Curvy Nanny for the Nerd

16. Toni

Chapter 16

Toni

“ S tay for dinner, Toni. Please?” Layla did her adorable pouty face and it was downright irresistible, bouncing in her seat until I relented. “Pretty please?”

I rolled my eyes at her dramatics, but I couldn’t deny that I’d missed having dinner with Layla over the past week. And the taco bar we’d done together looked too good to pass up. “Are you sure?”

“I’m sure!” She shouted back.

I was all too aware of Brady’s eyes on me, so was my body, which damn near vibrated with a need that I was determined to shove down deep. My attraction to Brady could be managed easily, as long as we didn’t spend any time alone together.

“Then I’ll stay for dinner. You had me at tacos.”

She flashed a satisfied smile and turned to her uncle. “Do you like tacos, Uncle Brady?”

“I love them,” he answered with a genuine smile before his gaze swung to mine. “They’re my absolute favorite.”

As if I could forget one of the few truths he’d actually shared with me. I hadn’t forgotten any of it, especially his flat out refusal to tell me anything personal last week and my subsequent retreat from our budding…whatever it was. For the past week —eight days to be exact—I’d kept a distance between us, both physical and emotional. It was better this way, no matter how much it caused an ache in my chest, no matter how awkward it was between us.

It had to be this way.

He’d made it this way.

“What did you ladies do today,” he asked Layla, who was happy to fill in the silence with the obliviousness of a child.

She told him about what she’d learned during our lessons, which consisted of a lot of math in many different ways. Brady, for his part, listened with rapt attention, seemingly fascinated by the lesson plans. His gaze was genuine however, which only made him more attractive, dammit.

I ate my tacos, mostly in silence, letting uncle and niece bond the way they should have been doing all along. Maybe this was for the best. Maybe withdrawing from family time off the clock was promoting their growth as a family unit. Without me.

Maybe I should just do my job and stop worrying about the hot nerd paying my salary.

There was no maybe about it. This was the for the best, for all three of us. I let out a quiet sigh and enjoyed one last taco before I decided to call it a night. But Layla, the mischievous little minx, beat me to the punch.

“I’m tired now,” she declared loudly. “Good night.”

Brady stood, confused by the sudden end to dinner. “Mind if I help you get settled into bed?”

Layla looked so confused. “You want to?”

Brady looked adorable and vulnerable as he nodded his desire to help. “I do.”

“Okay.” Layla took his hand and practically dragged him out of the kitchen. “Good night, Toni!”

I smiled at the cheerfulness in Layla’s voice, happy that she was finally feeling as if this was her home. When I was alone, the smile dropped and I decided to clear my mind by putting away the dishes and leftover food. The past week without Brady felt strange, which only highlighted how important it was to put some much needed distance between us.

We’d been sleeping together for just a few weeks, but sharing a bed every night and having most meals together made everything feel more intense in a shorter period of time. It was an accelerated non-relationship, and now that it was over, I felt heartbroken.

I missed him.

But like most emotions, I knew it would pass. Whatever I felt for Brady was genuine, but not sustainable because he refused to let it be anything close to that. So I would shove those feelings down deep until they faded to the point of nothingness. In the meantime I would maintain a healthy, professional distance between us.

And I would let whiskey be my assistant. Whiskey and moonlight on the terrace would be my salvation until I no longer needed it.

“Hey.” His deep voice startled me out of my reverie.

“Hey,” I shot back, my gaze focused on the stars that twinkled in the sky above.

“What are you up to?”

I bit back a smile at his attempt at small talk. “Star gazing.” It was awkward as hell and I hated it, but this was how it had to be.

“Toni,” he began and I braced for what I knew was coming. “I’m sorry if I made you feel like you weren’t important.” He sighed and raked a hand through his hair as he dropped down on the lounger beside me.

I shook my head, finally letting my gaze settle on his beautiful face. “I don’t need an apology, Brady. I never did.”

“Then what do you need?”

“Nothing.” I hated that he seemed hurt and confused by things, but he created this problem. “I wanted what happened between us as much as you did, and I’m not blaming you for that.”

His brows knitted together. “But you are blaming me for something?”

“No,” I sighed and took a long sip of whiskey. “I just think it’s best for both of us if we go back to being nanny and employer.”

He growled his frustration. “Why do you want to know me so badly?”

“I work for you, Brady. I can get “just sex” anywhere. And literally anywhere else will be less complicated than this,” I motioned between us. “This will get messy going the way that it is. Hell, it’s already messy and that probably means I’ll end up looking for a new placement sooner rather than later.”

“I already told you that I won’t fire you.” He was breathing heavily, his frustration breaking through the confusion.

“You say that now but what if we continue sleeping together? What if I develop feelings for you and I want even more than a few details about your life? What will you do?” He looked so confused I almost felt bad for him. Almost. “The horror on your face says it all, Brady.”

“It’s not horror, I’m just not sure where this is coming from.”

I stared at him for a long time and smiled. “You really don’t get it, do you?”

“No,” he growled. “I don’t.”

A sad smile crossed my face. “You act like a woman hasn’t ever just wanted to know you before.” Which had to be bullshit because Brady was handsome and funny and smart.

He laughed bitterly. “It’s not an act.”

My heart broke for him, but I couldn’t let him break my heart out of sympathy. “Then it’s too bad for both of us, because that’s all I wanted from you. Well that and your hot body.” And maybe your heart. But that was definitely not on the table, and his behavior now helped me come to terms with that fact. Sure, it hurt like hell, but now that I understood, his actions at least made some sense.

“Toni,” he groaned when I stood and walked away.

“It’s all right, Brady. I get it now. We’ll go back to the way things were before we kissed and everything will be fine.” I hoped anyway, but Brady’s next words stopped me dead in my tracks.

“And if I don’t want that?”

I sighed and turned back to face him. “Well then you have the power to change it, in a variety of ways.”

He grabbed my wrist and pulled me back to him, a look of absolute anguish in his eyes. “I haven’t been able to stop thinking about you, Toni. I missed you.”

I smiled. “I missed you too, Brady.”

“Then what the fuck are we doing?” He growled, fixing his mouth over mine before I could formulate an answer.

My arms wrapped around him and I pressed my body against his, hungry for his heat and his touch. I knew I should have pulled back, extracted myself from this hot as sin kiss, but I couldn’t. He tasted like every dream, every fantasy I ever had, and when he growled into my mouth and squeezed my ass cheeks, all I wanted was him.