take your attention away from your dick.”

I sputtered and nearly spit out my coffee. “And now you’ve just put it right back. Thanks for that.” But I was laughing, too. “What are you doing up?”

“Couldn’t sleep.” Sebastian shrugged just as the toaster dinged, then busied himself buttering his toast. “I’ve kind of got a lot on my mind.”

“Anything you want to talk about?”

Sebastian joined me at the table with a plate of toast and a shaker jar of cinnamon sugar. “It’s nothing you haven’t heard about in general,” he said as he retrieved his mug. “Olivia talked about it at the all-hands meeting. The club is in financial trouble.”

Nodding, all the guilt I’d been feeling the night before came rushing back, and I remembered my vow to come clean about spying for the Grotto. “Yeah, about that—”

“Someone’s also stealing liquor from the storeroom,” Sebastian went on without seeming to hear me. “That’s why I asked if you’d seen anyone while you were sleeping there.”

“I wish I had,” I said. “But, listen, there’s something I do need to tell you.”

My heart started pounding as Sebastian focused on me. “If this is about your pageant idea, Olivia’s totally on board with that.”

“I know she is. Maria and Andrew think it’s a good idea, too. But this is something else. Something I should have told you, should have told Olivia.”

Sebastian narrowed his eyes at me. “Start talking.”

“Yeah.” My mouth went completely dry, and I reached for my coffee, wishing I was wearing more than boxer briefs so I could stand up and pace instead of sitting so close to Sebastian I could feel the heat radiating off his body. With fear making my hands shake, I met his gaze. “I’ll totally understand if you want me to leave,” I said. “Both here and Illyria. I mean, I love being at Illyria, and you and Olivia and everyone have been so great to me—”

“Are you going to tell me you’re the one stealing liquor?”

“No. Not at all. But…kind of…maybe.”

“Vee…”

“Okay. So, um, Illyria wasn’t the first place I went looking for a job. I got told the Grotto was hiring, so I went there thinking I could be a busboy or something. But Orsino said they weren’t hiring, and I wasn’t their type anyway.”

Sebastian snorted, which helped me breathe a little easier since he was letting me say what I needed to without getting angry. “Yeah, so, I was leaving when Stormy pulled me aside and asked if I wanted to make a hundred bucks by helping them get information from Illyria.”

“So, basically spying.” Sebastian stood up and ran his hands through his hair as he started to pace in the small kitchen. “But how…”

“I don’t know. Stormy said they had someone at Illyria who would make sure I got hired. I figured I was going to wind up either washing dishes or serving, so the dancing thing was a surprise to me. But the weird thing is, she wanted me to see if I could figure out who was spying on the Grotto.”

“Olivia wouldn’t…” Sebastian shook his head. “I can’t imagine she’d do something like that. Mal might, but not Olivia.”

I shrugged. “Honestly, I think it was just a story. I haven’t seen or heard about anyone being over there. Stormy also told me Antonio and Orsino used to be friends.”

“Hardly.” Sebastian snorted. “They were rivals, like oil and water. Orsino offered to buy Illyria after Antonio died, but Olivia refused. He was pretty pissed off about it.” Fixing me with an unwavering stare, Sebastian pursed his lips. “How many times did you report back to Stormy?”

“Only twice. And right at the beginning. If it’s any comfort, my roommates stole everything I made from her when they took off with my stuff.”

“Karma,” Sebastian said, but he smiled and sat back down. “Okay. I’m not happy about what you did, but I don’t see that it caused any problems. Plus, you’ve been an asset for the club, and that pageant idea is the best anyone’s come up with. While I might be an idiot for trusting you, I don’t think it’s in you to lie about something like this. But we’re going to head into the club and you’re going to tell Olivia everything, got it?”

“Absolutely. It’s been eating away at me, to be honest, but after last night, I knew I had to say something.”

“Last night?”

“Your phone butt-dialed me. It was kind of funny, but then Festus said something that reminded me of Orsino, and it was like my conscience was telling me I couldn’t stay here unless I told you.”

“What did Fest say?”

“You asked him about something that had happened at the door, and he said it was just some bozos trying to get a free show. And that’s what Orsino accused me of when I tried to get a job at the Grotto. It was such an unlikely coincidence, I figured it was the universe telling me to come clean. So, I am.”

Sebastian looked thoughtful but didn’t say anything for a bit. I sipped my coffee, unsure if I should stay quiet or ask what he was thinking, but in the end it didn’t matter. Sebastian told me to eat some toast, he was going to make us eggs, and then we’d head over to Illyria to talk to Olivia. I was grateful that he still seemed okay with me staying in his place and a bit hopeful that I’d get to keep my job as well.

Telling Olivia about my “job” with Stormy wasn’t any easier than telling Sebastian. I saw the disappointment in her eyes as I explained what I’d been hired to do. Even though I also told her I hadn’t seen anything worth reporting and had stopped visiting the Grotto, her expression remained sad and that hit me in the gut. When Sebastian told her about finding me in the storeroom and offering me a place to stay, my face flamed in embarrassment, but at least it replaced regret with anger.

