Cursed by Darkness (Once Upon A Curse)

31. Juniper

THIRTY-ONE

Juniper

PRESENT DAY…

With her power, Ronna found the strength to fight Theran. But when she went to attack, she realized he wasn’t stopping her. He knelt beside his twin with a look of horror before glancing up at her and asking, “What have I done?”

P ain.

There was so much pain in Bodin’s eyes that Juniper could feel it herself. He had stood and started pacing at some point during his recounting of that horrible day, but now he returned to the window seat and slumped down, the weight of his past sitting on his shoulders. She didn’t know what to do, how to help.

“I didn’t truly understand what had happened until days later,” he whispered, lowering his chin and his gaze, seemingly unable to look at her. “The story is that a creature attacked us in the woods and I was the only survivor… but that’s not the truth.” And then, so quietly she almost missed it, he said, “It was me. I’m the monster.”

His story twisted her stomach into knots. How was this possible?

“Umbra killed Elias,” she whispered, now understanding why he’d written that name in the journal so much. “They started this.”

“Yes.” He took a deep breath. “The ones who attacked Beatrice and I were the vilest type of men, threatening her and killing my men just to get to me. As if murdering my little brother wasn’t enough.” He pushed to his feet and crossed the room to the drink cart. After pouring and downing a glass of bourbon, he faced her once more. Crossing his arms, he said, “I lost control of my magic. I unleashed it on them, wanting to destroy every last one, even though I had no idea what I was doing.”

“And you killed her too.”

The words were barely more than a breath, but even from across the room, he seemed to hear her. He visibly swallowed, looked down at the floor, and nodded once. “I didn’t mean to… I didn’t know… That creature isn’t just something I created out of grief, Juniper. It’s a part of me.”

Her heart beat too fast. Shaking her head, she tried to figure out what to say. Fear coursed through her at what this could mean, but more than that was a great sadness. For him. For the suffering he’d lived through. “Only Laurent knew?”

Nodding, he said, “By some gods-blessed miracle, he hadn’t been with us while traveling that day.”

Bodin had been hiding this terrible secret for so long. Just like she’d kept her own. One cautious step at a time, she moved closer to him. To the husband she hadn’t initially wanted. To the man who’d tried to push her away because he didn’t want to hurt another person. His first wife died while giving birth to his child. The second was killed in his attempt to save her.

No wonder he hadn’t wanted to open up his heart again.

“You came to the palace,” she whispered.

“Apparently, I terrorized a few villages first. I don’t remember chunks of that time. It’s hard to explain, but it’s like I was stuck inside the demon creature. It was in control, and I think… I think after the first attack, I lost consciousness for a while. It’s me, but it’s not. It has a mind of its own; it taunted me, telling me it was all his now. It was torture. And then, it got worse. I made it home…”

Where he killed the last of his family.

By most accounts, Juniper should be terrified of him. Yet, her heart refused to listen to logic. “How did you change back? How did you trap it?”

He got up from the window seat again and moved to sit on the edge of their bed closer to her. “It seemed impossible to shift back. I begged and pleaded with the creature, with the gods, but I couldn’t regain control. I had to watch as I…” He cleared his throat. “And here’s the thing. I was trapped in my mind, but he was there too. He did a good job shielding most of his thoughts, but not all of them. I saw pieces of how we merged.”

Juniper slowly closed the final distance between them, needing to hear more, but dreading it at the same time.

“The creature was once a powerful being, but it was cursed into the shadows. It didn’t have a physical form anymore, and so, it wandered, searching for a host to use. For thousands of years, it sought out a human strong enough to… invade.” Bodin sighed. “It latched on to me during a vulnerable moment. It used my desperation for power, and it took everything .”

“Bo,” she whispered.

