Crying in the Rain (Hiding Behind The Couch Character and Festive Episodes)

16 Brave

Ade

A de let the message play, smiling, and then laughing out loud at ‘quoting reference Casper’. He saved the message and sat back in his chair, reconsidering his options.

He still didn’t want to call Kris. True, he had an issue with the affair, but he was projecting, and it wasn’t fair on either of them, particularly Kris. No, what he needed to do was clarify the situation, for his own peace of mind, and that meant talking to Shaunna, except he didn’t have her phone number. But he did know what she looked like, and she was distinctive enough, with her long, wavy, so incredibly beautiful red hair, that he’d be able to recognise her profile pic, as long as it was of her and not an avatar, although that would probably still have long red hair.

Ignoring the voice calling him a paranoid snoop, Ade went online and searched the social networks, first for ‘Kristian Johansson’, which brought up the professional profiles he’d already seen. Next, he tried ‘Kris Johansson’, which did the trick, but his profile was locked down and Ade couldn’t access Kris’s list of friends, although he felt his heart pumping that little bit faster at the sight of Kris’s profile photo. Not the cheesy fake smile on his pro shots, but the genuine article, radiating real happiness; Ade spent a moment studying it before he changed his search to ‘Shauna Johansson’. After ten minutes of going forwards and backwards between the list and the profiles of the seemingly infinite number of Shauna Johanssons in this world, Ade paused to rethink his approach .

The only other information he had was that Kris and Shaunna’s daughter was called Krissi, so he typed in ‘Krissi Johansson’ and was duly rewarded with a fully accessible profile of the stunning young woman from Kris’s phone pics—there really was no mistaking the similarity to her mother in facial features.

By this point feeling like a stalker for real, although he’d come this far so he might as well continue, Ade delved into Krissi’s friends list and scrolled down…a little more…and a little bit more…and there, finally, was her mum. Shaunna—with a double ‘n’—Hennessy.

“Hennessy. Of course!” Ade resisted berating himself for being an idiot and not realising sooner. The treasure hunt over, he clicked on ‘Send Message’.

Hi Shaunna. I hope you don’t mind me contacting you like this. Are you free to talk?

Before he had a chance to regret pressing ‘send’, the three dots appeared.

Hi Ade – at work. Give me your number and I’ll call you in 5.

He did that, and then he sat, repeatedly watching his phone screen darken and reactivating it, wishing they were doing this through text rather than talking, as there was no getting around the letter ‘R’, given the reason for making contact. Strangely, Ade was far less bothered by that than usual. Five minutes passed by, and then six; he was just at the point of convincing himself she wouldn’t call when his screen lit up by itself: unknown number. He answered the call with a cautious, “Hello?”

“Ade?”

“Yes.”

“Hiya. Are you OK?”

“Yes, thanks. Are you? ”

“I’m fine, hun. Sorry about the voicemail. Kris was stressing, and he didn’t want to cause more problems for you.”

Ade laughed lightly. “Ginger Appreciation Society—I love it.”

“We should totally start one, if there isn’t one already.”

“We totally should,” Ade agreed. He hadn’t planned out what he wanted to say, but Shaunna must’ve been able to tell he was preparing to say something, as she stayed quiet. After a fairly lengthy pause, he found his tongue. “Kris told me a bit about how you ended up separated.”

“Right?”

Ade continued hesitantly, “And that he had an affair?”

“Ah. Well, it kind of wasn’t an affair. I mean, I didn’t know about it, but it wasn’t really behind my back, and he was a bit bonkers at the time. To be quite honest, I think Jack took advantage of the fact that Kris wasn’t able to think it through.”

“He could’ve said no,” Ade reasoned, fully aware he was playing devil’s advocate. Saying no to Jack Malton was only marginally easier than saying no to Fergus Campbell. “And if you were still together, then doesn’t that count as cheating?”

“Yes, but…not?” Shaunna paused, and Ade jumped in.

“I’m sorry. Kris told me you were separated when it happened—”

“But you wanted to check he was telling the truth,” she guessed.

“Not at all. I mean, I do have trust issues…but he was the one who called it cheating.”

