Crazy Thing (The Brighton Family #5)

Chapter 17

17

ZIGGY

I use the back of my hand to swipe a bead of sweat off my forehead. I rush back to the front of my shop to make sure no customers stopped in while I’ve been doing inventory and cleaning up in the back.

I’m in Honey Hill and all day, I’ve been running around like my ass is on fire. Once upon a time, my moments at my shop used to be peaceful and serene. I’d take my time between customers and spend a good deal of the day in meditation or exploring my thoughts through journaling.

But today’s not like that. After working four long days at my new office job and then coming back home to work in my shop, I’m just plain exhausted. I have so much to catch up on here.

I’m planning to keep my doors open later than my usual business hours, just to make up for being closed all week. I know I’ll be dead on my feet by the time I close up, but I’m determined to make this work.

Who knows? Maybe the store will be busier with my reduced opening hours.It’s the law of supply and demand, right ?

Ugh. Being around Darius already has me using his lousy corporate-talk.

Speaking of the asshole, I’m struggling to stop thinking about that kiss. I still don’t understand how it happened. One minute, I was restraining myself from beating the man over the head with my notepad. And the next, he was sucking on my bottom lip and I was ready to start climbing his handsome body like a tree.

What the hell is wrong with me?I need to get it together.

I can’t lose myself over some guy. I can’t compromise everything I believe in just for a little fun.

Because that’s how it’s always been for me. Every time I find myself growing intimate with a man, I end up having to choose between being true to myself and giving up all my convictions just to make the jerk feel better about himself.

But I’m almost 30 years old now, and I’ve decided that I’m done with that. I deserve better than that. I’m done sharing my body with men who expect me to fit my soul into an ‘acceptable’, little box.

And if that means being a catless cat lady in the woods, then so be it.

Do I get lonely? Yes.

Do I get horny? Double yes. Triple yes. Infinite times yes-s-s-s ! As I’ve learned over the past two years, taking sex off the table is not for the weak.

But sex without a spiritual connection has always left me feeling empty. At this point in life, compromising my deepest values just to get laid isn’t worth it to me.

Until I find the soul-level connection I desire, I’m content to explore my sexuality on my own.

I sweep my feather duster over a glass case displaying a variety of egg-like crystals, phallic-shaped wands, handcrafted g-spot massagers and other one-of-a-kind self-pleasure tools. Just looking at them, I feel a little tingle between my thighs. Thank goodness for these bad boys, or else I would have already lost my mind.

All-in-all, my life is good. I have a business that makes me happy. A group of amazing girlfriends. And a satisfying sex toy collection tucked beneath my bed.

Yup—life is good.

Maybe once this work assignment with Darius is over, I should adopt a pet. The next time I volunteer at the pet adoption drives Meghan always hosts, I can take in one or two of the poor strays.Yeah, that’s it. That’s what I’ll do.

If I add in some loyal furry friends, I won’t be tempted to seek human companionship of the penis-wielding variety. Not even a little bit.

Up high on a step stool, dusting knick knacks on the shelves, I’m lost in thought. That’s when my friends show up, surprising me with treats from the local cafe.Nicky’s in town for her weekly visit to her parents and she’s dragged Emma, Meghan and Alana along with her to check out the newest offerings at my shop.

“Where are the babies?” I ask as I give the girls tight hugs.

I love watching my friends’ children grow up. Getting cuddles from Sparkle and Baby Davey is one of my favorite things. I love getting to be the crazy aunt and teaching those innocent little souls everything I know about life. I’ve always wanted kids of my own but with the trajectory that my love life is on, I accept that motherhood might not be in the cards for me.

“The babies are with their fathers today,” Alana says, breathing out a soul-deep yawn.

Emma rubs at the dark circles under her eyes. “Yeah. The guys decided to take the afternoon off of work to have some daddy-and-kiddie time. We’d never complain about that.”

“Brava,” I say with a nod. “You, ladies deserve a little self-care time.” Davis and Jasper Westbrook are amazing fathers and my girls clearly need the break.

Even though I have a lot to get done, I’m grateful for some bonding time. As we get cozy on the group of meditation pillows arranged in the corner of the shop, I’m even more grateful to have my girls to vent to. I sip on the kale smoothie they brought me, updating them on my eventful week in the corporate world.

