Cruel Alpha Daddy (Silver Meadows Wolves #4)

Chapter 14 - Fiona

The morning after Rider and I made love, I wake with him by my side and realize I slept straight through the night. As the dawn slowly brightens the room, I watch him sleep, admiring the clean, sharp lines of his face and strong muscular body.

I’m tempted to reach out and touch him. My hands ache a little as I imagine running my fingers across the smooth skin of his chest. This moment, this life, could be perfect.

If only I wasn’t missing Caleb.

Loss hits me right in the guts, a horrible wave of pain that brings tears to my eyes.

How long has it been? Maybe a week.

No one here seems to have a phone, and I doubt there would be an old-fashioned paper calendar handy, either. It’s hard to track how much time has passed. All I know is that my son has been apart from me for far too long.

And now, I’m entangled with Rider again. I know I can’t just leave him. I love him too much.

Tears trickle down my cheeks, and my chest aches with tension and stress. Rider turns over in his sleep, muttering softly. The long, jagged scar on his right cheek comes into view, reminding me how much deeper his emotional scars must be.

What is he going to do when he finds out he has a son?

It’s not a question of if anymore, but when. I had hoped to get away and never come back, keeping Caleb far from his father’s violent, harsh world, but now I know that isn’t possible.

What am I going to do?

My stomach growls loudly, and that makes the decision for me, at least for now. I slip out of bed and get dressed, heading to our kitchen to look for food. In the short while I’ve been here, I’ve cleaned the cabin, and we have water and power connected. The buildings here are still in excellent shape, and it hasn’t taken much effort to turn this town into a comfortable home.

Would I want Caleb to live here with us? He’s used to school and his friends, not to mention his favorite YouTube channels.

I laugh softly, shaking my head.

So long as we can charge an iPad and get Wi-Fi set up, I’m sure he’ll be fine.

The only problem left is Tobias and the other violent members of the pack. My anxiety rises a little as I go to the front windows, wondering where they are. Rider hasn’t spoken to me directly about any of them, and I haven’t asked.

The street looks quiet, but a light is on in the hall. I go to the front door, thinking about breaking out, when I realize it isn’t locked.

Rider didn’t lock me in!

I’m so shocked that for a second, I can’t breathe. My blood starts pounding in my temples, and my head swims before I remember to take a breath. I push the door open and walk out onto the porch, staring up at the nearby mountains.

I could just go. I could run right now and be back with Caleb in a few hours!

Immediately, the memory of my previous escape comes back to me. I look around anxiously, wondering where Tobias and his supporters might be. I can’t risk getting caught again. The last time was too close.

“Hey, Fiona!” someone calls from across the street. “Why don’t you come over for breakfast?”

Lilah is waving to me from out front of the hall. I turn away from the mountains reluctantly and walk over to her.

“Thank you,” I say. “I’m starved.”

“Well then, come on in!” she says, hoisting baby Todd on her hip. “We’ve been getting up early to make sure the entire pack is well-fed. It’s been a hard few days, but we’ve made so much progress.”

I follow Lilah into the hall and over to the back table to get some coffee. I look around carefully and can’t see any signs of technology—no phones, tablets, or TVs. There is an old radio in the corner crooning quietly, old songs playing through very beat-up speakers.

“So, just curious, why doesn’t anyone have phones or anything?” I ask, taking a sip of coffee.

Lilah scoffs. “The old alpha, Elton, he didn’t believe in technology. After he died, Jethro took that right to the wall. He started beating anyone who was hoarding a phone or device. He almost killed a guy for hiding a smartwatch.”

“How do you survive?” I ask, shocked. “You don’t have any way to communicate with the outside world?”

“We never wanted to,” Lilah says, sitting down with baby Todd and rocking him a little as another woman brings over a bottle for him. “All of us came here to escape the world, and it wasn’t difficult to agree with Jethro’s philosophy on tech. Violence and crime, on the other hand… well, obviously, we couldn’t get behind that.”

“Obviously,” I echo, sipping my coffee. “Do you plan to continue with this tradition?”

Lilah turns and smiles at me. “You’re the luna now. It’s really up to you!”

The words shock me a little, and the feeling of responsibility settles heavily on my shoulders. I didn’t ask for this, and I don’t know if I’m capable of helping lead a pack.

I have to try.

“Well, I think if we want to school the children, we’re going to need some devices,” I say. “It might be difficult to get them into an official school, but there are a lot of curriculums online that we can use.”

