Chapter 13
13
H er scream split the night air. Josiah sat up in bed, instantly awake. Should he go to her? Another scream, and his legs flew into action.
He found her thrashing on her bed. Fighting. Flailing. Furious. “No, no, don’t."
He leaned over her and shook her shoulder. “Katherine, wake up. You’re having a bad dream.”
Her eyes popped open, and she grabbed at him, flinging her shaking body into his arms, dragging him down to the bed.
“It’s all right, Kat, you’re safe now,” he whispered into her hair. “You’re safe.” She clung so tightly, her nails gouged his back. He held her until the weeping subsided. With a slow smooth touch, he stroked her back and rocked her in his arms.
His bare torso was getting cold outside the covers, so he moved to go, but she held on.
“Don’t go.”
Oh, dear God, help me. This was a tough one. She was in no condition to be touched in any other way than platonically, but his body was reacting to her nearness. The innocent would not have a clue.
He stood, thinking a little separation would give her room to think. Her fear would send him packing. But, instead of shrinking away, she held out her arms. He slid in beside her and gathered her close.
He dusted a thumb across her cheek to dry the flow of tears as she looked up at him with wide innocent eyes.
“Can you talk about it, Kat? I’ve had my share of trauma. The war accomplished that. It helps to share with someone.”
She snuggled close and laid her head against his bare chest.
He could barely breathe as he folded one arm around her. There was not nearly enough clothing between them.
“I…haven’t had that nightmare for a while.” Her jaw still trembled. “Living with you makes me feel safe. I’ve slept so much better here.”
He could not say the same, but he kept quiet, willing her to speak.
“I was back at the creek again, only this time you didn’t show up.” She shuddered against him.
He ran his hand up and down her back, soothing her. “What happened that day? Maybe if you could get it out, it wouldn’t haunt you so much.”
She was silent for so long, he looked down. Maybe she’d drifted back to sleep.
The movement seemed to restart the flow of both her tears and words. “The trouble began long before that day at the creek. Those boys were making a nuisance of themselves at school, which was one of the reasons I decided to quit. I was fifteen, and they kept vying for my attention. When I spurned them, it became a contest among the group over which one would make the ice maiden melt and get the first kiss.”
He rubbed her arms. He could see her getting more attention than she wanted. “Go on.”
“I was so na?ve, I thought if I showed them up, humiliated them good, they would finally understand that I wasn’t interested. I challenged Tommy Rowan, the ringleader, to a shooting match. I told him that, if he won, I’d give him a kiss in front of everyone. But, if he lost, then he’d have to promise they’d all leave me alone.
“Much to my horror, the competition became the talk of the school. Half the kids came out that Saturday morning to watch. I cleaned Tommy’s clock, and he left humiliated.”
A simmering anger was beginning to build in him, but he worked to suppress it, not wanting to scare her. But what had Tommy done to her? “A young man’s pride is a powerful force to reckon with.”
“I know that now. Being the fool I was back then, I didn’t give it a second thought—until that day at the creek.
“My brothers and I were in the habit of traipsing around the back woods, and one of our favorite things to do was to swim in the water hole. They were my best friends, and the only ones who understood me. They didn’t have any problem letting me join in what they did, so they taught me to swim. Ma would have killed me had she known I stripped down to my unmentionables and enjoyed a swim.”
He searched the recesses of his memory. He remembered the day well, but not her brothers being there.
“That area was perfect for swimming because the water pooled into a deep eddy, and it was private, with the trees and rock formations at the mouth of the cave.”
His chest ached at the memories, desperation welling in him anew. “I remember. I could hear your cries but couldn’t see where you were. I had to work my way down the ravine.”
“I believed it was safe to lose a few layers and swim like men do all the time. It irked me that a girl didn’t have the right clothing or opportunity to learn how to swim. I always had an extra set of underclothing in my haversack to change into, the cave being the perfect spot.”
He had to ask. “Where were your brothers?”
She swept the tears from her cheeks with the back of her hand. “I’d become too comfortable with our little hideaway,” she admitted. “When my brothers didn’t want to swim that day, I told them I was more than capable of finding my way home. That was not the first time they had left me to my stubborn ways.”
The tears slid down her cheeks again, and he ached to brush them away. But he didn’t dare move.
“I was too sure of myself. I was careless. If you hadn’t come along—” A sob broke free. “What a fool I was.” She hiccuped and buried her face in his chest. Her hair concealing her from him. “I’m so embarrassed remembering how you found me.”
Her pain cut all the way through him. “Shh, my dear. We’ve all made mistakes.” He lifted his hand and smoothed the hair from her cheeks. “It will help to finally get this out.” Lord, please soothe away her pain.
A deep shiver ran up her body, which he felt against his skin.
“Tommy and the gang must have followed us that day, because it wasn’t long after my brothers left, that the group of them emerged out of the trees. I was floating on my back, my eyes closed, when I heard my name.”
“There was more than one?”
She started shaking, and he held her tighter, wrapped her close. “You’re safe now. Trust me.” He smoothed his hand up and down her back. “Let it out.”
“I stayed under the water because I didn’t want them to see me. You know how wet fabric sticks to the body, and I didn’t have much on to begin with. My pile of clothes and my gun lay on the bank, but I couldn’t figure out how to get there before one of them did.”
