Daddy’s Firm Hand

7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

T hree days.

Three long, empty, frustrating days.

I stared at the empty chair across from my desk, my stomach in knots. It had been three days since our last play session, since that moment when our lips had met and everything had changed. Yet once again, David was nowhere to be found.

My finger hovered over the mouse, the cursor blinking on his name in my Outlook calendar. Another canceled meeting, another postponed session without explanation. What had I done wrong?

I closed my eyes, replaying every detail of that night in my mind for the hundredth time. The sting of his palm against my backside. The command in his voice, sending shivers down my spine. The gentleness in his eyes as he lifted my chin. And finally, the soft brush of his mouth on mine, both thrilling and terrifying.

Had I misread the signs? Crossed an unspoken boundary? The doubts swirled in my head, an endless loop of second-guesses and recriminations. I should have known better than to kiss him. I was only his babygirl during playtime, nothing more. He didn't want me that way.

My gaze drifted to the neatly-stacked ledgers waiting on the corner of my desk, the numbers swimming before my eyes. With a sigh, I reached for the top file, trying to will myself to focus. But as I started entering figures, my fingers faltered on the keys, making careless errors. Stupid, stupid girl.

Tears pricked hotly at the back of my eyes. I blinked them away, refusing to smudge my liner. Crying at work was unprofessional. I had to keep it together, no matter how much it felt like I was unraveling inside. I couldn't let my mistakes interfere with my job. David would be so disappointed in me.

The phone on my desk buzzed harshly, making me jump. My heart leapt into my throat when I saw his extension on the display. With a shaking hand, I answered.

"H-hello?" My voice came out as barely a whisper.

But it wasn't David on the other end. Only his brusque executive assistant, informing me that Mr. Peters would like to pass on his apologies, but would be out of the office for the rest of the week. No other details given.

"I see. Thank you for letting me know," I managed through numb lips before hanging up.

“He really does want to pass on his most sincere apologies,” Sandra, his assistant insisted.

“Where is he?”

“I’m afraid that’s privileged information.”

“Of course.”

I walked home with Geoffrey held tightly to my chest. It was raining, and soon, I was soaked.

When I got back, I decided to call Molly. I really needed someone to talk to.

I pressed 'call' and held the phone to my ear, my heart pounding. Molly answered on the second ring, her warm voice flooding the line, "Hey, sweetie! How's my favorite girl doing?"

"Hey love, are you still at Sweetheart’s Lattes ?”

“Yeah, I’m gonna close up in an hour or so.”

“Can I come by for a chat? I’ll help you close up if you want.”

"Of course, honey." Her tone softened with concern. "Is everything okay?"

"I just need to talk. I'll explain everything when I see you."

I headed straight to Molly’s café and knocked at the door. She opened up, her face lighting up when she saw me, arms opening wide for a hug.

I practically fell into her embrace, breathing in her familiar vanilla scent. Molly gave the best hugs, wrapping you up until the world felt a little less overwhelming.

"Chamomile with honey?" she asked.

“Yes please!”

She passed a mug over to me. "Now, tell me what's going on in that pretty head of yours."

I closed my eyes for a moment, trying to gather my scattered thoughts into cohesive words. "It's . . . It's about David," I began, my voice trembling. "You know how he's been mentoring me at work?"

Molly nodded encouragingly, her blue eyes filled with gentle understanding.

"Well, something happened during our last session. Something . . . intense." I bit my lip, feeling heat rise to my cheeks.

Reaching across the table, Molly took my hand in hers, giving it a comforting squeeze. "You can tell me anything, Candy. I'm here to support you, not judge."

Bolstered by her reassurance, I took a shuddering breath and let the truth spill out. "He spanked me, Molly. Not just a playful swat, but a real punishment spanking. And then . . . then we kissed."

Tears finally broke free, trickling down my cheeks. "I thought it meant something special, but he's been away ever since. And now he’s going to be away for another week! He's canceled all our meetings and hasn’t told me where he is. I'm so confused and scared that I've ruined everything."

Molly leaned forward, offering me a tissue from her purse. Her brow furrowed with sympathy as she listened patiently.

"I can't stop thinking about it, replaying every moment. Did I misread his signals? Did I do something wrong?" My voice cracked as I confessed my deepest fears. "I feel like such a foolish little girl, thinking he could ever want someone like me."

Sobs wracked my body, releasing the pent-up emotions I'd been holding in for days. Molly moved to kneel beside my chair, wrapping me in another hug as I cried into her shoulder.

"Shh, it's okay, sweetie. Let it all out," she soothed, rubbing gentle circles on my back. "You're not foolish at all. It sounds like there's a real connection between you two."

“What if I just imagined it?”

As my tears subsided, Molly pulled back to meet my gaze. "I know it's scary, but you need to talk to him, Candy. Directly and honestly. You deserve clarity, and he owes you an explanation."

