Cursed by Darkness (Once Upon A Curse)

16. Juniper

SIXTEEN

Juniper

1 WEEK LATER…

In her grief, Ronna couldn’t listen to reasoning. All she knew was that neither brother would help her. And that her father had been right. Love was more powerful than magic, more dangerous. Magic could affect the body and world, but love changed the heart and soul.

Love could destroy everything.

A s much as she enjoyed her time with Laurent and Nadine, Juniper had been eager to travel through the portals with her husband again. She knew visiting the glimmering forest was painful for him, but she meant it when she said she didn’t mind hearing about his past wives. He seemed to need to talk about Camille, but he never talked about Beatrice, and Juniper wasn’t going to push it. When he was ready, she would be here to listen.

They had continued visiting the village over the past several days, and when there was finally a break in the madness and things felt as if they were returning to normal, Bodin mentioned returning to explore another portal, and she’d agreed right away. She wanted to finish their conversation from before the attack and learn how the doors worked, but she also needed to continue what they had started that morning in bed. Feeling Bodin respond to her touch…

She wanted more.

It had been a week, and while they continued sharing a bed, they hadn’t done more than kiss since that day. It was frustrating. But between helping their people and figuring out how the soldiers breached the city, they practically collapsed at the end of each night and woke early each morning to start over again.

And the tension just kept growing.

Bodin led her back to the palace and down to the round cellar room, leaving Richard and Samuel upstairs. “I know I said you could pick the next one, but can I? I think you’ll really love the fifth one.”

He pointed to the door, and she gave an encouraging nod. He seemed lighter, like spending the past week taking care of his people together or sharing about Camille had lifted a bit of the weight from his shoulders, even if there was still a tinge of sadness in his dark gaze. Maybe it was the fact that she’d sent out letters to her father and brother right away that was giving him hope.

Or perhaps, like her, he’d simply enjoyed waking up in each other’s arms as much as she did.

The portal opened to a dark cavern that made her pause. Bodin entwined their fingers and whispered, “Trust me.”

Juniper held his gaze for a long moment and realized she did. She trusted this man. And she was tired of denying it. He may never be able to give her his heart, but she knew they could be happy together. They could still have a wonderful life, a happily ever after like in the fairy tales she read as a child.

But before they could do that, she needed to be honest with him. He’d shared so much with her already. Hells, he’d shown her his magic the day after the wedding, even though he knew her people didn’t accept it. Surely that meant he at least wanted to trust her too.

Which meant that it was her turn to share her past. He needed to know why she’d been locked away for so long. That was what she’d started to tell him that morning. And honestly, that was why she hadn’t pushed for things to continue this past week. She needed to tell him the truth, but she couldn’t figure out how. Each time she considered starting that conversation, she found herself seeking another task to help give her a bit more time.

Juniper had been here nearly a month though, and she trusted Bodin. She knew he cared about her to some degree and desired her. So, it was no longer a matter of needing to tell him. She wanted to.

Her throat tightened from fear and the other emotions that were building up. She didn’t know how she had made it to this life with him, but she thanked the goddess again.

A warm, subtle breeze brushed the back of her neck, and she smiled. She’d always told herself Ronna was with her, that she was in the wind around them, guiding them to the right path.

“June?”

She loved hearing him call her that. Nodding, she stepped closer. “I trust you.”

He leaned down to kiss her once. Not on the cheek or forehead like he’d been prone to do since she arrived—though he still did that often. But most of the time, his soft lips now pressed to hers without hesitation, his beard tickling her chin.

“I could get used to this,” she’d whispered the first morning they woke up together, before slapping a hand over her mouth. “That wasn’t supposed to be out loud.”

Bodin had let out a low chuckle, kissed her once more, then said against her mouth, “Me too.”

Juniper smiled as he pulled away and led her through the portal. Her breath caught in her lungs. He shut and locked the door, but with the lack of light from the palace, she could see the cavern better. Because it wasn’t dark.

It was glowing.

Blue and green algae illuminated their path as they walked farther into the tunnel. When she heard the faint sounds of tinkling water, her steps quickened, and she pulled away from Bodin.

“Bo,” she said with a gasp, rounding a bend in the rocky path to find an underground pond with a waterfall in the distance. All the other places had been beautiful so far, and she loved them, but this one might have been her new favorite. It was absolutely captivating with stalactites hanging from the high ceiling. The bioluminescent algae covered one whole side of the cavern, making the water shine bright turquoise.

Bodin came up behind her, taking her hand. “Your brother told me you like water, that you used to go down to the docks when you snuck out.” He stopped talking abruptly, eyes wide when she turned toward him with a raised brow.

She’d shared about her times exploring Nortussa, but not about her brother shadowing her.

“I mean…”

“It’s all right.” She resisted rolling her eyes. “I know he followed me at times. Richard always did too.”

Bodin nodded and exhaled slowly. “They just wanted to make sure you were safe.”

