Cowboy’s Healing Heart

9. Feel So Small

NINE

FEEL SO SMALL

SHANE

I wake to the soft press of Krystal's body against mine, her warmth seeping into my skin. Sunlight streams through the gap in the curtains, painting a golden stripe across the luxurious hotel bed. For a moment, I let myself believe this is real—that I could wake up like this every morning with her in my arms.

My phone buzzes on the nightstand, shattering the illusion. I know without looking, it's my father. Again. I reach over and silence it, pulling Krystal closer.

She stirs, her eyes fluttering open. "Morning," she murmurs, voice husky with sleep.

"Morning," I reply, drinking in the sight of her. Her curls are wild, framing her face in a halo of dark silk. I can't resist running my fingers through them, marveling at their softness.

Krystal stretches, her body arching against mine. The friction sends a jolt of desire through me, and I have to bite back a groan. "What time is it?" she asks.

I glance at the clock. "Just past eight. We've got plenty of time to lounge before we head out."

She hums, a small smile playing on her lips. "Good. I'm not ready to leave this bed yet."

I lean in, capturing her lips in a slow, deep kiss. She responds eagerly, her hands sliding up my chest to tangle in my hair. I lose myself in the taste of her, the feel of her body pressed against mine.

My phone buzzes again, insistent. Krystal pulls back, her brow furrowing. "You should probably get that."

I shake my head, trying to recapture the moment. "It's nothing important."

She gives me a look that says she doesn't quite believe me but doesn't push. Instead, she sits up, the sheet falling away to reveal her bare skin. "I'm going to grab a shower. Care to join me?"

The invitation in her voice is clear, and for a second, I'm tempted. But the weight of my father's calls, of the secrets I'm keeping, settles heavily on my chest. "You go ahead. I'll order us some breakfast."

Krystal nods, but I catch a flicker of disappointment in her eyes before she turns away. As she disappears into the bathroom, I sit up, running a hand through my hair. The phone buzzes again, and this time, I answer.

"Shane," my father's voice comes through, sharp and impatient. "I've been trying to reach you all morning."

"I was asleep," I reply, keeping my voice low. "What do you want?"

"We need your input on this DoD contract. The specs they're asking for are beyond anything we've done before. Your experience in the field could be crucial here."

I pinch the bridge of my nose, feeling a headache coming on. "Dad, I told you. I'm not coming back. I can't?—"

"This isn't about coming back," he cuts me off. "This is about duty. To your country, to your family. We need your expertise, Shane. Just for this contract."

The sound of the shower starting filters through the bathroom door. I think of Krystal in there, water cascading over her curves, and something in my chest tightens. "I can't," I say again, but my resolve is weakening.

My father sighs, a sound heavy with disappointment. "Fine. But at least look over the specs. I'll email them to you. Just... consider it, Shane. Please."

The call ends, and I'm left staring at my phone, feeling like I'm being pulled in two directions. Part of me wants to throw the damn thing out the window, to forget about Innoventis and contracts and family expectations. But another part, the part that was raised to be the heir to a billion-dollar company, knows I can't just walk away.

I order breakfast, then pull out my laptop. The email from my father is already there, waiting. I open it, scanning through the technical specifications for the new defense system Innoventis is proposing. It's ambitious, pushing the boundaries of current technology. However, there are flaws and gaps that someone with field experience would spot immediately.

Before I realize what I'm doing, I'm typing out notes and suggestions for improvements. I'm so engrossed that I don't hear the shower stop and don't notice Krystal until she's standing beside me, wrapped in a fluffy hotel robe.

"What's that?" she asks, peering at the screen.

I slam the laptop shut, my heart racing. "Nothing. Just... some old work stuff."

Krystal raises an eyebrow but doesn't comment. Instead, she leans down, pressing a kiss to my cheek. "Breakfast here yet? I'm starving."

As if on cue, there's a knock at the door. I get up to answer it, grateful for the distraction. But as I set out the food, I feel Krystal's eyes on me, curious and just a little suspicious.

We eat in companionable silence, but there's a tension in the air that wasn't there before. I catch Krystal watching me, her expression thoughtful. I want to tell her everything—about my family, about Innoventis, about the prearranged life including a potential wife that awaits when I return. But how meeting her has changed everything.

"So," Krystal says, breaking the silence. "What's the plan for today?"