“OK. Well…the thing is…hold on.” Shaunna paused again, and Ade heard a door close. “Sorry. My boss is lovely, but she has bat ears, and this isn’t mine to share. And before you ask, no, I shouldn’t be telling you, but I saw you and Kris together last night—”

“It was very disrespectful,” Ade said, ashamed.

“Kissing in my kitchen?” Shaunna laughed. “It’s fine, hun, honestly, but I meant the chemistry between you, which is why I think you need to hear this. Kris would’ve got around to telling you himself eventually, and he’ll probably go ballistic when he finds out I’ve jumped in first, but…”

“Forewarned is forearmed,” Ade said.

“My mum used to say that, and she’d finish off with, ‘Like Vishnu—wouldn’t that be a godsend? Then I could do the dishes and plait your hair at the same time and never be late for work again!’”

Ade laughed. “That’s brilliant! I think your mum and mine would’ve got on like a house on fire.”

“Yeah. She was amazing. I miss her every day.”

“Aww. I’d give you a hug right now if I could.”

“Save it for me.”

“Promise,” Ade said. Shaunna was so easy to talk to and so gorgeous, any guy would be lucky to be with her. For those reasons and because it was taking her an awfully long time to tell him this thing, he knew that whatever had come between her and Kris had been a lot bigger and more devastating than a poorly judged bout of extramarital intimacy.

“OK,” she said finally, “I’m just going to put it right out there. Kris was sexually abused by his great-uncle.”

“Oh.” The word was little more than an escaped breath that Ade had to fight to replenish. His chest ached and his stomach cramped as if invisible hands had invaded his windpipe, twisting and knotting his insides.

“So the affair…” Shaunna continued, possibly not oblivious to how the news had walloped Ade, “I’m pretty sure Jack went after Kris, knowing he’d keep the secret, because as far as the world is concerned, Jack’s a happily married heterosexual man. He’s a disgrace.”

Shaunna didn’t hide her anger, and Ade was waiting for it to descend on him too, but it didn’t. In an instant, he’d plummeted from level-ten gut-wrenching shock into a calm peacefulness that settled over everything like a soft, warm blanket.

After a minute or two of Ade saying nothing, Shaunna asked, “Are you still there? ”

“Yes. Sorry. I was thinking. Did Kris tell you what’s going on with me?”

“He gave me the basics.”

“That’s all I gave him, really, but I could tell when I told him…” There’d been something.

“Kindred spirits,” Shaunna said.

“Yeah. God, men are bastards.”

“Not all of them. I know at least a couple of good ones. There probably isn’t anything I can do, but if you need me at all…”

“Thanks, Shaunna. That means so much. Please can you tell Kris I’m OK and I’ll call him later?”

“I’ll ring him as soon as we’re off the phone. I guess you know he’s completely fallen for you.”

“Has he?” Ade squeaked in surprise. Even though Kris had told him as much, hearing it from Shaunna added extra validation, despite her giggling at his reaction, which set him off giggling too. Hysteria , he decided. That, and a sense of wonder.

“And in case it escaped your notice, which wouldn’t be surprising in the circumstances, I think we’ve hit it off pretty well too.”

Ade smiled and nodded, not that she could see. “We have, haven’t we? And I could happily chat to you all day, but I’d better let you get back to work.”

“All right, hun. You’ve got my number now, so just call, OK?”

“Will do. Look after him for me?”

“Of course! And you take care of yourself.”

“I’ll try,” Ade said and ended the call. “OK. Let’s get this show on the road.” His determination renewed, he brought up that number for what he hoped was the last time.

It rang out, once, twice—

“Fergus Campbell.”

“Hey, it’s Ade.”

Fergus didn’t respond.

“I’ll be home at five. Come and get your stuff.” Ade hung up, deleted Fergus’s number from his favourites and dropped his phone onto the desk. His hands were shaking so much he had to grab the arms of his chair to still them.

He wasn’t sure how long he sat there, playing out all the ways this evening could go wrong, before his phone beeped with a notification that he couldn’t access because his fingers had gone numb. He was expecting a terse text message from Fergus, but there was nothing from him at all. Instead, there was a friend request from Shaunna, with a message— whatever happens— and a text message from Kris.