“You’re sure we can trust Vee?” she asked Sebastian.

We were seated around the coffee table by the window that overlooked the club, Olivia on the couch, Sebastian and me in office chairs: a perfect triangle, except I felt anything but balanced or stable at the moment.

Sebastian shrugged and turned toward me. “I do. I mean, look at those baby blues. Do you think he can hide anything from anyone?”

More than my face grew warm as they both turned their assessing gazes on me. I sat up straighter, staring back at Olivia as she scrutinized me, trying not to flinch or look guilty, trying to meet her eyes.

For a long moment, no one spoke. The tension in the room thickened, and I noticed my own breathing deepening in time with Olivia’s. In my peripheral vision, Sebastian shifted in his seat and licked his lips letting his tongue linger on the top one as he shifted his focus from me to Olivia and back.

“I want to trust you,” Olivia said. There was a softness to her voice I hadn’t heard before, a vulnerability, and it made me tear up to think I’d hurt her.

“You can,” I said. “I promise. I had no idea what was going on when I started here, but as soon as I realized, I stopped. And I’m sorry about the storeroom—”

Olivia waved that aside. “Don’t worry about it. It wasn’t okay that you did it, but no one got hurt, Illyria didn’t get damaged or fined, and Sebastian’s helping you out now. In the grand scheme of how things have been going, I’d put this in the win column. But…”

“Liv, come on. You know the kid isn’t going to hurt the club.”

I winced at the term “kid” because the feeling I was having right now, seated between Olivia and Sebastian, wasn’t very kid-like. Coming from Sebastian, it hurt even more. I did not want him thinking of me as a kid.

“I’m not that young,” I murmured, and both Olivia and Sebastian turned to look at me.

“No, you’re not,” Olivia said.

Something in her tone or her bearing released a torrent of conflicting feelings within me. I was aware at once of how striking she was, the way she carried herself like a queen, and seemed to have everything under control, but I also saw how vulnerable she felt, how much the burden of running Illyria was weighing on her shoulders. It broke something in me, and I felt tears welling at the thought that I had added to that weight.

“I wasn’t trying to hurt you,” I blurted out. “I had no idea what was going on, and I wouldn’t have done anything that damaged the club or anything like that…” My words dissolved into sobs, tears streaming down my cheeks.

I wanted nothing more than to get out of that office, to hide somewhere and get myself under control. Showing emotion was dangerous in my family, just one more reason for my brothers to try and “toughen me up” or my father to give me extra chores to build backbone, and I felt the familiar struggle of trying to keep everything under wraps bringing fear into my chest. Who I was, who I wanted to love, how I wanted to live my life: those arguments echoed in my head. The imaginary ones I’d had where I pleaded my case to my family, and the real ones that happened after I came out.

Shoving back my chair, I stood and tried to make it to the door, but Sebastian stopped me with a hand on my upper arm before I took more than a couple of steps. The heat from his touch shocked me all over again. I looked at where he touched me, and then up to his hazel eyes, watched them seem to darken as his pupils dilated.

“Vee,” he whispered, his voice kind, gentle. “Don’t run away.”

While I was distracted by Sebastian’s proximity and the way my body was reacting to him, Olivia got up from the couch and came around the coffee table. She stood on my other side and put one hand on my shoulder, the other on my wrist. I turned my attention toward her, registering in that moment the fullness of her parted lips, the beautiful sharp line of her cheekbones, and the rich darkness of her eyes as she stared into my own with an expression that said she understood.

Something passed between us, a bone-deep sense of being seen and understood in a way I’d never felt before. When I looked back at Sebastian, I felt the same connection and reached out blindly for both of them.

I didn’t know who gathered me in their arms first, nor whose shoulder I leaned into as I gave myself up to the grief and fear and anger I’d been hiding for months. Someone stroked my hair and someone else traced circles on my back like my mom had done when I was little. And I cried.

At some point, the three of us ended up on the couch. I was sandwiched between Olivia and Sebastian, my back to Bast’s chest, my head on Olivia’s shoulder. Her hand was in my hair and Sebastian’s arms were around my waist, his cheek resting on my back just below the knob at the top of my spine.

“We’ve all been there,” Olivia said as I calmed.

Burying my head in her shoulder even deeper, I exhaled, then sat up and wiped my eyes.

“I’m sorry. I don’t normally fall apart like that,” I said.

Sebastian patted my back. “Totally been there,” he said. “Don’t be embarrassed for it all getting to be too much.”

Olivia cleared her throat and stood up, but Sebastian remained on the couch and kept his arms around my waist. I had to admit, it felt nice. He was this solid wall I could rest against while I caught my breath. Olivia paced across the floor of her office, a long, red manicured nail tapping against her lips.

“What are you thinking, Liv?” Sebastian asked.

“I think someone’s sabotaging the club. The question is who and how to catch them.”