Chapter 31
31
“ I t hurts more than I can say that he keeps shutting me out.” Katie swallowed down the sting of tears as she peeled potatoes while Delilah prepared bread dough beside her. “That snow-covered Massanutten outside our door holds more warmth than he does.”
Delilah punched down the dough ball a little harder than usual. “Yes’um. I’d like to take that boy out behind the shed and give him a straightening out like I used to.” She picked up the ball of dough and smacked it hard.
They both chuckled.
“The one thing I’m learning,” Katie said, “is that I don’t need Josiah. I don’t need Colby. I don’t need anyone but Jesus to give me peace. I’m sad because of the state of my marriage, but yet at peace. And I’ve never felt more alive.”
Delilah’s black eyes sparkled as she turned her head to agree. “Wonderful, ain’t it?”
“I wish I could thank Colby for leaving, for it woke me up. I wish I could tell him I’m sorry for running to him and pulling him in like I did.”
“Katie girl, you be forgiven and free, and that’s all the good Lord remembers.”
“I sure know it. The Bible has come alive to me, and though I hurt, I heal all at the same time. It’s like it’s raining, but the sun is shining through. And the strangest thing”—Katie couldn’t keep the excitement from her voice—“the Spirit of God keeps telling me to choose love and, in being obedient to Him, I think I’ve found the path to real love. I truly love Josiah.”
“I knew this would happen.” Delilah dusted the flour off her hands and spread her fleshy arms wide.
Katie walked into her warmth with happy tears clotting her lashes. “I have to thank you for leading me to First Corinthians thirteen.
When they pulled apart, Katie pressed a hand to her heart. “That chapter hit me right here. I thought love was the fluttery feeling of physical attraction. True love is all that but so much more. The amazing thing is that when I put those verses into practice, both the physical attraction and my feelings deepened. But now I’m in a real pickle, because I really want him.” Heat flushed through her face.
“See, the good Lord knows best. He knew the work He would do inside of you before you got married.”
Katie frowned. “Never thought that far back.” An ache rose to her throat. “I’ve had to memorize that passage for the times Josiah snaps at me, which happens a lot these days.”
“He’s fighting against your love, he is. But like poking at a mama bear with cubs, he ain’t ever gonna win.”
Katie gave a weak smile. “I hope you’re right.”
“Of course, I’m right. You just wait and see.” Delilah waddled to the nearest chair and sat. “I’ll give this old back a rest, and you bless me with the Lord’s words you’ve memorized.” She closed her eyes.
“I like it to be personal. Love is patient. Love is kind. It does not envy. It does not boast. It is not proud. My love will not act rude or self-seeking, it will not be easily angered. I will keep no record of wrongs, for love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. My love will always protect, always trust, always hope, always persevere. Love never fails.
“Beautiful.” Delilah’s eyes blinked open. “That boy better get off his high horse soon, cause his grumping around will be no example for the child.”
Katie gasped. “You know?” What had she done to give away her secret? Maybe her dresses were pulling too tight.
“Of course. You don’t keep that from my eagle eyes. Nothing doing.”
She pressed a hand to her chest. “That is such a relief. I have so many questions, and Ma is not so good at these kinds of conversations.” Just being able to confide in her good friend would be such a blessing.
Delilah laughed. “Ask away. I’ve brought many a baby into this world.”
Katherine moved forward and touched her arm. “I wanted to tell you, but I thought it best I tell Josiah first. I’ve been waiting for him to come around and act like he halfway likes me before I broach the topic, but I can see that’s not going to happen any time soon.” A knot tightened in her chest. “I’m running out of time.”
“I be praying, my girl. But in the meantime, I can alter some of those dresses so you’re not busting at the seams around the middle.”
“Josiah?”
Josiah turned with a sigh from the correspondence he’d been sorting through. Now what did Katie want? Wherever he wandered after supper, she found him.
“I’ve got some important news to tell you. Can we take a walk in the orchard?”
There was no way he was going for a walk in the moonlight with her. “Here’s fine.”
“No, it’s not fine.” She crossed her arms. “I want some privacy.”
“In the library then.” He pointed across the hall.
“Just thought the nice days will soon be gone, and a walk would be lovely.”
He dug deep and gave her his best scowl.
“Never mind.” She attempted a smile, but the disappointment showed on her features. “Your library will do.”
He led the way into the room and heard the click of the door behind them as he made his way to his desk. He had to keep busy. “What is it?” He didn’t turn her way. Just laid the letters in their slot and stacked and restacked a pile of papers.
“Please look at me.” Her words came out soft, like honey easing from a spoon.
He blew out an exasperated breath and faced her. He had to keep a strong fa?ade or she would seep through his defenses.
She rotated sideways and pulled her dress tight around her midsection. He blinked, not wanting to believe what the very decided bulge might mean. He could only drop his jaw.
