Cruel Alpha, Season One (Wolves of New Eden #1)

14. Sweet Dreams

14

Sweet Dreams

ONE MONTH LATER…

Annalise

We’ve settled into a routine, my maidens and me.

In the reflection of the mirror mounted above my vanity, I spot Guinivere sprawled across the settee at the foot of my bed, her nose buried in whatever book I left stashed underneath it. Tabatha sits to my left, filing my nails while Elizabeth and Winifred stand behind me, braiding either side of my hair for bed.

I fought Caspian on bringing any of these girls into the estate, deeming that their presence was unnecessary. However, I stand corrected. Sure, it’s a bit over the top that they insist on making a fuss over me like some life-sized doll, but I do enjoy the companionship. Winifred and Elizabeth remind me of the comforts of home. Even Tabatha and Guinevere, who were complete strangers to me a short time ago, have now become staples within my day. Tabatha’s clumsiness and childlike innocence, Guinivere with her endlessly inquisitive nature and subtle sense of humor—these four have made settling into the estate just a little easier.

Elizabeth yawns, and I’m suddenly aware of the late hour. My eyes flit to the clock—half past ten.

“You ladies should be getting to bed. I can finish up on my own.”

Guinivere rolls off the settee in a less than graceful way that makes me smile. She settles on the floor, crossing her legs like a pretzel as her gaze meets mine in the mirror.

“Nonsense,” she says with a stretch. “We still haven’t discussed how we’ll celebrate your twenty-second birthday. It’ll be upon us in the blink of an eye.”

My stomach churns at the thought of it. I’ve never been one to enjoy being made a fuss over, so I’d actually love for that day to come and go without anyone acknowledging it.

“Oh! What about heading into the city for a shopping trip? We could accompany you!” Tabatha beams. “The alpha’s sure to be quite gracious with your allowance that day.”

My eyes stay trained on the gold brush on the vanity instead of meeting Tabatha’s gaze. I can’t help but wonder what she’d think if she knew the truth. That there are never limits on my spending. On my birthday or any other day. However, I keep this small bit of information to myself. The last thing these girls need is another reason to idolize Caspian. They already struggle to contain themselves every time he’s present. Much like every other woman within the clan.

Something strange happens within me when I think of it, how so many would kill to be in my position, desired and claimed by the alpha. When I think of how he keeps me at his side during public appearances, the intimate moments we share when there aren’t eyes on us.

I… it’s… pride?

What the actual fuck?

I’m proud to have been chosen as his mate?

A lump forms in my throat, and I swallow it down, feeling like quite the fool. Luckily, the girls are oblivious to my thoughts.

“I think I’d rather just stay in this year,” I say, and that response has all four girls frowning.

“Is that really what you want?”

I meet Winifred’s gaze when she asks. “It is. I’d love to just spend a lowkey day indoors, enjoying the peace and quiet.”

None say as much out loud, but they’ve said it enough times for me to know. They think I’m wasting this life, the life Caspian’s trying to provide me here at the estate—the beautiful spaces, the luxury, the endless opportunities to be grandiose.

“I mean, it’s your birthday, so if that’s what you prefer…” Guinivere sighs, standing from where she’d slithered down to the rug.

The others put away the comb, brush, and nail supplies before heading toward the door. “See you at breakfast,” Elizabeth says with a smile.

I return the gesture as they slip out, closing the door behind them. “Sleep well.”

And now, I’m alone with my thoughts. Specifically, thoughts of how I’ve clearly begun to lose my mind if I’m admitting to feeling proud to be with Caspian. So, the best way I’ve found to quiet unwanted thoughts is to get lost in a book.

The hallways of the estate are eerily quiet at night and the candle flickering in my hand casts strange shadows on the walls. It’s chilling enough that I peer over my shoulder periodically as I make my way to the library. Once inside, I place the candle on a small table and close myself in. I turn and gaze at the seemingly endless shelves of books, wondering how the collection came to be. Were many of them gifted to Caspian’s family over the years? Was someone in his bloodline once an avid reader and curated each one on their own?

Hating how a few floorboards creak beneath my feet, I make my way to the section where my books from home were squeezed in. My finger trails the bindings until I make a selection, an old favorite Mother and I read together one summer we spent at the lake. With it tucked under my arm, I double back to my candle, then close the library door behind me as I choose a different, more well-lit course back to my room.

Over the sound of my echoing steps, I hear the distinct tapping of someone’s fingers on the keyboard of a computer. Then, once I round the corner, I spot faint light seeping out from the small crack between the double doors of Caspian’s study. It crosses my mind that I should’ve maybe taken my chances going the other way.

We haven’t spoken much over the past several weeks. We keep up appearances on the few occasions that we’ve been in the public eye, but we haven’t had much to do with each other otherwise. Not since the last time I visited his study.

Careful to tiptoe past his door, it proves to be useless when my name is called.

“Annalise?”

Curse him. Curse him and his impeccable sense of hearing and smell. I should’ve known there’d be no sneaking past unnoticed.

