Crave (Beneath The Secrets #3)

60. Alexei

CHAPTER 60

ALEXEI

Song- The Fray, I’ll Look After You.

I can’t watch her pick at her dinner any longer. I hate seeing her like this, I wish I could understand what’s going on inside that pretty head of hers.

To me she’s perfect. She’s smart, she’s brave, she is my entire life and soul. I can’t comprehend why she looks at herself and hates the woman that stares back at her in the mirror.

When I look at her, all I see is my future.

I’m doing everything I can. I read through every damn bit of information Sofia shoved at me. The one word that keeps sticking out is control.

And it makes sense when I look back over the years.

Something bad happens, she runs. That’s why I bought the cabin.

I scratch my head then she looks up at me, returning a sad smile.

That hurts worse than my dick piercing.

I need to be comfortable that she is okay before I go on this job. And I am running out of ideas.

“Alexei, stop analyzing me.”

“Never.”

My life is always out of control, it’s how I thrive. It’s who I am. The only time I have my shit together in my head is when I’m on my motorcycle.

My bike.

Control.

Freedom.

Standing up so fast I knock over my chair, I hold my hand out to her. Her blue eyes flick between my face and hand.

“What just happened in your brain that I missed the memo on.”

I bite down on my lip and that earns me a real smile from her.

“Do you trust me?” I ask.

She places her dainty hand in mine and stands. That fuzzy feeling in my chest is almost making me dizzy.

She has always had this effect on me, and now I know why. Because I love her so damn much I have to do everything in my power to help her.

Because I can’t, and I won’t, live without her.

“That is never a question you have to ask, Alexei. I trust you, for eternity.”

I swallow the lump in my throat.

I know she means it, I know my Lara doesn’t mean to hurt herself the way she does.

But she could die if she carries on this way.

“Why didn’t you ever tell me?”

As she goes to take a step back, I take one forward and wrap my arms around her, hugging her so tight.

“You were holding me together without even realizing it. You already spent your life protecting me, emotions aren’t your thing, Alexei.”

Resting my chin on the top of her head, I let out a deep sigh.

She’s right, for the most part. I’ve had to learn to read emotions.

“Other peoples aren’t. Yours, Lara, are more important to me than anything. Actually, yours are the only ones I care about, well, and Shelia’s I suppose.”

She nuzzles her face against my shirt.

“I could have done more, pchelka.” The irritation in my tone is purely at myself. I mean, she never once, in all these years, touched a single sweet in the jar she keeps for me.

Everyone loves candy. It’s addictive. Why didn’t I spot it sooner?

“Alexei, stop. It’s going to be okay. I’m not going anywhere.”

I might be able to read her, but it’s as if she reads my mind.

I am the one that has to go and it’s killing me, but I can’t delay it any more.

Pulling back, I frame her face with my hands, staring into her tear filled eyes.

“I love you enough to know that I have to go first. I’m not living a single second on this earth without you. So yes, it will be okay, there is no other option. We will get you through this, together. Whatever it takes.”

She nods but her bottom lip starts to quiver, so I lean down and press my nose to hers.

“You are Lara fucking Volkov. The beauty, the brains and the heart of the family. I have loved you for a long time and I will love you for eternity. I’d love you if you became a flamingo, I’ll love you when you’re gray and wrinkly. I love you even now when you wake up and breathe on my face with your hair piled up on the top of your head. You can’t see you’re perfect, I probably will never truly understand why, but I will spend the rest of my life showing you just how magnificent you are to me. That I promise you.”

Our love has never been about her appearance, it’s built on the fact I simply cannot survive a day without her in it.

Before she can respond, I softly brush my lips over hers.

I’ve learned that a kiss can speak a thousand words.

One single kiss changed our entire future.

And I will give her as many as she needs to make her feel safe, loved and in control.

Because my Lara deserves the world and I will be the man she needs to bring it to her.

“I don’t know what I’d do without you, moya liubov’ .” Lara whispers against my lips.

Ugh, just hearing her speak in Russian has my dick twitching. There is something about the way she speaks in our home tongue that gets to me.

“You’ll never have to find that out.”

“ Ya budu liubit tebyai i vse tvoi sumashestviya, vechno.” I will love you and all your crazy, for eternity.

My smile is so big it almost hurts my cheeks. I am home, right here, with this woman and my Shelia. I never need anything else.

“Vechnosti ne dostatochno.” Eternity is not enough.

She pulls back and laughs.

“Well, that's the most infinite way to describe time, so it will have to do.”

“Fine,” I gruff, stealing one more sweet kiss.

Later will be the time for more. I’m addicted to her in every way and need my fill.

And I want to show her something.

Maybe teach her a little bit of my crazy.

And give me the ride I need to work out how I break the news, I’ve let it eat at me for too long now.

One last ride.