Cowboy’s Christmas Bridesmaid (Trinity Falls: Icicle Christmas #8)

16. Valentina

16

VALENTINA

L ater that day, Valentina let Joe Cassidy help her into the horse drawn carriage as the afternoon sun began to set over the Hometown Holiday celebration.

“There you go,” Joe said with a smile.

“Thank you,” she told him.

Zeke scrambled in with Joe’s help to snuggle beside her, and Tanner swung his big form up to sit on Zeke’s other side.

She couldn’t help noticing Tanner was wearing his cowboy hat again. It was worn in just enough that she was starting to think he had actually worn it when he was helping out on neighboring farms, as someone in town had suggested he liked to do. Something about seeing him in it made her feel melty inside, though he wasn’t sparing her a glance right now.

Zeke had spent the whole day lit up with happiness, showing Valentina everything the little town’s Christmas festival had to offer. They had eaten delicious homemade treats, run between the Christmas trees, played games in the municipal lot, eaten Shirley Ludd’s famous chicken and dumpling soup for lunch, taken a ride with Santa Claus on a fire engine, and stopped to say hello to so many kids and their parents that Valentina would never remember them all.

The only thing left to do was the town caroling, which ended with the Christmas tree lighting.

Valentina had been looking forward to the tree lighting ever since she moved into her apartment and realized she had a great view of the tree.

But somehow, she had spent all day today under the shadow of Tanner’s silence. He’d been uncharacteristically quiet ever since the end of their chat with Mrs. Hastings, and Valentina wasn’t sure why.

Did he not want me getting involved in Zeke’s schooling? Did he not like that Mrs. Hastings thought we were together?

A little voice in the back of her head whispered that it might be that he hadn’t liked her denying it so vehemently. But if Tanner wanted to date her, surely he would have asked by now. The man had the drive to back up his quiet confidence, and he certainly wasn’t a coward.

Besides, as soon as Mrs. Hastings made that assumption out loud, Valentina had known to her bones that she never would feel right seeing someone she worked with anyway. A workplace called for a certain level of professionalism, after all. As the woman Tanner reported to directly, she knew it would be wrong for her to let her foolish heart rule over her conscience.

But now, whenever she let her eyes stray from Zeke to his father, she wished she could just go home, curl up, and have a good cry. She was going to have to get some space from the two of them. But the very idea made her feel empty inside.

Joe clucked to the horses and the carriage lurched to a start. And when Zeke squeaked in surprise and joy, Valentina couldn’t help smiling.

The carriage took them down Park Avenue past the pretty little shops and people chatting at the Christmas trees, all the way to Princeton Avenue. It was chilly enough out that Valentina’s cheeks were getting cold, but the lap blanket Joe had pulled over them kept them cozy.

Zeke had gotten quiet by the time they reached Princeton. When they turned onto Vassar to head back into the village, he slumped onto her shoulder, completely asleep.

“Oh, wow,” she whispered, wrapping an arm around him. “I guess you were pretty worn out.”

Tanner made a small sound, and she made the mistake of looking up at him.

He was eyeing his son with a sort of longing that didn’t make any sense. It was Valentina who felt pained at the idea of needing to distance herself from them. Tanner would always have Zeke.

His eyes flashed to hers, and a flare of awareness shot through her.

She waited for him to say something, anything.

But Tanner remained silent. The clip-clop of the horses’ hooves was the only sound as they rode slowly down the tree-lined street, past the wood-frame Victorians strung with Christmas lights that turned on one by one as the last of the afternoon faded into evening.

When they reached the village again, she turned to Tanner.

“I’m pretty worn out myself,” she said quietly. “I think I’ll just run home now. Will you tell Zeke I had a great time with him?”

Tanner nodded without looking at her.

Joe Cassidy got down from the carriage and helped her out first.

“Thank you,” she told Joe. “You were right. It was wonderful to see the whole town this way.”

“My pleasure, sweetheart,” Joe said as she stepped onto the sidewalk.

She quickly joined the crowd of people heading down Park Avenue for the tree lighting, not wanting to be there when Tanner got out, ideally with a sleeping Zeke on his shoulder to slow him down.