Taking a deep breath, I ease the door open and peek my head inside, not bothering to speak.

He glances up from his work and the small lamp beside him illuminates his rugged features. “Couldn’t sleep?” he asks, that wicked smile ghosting on his lips like usual.

I slip in. “Just grabbing a book.”

I hold up the one I pulled off the shelf a moment ago, and he nods.

“Care to join me?”

No, absolutely not.

That thought stays locked away inside my head, although I’d like to scream it from the top of my lungs. But instead, I walk in slowly, and then drop down onto the arm of the chair across from his desk.

My gaze doesn’t wander to the sofa, but I’m painfully aware of that space having been the scene of our most recent tryst. At the thought, a phantom memory floods my mind, and I swear I feel his touch, his breath on my skin. The sensation threatens to disarm me, and history has taught me that being disarmed in his presence is a recipe for disaster.

I meet Caspian’s gaze when he lowers a glass from his lips, swallowing his drink of choice. One of those heated looks he gives sweeps over me. A look that, again, reminds me of our most recent time together.

“I take it reading soothes you?”

The question helps center my thoughts. “Always has. Even as a child. I’m sure that’s why Mother made it her business to keep me well stocked with the classics.”

Caspian smiles, and I hate that I enjoy the sight of it. Hate that it makes him even more attractive.

“Noted. I’ll have to keep in mind that books are the way to your heart.”

His gaze lingers on me, and I know I should have some discouraging remark, but it seems I’m fresh out of snide comments.

“Whenever you speak of your mother it’s only ever in fondness.”

I draw a deep breath before responding. “She was the kind of woman who could only be spoken of in fondness, so…”

His eyes soften a bit, and I try not to let it get to me. “Some women just have a gift about them where motherhood is concerned. They set a standard that few others can ever truly attain.”

Warmth spreads through me as I recall the years I was able to spend with Mom. They were too few and too long ago to seem fair, but I’m grateful for them nonetheless.

“Yes, well, I got lucky, I suppose.” I force a smile when I’m done, and Caspian seems to sense that it’s not quite natural. “Holidays were the best. She just had this way of making everything so… special. ”

Only now does he lean away from his work, seeming to focus more on me than whatever task he’d been tending to before I arrived.

“Tell me more.”

He stares attentively as I continue.

“Well, for starters, she was what my father used to call an over decorator ,” I share with a laugh. “Especially the Winter Feast. From top to bottom, inside and out, our home was bright and cheerful. Just like Mom,” I add. But my smile fades, because I’ve come to learn that the brighter someone’s light shines in your life, the absence of that light is even more apparent once they’ve left you.

“She sounds lovely,” Caspian says, and I simply nod.

“That she was.”

There’s a weightiness in the room now that it’s gone quiet. Partly because this conversation may have been our first that hasn’t been riddled with hostility. Partly because I can’t seem to be close to this man without objectifying him.

Not that he’d mind, I’m sure.

He breathes deep, and I know the second I’m caught. His keen sense of smell has likely alerted him of the slight change in my scent, making him aware of this effect he has on me. In other words, it’s time to make my exit.

“Anyway, I should be getting to bed. This book won’t read itself.”

I stand, only for Caspian to call my name again. It rolls off his tongue, deep and easy.

“Annalise.”

I’m tempted to just keep walking, pretending I didn’t hear him calling out, but it’s like my body won’t allow it. As my feet turn me to face him once more, I realize he still has a hold on me. One so strong that it seems to even overshadow my distaste for him, his choices.

“Yes?” I finally answer, sounding far more docile than I intend to.

“You know… you’re always welcome here,” he says, gesturing around his study, and I don’t miss the undertone of hope in his voice. “Even when I’m working, or if I give the appearance of being too busy to bother… that’s never true for you.”

He pauses, and I get the impression he’s waiting for me to speak, but I feel the need to be cautious. So, silence seems like the most appealing option.

“You don’t have to walk on eggshells around me,” he adds. “This is your home, too. And as my mate, no space here is off limits to you.”

There’s this stupid tug in my heart, brought on by the air of kindness I’ve detected. He isn’t wrong. I’ve made it a point to exist in this space as a guest, mostly because I haven’t wanted to get comfortable here. Only, as the weeks have stretched into months, I’m beginning to accept that this place is, in fact, my home now.

I stare into his dark eyes and feel myself softening toward him again. Even after such a bad taste was left in my mouth following our last encounter. He has this uncanny way of tearing down my walls, making me nullify my own vow to keep him on the outside.

“You trust me to just… snoop?” I ask, smiling a little when I cross both arms over my chest.

He gives a casual shrug and a smirk to match. “If I trust you with my clan, I sure as hell better trust you with my home.”

My heart flutters again. “I’ll keep that in mind.”

The smile he flashes means he isn’t likely discouraged by my callousness.

“Please do,” he croons, and this time, when I turn to leave, I don’t stop.

I can’t.

Because there’s a very strong possibility I’ll find myself in yet another compromising position.

Right back on the alpha’s sofa.