Glad you’re OK. I’m going to hang around at work, so I’m close by. x

Unworthy , said the voice in Ade’s head, at the same time as the knock came, followed by Pip’s cautiously smiling face peeking around the door. Ade growled in exasperation.

“I came to see if—”

“Yes. I’m fine,” Ade snapped. “I just wish everyone would leave me alone!”

Pip shrugged. “You got it,” she said and stepped back out, banging the door shut.

“Shit.” Ade bolted from his chair and ran after her. “Pip, wait! I’m sorry. Please?”

She was already halfway to the lift, but she stopped and turned around. “You asked me to come!” Her quietly hissed words sounded a lot angrier than if she’d been yelling at the top of her voice. “I know you, Ade. You’re frightened, and you have every right to be, but don’t you dare push me away, not now, not after everything you’ve been through. We’ve been through.”

She stood before him, looming vast and formidable, even though at five foot three her head only reached Ade’s nose. He was stunned by her anger, but it was justified, and she was right. She’d been at his side through it all, witnessed Fergus systematically destroying him. Not once had she grumbled when Ade asked her to take him to hospital or to come and stay over because Fergus had left but he might come back. Through all of it, Pip had been there, and now Ade was telling her he didn’t need her, but he did. He really did.

“I’m sorry,” he said quietly.

“Whatever,” Pip said. “Don’t you think I want this to be over too?”

Ade nodded but kept his head bowed. “I didn’t mean to shout at you. I’m trying to keep it together so I’m in right frame of mind to face him.” Ade looked at his wrist. “Damn.” No watch. “What time is it?”

“About ten past four. I’ve just finished and thought you might like to come across the road with me, top up your Dutch courage, but if you’d rather not have the company…”

“No. I mean, yes. I’d love your company. I don’t even know why you put up with me.” Ade’s eyes filled with tears of gratitude.

“Oh no,” Pip said. “Don’t fall apart on me now. You have to be strong, Ade. Come on. We’re getting out of here.”

“OK.” Ade nodded. “Yes, OK. But I’m thinking I should maybe give the Dutch courage a miss.”

“Good,” Pip said coolly. She was hurting and making sure he knew it. “Get your jacket,” she instructed. “I’ll wait here.” She folded her arms.

Ade speed-walked back to his office, grabbed his coat and phone and returned to the lift. Pip must’ve called it already, as it arrived as he did. They stepped inside.

“Cauliflower cheese tomorrow,” she said.

“Excellent. Save me some?”

“I might.”

If I’m still alive to eat it?

They went to the pub across the street, bought non-alcoholic drinks and sat in a back corner, out of direct line of sight of the door yet still able to see who came and went in the mirror opposite the bar.

“You know what’s really wound me up?” Ade said once they’d gossiped about inconsequential stuff and were both a little calmer. “I think he was seeing someone else, and it shouldn’t matter, because we broke up ages ago.”

“So why does it?” Pip asked.

“I’ve no idea. I don’t want him. Like, if I was minted, I’d walk away right now, leave the apartment and everything in it so I never have to see him or listen to his I love and miss you bullshit again. Then he can bring back whomever he likes, can’t he? Get down and dirty with his fruit-flavoured condoms in my bed because it won’t be mine anymore.”

“Yuck.” Pip shuddered. “I bet he left them on purpose.”

“Yeah, I thought that too, and I’m sick and tired of the games, Pip. I’m so, so done…”

“But…?”

“Why does it hurt so damn much?” Ade covered his eyes with his hand, disappointed with himself and ashamed for being so. “I’m such an idiot.”

“No. Look at me.”

Ade shook his head.

Pip reached up and moved his hand away, keeping hold of it, squeezing it. “Look at me, Ade.”

He peered through his lashes.

“You’re not an idiot. You’re a wonderful, brave person, and you deserve better than Fergus fruity-knob Campbell. I don’t think there’s anyone on this Earth good enough you.”

Ade snorted some very snotty laughter through his tears. “Ever my champion.”

“You’d better believe it. Now, get that drink down you. You have an ex-boyfriend to dispatch.”