Curvy Nanny for the Nerd

32. Toni

Chapter 32

Toni

T he moment I’m released from the hospital, I hitched a cab to the now, almost-empty fairgrounds to retrieve my car. The rain made the grounds muddy but it took me about fifteen minutes to make my way through the expansive parking lot to my car. It was dusty but there was no damage and I slipped behind the wheel, letting out a long, slow breath before I jammed the key in the ignition and turned.

The next scheduled stop on my list was Brady’s mansion. In the three days I’d been in the hospital getting my vitamins readjusted I had sent a check to his lawyer, put my condo on the market and started looking for a small, single family home that would be perfect for me and the baby. The only thing left to do was move out of the nanny suite and get on with my life.

It was easier than it sounded.

I took my time on the long drive up to the mansion and when the door came into view, I sat for a long time and just watched the door, wondering what, if anything, was going on the other side. This is it. I have to do this. It’s time.

I stepped from my car and took in the details of the mansion one last time before making my way to the front door, step by hesitant step. I sent a word of hope up to the universe that Brady wasn’t home before I shoved my key into the door and twisted the knob.

The house was quiet, which was unusual but today it was a relief. I didn’t have the energy—mental or emotional—to deal with Brady again. He knew the truth about the pregnancy but how he felt about it was a mystery to me. It didn’t matter. He knew and he didn’t seem happy about it, which made leaving this placement a good thing.

A damn good thing.

Part of me was tempted to stop in the kitchen first, to see Brady and Layla enjoying breakfast one last time but the new and improved me was determined to avoid temptation at all costs. Instead I went straight up the stairs but before I made it to my suite, I was stopped by a tall, hot, broody nerd with a gentle smile on his face. “Toni.”

His anger was gone, which was a relief but it was also disappointing. I didn’t expect him to fight for me but I maybe, sort of hoped that he would fight for our baby. “I’m not here to cause any trouble or fight with you Brady. I just came to get my things.”

“Can we talk first? Please.” Brady pressed his palms together, begging for a moment of my time.

Every nerve in my body urged me to say no, to tell him that we had nothing else to talk about. But the pleading look in his eyes stopped me. I weighed my options. Did I really want to hear whatever he had to say or would it simply prolong the inevitable end? The inevitable goodbye. “Sure. Fine. What would you like to talk about, Brady?

He nodded, a sad look in his eyes. “I’m sorry, Toni. I owe you an apology, several actually. I haven’t done much right when it comes to you and for that I am truly sorry. I let the fear of my feelings for you get in the way, thinking that if I ignored them, they would go away. I thought I could put you in the same box as every other woman and when I couldn’t, I acted out.”

I didn’t know how to respond to that so I kept my gaze focused on his gorgeous face, unwavering yet uncertain about what came next.

“I thought you would just accept it, but you didn’t. You kept pushing to get to know me and as much as it thrilled me, it also made me incredibly suspicious.”

“That’s pretty fucked up.” I laughed nervously and Brady laughed in response.

“Yeah, it is.” He scrubbed a hand over his face, his smile sheepish and brilliant. “It was unsettling, your desire to get to know me. If I had told you about me, then you’d know more and have more to use against me. If I didn’t share, I risked losing you. There was no way to win.”

I nodded at his words even as my blood boiled. “I didn’t know this was a game. I just wanted to get to know you.”

“I know and as much as I appreciated that and wanted to share parts of my life with you, I wasn’t expecting you, Toni. It made me skeptical. I didn’t know that I should expect a woman like you, sassy and fiery and vibrant, curious to know about me as a man, not just a multi-millionaire. A woman who liked me for me? It was a goddamn fantasy which made it even harder to believe.”

“I never asked you for anything. Not once.” Nothing other than details of his life and that, apparently, was too much to ask.

“Yeah and it was too unbelievable that a woman like you was genuinely interested.”

“You keep saying that as if it’s an excuse and it’s not. You were deliberately cruel to me for no damn reason.”

“No good reason,” he added with a flash of a smile. “I didn’t know a better way to process my feelings, which is no excuse, simply an explanation.”

He made it difficult to stay mad at him, which was saying something because I could stay mad at people I didn’t even know but it grew harder and harder to hang on to my anger. “You keep saying that you have these feelings , that you need to process your feelings but even now you’re skirting around what those feelings actually are.”

He stared at me like everything was so obvious, so crystal clear that I should already know the answer. I had my suspicions, despite his behavior, but I needed to hear the words. If there would ever be a chance at something more between us—and I was doubtful—he needed to say that words.

Out loud.

I waited and stared.

He stared back, stricken with fear.

I sighed and shook my head.

Brady continued staring. Staring yet not saying a word.

“Yeah, that’s what I thought.” I couldn’t deny the disappointment that stole through me or the sadness that crushed down on my chest and made it difficult to breathe. “Goodbye, Brady.”

Fear flashed in his silver-blue eyes and then shock that I was actually leaving and finally, heartbreakingly, resignation.

He accepted it.

Easily. Too easily, in my opinion.

Luckily I hadn’t brought much to the mansion so packing everything up took less than an hour. It would have been done sooner if not for the tears that blurred my vision. Two sweeps of the room and I was confident that no trace of me was left behind.

There was just one thing left to do.

“Hey Layla, you have a minute?”

“Toni!” She jumped up from her little desk and ran over to me, wrapping her slender arms around my waist. “You’re back!” She pulled back and smiled up at me, so happy and excited, her eyes so full of love.

I was sure the next few minutes would kill me. “I am back. For now.”

I saw the moment my words registered. Layla’s shoulders fell and her smile dimmed. “You’re not staying.”

“I’m not” I confirmed. “But that doesn’t mean that I don’t love you or that we can’t still be friends.”

She put more distance between us and folded her arms angrily. “I’ll never see you again.”

“That’s not true,” I insisted and pulled her close for a tight, near suffocating hug. “You can see me whenever you want, if your uncle says it’s all right. I consider you a friend. In time you’ll have more friends your own age and you’ll forget all about me but I will never forget you Layla. Not ever.”

Tears streamed down her cheeks and she shook her head. “Why? Why can’t you stay?” Her words grew louder and more emotional. “Did Uncle Brady do something to hurt your feelings? I’ll make him apologize and then you can stay. Right? Right, Toni?”

I sighed, swiping at my own tears because I felt out of my depth with her sadness. “I can’t stay, Layla. But this isn’t goodbye for me and you, okay? It’s see you soon. All right?” Her tears gutted me and I held her tighter and kissed her cheek. “I’m sorry I let you down Layla but I promise you that I’m not gone forever. I promise.”

Her sobs shook us both and never in my life had I felt so low. I promised Layla I wouldn’t be another person to leave her and here I was, leaving. And not even for a good reason, for something as silly and as cliché as ever. Falling for the boss. “I love you, Toni.”

“Love you too, Layla.”

The little girl rushed back to her bed and cried like her heart was broken. Unable to stand it any longer, I grabbed my things and hurried from the mansion, eager to put this part behind me.