Cursed by Darkness (Once Upon A Curse)

24. Juniper

TWENTY-FOUR

Juniper

1 DAY EARLIER…

Eryx hated his brother, but not enough to end his life. Not until Theran went after Ronna. She had never done anything to deserve his wrath. She’d fought for peace for so long, and this was how she was being repaid for it, apparently. And then, Theran did the unspeakable.

In the dead of night, he crept into the castle in Nortussa. And Ronna’s remaining family, her descendants, were all slain by the God of Light.

“I

cannot take another day of this,” Juniper said, tilting her head back against the tub.

Nadine stopped gathering her clothes and such to prepare her for the day and sat on the stool beside the tub. “Of bathing, Your Majesty?”

The jest made Juniper chuckle. She shifted to face her, resting her arms on the side of the tub with her chin atop them. “No. Of sitting around and waiting. My brother was right. Just don’t tell him I admitted that. Ever.”

Hugo had left the night before, wanting to catch up with the others. He hadn’t stayed long, but the visit meant everything to her. For the first time in years, she felt like she had her best friend back. It would take time to really return to what they’d once been, but at least they had talked. She understood his behavior now, and it broke her heart—both for what he’d gone through, as well as the time they’d lost.

As for the rest of what they had discussed, she struggled to wrap her mind around it.

She wanted to speak with her mother, but it needed to be without her father present. And she wouldn’t dare put those details in a letter. When Bodin returned, she would ask him about inviting her mother to come visit. Though, the queen hadn’t even attended their wedding, so it was impossible to know what it would take to get her here.

“Your secrets are safe with me.” Nadine moved closer to her side and lowered to her knees.

Juniper smiled at the woman who’d become one of the closest friends she had ever had, along with Laurent. “Can I ask you a question? What’s going on with you and Laurent?”

Now, it was Nadine’s turn to laugh. “Nothing.”

Lifting her head, Juniper raised a brow in disbelief.

“He flirts with everyone, and it’s a little… flustering at times, but that’s all,” Nadine said. “When I was younger, I used to fancy him. I’ll admit that. He’s attractive and genuinely a good person. But he’s a little too much for me.”

“He’s a little much for everyone,” Juniper teased before a wave of sadness washed through her. “I miss him.”

“They’ll be home any day now. Then, you’ll see that Bo is all right.”

“I hope so,” she whispered.

They sat in silence for a few moments before Juniper finished cleaning up and got out of the tub. She wanted to go into the village today. The first couple of days after Bodin left, she had done as he requested—before her short period of wallowing—checking in on those who’d suffered in the attack, along with others she’d seen mingling in the streets.

She had even found Inaya, the young healer. Bodin had been correct about her not having anyone. Her father had died in the war when she was a child, and her mother passed away last season. She was on her own and working where she could in order to get by. When Juniper had mentioned being an apprentice to the royal physician, Inaya hadn’t hesitated to jump at the opportunity. She’d been so excited that she moved into the healer’s quarters that night, ready to get to work the next morning.

Today, however, Juniper had other plans. After getting dressed, she met Richard and Samuel in the hall and told them her plan to go into the village again. She stopped before getting too far and turned back to her room. “Nadine, would you like to come with me?”

“I can do that. Whatever you need.”

Juniper shook her head. “No, I don’t mean to help me. I mean as my friend.”

Nadine’s features softened, her dark red lips curling into a smile. “I’d love to.”

Together, they made their way down to the streets. She and Nadine talked to the villagers, visited the little shops, and bought so many sweets that she was fairly certain she would be sick by the end of the night. It amazed Juniper how open and friendly these people were toward her. When she and Bodin did this, many of them avoided him or watched him warily, but it wasn’t like that now. Sure, a few still kept an eye on her. It felt like they did it more out of curiosity though than fear.

A bell chimed the late-morning hour, and Nadine sighed. “I should get back to the palace. I usually help my mother prepare for dinner.”

Juniper nodded in understanding.

“No,” Nadine said as Juniper turned to head back. “You keep doing this, whatever you want.”

“Are you sure?”

“Definitely. Have fun; explore the city more.”

