Daddy’s Mail Order Mate (Twilight Meadows Wolves #3)

Chapter 1 - Thorn

Six Months Later

The drive to Portsmill Pack is always a strange one for me. It’s pretty countryside out to the sheltered settlement in and of itself. Nothing particularly offensive. But these were the mountainous foothills and forests that had been my whole world as a child. It was a world I had fought tooth and claw to escape from, and save my sister from as well.

And here I am going back to it. Quite regularly now since Rowan was delivered to my doorstep six months ago. I’d kept myself somewhat scarce of the place even with my sister comfortably taking roost and reforming the pack, but making sure my little one was taken care of did mean I was visiting more often. Much to Paige’s chagrin however; she’d much rather I just have moved into the place. But I had sworn to myself many years ago that I would never belong to that pack again. Paige may have been able to start healing her old wounds with the place, but I…

I exhale slowly and flex my fingers on the steering wheel, narrowing my focus back in on the packed dirt road and gentle blur of trees passing me by.

I was just going to stop by, see my family, get my son, and go home to the property I bought near Elm Wood Pack for at least a few weeks of downtime and dote on my boy for a bit. No need to go raising my hackles or go staring at skeletons in my closet. I can tell I was suffering from some lingering tension from my work trip abroad this time. It'd been a rough case.

Even with such self-discipline, my body’s still a bit elevated as I navigate my way along the pack’s communal and residential buildings and head towards the lane she lives on with.

I’m glad that my sister has a comfortable new home for her family. With all the renovations they've done, it’s easy to forget that it used to be Old Larry’s place back when we were kids. But far better here than the old Vata house. Even just passing by the house we were raised in still gets my hackles up. They’ve gotten another family moved in there now, but if I had my way, I would have torn the place down and burned it to the foundation.

I hear the front door swing open and look just in time to see Paige grinning ear to ear in the bright morning sunlight.

“Hi Thorn! You’re here early!”

“Morning.”

She hurries up to me, and I catch her practically leaping into my arms with a tight hug. Her giddy giggles set off a quiet warmth in my chest. I might not have been able to make sure she had a happy childhood, but she can enjoy such innocence and ease now.

Once I get her set back down, Paige pulls back to smile like always up at me.

“You’re just in time. Little Rowan woke up just a few minutes ago, so I haven’t gotten to feeding him yet.”

My lips twitch towards a smile. Getting to go right back to taking care of my son was so important to me. It always helps soothe the fact that I had to even leave him in the first place. We start heading back in together, falling into step easily.

“How’s he been?”

“Since you asked yesterday?”

She chuckles teasingly, and I huff in reply before she goes on.

“He’s doing well! A sweetheart as always. He was rolling around happy as could be yesterday.”

“Good.”

“He’s been missing you a lot though, I can tell.”

“Yeah?”

“Mhm. Keeps crawling around like he’s looking for something and pays so much attention when someone comes in the door. Liam says he’s just an attentive little guy but I think he misses his dada.”

I feel myself walk a bit taller and my eyes curve a bit at that.

The way to the nursery has gotten burned into my bones. Its bright yellow walls used to just give me the warmth of visiting little Lily, but now my happiness here is two-fold.

I make my way to the crib which once housed my niece to find my son sat up there, lumbered forward on the soft rolls of his hands. He was making his milestones; six months old and able to keep himself sat up by himself.

Couldn’t be prouder of him.

His big green eyes blink at me, and his lips part into a glossy grin.

I stride on over and take my boy up in my arms. He’s quick to grab at me, laughing merrily and babbling out happy nonsense.

“Told you,” Paige lilts out beside me.

All I do is hum in reply, completely consumed in being reunited with my son. Every day away from him feels like an eternity, and it always hurts to have to go.

The next hour or two pass pleasantly, Paige and I getting our respective kids fed and even getting a quick meal for ourselves lined up afterwards once they’re cleaned up and set up to play in the next room over. We sit at the dining table, a plate of toast, bacon and eggs with a mug of something to drink set out for each of us. Her cup has some sort of fruity herbal blend in it that stains the water in it a berry-bright purple, and mine is my usual: black coffee. Every few months she teases me or gets on my case about my preference for the stuff, but it’s a classic for a reason.