I latch onto the change of subject. "I thought we could drive out to Sylvan Lake. It's beautiful this time of year."

Her face lights up, and something in my chest eases. "That sounds perfect."

We finish breakfast and get dressed. As we're packing up to leave, my phone buzzes again. This time, it's a text from my father: "Thanks for the input. These suggestions could make all the difference. We need you here, Shane."

I stare at the message, a mix of pride and frustration churning in my gut. I've spent so long trying to escape this life, but one morning of work, and I'm already being pulled back in.

"Everything okay?" Krystal asks, her hand on my arm.

I pocket the phone, forcing a smile. "Yeah. Let's get out of here."

The drive to Sylvan Lake is stunning. The Black Hills rise around us, a sea of green punctuated by towering rock formations. Krystal leans back in her seat, her face turned to the sun streaming through the window. The sight of her, relaxed and happy, eases some of the tension in my chest.

"Tell me about your family," I say, desperate to focus on something other than my own tangled mess.

Krystal's smile falters for a moment. "Not much to tell. It's just me and my mom, really. She raised me and my siblings on her own after my dad left."

I nod, encouraging her to continue. She talks about her childhood in Georgia and about her mother working multiple jobs to keep food on the table. As she speaks, I'm struck by the strength in her voice, the pride.

"What about you?" she asks. "What's your family like?"

I grip the steering wheel tighter, choosing my words carefully. "Complicated. My parents are still together, but... it's not exactly a warm and fuzzy situation. My dad's always focused more on the family business than us kids."

It's not a lie, but it's far from the whole truth. I wait for Krystal to push and ask for more details, but she just nods as if she understands perfectly.

We arrive at Sylvan Lake, and for a moment, all thoughts of family and secrets are pushed aside. The lake is a mirror, reflecting the sky and the surrounding rocks perfectly. Krystal gasps, her eyes wide with wonder.

"It's beautiful," she breathes.

I watch her take it all in, and something shifts inside me. I want to give her this - moments of beauty and peace. I want to be the one to make her eyes light up like that.

We spend the afternoon hiking around the lake, talking and laughing. It's easy with Krystal, in a way things haven't been easy for me in a long time. She tells me more about Ashanti and the challenges of raising a daughter on her own.

I find myself sharing stories from my time in the Marines, carefully edited to avoid mentioning anything that might hint at my family's wealth or influence.

As the sun starts to dip lower in the sky, we return to the truck. I can't stop looking at her—the way the fading light catches in her hair, the curve of her lips as she smiles.

We reach the truck, and suddenly, Krystal's there, pressing me against the door. Her lips find mine, hungry and insistent. I respond immediately, my hands sliding down to grip her hips, pulling her closer.

The kiss deepens, and I lose myself in the taste of her, the feel of her body against mine. My hands roam over her curves, memorizing every dip and swell. Krystal moans into my mouth, the sound sending a jolt of desire straight through me.

I spin us around, pressing Krystal against the truck. My lips trail down her neck, nipping and sucking at the sensitive skin. She arches into me, her fingers tangling in my hair.

"Shane," she gasps. "We're in the open."

"I don't give a fuck," I growl against her skin. "I need you. Now."

I fumble with the tailgate, managing to get it open. We tumble into the bed, a tangle of limbs and desperate touches.

My hands find the buttons of her shirt, quickly undoing them. The fabric falls open, revealing her soft brown skin. I cup her breasts, my thumb brushing over a nipple.

Krystal whimpers, her back arching. I bend down, capturing her nipple between my lips. I suck and flick my tongue, savoring the sounds of her pleasure. Krystal's hands tug at my shirt, and I help her remove it, our bodies pressed together once more.

Then I take a moment to drink in the sight of Krystal beneath the stars, naked and wanting beneath me. She's beautiful, with smooth skin and soft curves.

I want to worship every inch of her.

This is how I want to remember her—flushed and wanting, her skin warm and inviting beneath my touch. I move down, unbuttoning her jeans and sliding them off along with her panties.

Kneeling between her legs, I can see how wet she is, glistening in the fading light.

I lean in, my tongue tracing over her slit. Krystal's hips buck, a moan escaping her lips. I delve deeper, licking and sucking, relishing the taste of her on my tongue. Her fingers grip my hair, holding me in place.

"Fuck, Shane. Yes!"

Her voice is ragged with need, and it only fuels my own. I slide two fingers inside her, curling them just right.