All the storefronts had their holiday lights blazing now, and the streetlamps cast a warm light over the chattering crowd.

It was strange to be surrounded by so much happiness when it felt like her own heart was breaking. She hurried to her building, her hands shaking a little and making it hard to unlock the main door.

At last, she was in the overheated lobby, tears prickling her eyes.

I just have to make it upstairs. I’ll put on my cozy pajamas and a Christmas movie and melt into the sofa.

Half an hour later, she had her fleece jammies on and a cup of hot cocoa in her hand. She had meant to put on a movie, but the sound of the whole town singing Christmas carols drew her to the window.

The soft glow of the solar path lights leading to the library allowed her to make out the figures below, smiling and singing around the big tree. There was such peace and happiness on all the faces huddled together against their snowy backdrop.

Without meaning to, she found herself grabbing her phone off the windowsill where it was charging, and calling her parents. Someone picked up on the second ring.

“Hey, Vale,” Rafael said. “What are you doing calling on a Saturday night?”

“Hi, Rafe,” she said and then was mortified to find herself bursting into tears.

There was a slight click as someone picked up the other extension.

“Hello?” her mother said.

“I’ve got it, Ma,” Rafe told her quickly. “It’s for me.”

“Okay, be ready for dinner soon,” Mama said, hanging up.

“What’s going on?” Rafe asked Valentina. “You don’t sound so good.”

“I’m not so good,” she admitted, sniffling and trying to stop crying.

“Who is he?” Rafe demanded playfully. “I’ll kill him.”

“He’s just the nicest man ,” she sobbed.

“Wow,” Rafe said. “Then why are you crying?”

“He works for Mr. Radcliffe,” she said. “So I can’t date him.”

“Doesn’t half the town work for your boss?” Rafe asked. “Are you just supposed to join a convent or something?”

“He reports directly to me,” Valentina said. “Maybe if he were on the paint crew or something it would be different. I could talk to Mr. Radcliffe, but?—”

“Talk to him anyway,” Rafe said. “He adores you. You know that. He wouldn’t want you to give up a good man for him.”

“It’s not just that,” Valentina admitted.

“Oh, here we go,” Rafe said. “What else is it?”

“He’s got a little boy,” Valentina said. “The most incredible little boy.”

“Oh,” Rafe said, sounding surprised.

“I can’t date a man with a child, not in Trinity Falls,” she finished miserably. “It wouldn’t be fair.”

“Why not?” Rafe asked.

“Because I can’t stay here,” she said. “Not forever. Mr. Radcliffe will close out this project, and honestly there’s nothing else for me to do here. He’ll send me back to the city, and I really can’t do that to Tanner and Zeke.”

“Oh,” Rafe said sadly.

“And I… I can’t stay here,” she told him.

“Obviously not,” he said right away. “You’ve spent your whole life following your dreams and working your butt off. You can’t give it up to play house with some random guy in the middle of nowhere.”

She wanted to argue with him—tell him that Tanner wasn’t some random guy, and that Zeke touched her heart in ways she had a hard time describing.

But all of that paled in comparison to the debt she owed to her parents for the sacrifices they had made for her. She couldn’t give it all up now, not when she was so close to securing them the future they deserved.

“Yeah,” she said, her eyes on the figures out the window. “They can’t go, and I can’t stay. It’s as simple as that.”

The people outside were all gazing up at the big tree, their eyes filled with expectation. The sweet simplicity put an ache in her chest.

“I’ve gotta go,” she told Rafe.

“Call me anytime,” he told her. “I’m here for you, even if all I can do is listen.”

“Thanks, Rafe,” she said. “I love you, big brother.”

“Love you too, champ,” he told her.

She placed the phone down and leaned closer to the window, watching as the crowd seemed to collectively hold their breath.

Suddenly, the tree was blazing with brilliant light, illuminating the wonder-filled faces of the crowd and casting a dazzling rainbow on the snowy library lawn.

Valentina could just hear the applause and joyful laughter from her window. She longed to be down there too, celebrating the day with the people she cared about.

But those weren’t really her people. And she would always be on the outside, looking in, as long as she was here.