I sigh, thumb tapping on the mug handle as I stare through the open doorway to where the two children are merrily chirping away among their toys. My thoughts lumber heedlessly through the dozens of tasks and considerations ahead of me now that I’m back. I do all I can to make as much time in my life as I can for my son, but it’s a constant balancing act that always pushes me to my limits.

“You look tired, Thorn.”

I grunt and sip silently at my coffee, eyes casting down at nothing now.

Without looking, I can tell she’s making a face. Mustering the effort to speak, I trudge into a reply.

“Doing fine.”

“Oh please don’t give me that. I’m a parent too, thank you very much, and it’s been the most exhausting thing I’ve ever done. And I get to be a stay at home mom with a loving husband to help. You’re juggling being a single dad and running around all over the place for the council doing… All sorts of dangerous diplomatic stuff.” She spins her fork around in the air in a vague gesture before pointing it emphatically at me. “You’re running yourself into the ground.”

And that gets me glaring over at her and straightening in my seat. My answer has a low gravel to it by reflex, marked with warning.

“I’m fine .”

“Bullcaca,” Paige retorts. She’s been very insistent about keeping language clean around the kids, and it’s led to her routinely slinging around some adorable substitutes. But even that isn’t enough to slacken the surly churn in my gut, knowing we’re about to get into another argument. “And even if you’re fine right now… How long can you keep this up? And how much is Rowan going to have to deal with you trying to make this work?”

That’s a low blow. A wordless grumble is my initial response, punctuated by a sip of coffee I barely taste.

“I always keep going. And Rowan will be fine.”

“You know, it could be easier. You’re closer now that you mostly live at that place near Quinn, but coordinating back and forth for when you have to go away for big trips… Needing to get a babysitter for those urgent on-call days…”

“I’m not joining Portsmill, Paige. That’s final.”

Her expression crumples briefly, and I harden myself to the guilt that sets off inside me. As much as she wants me to join her pack, it wasn’t negotiable. And not just for my own sake. She needs to focus on raising her own family and learning how to be a Luna. And the newly reformed Portsmill Packwas still too unproven for me to feel like she could spare her energy safely.

“I want to be able to help you more, Thorn.”

“You help more than enough.”

“I worry about you and your baby so much, big bro,” she insists, voice softening. I have to look away from her to keep my guard up. She knows just how to pry her way through to the soft spot I keep for her in my heart.

“I know. We’ll be—”

“‘ Fine,’ because of course you’ll be fine. But what if I want more than fine for two of the most important people in my life? What if I want all of my family to be safe and happy?”

“What are you getting at now Paige,” I wearily growl.

She leans back a bit and cradles her tea in both hands, clearly gathering her thoughts. And that’s when I have to worry most: when she actually takes time to think about what she’s saying.

“If you’re so deadset on not joining my pack, I can’t change your mind on it. And you won’t even join the pack near your house. But for me to feel alright with that, I need to know you have more help. So, I’ve been thinking… Let me make a match for you.”

My gaze snaps over to her, and I see the certainty in her rich brown eyes. I know that look very well; this was the bone she would choose to growl over for the indefinite future, come hell or high water.

“A match,” I skeptically state.

“Through the app. You know, the one I got together with Liam on?”

A somewhat disdainful grunt huffs out of me.

“That whole mess.”

“It all worked out,” Paige chimes.

Thanks to me, part of me wants to riposte, but I leave it there. While I do take pride in having been able to step in and save my sister from our old abusive pack members, I’ve never been one to peacock around. The work I’ve always done is best left unspoken and unacknowledged.

She goes on, clearly emboldened by the fact I haven’t overtly shut her down yet.

“But just think about it. You could find someone who could help you raise Rowan, and not have to worry about joining a pack. She could maybe even follow you around, since I know you used to live in all sorts of places for the job. Wouldn’t it be nice to be able to see your son all the time, and know you’ve got a partner to help look after both of you?”

I scowl a bit, stoic aggression starting to get riled up. Each word comes out a bit more heavily than it normally would.

“It’s been a few years since you last got on my case about not dating. And I know you’re trying to convince me it’s just practical, when I know you just want to play matchmaker. I’m not interested in romance.”

She pouts pointedly over at me.

“As much as I want you to be happily in love, have your own sunshine woman to brighten up your life… I get that you don’t really think that way. But it’s not just about you, is it Thorn? You have Rowan to think about too. Wouldn’t it be nice if he could have a mother?”