“As you can see, we’re going to have a baby. I’ve wanted to tell you earlier. I’ve been waiting for you to…”
“To what?” There was no mistaking she was pregnant, but his mind refused to believe. A numbness had settled over him.
“To come around…to not… Oh never mind all that. You’re going to be a father, Josiah.” She smiled. “Are you pleased? I am.” She dropped her hands from around the mound and stepped toward him. She looked at him as if she expected him to be happy.
Anger sluiced through him, a rage so strong he could barely control himself. “That explains everything.” One fist clenched, and he ran his hand behind the back of his neck with the other.
“I don’t understand.” A disturbed look flashed through her expressive blue eyes. Her smile faded.
“The kindness. The show of attention. Your constant attempt to wear me down.” He should have seen through it.
“What are you saying?” Her eyes misted. “Is it wrong for a wife to desire her husband? I’ve fallen in love with you, Josiah.”
A weight slammed into him, like a fist into his chest. Now she said it, when she needed something big from him . “This has nothing to do with love.” He couldn’t keep the anger out of his voice. Just the thought of those two together made his blood scream hot through his veins. “You’re pregnant with Colby’s baby, aren’t you?”
Her eyes widened to twice the size. She shook her head. “No?—”
“Don’t try to deny it.”
“I never…we never?—"
“About the time you found out you were pregnant, Colby left.”
“That’s not true?—”
“Come on, Katherine. I remember how you asked where he was.”
“Not because I was pregnant. I wanted the two of you?—”
“Cut the lies. When you couldn’t find him, you decided to turn the charm my way and make the best of a dire situation. And now, after all this time, miraculously, you love me.”
The color drained from her face. She stood silent.
Had she thought he’d be so stupid as to believe her now? “I bet you were hoping I would succumb to your flirtation long ago so I’d be in doubt as to who the father was.” He stepped closer to her, towering over her, but she didn’t cower. Instead, she lifted her head and stood very still. Giant tears rolled down her cheeks, and he tightened his breathing to keep the sight from swaying him. “You have nothing to say for yourself?”
“Would you even listen?” She looked him square in the eyes without flinching.
“Go ahead.” There would be no reasonable explanation that would nullify his suspicions.
“In case you haven’t noticed, there have been changes in me. As a Christian, I would never lie about something like this.”
“How convenient, playing the God card.”
She held up a hand. “I can see you have your mind made up, but give me the courtesy of allowing me to speak. Then, I will go.”
He nodded. He could hold himself in check that long. Although nothing she said would change what had to be the truth.
“I stand before you and God with my head held high. Do you remember an evening in May when you came to my room, the very room you said would always be my undisturbed sanctuary?” Her eyes bore into his.
He looked away as memories surged. He’d lost control of his good sense that night.
“Do you remember asking to stay? Do you remember the passion that followed?”
He couldn’t answer, not with the heat spreading throughout his body at the memory.
“I remember that evening well,” she said. “It seems fitting we conceived our child in my room. That scared waif of a girl you took as a bride invited you into her haven, her safe place, and God was pleased. That very night, I had run from temptation. I chose our marriage over Colby. I believe this pregnancy is a gift. God himself sealed our marriage.”
He turned back to her. What kind of hogwash did she expect him to believe? “So, you’re trying to tell me that one time?—”
“That’s exactly what I am t elling you, because I know it to be true. I will not allow you to smear Colby’s name, nor will I argue the point with you.”
He turned away and raked a hand through his hair. “Your story is a little too convenient.” How could he ever know the truth?
“You’ll see. When we have a child who looks and acts like you, you’ll know. Until then, I’ll choose to forgive your uncharitable words and accusations, but don’t think for a moment they do not cause great pain.” She wiped the tears from her cheek and walked out, leaving him with a storm of questions and raging emotions.
How in the world could this be?
Katie paced her bedroom. Were they so far gone that Josiah not only believed she’d slept with Colby, but that she was capable of lying about something so big? No wonder he was so cold and distant.
Three weeks ago, she would’ve slapped his face or given him a tongue lashing for an insult that big. It was amazing how God had held her steady. Composed. Calm. Collected.
Yet loving Josiah brought a new agony. She had finally found the courage to tell him she loved him, and he threw the words back in her face. Those words were not often spoken to her as a child, so saying them and meaning them hadn’t been easy for her. His cruel response twisted her heart in two.
Oh, God what am I to do? This is far worse than I thought.
She sank down to her knees at the side of the bed and let her tears fall.
Be still and know that I am God. The Bible verse she’d read that morning came back to her and penetrated the fear churning inside her.
She lifted her tired body from the floor and slid into bed. Somehow, God would help her remain obedient to loving Josiah no matter what. Being a Christian sure didn’t remove the difficult from life, it only gave the strength to walk through. But oh, the peace. Sweet peace. She smiled into the heavens. Thank you, Jesus.