Juniper hugged her, and then Nadine was off. She’d been so distracted that she hadn’t even started on her quest for the day—the reason she’d come out here at all. Not that she didn’t enjoy time with her friend, but now, she could focus.

It had been weeks since Juniper arrived here, but glancing around the sunny street, the freedom was almost overwhelming. Blinking away the moisture in her eyes, she took a deep breath. It would take a while to get used to this—having friends, being able to go wherever she wanted, do whatever she desired.

“Princess?”

A soft laugh escaped her at the wrong title as she turned toward her guard who so rarely crossed that line of formality these days. “I’m fine.”

He took a hesitant step closer. “Are you sure?”

Exhaling, she nodded again. He’d seemed even more distant since the night Bodin made him leave their room, and she hated it. She wanted things to return to normal between them. “I am. I was just thinking about how strange it was not to have to sneak around anymore.”

The man smiled, wrinkles forming near his hazel-green eyes. “Yes, well, I have to admit that I like the fact that I don’t have to chase after you anymore.”

Juniper’s chest ached. Since coming here, she’d noticed a change in his demeanor. It sent a wave of guilt through her every time she thought about how he was also forced to leave his home to stay with her. Closing the space between them, she wrapped her arms around his middle, not caring that they could be seen by anyone walking by. This particular street was quiet but not empty. Richard slowly returned the embrace.

“Thank you,” she whispered. “For always being here. I know you drew the short stick in getting sent with me, but I’m glad?—”

“Juni,” he pushed her back enough to meet her eyes, “I wasn’t sent against my will.” He brushed the fallen tears from her cheeks with callused fingers. “I volunteered.”

“You… what?”

“Well, more like demanded.” He gave her a sad smile. “Did you think I’d let anyone else come to this new place with you? That I would trust anyone else to look out for you?”

She couldn’t process his words, couldn’t understand when she’d felt so unloved for so long. But she realized that wasn’t true. He’d stood beside her, whether it was outside her door back home or following her through Nortussa, day in and day out.

“I don’t know what to say,” she whispered.

“You don’t need to say anything. I just wanted you to know the truth,” he said. “I know your upbringing was… difficult and you were often lonely, but you didn’t let that tarnish your outlook on life. You have the biggest heart of anyone I’ve ever met, and I’m glad you are content here, even if it’s not the path you might have chosen for yourself.”

“I don’t have any idea what I would have done if given a choice, but I’m more than content. I love it here. The people, the freedom, my—” She cut herself off, her cheeks heating.

“Your husband?”

She hadn’t told Bodin yet, but it was true. Nodding with a smile, she said, “My husband.”

“Despite what you may have learned in Forosse, that’s a good thing.” He kissed her forehead. “You worried me the other day.”

“I know; I’m sorry. Things were… complicated.” She wanted to tell him the truth, but this wasn’t the place. If Bodin could accept her magic, she had no doubt Richard could. “He didn’t hurt me. I promise.”

Richard nodded and lowered his voice so that no one else could hear. “If he does, I don’t care if he’s the king. I will destroy him.”

Juniper shook her head and quickly said, “He wouldn’t. He’s a good man. We had an argument, that’s all. We made up for it.”

Her cheeks heated, and she looked away. After her first time with Bodin, she realized just how loud they had been. Horror had consumed her at the thought of this man hearing them. Apparently, however, when Bodin went to check the hall, Richard was not there. Samuel and another guard had been though, and the former explained that Richard had retired early for the night.

Thank the goddess.

“I’m glad he treats you well,” Richard said. “You deserve to be loved.”

“It’s only been a week, but I miss him so much,” she said, picturing the way he held her that final day.

“I know.”

The image in her mind morphed to Bodin lying on the battlefield, blood pooling beneath his broken body. People dying all around him. Laurent dying.

“Juniper.” Samuel’s voice cut through the panic she suddenly found herself in.

Richard’s hands gripped her shoulders until she met his gaze, then one cupped the side of her face. “Take a deep breath for me.”

“H-he’s hurt,” she said in a shaky tone.

Richard guided her closer to the nearest building, and Samuel followed. The latter said, “What can I do?”