“It couldn’t have been that bad, right? You sound like you totally crushed your first week,” Emma says, encouraging as always.

“Only because I bit my tongue every single day.” I scoff, trying not to think about the fact that I had Darius’s tongue in my mouth only yesterday.

“It’s called diplomacy,” Nadia says with a chuckle. “Even though it sucks, sometimes it saves you a lot of headaches.”

“But you have no idea how awful and capitalistic Darius is. He may do most of his business locally, in Starlight Falls, but don’t let that fool you. He’s no laidback, small town hero.” I vent away. “It’s all, ‘profit margins’ this and ‘net gains’ that. I’m pretty sure he tucks in his spreadsheets in bed with him at night. If I wanted to be around that kind of toxicity, I’d get a corporate job in some high rise in New York.”

The girls laugh, but I’m only half-joking. He really seems to have a serious thing for his spreadsheets. The bigger, the better.

Nicky squeezes my arm. “Aw, I don’t think Darius is that bad,” she says gently. “I mean, he did buy a whole, entire hockey team just to help Ronan when his career was floundering.”

“That’s why he bought the hockey team?” I ask, surprised to hear that Darius would do something like that for his brother.

Meghan nods. “When Cash presented him with the hockey deal, he said that the only way he’d get involved is if Ronan would be named captain of the team.”

“He invested in Karli’s meal prep business when med school wasn’t working out for her. Then, he bought the medical clinic for Felix and Mason. He’s helping Nolan pay for the bar remodel, too. Plus, he’s the one paying for Dr. and Mrs. Brighton’s tour of Europe.” Nicky continues to count out Darius’s good deeds on her fingers.

Slowly, my perspective is starting to shift. One itty bitty centimeter at a time.

As much as I hate to admit it, my friends are making me reconsider my viewpoint. I’m stubborn, though, and I’m hesitant to admit it out loud.

Even still, I think back to the generous paycheck that was deposited into my bank account last night. Heaven knows it’s been a while since I’ve seen that kind of money. It was enough to drop my bus off at the mechanic’s this morning and still have cash to cover my usual expenses for the rest of the month. If not for Darius, I wouldn’t have been able to pull that off.

My thoughts must be written on my face because Alana hums. “I guess this Darius guy is really not that bad, huh?”

“Yeah, he might be pretty focused on making money, but he does seem to have a good heart,” Meghan comments. Then she cringes apologetically when I shoot her a harsh look.

“A good heart?” I question doubtfully. “That might be a stretch. You should hear that man on the phone. He’s a cut-throat negotiator.” I shake my head. “I could never crush others just to get myself ahead. I wouldn’t be able to live with myself.”

Nicky leans over and wraps me in a hug. “And that’s why we love you, Zig. But are you sure you aren’t the teensiest bit interested in him?”

“What?! No!” I shriek. “That kiss meant nothing!” Oops! That just slipped out.

Eyeballs bulge around the room. Foreheads shoot upwards in shock. So much judgment from my girls. Judgment everywhere.

“You kissed him…?” Meghan whispers, wide-eyed.

Guilty and embarrassed, I try to explain myself. “We were arguing about the whole waterfall thing, and then he tried to bring up that time we kissed by the waterfall as teenagers, and then he started calling me beautiful, and the next thing I know, he was kissing me and I was kissing him and now everything is a mess!” I pant, feeling short of breath.

My girls fall completely silent. Their jaws are dragging on the floor. Their unasked questions buzz around the room like house flies in the air.

“Wow. So much to unpack there…” Emma mumbles.

My head hangs. I can’t look anybody in the eyes. I’m so utterly confused.

Finally, Alana speaks. “We won’t judge you if you decide to give Darius the benefit of the doubt,” she says kindly with a hand on my shoulder. “Sexual attraction is a complicated thing. Sometimes, you can hate a person and still want to jump their bones.” She giggles.

I drop my face into my hands and groan. Shit—I do want to jump his bones. Truth hurts.

And I’m not used to feeling this conflicted. Thanks to years of inner work, I usually have clarity in my head. But not these days, not when it comes to Darius.