A seething bite growls into my voice. “So I’m not enough for him.”

“ Thorn,” she whines, “That’s not what I’m saying. You’ve been doing amazing; you’re an incredible father. But you can’t deny the fact that having someone raising him with you would make things better for all of you.”

“I don’t see how getting roped into raising my kid would make things better for some random woman.”

Her eyes glitter and she smiles just a bit; I clearly just set her up for some stage of this argument she’s been planning for however long she’s been sitting on this idea.

“Do you remember how tough things were for me, before I joined the app?”

I purse my lips and stare in silence, knowing she’s trying to walk me into her court.

“Well,” Paige goes on, “There’s so many people that sign up for that service because things aren’t going well for them, and they’re hoping for an opportunity that can change things for the better. Love can always happen, but maybe you can just find a woman who you can take care of, and she can take care of you and little Rowan. I’ve heard from some of my packmates who’ve been trying the app that some of the people they’ve been matched with are packless and hoping to finally find other wolves, or people who were rejected by their mates, or need to get out of bad situations with their packs.”

Damn her for trying to pull on my heartstrings and worry about imaginary strangers who might need my help.

“And where am I supposed to find the time and energy to bother with this app?”

She perks straight up and beams.

“You don’t have to.”

I stare expectantly at her.

“Duh, I’ll take care of it for you! I’ll take care of as much as you’d like. I can just set it up for you, or even talk to matches and help find someone that’ll be a nice fit for you. If you’re alright with it, all you’d have to do is just be ready for me to tell you about her and wait for her to show up!”

“You’re serious.”

“Absolutely I am!”

We sit in silence for a few long moments. From the other room, I hear Rowan make some happy noises in reply to Lily’s precocious rambling.

Maybe it’s the jetlag, the exhaustion, or the pile of twenty bodies I left behind me this time. But the thought of having someone always there to look after him resonates through me with a deep ache.

I’ve given up so much already for Rowan. And he was worth every sacrifice. I couldn’t burden Paige any more than necessary with the consequences of my own actions, but… What if there was someone out there who would be happy to be his mother? Someone who needed the chance to have a family, a life safer and better than the one life had dealt to her? I could care less about her feelings towards me, so long as it was civil. Love was something I would never have space for, and in my most solitary moments, something I truly believed I didn’t deserve to have.

I’d lost my chance a long time ago. I even shot it between the eyes. The boy I was had his choices laid out before him, and love wasn’t able to survive what needed to be done.

I swallow thickly, burying away the traces of memory that stir on the edges of my subconscious. Those stay deeply buried for many good reasons.

“Thorn,” Paige says softly, her hand outstretched across the table. She learned a long time ago not to touch me when I was in my own thoughts. Blinking back into the present, there’s a delay before I place my hand on top of hers and hum quietly for her to go on.

“You could help someone like me. Someone who has it even worse, maybe. And I’ll make sure as much as possible that she’s a good fit and safe for you and the baby. You two can come and do the trial here, even. But if not, that’s okay too. I just think it’d be worth the effort to give this a try.”

But then my thoughts turn towards the prospect of having a stranger in my space, around Rowan…

My expression twitches towards a scowl.

“Oh, don’t get that grumpy look on your face already. Please, Thorn. Trust me. If this doesn’t work, I promise I’ll stop bothering you about it,” she urges, lifting my hand up to try and get my attention locked back on her.

I grunt in mild displeasure, but when I look back up to her face, the pleading expression puts another chink in my armor.

“... Goddamn it Paige.”

“Language!”

“Sorry.”

We both linger in a long silence and seem to simultaneously savor the sound of our children giggling to themselves echoing through the house. Our gazes wander over to them, seeing the pair entertaining themselves with their toys, blissful as could be.

“Should eat breakfast before it gets completely cold,” I remark after a minute or two.

“Yeah, I guess so. I can heat everything back up if you’d like.”

“No need.”

I take my hand back and gather up my utensils to start working my way through the plate in front of me.

“So… Can I do this for you Thorn?”

With a heavy sigh, I lower my arms and look back up to her with a steady resignation.

“... Alright. But a deal’s a deal. I try this once, and if it doesn’t work, that’s the end of it. Understood?”

Paige brightens, practically glowing with delight.

“I promise I won’t let you down!”

To which I grumble and shove a bite of egg and bacon into my mouth.

I just hope I don’t regret letting her do this.