Before her guard could respond, she said, “What c-can any of us do?”

There had to be a way to end this war. Visiting the villagers was good, but she still felt useless. She wanted to do more to help this kingdom— her kingdom—and to do that, she needed to learn more. That was why she was here today, why she’d come to begin with. She needed to find a way for them to win, or at least stop the war. She needed to figure out what exactly happened to Elias that led to the former king breaking the treaty and attacking Gilarn. Would Bodin consider calling a truce? Or did he feel as strongly as his father about getting vengeance?

“Breathe, Juni,” Richard repeated.

She obeyed, taking one deep breath, then another. Once she finally calmed down enough to speak and think rationally, she said, “I need to find that bookstore.”

“Perhaps we should return to the palace.” Richard hesitantly released her and stepped back. “You can get some rest, and then we can return and continue.”

“No.” She shook her head and began the trek toward the shop. “I need to find every book I can on this war. I’ll also search the royal library, but I?—”

“Your Majesty,” Samuel started.

“I need to understand why this is happening over and over throughout history, and I need to find a way to make it stop. This has to end now before the entire realm is destroyed.” That might have been an exaggeration, but not by much. If they continued down this road, eventually, there would be nothing left to fight for. “If I could just figure out exactly what happened fifteen years ago?—”

“Your Majesty,” he said again, moving into her line of sight, and this time, she stopped and glared at him.

“I’m not going to rest. I’m done sitting by and?—”

Samuel lifted a hand in front of himself, waving for her to stop. “I was only going to suggest your husband’s private study instead.”

“His study…”

“There is a little-known tradition in the royal family of keeping journals and passing them down,” he said. “Meaning, the king has his father’s innermost thoughts from when he declared war. He has his ancestors’ journals as well. If you can find them, you might be able to find the answers you seek.”

Grinning at the guard, she thanked him, turned on her heel, and took off in the direction of home, abandoning her earlier plan. The two men kept up with her, one on either side. As they made their way through the winding city, she asked Samuel, “So, what do you know of the king’s study? Have any suggestions on where to start?”

Bodin’s study wasn’t huge, but it was filled to the brim with books, ledgers, and even scrolls. Juniper had been skimming through them most of the day, trying not to watch the clock and wonder how soon he’d be home. Laurent had said in his letter that they were leaving right away, but it would be a slower journey. Especially if they were stopping to care for Bodin often. It had been four days though. According to Samuel, he should be back tomorrow or the next day at the latest.

Sitting sideways in one of the large armchairs, Juniper sighed and flipped through yet another ledger. They’d yet to find any journals, but there were countless books about the war and magic. However, most of the important details were what she already knew.

Seeing the number of estimated losses each year nearly made her sick though. So much death.

“Richard?”

“Yes, Your Majesty?” He sat in the opposite chair—at her insistence—reading various accounts as well. She trusted him more than just about anyone, and she couldn’t make it through this on her own. Nadine sat on the floor with her own pile, and Juniper had Samuel searching the library for anything helpful as well, with the help of the archivist.

“Would you mind having the page fetch a maid for tea?”

Pushing to his feet, he said, “Of course.”

“I can get it,” Nadine said.

They both waved her off. Juniper shook her head. “You are not a maid tonight. You’re my friend who’s helping search for a way to save our kingdom.”

Nadine smiled and looked back down at the book in her hands, but not before Juniper saw a suspicious sheen in her eyes.

As Richard went to the door to talk to the young boy outside, Juniper set her ledger aside, stood, and stretched her back. She went to the wide mahogany desk and instead took her husband’s seat. One by one, she started searching the drawers for what she was sure was the tenth time. She kept thinking that was where she would find answers. But it was the same records she’d read over and over.

Richard returned and neared the desk. “You should get some sleep or fresh air.”

“I’m fine,” she said as she stood again and went to the tall shelves behind her.

“You’ve been at this all day, Juni.”

Glancing at the grandfather clock in the corner of the room, she realized it was nearing midnight. Juniper sighed. “Why didn’t you tell me what time it was? You should have been off duty hours ago.”