I feel a comforting hand on my shoulder. “Aww. This situation won’t last forever, Zig. Maybe just have some fun while you’re at it,” Emma says with a laugh. I glance up to find her waggling her brows. “You know you could use the action…”

“Ouch!” I bump my shoulder into hers. She’s not wrong, though.

I’m sex deprived. Severely . It’s probably why I’m still daydreaming about a totally PG-rated kiss that happened over twenty-four hours ago.

Meghan sighs deeply and gives my hand a squeeze. “If it were any one of us coming to you for advice, you’d encourage us to keep an open mind. I think it’s only fair that you apply that same advice to yourself, hun.”

When the girls say goodbye, I’m left alone with my thoughts. A dangerous place to be.

Because I also once thought Darius was a good guy. I once thought he was a good friend. I once thought that we had something special that summer when we used to hang out down by the waterfall.

I didn’t have a lot of friends back then. Everybody at my school just called me the weird girl, the loner, the loser hippie who liked nature way too much.

That’s why my secret friendship with Darius meant more to me than I could ever explain.

On that day like so many others that summer, Darius and I were out by the waterfall. It was late in the afternoon, and I’d spent the better part of the day wandering through the forest, with Darius tagging along.

He’d been hanging onto my every word as I taught him the fascinating medicinal uses of the plants and herbs all around us in the woods.

He didn’t even turn away when I made him taste-test the different wild berries, cattails, and nettle that we came across. In fact, I think he was more into it than I was at times.

“Can I eat these?”

“What are these called?”

“Do I just pull this off the top, and eat it like this?”

My heart had thumped double time when he made me feed him a ripened blackberry. Especially when my finger had accidentally brushed his mouth.

Everything was going perfectly until Darius got a little too adventurous in his herb exploration and ended up grabbing a poisonous plant.

“Oh my God!” I’d screeched. “Drop it! Drop it now!”

He did.

And I’d watched in shock as he immediately started scratching at his hands and forearms.

“It itches so bad!” he’d said, his voice panicked.

“No, don’t scratch. You’ll make it worse.” Now my heart was beating even faster. “Let me just look around and see if there’s any jewelweed. That’ll help soothe—”

I didn’t even get to finish. Because Darius sprinted across the forest floor and dove right into the water.

Meanwhile, I stood on the bank of the waterfall, telling him he’d be fine and trying—but failing—not to laugh. I couldn’t help it. I tried to hold it back. But he was being so ridiculously dramatic, thrashing around and rambling a bunch of nonsense.

“You’re laughing at me?” He’d coughed up a mouthful of water. “After I almost died of anaphylactic shock here?”

At that, I’d doubled over, laughing even harder.

Glaring daggers at me, he swam over, jumped out of the water and stomped toward me. Something in his mischievous eyes made me run.

Darius ran after me, chasing me around the forest. I laughed and ran and gasped for oxygen. It didn’t take him long to catch me, soaking me with his wet clothes while igniting a fire inside my belly.

But that wasn’t enough. He’d turned and jumped right back into the water, with me still in his arms.

I’d sputtered and splashed, wiping at my eyes. We were both completely and utterly drenched to the bone.

“Darius!” I was still in his arms, freaking out. I’d pushed at him. “Are you crazy? Don’t you know what everyone says about the waterfall?!”

He’d blinked cluelessly. “That it’s cold?”

“No, genius! The waterfall makes people fall in love.”

In the face of my meltdown, Darius just grinned, his honey brown eyes staring straight into mine. “I’m not scared to fall in love, Ziggy Beaumont.”

And then, before I could respond, he’d leaned in and he’d kissed me.

Darius had kissed me.

My very first kiss.

It was sweet and slow. Totally and completely magical.

I fell for him right then and there. To be honest, I’d probably fallen for him days before then, but his gentle lips on mine sealed the deal.

I was in love with Darius Brighton.

Later that night, I fell asleep dreaming of a future with him. Dreaming of the forest where we’d build a little cottage. Dreaming of the garden we’d grow together. Dreaming of nights we’d lay out under the stars, just me and him.