Her trembling increased. “I can still hear their disgusting words, their leering looks. They dragged me out of the water, and each one took their turn at groping and slobbering all over me. I thought I was going to die. They said…they said they were going to start with a kiss, and then the high and mighty Katie Williams was going to give them a whole lot more.”
Josiah worked hard to stay put as a spike of rage rose up his spine. His hands fisted.
“I fought. I screamed. But I was so weak against the pack of them. Tommy was already on top of me. His hands…the evil in their eyes… Had you not fired your gun from a distance they would’ve…” The tears coursed down her face as she gulped back a sob and tucked into a tight ball.
Wrath churned inside him. How dare they try to take what she did not want to give? What kind of animals would do that to a helpless woman—to his woman. He wanted to find them. Hurt them. Make them beg for mercy and then not give it.
He pulled in a deep breath. “I don’t know what to say right now.” She must have heard the anger in his voice, for she sat up.
“I’m sorry.” She pulled the blankets up to cover her nightclothes, to hide herself from him as she turned away. “I was such a fool. You have every right to be mad.”
“I’m not angry with you.” He touched her chin, forcing his fingers to be gentle as they urged her to face him. When she did, he met her gaze. “Please don’t think that.”
After a moment, she rested against him again.
He inhaled a steadying breath. “But I wish I had done more. Had I known there was more than one, had I known what they intended, I would’ve used my gun for a whole lot more than a warning.”
He’d been working his way down the ravine after hearing a woman scream. He’d fired his gun in hopes that whatever was going on would be stopped. That had happened, but it had also allowed them time to scatter. He’d caught only one, and when the young man had said they were just having a little fun, he had let him go.
“Fun, that’s what he called it.” He bit out the words. “I viewed the whole thing from different eyes. Two young people with too much freedom on a hot summer’s day, and the young man got carried away. If I’d known there was a gang of them trying to…” He ground his teeth, not able to voice the words. And the way he had barked at her to get dressed and told her she should know better than meeting a boy alone, he hated himself for those words. Yet she had said nothing. He took in another breath. “Why didn’t you tell me what had happened back then?”
“I was so ashamed.” Her words were so soft, he barely made them out. “I couldn’t tell you there had been more than one.” But then her voice seemed to gain strength. “Somehow you believed me when I told you I had not planned to meet him.” She pulled up from his chest to look at him. “I still don’t understand why.”
“At first glance, I noticed your neatly piled clothes and assumed you had willingly undressed. But one look into your eyes convinced me you spoke truth.”
“And when I begged you not to tell my parents?”
“Everything inside me balked. I wanted to make sure you’d never swim alone again.” He’d questioned his decision for months afterward. Years even.
“But you trusted what I promised.”
“Yes.” His mind was whirling with the information, though he tried to present a calm front. No wonder she could barely handle a man’s touch. He couldn’t believe she was allowing his nearness right now.
She seemed to relax further. “I’ve always wondered why you sat and talked to me that day. Remember how you shared some of the funny things you did when you were younger? It was as if you were trying to make me feel better about my stupidity.”
“I was. At first, I wanted to ensure you were calm enough to ride home, then I found talking to you fascinating. You were unlike any woman I had ever met, and I believed you’d be more careful.” His gut tightened. “But I had no idea there was more than one or how far their assault went. I swear I would’ve tracked each one down and beaten them within an inch of their lives. I’m so sorry.”
She nodded, sniffing. “I believe you.” Her hair rubbed against his skin like a curtain of silk.
Just that small movement heightened his awareness. Her nearness took the wind out of his lungs but he remained still. To have her relaxed in his arms was a milestone. He didn’t want to ruin the moment with anything that would cause her angst.
“Go to sleep now. I’ll stay until you drift off.” He smoothed a hand down her back.
“Josiah?”
“Hmm.”
“You need to know one more thing.”
“What is it?” He rubbed his fingers over her hair.
“After what they did, I’ve been scared…of any man’s touch. I’m so sorry for not being a real wife?—”
“I understand. We have a whole lifetime ahead of us.”
She snuggled up against him. “You make me feel so safe.”
He kissed the top of her head, willing himself to remain strong.
Tonight had been one small victory in an ocean of turbulent waters. He wanted to kill the reprobates who’d traumatized his wife and caused the pain they now shared. He wanted to scream at her parents for not caring enough to keep a beautiful woman like her under their protective care. He wanted to poke out the eyes of every man who ogled and leered.
He was not blind to what she had to put up with. Every trip into town made him jealous enough to want to do damage. But mostly, he longed to nurture, to cherish this woman he called his wife, to prove that not all men were ruled by one thing only. As the waves of need pounded upon the shore of his soul, he took deep breaths in and out.
To hold her so close in bed, and not to act on the natural response, took supernatural strength…and so he prayed.
God, I don’t know You in the way Abe and Delilah share so freely, but I know You’re up there. I need Your help. We need Your help.
She fell asleep, but the opportunity to hold her close would likely not come again soon. He tucked beneath the covers and cradled her body against his. Peace washed over his soul. Perhaps God was pleased with his simple prayer. He smiled into the darkness, hoping beyond all hope that healing was possible, because to withstand this kind of torture was not sustainable.