“I know,” she whispered, facing the water again. “That’s why Rafe also gave me a dagger and taught me how to protect myself.”

“I’m glad he did.”

“He used to train Hugo and I, having us spar up in my rooms.” She swallowed past the lump in her throat. Remembering how much time they’d spent with her in the beginning hurt. “My mother, despite her obedience and meekness elsewhere, always encouraged it and cheered me on. She wanted me to be more prepared than she had been growing up.” Juniper cleared her throat. “That was a long time ago though.”

After a moment, Bodin said in a soft tone, “Come with me.”

Releasing her hand, he started pulling off his shirt and shoes. When he motioned for her to turn around, she took a deep breath and did as he asked. Her heart pounded in her chest as he tenderly pulled her hair over one shoulder and slowly unlaced her dress.

When it fell to the ground, leaving her in only a shift and her pantalettes, he knelt to remove her shoes. She wanted so badly to reach out and comb her fingers through his inky black hair. Biting her lower lip, she realized she could. This was her husband. She’d touched other parts of him that morning, had kissed him while he laid on top of her.

She raked a hand through his silky locks, releasing it from the strip of leather he used to tie it up. He tilted his head to meet her gaze. As he lifted her ankle to take off her shoe, he let his hand slide up to the back of her knee. Her stomach fluttered uncontrollably. The previously cool caves were now too hot. She was cooking from the inside out.

With a knowing smirk, Bodin straightened again, his fingers following his path to her thigh, her hip, her waist. He stayed on the outside of her shift, but the touch still made it hard to breathe.

“Ready?”

She nodded, and soon, they were both wading into the water in only their underthings.

Bo faced her, walking backward with a smile that only further melted her heart. Her feet left the ground as she began to float, and panic set in. She didn’t know how to swim. But he was there in an instant, wrapping her in his arms. She rested her palms on his bare chest, and one of his fisted into her shift while pulling her firmly against him.

“This is definitely my new favorite.” Juniper glanced around, taking in the wonder surrounding them. The waterfall rushed down to create a white misty fog where it met the pond, but the rest of the pool was otherwise calm.

“I was hoping you’d like it.” He tilted her chin up and pressed another soft kiss to her mouth. It was nothing like the frenzy last week. Her eyes fluttered shut when he parted her lips, but it remained sweet and slow.

This was what they were fighting for—moments to be with each other like this. And not just for them but for the rest of their kingdom. That was why they needed to find a way to end this war without losing it.

This close, in the glowing light, she could see that his eyes weren’t as black as they usually seemed. There were specks of rich brown, making them feel warmer.

“So fucking beautiful,” he said, cupping one of her cheeks.

She leaned into the touch. Moving her hands higher, she twisted her arms behind his neck. The corner of his mouth twitched, like he could tell just how much she wanted him.

His fingers slid along her jaw and into her hair. And then, his lips were on hers again. Releasing the back of her head, Bodin shifted to palm her thigh. His hand on her skin was almost too much. A soft moan escaped her throat before she could stop it. His tongue licked at the seam of her lips, and she parted them, letting him in. The moment it brushed hers, he wrapped her legs around his waist.

Juniper became abundantly aware of every place their skin touched. It felt as if her entire body was on fire again, seconds away from bursting. She needed to talk to him before this got too far, but with each stroke of his fingers and tongue, the fear retreated further into her mind until she could no longer remember why they needed to slow down and wait.

Without dropping her, Bodin managed to push the hem of her shift up to her waist. Completely pressed against him, there was no hiding his desire. A month ago, the thought of him holding her like this terrified her. She hadn’t wanted to sleep with a man she didn’t know, let alone one people called cruel and vicious.

But now, she knew that wasn’t the case. He was far from being a monster. She’d seen that he could be intense and powerful, but he’d never used that against her. He had never treated her with anything but kindness.

Letting her instincts guide her, Juniper ground her core against the bulge growing harder beneath her. He sucked in a breath, breaking their kiss. Leaning away, he looked at her, and she saw it. She knew that his traumatic past made him want to keep her out, but he was failing just as much as she was.

“More,” she said, afraid to voice her full request.

Bodin held her gaze for a moment before nodding. He didn’t lower her though, instead carrying her out of the water and back to dry land. As he did, she hugged him close and kissed the side of his neck, continuing to rock her hips against his. She needed to feel him, to feel that friction that would alleviate the tension building inside her.

He knelt and placed her on their pile of clothes. Never letting her go, he hovered over her as she lay down. His hand skimmed along her side and then her hip to pull her leg up around him farther. All the while, he continued kissing her. Mesmerizing her. Taking her breath away.

No one had ever touched her like this. He settled between her legs, and she welcomed his weight, the pressure of his body against hers. As his lips moved to her jaw and then her throat, Juniper tilted her head to the side. One of his hands trailed from her hip to her breast and gently squeezed through the thin, wet fabric. She let out a gasp, and he raised up enough to meet her gaze.