“Because I’m not here as a guard,” he said, echoing her statement to Nadine. “I’m a friend here to help. Besides, I hate the idea of you being alone.”

Her throat tightened. “I’m not alone though.”

“Juniper—”

“I’m fine.” Even she didn’t believe herself.

Richard stayed quiet for a moment before moving to her side. “Apologies, Your Majesty. I’m just… worried about you. I always worry about you, but I’m also so proud of you, of the woman you’ve become.”

When he put a hand on her shoulder, she faced him. Tears lined her eyes. She stepped closer to the only father figure she’d ever really known and wrapped her arms around his torso for the second time that day. Richard held her tightly, his lips pressing to her temple.

She’d been so caught up, that she forgot Nadine was there watching this play out until her maid switched books and dropped one. Nadine winced and whispered, “Sorry. Ignore me.”

Juniper chuckled but turned back to Richard. After a moment, she asked, “Why did you decide to leave your family to come with me?”

He ran a hand up and down her back in a soothing gesture. “I didn’t have much family to leave. My parents both passed when I was younger than you are now. I have a sister and two nephews, but I…”

Juniper waited a moment before saying, “But you what?”

With a sigh, he leaned away to meet her gaze. “Do you know how long I’ve been your personal guard?”

“For as long as I can remember.”

“You were four years old,” he said. “For seventeen years, I have been at your side, Juniper, not only protecting you but watching you grow. You are my family.”

She sniffled and hugged him once more. “You’re mine too. You’ve been a father to me more than… In all the ways that matter, you are my family too. I can’t tell you what it’s meant to have you stay with me. I was devastated at thought of leaving you behind, of not having you in my life day-in and day-out.”

“As was I,” he whispered, pressing another kiss to her head. “I love you, Juni. I never had children of my own, but I consider you mine.”

Trying not to sob, she squeezed him a little tighter. “Love you too.”

After a moment, when she got her emotions under control, she released him. Clearing her throat, she returned to the desk, sneaking a glance at Nadine. Her friend stayed quiet but was watching them with concern. When she noticed Juniper’s attention, she gave a small nod, as if silently reminding her she was here for her too—then went back to her reading.

Wiping away her tears, Juniper thought about his words, about how he’d never had children, and couldn’t help but ask, “Were you ever in love?”

“Once… a very long time ago.”

“What happened?” Something beneath the desk caught her eye, and she pulled the chair back to get a better look.

“She married another man.” He’d said it was a long time ago, but his voice was still full of grief.

“I’m sorry.” She paused her search to meet his gaze. “You deserve to be loved too. And if she chose someone over you, then that’s her loss. She sounds foolish.”

He shook his head. “I don’t know if she really had a choice in the matter. For too long, the women of Forosse have lacked control over their own lives. It makes me sick.”

“Me too.”

A knock sounded, and as he went to open the door, she knelt by the desk. If she hadn’t approached from that angle, she never would have seen the tiny latch against one of the inner sides.

“Juniper?” Richard said, setting the tray of tea on the desk.

She tugged on the latch, twisted it, pushed it. Nothing worked. “There’s something down here, but I can’t open it.”

He hesitated, shifting his weight from one leg to the other.

Grinning up at him, she said, “Please help me?”

“You want me to break into a secret compartment in the king’s desk?”

“Yes?” She voiced it like a question, shrugging a shoulder.

“You do realize that I’d be committing treason, right?”

Juniper rolled her eyes and began pulling the latch again. “No one but us would ever know.”

He glanced beyond the desk.

“Fine, besides us and Nadine.”

“I’m certainly not going to tell,” Nadine said, her voice getting closer as she joined them. “If you don’t try, I will.”

He sighed and yanked the chair farther out of the way to get on his knees beside Juniper. “Fine. Move.”

She chuckled and made room for him. It took a few tries, and he eventually pulled out a dagger to use as leverage, but he managed to get it open. He didn’t reach inside though. No, he saved that part for her. The second he got out of the way, she put her hand into the small compartment. Her fingers brushed what felt like leather, and her breath caught in her throat.

Juniper pulled it out, skimming her fingers across the cover before opening it.

But it wasn’t just a book. It was a journal.

Bodin’s journal.