Crazy Thing (The Brighton Family #5)

Chapter 55

55

ZIGGY

D aphne steps out of the changing room, wearing another gown. A collective gasp echoes around the bridal shop and I feel my heart squeeze tight at the sight of the bride-to-be.

Aunt Rainbow leaps up from where she’s crammed on the vintage sofa between Nicky and Alana. Tears fill her eyes. “Oh my goodness, moonbeam. You look…you look…I have no words!”

My sister is wearing a lily white off-the-shoulder princess style gown with lace appliqués and tulle and sequins. It twinkles in the light when Aunt Rainbow spins her around.

“Do you like this one?” Daphne asks hopefully, her eyes alight when she turns away from the mirror to face us.

The girls start gushing their praise, everyone excitedly talking over each other. Daphne’s expectant gaze settles on me and I rush to her side.

“Oh, little sister, you look like an angel.” Blotting at my tears, I gather her up in a hug. “I’m so excited for you, Daph. You’re going to make such a beautiful bride. ”

There’s not a dry eye in the room. Layla grabs the tissue box and passes it around. Everyone is crying. Karli, Nicky and Inez. Even Meghan, Nadia, Emma and Alana who are here from Honey Hill today. We drove all the way to Renewed Gowns in Crescent Harbor, because what girl doesn’t enjoy wedding gown shopping?

Lexi, the owner of the second hand bridal boutique, stands nearby with her pencil and measuring tape in hand, brushing away her own tear. “So…what’s the verdict, Daphne?”

The future bride beams. “This is it. This is my wedding dress. Finally. ” Daphne sighs in relief and the room goes up in cheers.

Lexi shuffles over, measuring and tucking and making note of all the little adjustments that need to be made. When Daphne goes off to change out of her dream dress, Lexi follows her.

Karli gets busy refilling everyone’s champagne glasses. I chug mine back and promptly stretch my empty goblet out for some more.

“You okay, Zig?” Karli asks me as she hesitantly fills my glass one more time. “You’re usually not that much of a champagne girlie.”

I can tell that she suspects that my mood has something to do with her brother. But she’s trying to hold her tongue.

“I’m great,” I say brightly. “I’m great and happy and great !” I take another chug of champagne.

I’m anything but great.

My heart is in smithereens and all day, I’ve been having to grin (and drink) and bear it. Because today isn’t about me and my broken heart. Today is about my little sister and her journey to happy-ever-after. I don’t want to take away from what’s important by lamenting about my own pain .

But when Aunt Rainbow plucks a wedding gown from the rack and spins toward me with a flourish, my good intentions splatter at my feet.

“Oh, Ziggy, darling. Look at this one. This is what you’ll wear on your wedding day. I can see you walking down the aisle in this one. You would take Darius’s breath away.” My aunt winks.

It’s a gorgeous, whimsical graphic lace gown with cape sleeves, a flowing train and an open back that dips down to the waist. Aunt Rainbow brandishes it before me like a weapon.

I instantly get a vision of Darius pulling me against him under a floral gazebo in the middle of the woods. Kissing me sweetly as an officiant pronounces us husband and wife.

The image is so strong and vivid, I almost mistake it for a premonition.

And I start to cry.

Because Darius and I aren’t getting married. Darius and I are done.

“Whoa, whoa, whoa!” Aunt Rainbow swiftly abandons the dress and hurries to my side. “What’s wrong, moonbeam?”

I give my head a little shake. I have to keep my shit together. For Daphne. “Things didn’t work out between Darius and me…” I confess quietly.

“I knew it!” Karli hisses. “I knew he’d fuck up. Tell me how my brother fucked up so I can go kick his butt.”

I shake my head again. “Please. It’s not like that. Technically, he didn’t even do anything wrong.”

“So what happened, honey?” Meghan lays a hand on my bouncing knee. “What happened between you two?”