He shook his head and continued. “After the attacks, it grew tired. It wasn’t used to a physical body. I woke up days later in the forest, naked and covered in blood. I’m still not entirely sure how I returned to myself, but I think it was just too exhausting to keep ahold of that control. Laurent was the one who found me—guards and townspeople had started searching when they realized I was missing. I immediately told him the truth and wanted him to…”

When he trailed off, Juniper closed the remaining distance to him.

“I couldn’t let it happen again,” he said, lowering his voice. “So, I told him to do whatever it took to stop me. I wanted him to end my life.”

“Bodin.” Horror flooded through her. She had no idea his thoughts had been that dark. Her vision blurred with tears.

“He refused, obviously,” Bodin said. “In the end, I asked him to at least lock me up because I feared the beast would return and kill him too. And we didn’t understand it, so he agreed and took me to the old, unused prison cells. And while I was locked in there, I was trying to figure out how to get whatever this was out of me. I began experimenting with my magic, and eventually, I discovered I could create… realistic scenes or illusions.”

Juniper’s mind reeled as she followed the conversation. It was surreal. She leaned a hip against the bed beside him, not quite touching. Not yet.

“I couldn’t make whole worlds, just a small portion of one contained within that room, but then I realized I could make it stay permanently—and more importantly, I could put anything from my mind into them.” He scratched the back of his neck then winced, reminding her of the fire that burned his shoulder. “Including the Ombrete.”

“You trapped it in there,” she whispered as she finally moved that last little step that remained between them, close enough to remove his shirt.

When she raised her hands to reach for him, he gently grasped her wrists, watching her face for something—fear, maybe? But when she showed none, he relaxed, releasing her, and continued.

“No.” He shook his head. “Not really. I had Laurent let me out, and then I tried to create a scene from beyond the room. I could, but I had to be touching the door to help solidify it and contain it to that space. Once I figured that out, I imagined that creature.” He sucked in a breath when she peeled the charred fabric from his shoulder. “I created a replica, putting everything I’d felt during that time behind the door. And as soon as I locked it, leaving the monster in there, I no longer felt it threatening to reappear.”

She stilled, her eyebrows dipping down. “That got rid of it? How if it’s actually a part of you?”

“It isn’t completely gone,” he said while she went to her vanity to search for something to soothe his burn; she could feel him watching her the entire time. “It’s still there, but it’s like it is no longer living just beneath the surface. It allowed me to go back to my life without worrying every minute of every day that I would unleash it again. It felt contained— feels contained—but I think I could still call it forth in the right circumstances.”

Juniper returned with a small tin of cold cream. She motioned for him to turn, and he angled his back toward her, pulling one knee up onto the bed. As gently as she could, she spread the salve across his red, blistered skin. Once it was covered, she set the tin on the bedside table and wiped her hand on his ruined shirt before tossing it to the floor.

“I even went into the room once to try to fight that version.” He pointed to the scars slicing down the right side of his face. “I thought, maybe if I killed it there, it would die in my mind too… I was willing to try anything.”

She reached up to trace one of the faint pink lines that stretched from his forehead to his jaw.

“When you went inside, June,” Bodin continued. “The connection returned in full force. Even from Tusan, I felt you. And the real one woke within me. It wanted out; it nearly took over again.”

“But you fought it?” she breathed.

“I had no choice. I knew I had to get back to you, and that was stronger than the need to shift.” He turned to lower his leg once more.

She sighed, wondering how it was possible she’d ended up with this man. “I was so scared you would never know what happened. That I would never get to tell you…”

“What?” he asked when she trailed off.

Wetting her lips, she watched as his eyes followed the quick movement of her tongue. She ignored the heat in her cheeks, in her core. “I love you.”

He stared at her in disbelief for several heartbeats before whispering, “How can you say that? I’m a monster. I’ve killed almost everyone I’ve ever loved.”

She placed a surprisingly steady palm against his cheek, right over his scars, forcing him to look at her. “You are not a monster, Bo. The power to turn into that creature does not define you.”