"God, you taste good," I murmur against her skin. "I want you coming on my tongue."

I lick and suck, my fingers working in rhythm with my mouth. Krystal's gasps turn into cries, her thighs trembling around my head. I can feel her tightening around me, the pressure building.

I've been on the frontline, in the line of fire, ready to die for my country. But this... I could die like this.

Her hands grip my hair tighter, pulling hard, but the pain mixes with pleasure. I'm lost in her, consumed by her. She tastes so good, and I know she's close. Her moans turn into a high, keening wail as she comes, her thighs trembling as her orgasm washes over her.

I don't stop, prolonging her pleasure, my tongue and fingers working in tandem until she collapses, spent. I look up, seeing her flushed and panting. I kiss my way back up her body, reclaiming her mouth in a deep kiss.

"Shane," she whispers against my lips, her fingers brushing my jaw.

"I know," I say softly, knowing exactly what she needs. I stand up, pull her to the tailgate's edge, and quickly shuck off the rest of my clothes. Then, I'm positioning myself at her entrance, my cock rock hard and throbbing.

I push forward, sliding inside her inch by inch, watching her eyes flutter shut as she takes me.

"Fuck," I groan, bottoming out. She's so tight, so wet, and so perfect. "You feel amazing, baby."

Then I start to move, pulling out almost all the way before thrusting back in, savoring the feeling of being inside her.

Krystal's legs wrap around me, pulling me deeper, urging me to go harder, faster.

Our bodies move together in a perfect rhythm, giving and taking in equal measure. I can feel her tightening around me again. I grip her hips, dragging her up and down my dick. She leans forward, pressing her full breast to my chest, as she cries out my name.

The sound of her pleasure, the feel of her around me, the scent of our lovemaking—it's all too much. My balls tighten, and my thrusts become erratic. I'm on the edge, teetering on the brink.

"Fuck," I growl, feeling my own release building. "Come for me, baby. I want to feel you come on my cock."

I reach down between us, my thumb finding her clit, rubbing circles as I pound into her.

"Oh, Shane, just like that," she cries, arching up against me.

"Come for me again," I growl in her ear, biting down on her shoulder as I feel myself hurtling towards the edge. "I want to feel your pussy squeeze my cock."

"Give it to me…" she moans, her nails glide across my scalp, pulling me so close we're one.

Our bodies move together frantically, desperate for release.

My hips snapping forward with increasing speed. The truck rocks with our movements, but I'm beyond caring. All that matters is Krystal, the way she feels around me, the sounds she makes as I please her.

Fire coils in my gut. But I hold back, determined to make Krystal come again.

"Are you ready, my love?"

"Yes," she moans. "Fill me up, baby."

Her voice is a whisper, a plea. Her eyes lock on mine, filled with need and longing. I can feel the connection between us, the bond that only grows stronger with each touch, each kiss.

"Krystal, I'm going to come," I growl, my voice rough with desire. "I'm going to fill you up with my seed."

"Yes," she cries, her hips bucking wildly against mine. "Give me all of it!"

Her words send me over the edge, my control snapping. I slam into her one final time, burying myself deep inside her as I explode. My cock throbs and spurts, filling her with my cum.

"Oh...my god!" Krystal cries, her own orgasm crashing over her.

She clamps around me, milking every last drop of cum from my cock. Her nails rake down my back, leaving stinging trails in their wake.

It feels like I can't move like I'm stuck deep inside of her forever. And I want to stay here for the rest of my life.

I want to stay inside of her, connected, one.

We stay locked together for several moments, panting heavily. Then, finally, I slip out of her, our combined fluids leaking onto her thighs.

"That was incredible," Krystal whispers, her voice hoarse.

I can't speak, so I simply nod, pulling her close. We lay under the stars, our bodies entwined, hearts still racing.

I reach for the blanket, and we lay back. I stare at the stars, our breathing slowly returning to normal. I trace lazy patterns on Krystal's skin, marveling at how soft she is.

The night sky stretches above us, a vast expanse of twinkling stars.

It's breathtaking.

I've seen clear nights before, but something about this moment feels different.

"It's beautiful," I murmur, more to myself than to Krystal.

She shifts in my arms, looking up at me. "You sound surprised."

I shrug, careful not to dislodge her. "I guess I am. It makes you feel small, doesn't it? Like all our problems are just... tiny specks in the grand scheme of things."

