Crave (Beneath The Secrets #3)

76. Alexei

CHAPTER 76

ALEXEI

The walk back to my cell after Drago left feels like it’s miles.

But isn’t long enough.

What the fuck am I supposed to do? Kill the only man who’s shown me any compassion?

He may be my only protection in here.

There’s a very real chance I off him, and I’m still left here to rot.

But if I don’t, I’m sure to never get out.

Shit.

Frustration has me punching the concrete wall next to my bed. The pain doesn’t bring any clarity, just new scars.

I squeeze my fingers and watch the blood dribble through the scuffs on my knuckles.

Am I ever going to touch Lara again? Will I get to feel the heat of her skin, the warmth of her touch?

She’s worth all the risk.

How do I do this?

Tossing and turning on my thin cot all night doesn’t help me come up with any kind of plan.

I guess I’ll do what I do best, take advantage of the spur of the moment.

I’m dreading it.

When the cell door slides open, I take my usual place in line behind him, and follow his shuffling steps to the mess hall.

Maybe I should just choke him out right here?

In front of everyone and get tossed in a hole? No way.

Sliding my tray on the rails next to his, I wonder if a fast punch to his throat would be enough to drop him.

I fucking hate that I’m even thinking of this shit.

I can’t do it today. Just the thought of it makes me nauseous.

He sits in his regular place, and I slide my tray onto the table in front of him.

I can’t look at him. Guilt knocks my eyes to my gruel.

“They asked you, didn’t they?” he states flatly.

“Asked what?” Shoving another spoonful of the tasteless food into my mouth, I still can’t meet his gaze.

“To kill me.”

The nasty breakfast threatens to come back up as my stomach churns.

“How did you know?” I’m not going to hide it from him.

He laughs softly, then takes another bite. “You aren’t very good at hiding things. And you’re far from the first.” The white whiskers around his lips twitch as he chews. “But maybe you’ll be the last.”

His pale gray spoon circles in a broad gesture. “So out of all the people in here, they sent you here for me.” He chuckles before scooping another bite. “I suppose I should feel honored.”

“They promised me freedom if I did this.” Avoiding looking at him is easy when I make little trails through the slimy oatmeal.

“Your girl misses you?” He pushes his tray away and stares at me.

“I worry about her. She needs me.” My chest aches just thinking about her. “I love her,” I admit to him. I haven’t talked about her much, it hurts too much.

He nods. “My reasons for living are gone. My oldest daughter was killed, then my youngest was kidnapped by that Volkov asshole.” His fist clenches. “I was almost relieved to hear she died later in a fire. Better than living under his thumb.” He leans back and sighs. “I’m too old for this fight. I think it’s time.”

”Why not Ben or Sven? They’re closer to you than I am.” I’m not hungry anymore.

”They are good men. Keep them close. They’re too loyal to me to ask that of them.” He sniffs and turns away, but not before I catch the sheen of tears in his dark eyes.

I don’t know what to say. “Okay. Are you going to tell them?”

He sighs and drops his chin. “Yes, I’ll make sure they know. When we’re done in the yard and heading back, pick up a pebble about this big.” He holds up his arthritic hand with his fingers just a fraction of an inch apart. “You’ll lodge that in the locking mechanism of your door before it closes. The dead time just after lights out is the best time.”

I let out a long exhale. “You’ve thought this through.”

”When you’re as old as I am, every possibility goes through your mind. I’ve never been the type to hang myself in my cell as so many others have. But I’m, well, tired.” He pushes his tray away and leans his jaw into his hand. “Exhausted is a better word.”

We both stand and start walking towards the area to stack the empty trays. “At least I know that I’ll be setting someone free when I go. Love is a good reason to die.” With a last touch of my shoulder, he shuffles to the exit to the outside.

How do I make it as painless as possible?

I’ve never had to do that before.

Wandering around the inside perimeter of the high fence, I kick rocks and mull over every option I can think of.

By the time I make it back to where the Butcher is waiting, Ben and Sven have solemn expressions.

He must have told them.

Ben nods, although his lips are thin.

At least they won’t try to kill me in revenge.

The walk back to my cell is the longest it’s ever been. Slipping the stone in place feels final.

I have to do this.

But I don’t want to.

This is the only chance I’ll have to see Lara again.

Even if it’s one percent, it isn’t zero.

I lay in my cot and stare at the ceiling, counting every single blemish and pock in the concrete until the heavy click of the switch signals the darkness.

Fuck. Now or never.

My door slides open soundlessly and so does his.

He’s lying on his bed, watching me in the dim light.

Without a word, he holds out a whittled down toothbrush, and tilts his head back.

Why is my throat so tight and my arms so heavy?

Is this what dread feels like?

Flattening my palm over his forehead, I pull the makeshift shiv from his fingers.

I mouth the words “I’m sorry” before sinking the point into the bottom of his chin, up into his skull.

He twitches, his hand jerks against my chest, then falls limp.

Maybe I should pull it out, but I don’t want to be covered in his blood.

Sneaking back to my own cell, I pull the pebble out of the lock and latch it while I cough to cover the noise.

Now, all I can do is wait for the guards to find him.

“I didn’t do it! I swear!” Cries echo through the building as the guards drag Misha down the corridor.

“He didn’t have his toothbrush.” Sven winks at me as we watch the man getting dragged away.

We’re all quiet as the yells fade.

Vanos planned well. I think I’ll always call him the Butcher, though.

Sounds better.

“How soon do you find out?” Ben turns and runs his thickly tattooed fingers through his hair.

I shrug, trying to ignore the ache in my chest over what I did last night. “No idea. It might not happen at all. I might be completely fucked.”

“What will you do if you can’t get out?” Sven crosses his arms over the highest seat on the bench and rests his chin on them.

“Whatever we want. Vanos left us in charge. Can’t let everyone fall into chaos.” I grin at him and crack my knuckles.

He smiles back. “I like how you think.”

“Prisoner number five-three-eight-two!” One of the biggest guards calls for me.

My stomach sinks. Do they know it was me?

“Here!” I call out and jog to him.

I guess my stay is done here either way.

“Your lawyer is here.” He twirls his finger at my hands, the signal to hold out my wrists for restraints.

I bet it’s Drago.

My heart beats faster. Is there a chance I’m getting out?

Following the guard, it’s hard to not want to bolt past him to get there faster.

When the door opens, and Drago’s huge frame is standing just outside of the secured area, I let myself get hopeful.

When he folds himself in the seat across from me, the tiniest twitch of his lip betrays him.

“I’ve heard that everything has been taken care of.” His palms flatten on the metal table.

I want to jump up and down and scream at him to let me go.

Instead, I nod.

“I’ve heard that next Tuesday is going to be exciting.” He pins me with his icy blue eyes in a hard stare.

Is he trying to tell me something?

“Yes?” I encourage him to continue with a dip of my chin.

“The northern lights. Explosive, even. From what I’ve heard, you can see the show best from the west wing at midnight.” He doesn’t blink.

That’s the opposite end from where my cell is.

But with the little trick that the Butcher taught me about the locks, I have a chance of being there.

“I love them. Makes me feel like I’m back home.” My head tilts as I watch his reaction.

His smile grows, showing the whites of his teeth.

“Until we meet again.” Standing, he tosses me a subtle wink, then raps on the window with his knuckle to the guard.

I guess he isn’t so bad.

It’s a long ass night waiting until I’m back in the yard with the twins.

“Good news, boys. We’re gonna see some fireworks. Now here’s the details.”