“June,” he whispered, glancing down.

She followed his line of vision and noticed her shift had become translucent from the water, giving him a clear view of her body. When he lifted his dark eyes, she saw the same longing and desire that consumed her. The sensations rushing through her were overwhelming, but she wanted more, needed him like she’d never known she could need someone. The ache in her lower abdomen screamed for her to move, to continue with this.

Nodding, she said, “Please?”

His mouth brushed hers in a much slower kiss. He squeezed her breast once more before lowering his hand to her hip again. His fingers traced along her bare skin as he deepened the kiss. When he lifted his body from hers, she started to protest, but her words disappeared as his hand moved between them, slipping beneath the hem of her shift and inching toward her center.

He broke the kiss with a grin. Backing up, he kissed her chest through the thin fabric, her stomach, one thigh, then the other. When he paused, sitting on his heels, she bit at her lower lip and waited. She had no idea what to expect. She understood the basics of sex, but everything she had learned told her that it was what a wife had to endure.

What did it say about her that she craved his touch and wanted more?

She turned her head away as her vision blurred with unshed tears.

“Juniper?” Bodin removed his fingers from her inner thigh, taking them out from beneath her shift entirely. “What’s wrong? We don’t have to do this.”

“I want to,” she whispered, still not meeting his eyes.

Leaning forward, he swept away the tears rolling down her cheeks. “Sweetheart, it’s all right. You don’t have to?—”

“No, I want to,” she said, cutting him off. “That’s the problem.”

He tilted her face toward him. “Why is that a problem?”

“Because it’s not… women aren’t supposed to want…”

Bodin visibly tensed, and he sat up again. “You’re not supposed to want to be with your husband? Who the fuck told you that?”

She raised up too, forcing him to move away a little and give her space. “I’ve always been told it’s instinctual for a man to want sex and that it’s a wife’s job to… to serve him. The books say it’s painful for a woman and enjoyable for men. But I want you…”

Juniper trailed off as she noticed his anger growing. She started to pull her legs in, preparing to stand and run to the palace because she couldn’t bear the way he was staring at her. She was all too aware of how ignorant she was of the world, despite her time sneaking around Nortussa; she didn’t need to be reminded of it. Bodin wasn’t only more experienced because he was twelve years older than her. It was also because he’d been able to go out and truly live. He’d traveled and fought and married twice.

His hand shot out as she started to get up, hooking around her to make her stop.

“I’m sorry,” she whispered. “I shouldn’t have told you that. If it disgusts you that I?—”

“Stop,” he growled. The sound should have frightened her, but it honestly just made the ache in her core stronger. He gripped her chin, keeping her in place, making sure that she was listening to him. “There is so much wrong with all of that, but let me be perfectly clear.”

She swallowed.

“There is nothing wrong with what you are feeling, and it does not disgust me.” He huffed out a breath. “Quite the opposite, actually.” Shifting, he hauled her into his lap, letting her feel just how much he desired her too. “Yes, many men want sex, but so do women. It can be enjoyable for anyone if done right.”

“It doesn’t hurt?” She was straddling him at this point, separated by only their wet undergarments.

Bodin lifted a hand to tuck some stray hair behind her ear. “The first time, it might hurt in the beginning because your body isn’t accustomed to such an intrusion, but if the person you’re with is gentle and prepares you, it shouldn’t be too bad. And the pleasure will outweigh any temporary pain.”

Her cheeks heated at his blunt honesty, though she also appreciated it. She opened her mouth then closed it again. So many questions swirled through her head, but she didn’t want to show her ignorance even more. “How?”

It was barely more than a breath. His brow furrowed. “How what?”

Closing her eyes, she asked, “How do you prepare?”

His hand tightened on her waist, but he remained quiet long enough that she gave in and looked at him. The smirk that greeted her eased the tension. It was somehow both irritating and attractive all at once.

She tried to pull away again. “Forget it.”

“No, wait. I’m sorry. I’ve just never had to walk another person through this.” he said. “Um… Well, have you… touched yourself?”

Juniper was going to burst into flames. She was certain of it.

His smile widened. When she didn’t answer, he said, “All right, so, you know what your body likes? What feels good?”

She nodded, having initially discovered that a few years ago out of curiosity.

“Good. Now, imagine me doing that.” He slowly eased her back to lie down again. “Imagine my fingers instead of yours.” The appendages in question drifted across her stomach and lower. “Imagine my tongue instead of fingers.”

Her eyes widened, and she sucked in a breath as he pressed his thumb against her through her shift.

“Do you want that?”

She nodded, unable to find her words.

“Juniper, tell me.” His thumb moved up and down, stealing her thoughts. Then, he stopped, taking his hand away.

She groaned at his absence.

“Tell me what you want,” he said in a firm but gentle tone.

“I want you to touch me. Show me everything.”

Bodin grinned and returned his hand to her center. “As you wish, my queen.”