Krystal hums in agreement, her breath warm against my chest. I look down at her, struck by the contrast. The universe may be vast and unknowable, but the woman in my arms feels real.

Tangible.

Important.

"What do you want, Krystal?" The question slips out before I can stop it.

She tenses, pulling back to look at me. I see the walls going up in her eyes, that instinctive need to protect herself. But I'm not ready to let her retreat.

"Hey," I say softly, cupping her cheek. "What if this is a world of infinite possibilities? What could this universe grant you to keep a smile on your face?"

What could I give to keep you? The words rush forward, and I'm forced to dismantle them. The agreement is to keep this purely physical. But I can't imagine a day where I'd ever have enough of her.

I'd give almost anything for the possibility of having more moments like this.

More moments where I'm exactly who I am right now. And that's the only expectation.

Krystal bites her lip, uncertainty written across her features. I wait, giving her the space to decide. After a long moment, she nestles closer, her gaze fixed on the stars above.

"If I could have anything?" Her voice is barely above a whisper.

"Yeah," I encourage. "The world is yours."

She's quiet for so long that I think she might not answer. Then, softly, "A horse ranch."

I blink, surprised. I search my catalog of Krystal memories, searching for a mention of horses, and find none.

"A horse ranch?"

Krystal nods, her words coming faster now. "Not just any ranch. A place where I could breed and train horses. But also... a workshop. Where I could fix things, create things."

"Tell me more," I urge, genuinely intrigued.

She launches into a detailed description, her passion evident in every word. A sprawling property with rolling pastures for the horses. A state-of-the-art barn with individual stalls. A separate building for her workshop, filled with tools and machinery.

"And there'd be a house," she adds, her voice softening. "Nothing fancy. Just a place where Ashanti could have her own room and decorate it however she wants. Where we can create memories and call home."

I listen, asking questions and encouraging her to elaborate. With each detail, I can see her more clearly.

"It sounds perfect," I say when she finally falls silent.

Krystal turns in my arms, her hand coming to rest over my heart. "What about you? What do you want, Shane?"

The question catches me off guard. I can't remember the last time someone asked me that. What do I want? Not what my family expects, not what the company needs. But what do I want?

"I..." I hesitate, then decide to share the idea that's been forming in my mind. "A tech lab."

Krystal's eyebrows raise. "A tech lab?"

I nod, warming to the subject. "Yeah. A place where I could work on developing new technologies. Sustainable energy solutions for rural areas. Automated systems to make ranching more efficient."

As I speak, I can see it clearly. A modern building, filled with cutting-edge equipment. A team of brilliant minds working together to solve real-world problems.

"I could invite veterans to come and learn new skills. A way to give back, you know?"

Krystal listens intently, asking questions that make me think deeper about the concept. Her enthusiasm is contagious, and I find myself getting excited about the possibilities.

"You should do it," she says, her eyes bright. "I bet you'd be amazing at it."

For a moment, I let myself believe it's possible. That I could walk away from Innoventis and build something of my own. Something meaningful in the country.

But I know my folks won't let that happen. One day, and it's nearly upon me, I'll have to set into that office as CEO. I've stretched out my break for almost four months.

It's only a matter of time.

I force a smile, pushing the thoughts aside. "Maybe someday," I say, not wanting to dampen the mood.

Krystal yawns, snuggling closer. "We should probably head back," she murmurs. "I'm starving."

I tighten my arms around her, not ready to let go of this moment. "Just a few more minutes," I plead softly.

She nods, her eyes drifting closed. I look back up at the stars, my mind racing. And I ask myself a question that could change everything: What if?

What if I tell Krystal everything? What if I could stop pretending I'm okay with just having her body?

"I want it all…" I whisper to the moon, the stars, and the Man upstairs. "I want them both."

Krystal's breathing evens out, sleep overtaking her.

Can I really demand them or nothing? Can I walk away from everything I've known? Do I have the right to drag Krystal and Ashanti into my complicated life?

I push the thoughts away, focusing on the warmth of Krystal's body against mine. For now, this is enough. This moment, under the vast expanse of stars, holding the woman who's slowly scaling my walls, she's causing me to want what I've never thought was possible for me.

A family.

I knew I'd have to get married.

But in my world, marriage doesn't mean love. It doesn't mean making love in the bed of a truck underneath the stars. It doesn't mean having Krystal.

But what if it did?