Curvy Nanny for the Nerd

22. Toni

Chapter 22

Toni

I was an idiot.

That was the only excuse for why I continued to go against my better judgment and spend any time at all with Brady. Yeah, sure, he was gorgeous and nerdy, and so hot it set my panties on fire, but he was also aloof. Mistrustful, and even more cynical than I was. It wasn’t a good combination for, well anything, really.

The worst part? I was developing feelings for my nerdy boss. He’d somehow snuck past my defenses without even trying, making me open up and feel things I thought I was long past feeling. He’d made me feel things when he refused to feel anything but orgasmic, which made the past week pretty damn tense.

And erotic because Brady was a revelation. The man was insatiable, sneaking up on me in the kitchen pantry for a quickie where he shoved down my pants, took me from behind while he left love bites all over the back of my neck and shoulders. He slipped into my room well after Layla had gone to sleep for the night and took me to the heights of ecstasy before we fell asleep in each other’s arms. It was like a never ending dream sequence with fog around the edges of my vision and I was trapped into this beautiful time and place where nothing mattered but me and Brady. The things we did to each other and how we made one another feel.

It wasn’t real but it was beautiful and kind of perfect.

A week of nonstop orgasms and pleasure was almost enough to make me forget that this wasn’t building up to anything else. There was no obstacles to us being together other than the simple fact that it wasn’t what Brady wanted. I couldn’t change it and no matter how much I wanted to try—and I really fucking did—I knew it wouldn’t change anything.

So I lived in limbo for more than a week. A sweet, beautiful limbo where I didn’t think about the past or the future and simply lived in the present. I pretended that I didn’t want more and that this wasn’t going to blow up in my face spectacularly, and I just took what was given—and a little bit more—and wished it was exactly what I always wanted.

And in a way, it was. I was always a little different but when it came to my parents’ social circle, I couldn’t have been more different than my peers. Sure I liked a few designer brands but I was just as likely to pair them with thrift store finds. I didn’t care about name brands so much as I indulged in what I liked regardless of cost, but with them it was all about one upmanship. And the guys? Well they weren’t looking for a curvy loudmouth who had no desire to be molded into the perfect trophy wife, which left me to my own devices.

But that didn’t stop me from dreaming about someone who saw me and saw beauty and authenticity. A man who saw that I was gruff and brash but also willing to help anyone in a bind whether it was backup in a fight, a pep talk or a kick in the ass. There was more to me than wild red hair, killer curves and leather pants. But so far, no one wanted more than getting into those leather pants.

Including Brady.

Since Layla had worn herself out at the park today, I took time for a call with Lucy. “Hey mama, are you free to talk?”

“Yes,” she groaned loudly. “The kids are asleep and Dante is at work. The house is so quiet I think I might be dead.”

I tossed my head back and laughed. “Well you’re not dead but the peace sounds nice.”

“It is.” Lucy lowered her voice, a true testament to how coveted quiet was in a house with small children. “What’s up?”

“Nothing. Just checking in with my girl.”

“Baloney, Toni. Spill the beans.”

“It’s nothing,” I assured her. “And even if it was something , it’s nothing that neither of us needs to worry ourselves about.”

Lucy let out a deep breath. “Well my life is diapers and carpool and breastfeeding so you’ll tell me everything and you will leave out no detail.”

“Lucy,” I groaned and covered my face with my free hand. “Let’s talk about anything else. Please.”

“No. You called me because you needed someone to talk to, so talk.”

“You’re not nice anymore,” I grumbled.

Lucy laughed. “I’m perfectly nice but I’m also short on time so tell me everything and make it quick.”

I nodded even though she couldn’t see me but just as I did, the little minx switched to a video call. “Is this necessary?”

“Perfectly. Talk.”

“Fine,” Sharing my feelings wasn’t really my forte but this was Lucy and she was the closest thing to a beat friend I had, so I sucked in a deep breath and let it out on a rushed breath as I told her the whole dirty story. “And that’s pretty much it. He wants me but not enough to share anything personal with me.”

“Brady Winsome,” she said as if the name meant something to her. “You haven’t looked him up?”

“No. if he doesn’t want me to know then I don’t want to know. Soon enough we’ll go back to being nothing more than boss and employee and it won’t matter who he is or what he does.”

“Right, but you’re not curious?”

“Oh, I am. But I’m also resigned. This is what it is and how it has to be, which means I’m working on being fine with it.”

“You’re hurt,” she guessed correctly.

“Annoyed,” I lied because it’s what I did.

“Yeah, of course. That’s what I said.”

I chuckled. “You’re such a good friend.”

“I am, aren’t I.” Lucy sighed and shook her head. “You like him and if I had to guess I would say you more than like him. But your instincts are right. If he doesn’t open up then what’s really between you?”

“Really great sex,” I answered. “Which isn’t as important as I thought it would be. Holy shit, is this like growth or adulthood or some other scheme?”

“All of the above,” she answered with an amused laugh. “Great sex is great but it’s only great because your feelings are involved, so if they aren’t returned or they come with strings, you might as well settle for emotionless really good sex.”

“Damn. Have you always been this good at giving advice or is it marriage and non-stop orgasms, oh, wise one?”

“Um, all of the above?”

We shared a laugh and even though I didn’t feel any better about my situation, just talking to Lucy made me feel better in general. “Thank you for taking time out of your busy new life for me.”

“Always. And if you need to talk or a guest room to crash in, our door is always open.”

“I appreciate that but maybe whenever whatever is going to happen, happens, I’ll treat myself to a vacation I’ve been meaning to take for the past few years.”

Lucy tossed her head back and laughed again. “Only you can say something like that and have it make total sense.”

“It’s a talent,” I smiled and rolled my eyes.

“I’m here except for right now because I have to go. There’s a baby in the house that needs to eat.”

“Okay. Kiss your kiddies for me. Thanks again, Lucy.”

“Anytime. Love you. Bye.”

I ended the call and shoved my phone into my back pocket before putting away all thoughts of the future. For now I was determined—and yeah maybe a little delusional—to live firmly in the present.