“But—”

“No.” She took a final step, so she was pressed against him, standing between his legs. “When sneaking through Nortussa, I saw vicious people who cared only for themselves and took what they wanted. Even my father was a cruel man who locked up his daughter, claiming it was for her protection but then threatened her every time her brother tried to fight for her freedom, and then sold her off at his earliest convenience. I’ve known demons in my life, Bodin, and I promise that you are nothing like them. You care more about your friends, your people, than yourself. You have the biggest heart of anyone I’ve ever met.”

“Juniper,” he whispered, his dark eyes glassy. One of his hands went to the nape of her neck. “I don’t deserve you.”

She shook her head. “I’m pretty sure we were made for one another. Your dark magic, my light… We balance each other out.”

Finally— finally —the corner of his mouth curved up and he let out a huff of breath. But the amusement vanished just as quickly. “You should be terrified of me.”

“Do you remember what you did when you found out about my magic?” She stood on her toes, bringing their mouths closer together.

His free hand slid around to her back. “I was horrible to you, threw a fit, and then avoided you all day.”

Juniper scoffed and rolled her eyes. “After that.”

The light returned to his gaze little by little, erasing the darkness that had nothing to do with the color of his irises. “I took you to bed.”

“ Bodin .”

With a soft chuckle, he brushed his thumb across her cheek. “I told you that I trusted you.”

“So, why wouldn’t I trust you the same way?”

“Because it’s not the same. You never killed anyone with your secret.”

Her brow furrowed. “Neither did you, by the sounds of it. You weren’t in control. You didn’t choose to kill anyone. None of them died by your hands.”

“June,” he whispered, leaning in to press a soft kiss to her lips. After a moment, he added, “When I felt you there, I was terrified I would lose you too.”

“I’m so sorry; that wasn’t my intention. I didn’t even think about you feeling it until I was already inside. I would never want to do that to you on purpose.” She twisted her arms behind his head and hugged him with everything she had. He didn’t hesitate to hold her just as tightly. She breathed in his familiar scent, soaking in his touch. She’d missed him so much. “How did you get back here so quickly?”

Rubbing her back, he said, “Tusan is less than a day’s ride away. I practically stole a horse and left the moment I felt you go into the portal and then rode the whole way here without stopping.”

“And my brothers?”

“Refused to let me come alone. They didn’t know what was going on, just that something was wrong and I needed to return.” With his face buried against the side of her neck, he whispered, “I love you too, you know.”

Juniper leaned back to kiss him again. Tears fell from her eyes as her husband held her. For the first time in over a decade, she didn’t question that love. She felt it deep in her soul, this connection between them.

Except, even as she thought about not questioning it, she realized this wasn’t the first time. Because there had always been another person there for her—apart from her brothers. The one who’d never left her, even when everyone else had. The man she’d always looked up to, cared for, and shared secrets with. All but one. She kept her magic from Richard not because she feared him, but because she didn’t want him to fear her . She didn’t want another person to avoid her because of it. Though, she now knew no one feared her really. It was the implication, the reasoning behind the magic, that caused so much strife.

She had always thought of him more as a father figure than a guard. And just yesterday—gods above, it had only been a day ago—he told her she was his family. Now, she wondered if he knew the truth of those words.

Despite his unwavering love and loyalty though, she had doubted him. She hadn’t outright accused him of being involved with Elias’s death, but she’d implied it. She had yelled at him and then ran off without giving him a chance to explain.

Breaking the kiss, she asked Bodin, “How long do you think we have before Richard comes looking for me?”

He gave her a sad, understanding smile. “If I had to guess, I’d say he’s likely already waiting outside the door.”

With a sigh, she leaned to rest her forehead on his uninjured shoulder. Bodin continued to hold her, letting her stand there for as long as she needed. She had to face this, had to ask the questions that would hurt. For a moment though, she simply stood in her husband’s arms, thanking the goddess that they were both safe. Then, she whispered, “He’s my real father. But there’s more you should know.”