“It’s been at least three years since I did any doom-scrolling,” Lilah laughs. “Before I met Donny and got pregnant with Todd, I was homeless on the street. I sold my phone so I could get some decent winter clothes and a sleeping bag.”

I knew that there were people who lived like this. I just never really understood.

“Would you like to hold Todd?” Lilah asks me suddenly. “He’s finished his bottle now, and he’s pretty sleepy if you’d like a snuggle.”

I look at Lilah, panic streaking through me. The idea of holding the tiny baby to my chest fills me with unimaginable pain.

“It’s okay,” she says, smiling. “I know it can be really hard if you’ve never held a baby before. It’s not scary, though. I promise.”

“I—”

“Oh, don’t be silly.” Lilah stands up, holding Todd out to me. “You’re going to make such a wonderful mother.”

I scurry away, blinking back tears. My pain splits my chest, making it feel like my heart is being ripped in two. I shake my head violently as I pull away, knocking over a chair and dropping my coffee cup.

Lilah watches me, a confused look on her face. I shake my head, wiping tears off my cheeks. She snuggles Todd back against her chest and nods very slowly.

She knows. She knows why I can’t hold him!

I take a few ragged breaths, trying not to sob. Lilah couldn’t possibly know about Caleb, but she does. I’m missing a child of my own so much, it’s too painful to hold someone else’s.

Mothers know. They just do.

Someone pats my arm gently, and I look up to see Jen, the old woman who performed the ceremony.

“You alright there, girly?” she asks.

“Yes, I’m okay,” I answer, trying to settle my breathing.

“You keep your secrets for now, dear. But you’ll have to tell all sooner or later.”

I nod, keeping my lips pressed shut. The love and care of the other women are almost too much for me to take. I desperately want to tell them everything and let them comfort me as we figure out what to do.

Not yet.

Jen leads me over to a nearby table, where a young woman is struggling with a pile of dough. It’s wet and gluey, sticking to the poor girl’s fingers and the bench.

“What are you making?” I ask, relieved that my voice sounds strong and authoritative.

“Bread,” she replies with some exasperation. “It never comes out right.”

“What flour did you use?”

“Ah… I don’t know? This one in the brown bag?”

I tsk a little. “That’s self-rising flour. It’s better for cakes. Did you use any yeast? Was the water warm or cold when you put it in?”

“Yeast?” the girl asks.

“Oh, for heaven’s sake!” I snap, heading over to the supplies. I rummage through, finding the basic ingredients I need before hurrying back to the table.

“Okay, ladies,” I say. “I’m going to teach you how to make basic bread. “

The other women gather around me, and even though the pain of missing Caleb doesn’t fade, baking takes my mind off it immediately. This is so close to my usual routine back home, I feel almost content.

If Caleb was right there with the others, playing games and waiting for breakfast, this moment could be perfect.

I blink hard, forcing my mind away from the painful thoughts.

“Okay, so the first thing you want to do is measure out the flour very carefully,” I begin, waving the others in so they can watch.

“You can bake?” Lilah asks. “Like really, actually bake?”

“Yeah.” I grin, laughing softly. “I run a little bakery in Silver Meadows.”

“You what?” one of the other girls chirps. “No way!”

“Yes, way. I built the business from the ground up with my best friend, Lucy. I’m up at four pretty much every day.”

“Do you know how to make cakes?” a young boy asks. He gets up from the floor where the other kids are playing and comes over to the table, watching the dough with fascination.

“I sure do,” I say. “Are you telling me no one here knows how to bake a cake?”

“They try,” he says with an earnest look. “But so far, it just isn’t cake.”

“Watch it, Jimmy,” one of the women warns, waggling a finger. “I warned you if you keep mocking my cakes, I’ll stop making them.”

“Do you promise?” he retorts, rolling his eyes.

I laugh. “You’ve got a smart one here,” I say, winking at the other woman. “Is he yours?”

“He is,” she confirms. “Unfortunately, I can’t do anything about the smart mouth because he got it from me.”

Now all the women are laughing, and the kids are gathering around us, eager to join in and watch. I felt a sense of responsibility to these women before, but now I’m actually getting close to them. They’ve struggled in ways I can’t imagine, yet here they are, fighting for themselves and their children.

I keep my eyes fixed on the dough as I start to knead it into shape. My urge to tell them about Caleb is overpowering. I’m almost completely convinced that I could bring him here, and I’d be able to keep him safe.

But now I have to face Rider and see the look on his face when he finds out he has a son… and that I’ve been lying to him this whole time.