Pulling in a breath, I begin to tell the girls everything. I tell them about overhearing Darius’s late night phone conversation, about the perfectly plausible explanation he gave me and about the proof he offered to back it up. When I tell them how he tried to sign over his entire fortune to me, jaws drop around the room.

“That right there is the plot point my work-in-progress has been missing.” Emma gets busy scribbling writing ideas into her notebook. I don’t even bother to stop her this time. “So romantic.” She sighs.

Romantic? It sure doesn’t feel romantic.

“Although Darius was trying to do a good deed, the whole thing just feels tainted with lies and mistrust.It still feels like him, wielding his power. It feels imbalanced.”

Layla shakes my shoulder. “Girl, why are you over here crying? I don’t want to downplay what you’re feeling. But some other woman would be on her knees, giving that man the blowjob of the century as we speak!”

“Eww!” Karli slaps Layla’s arm. “That’s my gross brother you’re talking about.”

Nicky smirks, wiggling her engagement ring in Karli’s face. “One girl’s gross brother is another girl’s dream man. Ronan is definitely mine.” She bats her eyelashes, practically swooning.

“Circle of life,” Alana waggles her eyebrows, gesturing to herself, Meghan, Nadia and Emma, who are all married to Nicky’s brothers.

Karli laughs at Nicky’s disgusted expression. “Ha! Look who’s cringing now!”

“Can we get back to the topic at hand?” Nadia uses her no nonsense lawyer voice on her misbehaving sisters-in-law. “Zig, this all seems like a big misunderstanding between you and Darius. Are you sure it’s worth breaking up over?”

“That’s the thing. It’s not about the misunderstanding itself. It’s about what the misunderstanding revealed to me about myself. ”

“What do you mean?” Alana asks me.

“I…I…I’m not ready,” I admit. “I’m not ready to be in a relationship. I’m not ready to love or to be loved. I’m too afraid.”

I’m the problem here. Not Darius. I am one hundred percent the problem here.

“And why do you say that?” Emma questions, putting away her notebook and scooting up beside me, her expression wry.

“The whole situation awakened me to the reality that I am not fully healed from what happened between Darius and me sixteen years ago. I may never fully be healed.”

Darius may think that he was keeping a good secret from me, and maybe he was, but all he managed to do was reinforce my belief that trusting a man with my heart is dangerous. His well-meaning actions poked at my deepest insecurity.It all made me feel gullible and stupid.

When I’m finished spilling my guts, Aunt Rainbow takes my hands in hers. She furrows her brows at me. “No one will ever be ‘fully healed’, moonbeam. You just have to keep making forward motion, keep tiptoeing in the right direction every day.”

“It’s not that simple…” I argue weakly. It’s not simple at all. Even my daily meditation can’t bring me clarity these days.

She sighs. “I can’t tell you what to do. You’re a grown woman and you’re going to make your own decisions. But Ziggy, you deserve to live a life that is full and juicy in all areas. You’ll never have that life if you keep starving yourself of love.”

As I process my aunt’s words, Meghan interjects. “Something you said to me once has always stuck with me.”

“Oh god. My big mouth. What did I say?” I mumble .

“When I broke things off with Cash and I was convinced that I could never have love, you said to me, as humans, nothing outside of us has the power to keep us trapped the way our own negative mindset can.” She smiles at me. “You told me that the reason I didn’t have love in my life was because I wasn’t letting love in. I swear, Ziggy. That advice changed my life. It gave me the balls to allow the man I love to love me back.”

Emma chimes in. “When I was scared to face the fact that I was in love with Jasper, you told me to put on my big girl panties and get my feelings out in the open, to be honest with him. You also advised me to make sure that those big girl panties were lacy. That turned out to be excellent advice.”

Nadia giggles. “You really do give the best advice, Zig.”

“Remember what you said to me when I was having a hard time believing Davis could ever love me if all of my deepest secrets came to light?” Alana whispers, a hint of lingering embarrassment in her eyes.