I nodded, sniffling. Deep down, I knew she was right. But the thought of confronting David, of bearing my soul and risking rejection, terrified me to my core.

Molly must have sensed my apprehension. She smiled reassuringly, tucking a strand of hair behind my ear in a soothing gesture. "I know you can do this. You're stronger than you realize. And no matter what happens, I'll be right here, cheering you on."

Taking a shaky sip of my tea, I let her words of encouragement wash over me. I had to be brave, to trust in myself and the connection I'd felt with David. Even if it meant facing my fears head-on.

I took a deep breath, resolve slowly replacing the knot of anxiety in my stomach. "You're right, Molly. I need to talk to him. I can't keep hiding from the truth."

She beamed at me, pride shining in her eyes. "That's my girl. You've got this."

When I returned back to my place, I was surprised to see a package, waiting outside on the porch.

My name was on it, so I picked it up and took it inside. I didn’t recognize the writing.

As soon as I got in, I ripped the parcel open. There was a note.

“To my baby girl. It’s not much, but I hope this will give you some comfort while I’m away on business. I promise you, it’ll be worth the wait. While you use this, I want you to be kind to yourself. Remember to think something honest and good about the person you are. You deserve it.”

Inside, was a large pacifier. It was pink and covered in tiny hearts. I’d never used anything like this before, but I had a strong feeling that I’d enjoy it.

“Well, Geoff, I do need comfort,” I said to myself, so I slipped the paci into my mouth.

I felt the soft rubber against my lips, the familiar shape filling my mouth with a comforting presence. The weight of it brought an unexpected sense of security, like a shield against the uncertainties swirling in my mind. A wave of calm washed over me as I sucked gently on the pacifier, the rhythmic motion lulling me into a state of peace.

With each inhale and exhale, I found myself sinking deeper into a space that felt both foreign and strangely welcoming. It was as if the act of embracing this simple yet significant object allowed me to let go of the burdens I carried, if only for a moment.

I was a good person.

I wanted only the best.

I wanted to heal myself.

I wanted to be good at my job.

I wanted love.

I was worthy of love.

I repeated the sentences to myself until I believed them, then, I ran myself a bath.

The lavender-scented steam swirled around me as I sank deeper into the warm embrace of the bathtub. My muscles began to uncoil, the tension of the past few days slowly melting away. I breathed in the calming aroma, letting it soothe my frayed nerves.

As I sucked the pacifier, I felt better, stronger, more sure of myself.

David was just away on business. He wasn’t avoiding me.

Even if things didn’t work out between me and David, I could still be happy, still find excitement and passion in the world.

After the bath, I slipped into my softest pajamas—a baby blue set dotted with tiny white bunnies. The fabric felt like a gentle hug against my skin. In the kitchen, I prepared a simple yet comforting meal: creamy tomato soup and a grilled cheese sandwich, cut into neat triangles, just the way David always did for me.

As I savored each bite, memories of our moments together danced through my mind. The way his eyes crinkled at the corners when he smiled at me, the gentle touch of his hand on my cheek, the safety I felt when he held me close. Each recollection was a balm to my anxious heart.

With a full belly and a mug of hot cocoa, I nestled into the couch, my trusty journal in hand. I began to write, pouring my heart onto the pages. The scratch of pen on paper was a familiar melody, guiding me through the labyrinth of my emotions.

"Today, I got sad because Daddy’s still away. But then I tried to remember that even though Daddy makes my life better, it’s still good when he’s not around.”

As the words flowed, I felt a shift within me. The knots of worry began to loosen, replaced by a quiet strength. I wrote about my progress, the steps I'd taken to become the person I am today. I reminded myself that I am worthy of love, of care, of patience—lessons David had gently instilled in me.

"I am brave, I am resilient, I am capable of facing whatever lies ahead. I trust in the connection David and I have built, in the foundation of respect and understanding we've created together. No matter what the future holds, I know I have grown, and that growth is a testament to the love and support I've received."

I paused, my pen hovering over the page. A realization dawned on me, clear and bright. Our relationship, unconventional as it might be, had been a catalyst for my own self-discovery. Through David's guidance and affection, I had learned to embrace parts of myself I had long kept hidden.

With a smile, I wrote, "I am Candy, and I am proud of who I am—all of me. The professional, the little girl, the woman who yearns for connection and growth. I will not hide or apologize for any part of myself. I will stand tall, knowing that I am deserving of love in all its forms."

As I closed my journal, a sense of peace settled over me. The path forward might be uncertain, but I knew I had the strength to walk it. I had the love of a dear friend, the wisdom gained from self-reflection, and the courage to face whatever lay ahead.

And most importantly, I had the promise of a conversation with David—a chance to bare my soul, to seek clarity and understanding. Whatever the outcome, I knew I would emerge stronger, more authentic, and more deeply connected to myself.