Curvy Fake Wife for the Player

30. Sasha

Chapter 30

Sasha

“ I now pronounce you husband and wife,” the officiant said with a proud smile. “You may now kiss your bride.”

I hardly remembered the wedding ceremony other than this last moment and the officiant’s proud smile, which was probably for the best. To think, I was falling in love with this selfish jerk and he was planning to rent an apartment to keep up his whorish ways. Anger rushed through my veins as humiliation burned through my flesh at the way I defended him to my parents last night, the hope I held in my heart—however secretly—that what we had would become more. I tilted my head up with a half-hearted smile to accept Alex’s kiss because that was what was expected of me. That was part of the deal and I was a woman of my word.

Alex kissed me like he meant it, like the vows we repeated meant something to him. He cradled my face in his big hands and smiled down at me with something that looked a lot like love in his deep green eyes. A foolish woman, or rather one who hadn’t heard the post-nuptial plans, would have swooned at the words.

Instead, I bit the inside of my jaw to stop the tears that threatened to fall. I wanted to cry because the words I said to my parents were true, the feelings I conveyed were genuine. I loved Alex and he did see me. He saw me for who I was and he appreciated that. He didn’t want me to change, but he also just didn’t want me.

That’s fine, I told myself as Alex lowered his mouth to mine. He didn’t have to love me, it was his right to fall for whomever captured his heart. I wouldn’t punish him for not sharing my feelings because that wouldn’t be right. And there was no need to punish him when my feelings would be punishment enough. I accepted Alex’s kisses but I didn’t return it the way I would have last night. It was a chaste kiss perfect for a wedding, and that was all I had in me to give.

Alex pulled back with a look of confusion on his face, but ever the professional he shrugged it off, clasped our hands together as we walked into the blazing Texas sun.

“We did it,” he whopped. “We’re married!” Alex’s excitement was contagious even though I knew it was an act. He picked me up and spun me around. “Ready to celebrate?”

I wanted to say yes—badly. It was impossible to look into his joyful expression, his inviting smile and shit all over it on today of all days, but I just didn’t have it in me to pretend. Not today. Now right now. I extricated myself from Alex’s strong hold the moment we were alone and took a few steps back to gain some distance.

“Sasha?”

My smile was sad and heartbroken because that’s exactly what I was. “I’m not really in the mood.”

Alex frowned, his hands cupping my jaws as his eyes examined me for any sign that all wasn’t right with me. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing is wrong,” I sighed. “The wedding is over, we are officially married now.”

“Exactly why we should be celebrating.” His smile never wavered and I realized what a practiced liar my husband was.

“You don’t have to pretend anymore, Alex.” I motioned around the bridal suite, empty except for us. “I can now go back to my job and you,” I patted his chest gently and tried for a grin I didn’t feel. “You can head to your secret apartment and celebrate your life going on as usual.” I wanted to say more, to tell him that I would have given him everything if only he wanted it, but I couldn’t. Another rejection would be too much to handle so I looked away and then I walked away, holding my tears at bay while I stopped to accept well wishes and words of congratulations from our wedding guests.

An hour later I slipped out of the reception venue and into the back of a waiting limousine. I closed the privacy window and let myself cry for the future I wouldn’t have, at least not with Alex. I cried until there were no more tears, until the ache in my heart dulled, until it no longer hurt to think about Alex giving his love, his big strong body to someone else.

I cried until I just couldn’t cry anymore, vowing that it would be the last time I cried over Alex or any man. I wouldn’t waste a drop of tears on my father or the sins of his past, or any other person. Period.

By the time I made it back to the penthouse, my eyes were red but dry, my body felt heavy and sad, but I was ready to move on to what came after the wedding.

I was ready to move on to everything else, whatever that entailed, and I knew I would have to do it alone.

Without Alex.

He was my husband in name only and if I was silly enough to get my heart involved in this marriage of convenience, well that was totally on me. It wasn’t his burden to bear. It was mine alone and I would take care of it.

On my own.

Turns out I wasn’t enough. Again.