My dreams carried over to the very next day as I got dressed up in my favorite peasant skirt and eagerly skipped to town for the annual Soul of Summer Festival. I couldn’t wait to see Darius again. To hold his hand as we strolled through the fairgrounds. To check out all the vendors and snacks and live music. To maybe even steal another kiss .

But it took me hours to find Darius. And once I did, he ignored me. Fully and completely. He wouldn’t even look my way.

He ignored me all day, and at the very end of the night, I saw him dancing with one of the most popular girls from school . That girl was cheer captain and she even had her own YouTube channel.

My heart was crushed.

I ran home in tears and hid in my room for almost a week after that stupid festival. That night, I vowed into my damp pillowcase that I’d never speak to Darius Brighton again.

And for years, I never did.

All evening, I relive the story of how I came to hate Darius. Even hours later, when I’m tucked into my tiny couch-bed in my tiny bus in the woods, staring at all the stars through the window.

I still hate him to this day. Nothing is going to change that.

Not even the fact that he kissed me again. Not even the fact that I kissed him back.

I wish I could purge that damn memory from my head. But every time I close my eyes, I hear his voice again, the words he said to me right before he lowered his handsome face and put his heavenly lips on mine.

“…You’re beautiful, Ziggy…”

“…You are one of a kind…”

“…You just take my breath away every single time I see you…”

I know he didn’t mean it. He didn’t mean one word of it.

Yet still, a throbbing heat builds between my legs. I slide a hand up under my tank top to cup my aching breasts, flicking my thumb over my pointed nipples in turn .

Fuck. I hate myself for getting hot and bothered over that man. Even still, I can’t stop the lust roaring through my body.

The forest around me is completely silent except for the quiet sounds of the cicadas and the frogs in the bushes. There’s no one here to judge me but myself.

No one will ever know , I whisper in my head.

For just one moment, I can allow myself to play along. To delve into the fantasy. My thoughts wander away and my imagination takes over from my rational mind.

I shut off my brain, toss my blanket aside and tear my panties down past my ankles. At the first swipe of my fingertips through my folds, I gasp. I’m… so…fucking…wet .

I reach into the storage under my bed and slip a perfectly egg-shaped rose quartz crystal from my small collection of self-pleasure tools. The crystal egg slides inside easily.

My breath catches in my throat and my muscles clamp down around the egg as I delicately rub circles around my pulsating clit.

That’s when my imagination really runs wild. I see Darius hovering above me. Right here on my narrow mattress. Chest bare. Deltoids flexing. Golden hair flopping over his stern forehead.

I hear his deep, sensual voice again.

“…You’re beautiful, Ziggy…”

“…You are one of a kind…”

“…You just take my breath away every single time I see you…”

Moaning out loud, I rub myself faster and my legs begin to shake. I clench down on the egg buried inside my channel and my spine arches off of the bed.

“Darius-s-s-s-s…” I hear myself shout as my chest cracks open and euphoria spills over my entire body .

My release comes in a violent, body-long wave of pleasure. I clench my core around the crystal, making the beautiful sensation last as long as possible.

When the orgasm subsides, I reach between my still-shaking thighs. With a gentle tug on the thin string, the rose quartz egg slips free, hot and slick from my release.

I collapse into my mattress and let my head fall to the side, allowing my heavy-lidded gaze to drift back to the window. Guilt falls over me. Even the stars seem to be glaring at me now.

What on earth is wrong with me these days?

I’ve managed to avoid Darius and his fake friendship for almost sixteen years. Now look at me. Not only do I have to talk to that man every single day, not only have I kissed him again. Now, I’m pleasuring myself to the thought of him?!

I’m all about exploring my body and treating my self-pleasure like a sacred art. But not while fantasizing about Darius Brighton!

This goes against everything I believe in.

“Okay, Ziggy. Stop being so hard on yourself. This was a mistake. Just a mistake. Obviously.”

A mistake I won’t make again. I will not allow myself to get hung up on Darius and that kiss.

Because kisses mean nothing if they’re given for the wrong reasons. And I definitely will never have sex with that man.That’s not going to happen. Never, never, never.

My va-jay-jay is a sealed chamber. And I will not be giving Darius Brighton the access code.