“What did I say?” I whisper meekly.

Alana smiles kindly. “You told me that if I couldn’t validate myself, I’d never feel comfortable accepting his validation, and if I couldn’t love myself, his love would always feel foreign to me. You told me I had to believe I was worth fighting for. You’re worth fighting for, too, Ziggy.”

All the advice that I’ve dished out so liberally over the years is getting thrown back in my face. And I don’t like it one bit.

A soft voice pipes up from the other side of the room, cracking with emotion. “You gave me the strength to stand up for myself when our parents were walking all over me.”

My eyes lift in the direction of Daphne’s voice. She approaches, dropping down on the couch beside me wearing her baggy sweatshirt and skinny jeans now .

“And my life hasn’t been the same since. I’m getting married now largely because I listened to the advice you gave me. It’s time you take your own advice, sister.”

Aunt Rainbow squeezes my shoulder. “You know the right decision, Ziggy. Even though it’s not pretty. Even though it’s not easy. Listen to yourself. Trust yourself.”

I know they’re all right. Because as I let their advice sink in, I’m already forgetting why I’m so damn mad at Darius.

Yes, he betrayed my trust—the very foundation of any human relationship—but at the same time, he meant well.He’s trying. Every day, he’s trying to be a better person.

Ugh. How long can I stay mad at this man?

It’s not that I want to stay mad at him. Deep down, I know he has a good heart.

But I’m terrified to hand over my complete trust again. I’m terrified to forgive him fully for the way he hurt me before.

Because honestly, most of my distrust and fear stems from a lifetime of letdowns. Starting with Darius ditching me when we were teenagers.

All this current drama is more about my insecurities that have grown and festered for years, rather than his one recent misstep. All my life, men have treated me like a sad hand-me down. Just something they settled for before moving onto a more attractive prize.

But not Darius.

He hasn’t given up on me. He’s been there, right in my woods. Every single day. And, every single night.

And he’s been doing all these nice things for me. He’s been bringing me surprises. He’s been on his hands and knees in my garden early in the mornings, pulling weeds.

Heck, just yesterday, I heard him hollering outside, and then I found him yanking a poisonous snake out from under my bus. I watched in shock from my window as he marched off into the woods, not killing the snake—because he knows I don’t believe in harming living things—but instead, carefully carrying the reptile far, far away from my camp.

I was tempted to run out and kiss him right then. I mean, a man like Darius wouldn’t be there day in and day out, doing all these things, if he wasn’t all in, right?

I hear my inner voice loud and clear. It’s telling me that if I let this man go, I’ll be regretting it forever.

Yet still, how am I supposed to trust that a handsome, desirable, successful man like Darius Brighton actually wants me?

I still don’t know how.

But I want to.I want to believe in my worth. For real this time.

“I act like I’ve got it together but I don’t have it together. Oh my gosh. I’m the biggest fraud.” I drop my head into my hands. I pull on my hair.

I’m having a full-blown identity crisis and half the people I know are here to witness it.

My eyes catch on Karli’s. She holds my gaze, her expression compassionate but firm.

She gives my shoulder a rough shake. “You’re not a fraud, Ziggy. You’re human. You’re afraid. It’s normal. Falling in love can be scary. Especially the dark night of the soul part. Trust me—I’ve been there.”

I let her words marinate.

“Here’s the harsh truth,” she says in that tough girl way of hers. “Nothing in life is ever guaranteed to last. So that’s not even the question. The true question is—is it worth it? The love you have with Darius, is it worth getting your heart broken one day in the far-off future? Or would you rather go the rest of your life as a coward, with a bleeding hole inside your chest instead?”

I close my eyes and the tears spill out. “Darius is worth it.”

Aunt Rainbow elbows everybody out of the way, coming to sit beside me. She wipes at my tears with the hem of her skirt. “So what do you really want, moonbeam?”

“Darius. I want Darius,” I confess.

“Then it’s time that you go get him.”