Coming Home to the Mountain: Complete Edition

9. Mac

CHAPTER 9

Mac

A nother day of sunshine. I get up and shuffle out of bed. I slide my pants on and look over at Merit. Fuck, she’s gorgeous, sleeping so serenely. I’m incredibly tempted to pull the covers off her and go for a taste of her and give her a very pleasant awakening.

But I also want her to sleep soundly. She’s been through so much.

These are the harsh choices I deal with every morning.

I ultimately decide to just go and make breakfast. I pull out some pancake flour, mix the batter and get to frying them, choosing to awaken her with the sweet smell of a good morning breakfast instead. I’d never cooked so much as I have in the past few days, but I want to see Merit’s smile every morning, and this is a proven way to do it.

Sure enough the smells lure her down, wearing my shirt from the night before. It’s such a classic look. There’s something missing on her face though.

The smile.

“Not a fan of pancakes?”

“I love pancakes, it’s just that, uh...”

“What’s the matter then?”

She slumps down at the kitchen table, her hands running through her hair.

“Just a headache? Not feeling well? Do I need to go back into town for some medicine?”

“It’s not that, Mac. It’s nothing. Nothing’s the matter. It’s just that... well...”

“Something’s the matter if you’re looking as dour as you are, Merit. I’m not used to seeing you like this.”

She sighs. “What’s your plan for today?”

“I was thinking maybe we’d go on a hike.”

“Didn’t you come up to this cabin to go hunting, Mac? You haven’t done that yet and it’s been days.”

I raise an eyebrow. She’s right. But going out alone seems so empty since I met her. “Did you want to go hunting with me?”

She shakes her head. “No, no, it’s not that.”

“Then what is it? Please tell me, Merit. There’s little you could tell me that would make me angry.”

She stews for a time, turning away from me. “You’ve just done so much for me already. I don’t want to take over your life entirely, Mac. You should do what you came up here to do.”

I turn off the stove and move to sit across from her at the table. “What I intended to do doesn’t matter. Spending time with you is what I want to do now.”

“I don’t want you to resent me for taking over your life.”

“I’d never resent you. You haven't taken over anything, except in a good way.”

She sucks in a breath.

“Yeah, I came up here alone. Because my family had other plans. Finding you changed things, and honestly? I’m glad it did. I would have been bored of hunting alone real fast.”

“Mac, you don’t need to spend all your time with me. I’ll be okay.”

I shake my head. “But I want to, at least right now. If we’re together for the rest of our lives, I’m sure that there will be plenty of time for me to be alone and ponder my own thoughts. Right now though, I want to be here with you.”

Her eyes go wide midway through my reply to her.

Did I really just say ‘together for the rest of our lives’?

I cringe. That’s coming on a little hard, I guess.

“It’s all just a bit too much too fast, Mac. I don’t want to think about decades from now. I need to think about now. And I need time alone. Maybe you should go off and hunt. For yourself. And for me.”

I let out a long breath. Yeah, I’m coming on too strong when it comes to affection. Being sweet to her brings me so much joy, more than I could ever explain. But she’s her own human being and she needs her space.

“If that’s what you want, Merit, that’s what you’ll get.”

With much less enthusiasm, I finish making breakfast. Despite the sugar of the pancakes and the maple syrup, it ends up a kind of bland meal.

Merit remains dour. Something has shaken her up. I hate seeing her like this. Seeing her pain bugs me to no end.

Nevertheless, after breakfast I throw on my bright orange vest, pick up my rifle and supplies, and look her way. She’s on the couch, holding her knees, all curled up. I wish I knew what to say to break her out of her funk.

Hopefully it’s just a bad day for her. Everyone has bad days, after all. Everything could be going perfect for you, and then boom, some random brain chemistry fuck-up happens and you just feel awful for no real reason. Just a weird part of being human.

“Take care of yourself, Merit. Everything here is for you to use, do what you can to put a smile on your face again,” I say at the door.

“Thanks.” It’s all she says to me before I step outside and walk down the porch stairs.

I don’t even know where to begin to hunt.

My heart just isn’t in it.

But I’ll try anyway. What the hell else am I gonna do?