Dangerous Liaisons (Crimson Legion MC #1)

16. CHAPTER SIXTEEN

CHAPTER SIXTEEN

“ W ake up, Isa, you’re dreaming!”

She continued to scream, twisting in the sheets to free herself.

“Zelenyy!”

She sat up straight in her panic, wide eyes darting around the darkened room. Xavier continued to cradle her against him, his words soft as he pressed his lips to her bare shoulder.

“You’re okay. You’re safe, Isa. I’m right here.”

Isabella collapsed against him, unable to stop the tears that streamed down her face even when her breathing slowed. She threw her arms around him and buried her face in the crook of his neck.

“It was just a nightmare.”

She didn’t realize she was mumbling in Russian, his hands stroking her back in comforting circles.

“Do you need some water?”

Refusing to let go, she shook her head and kept her eyes closed. It had been months since she relieved the pain of that night she lost Niko, endless days passing since the last nightmare interrupted her sleep. She knew it was a terrible memory that would never leave her, no matter how many good things happened to her.

“Hey, look at me.” Xavier maneuvered her, so their gazes met. His thumbs stroked away the tears staining her cheeks. “I love you; I’m here.”

Swiping the back of her hand across her face, she extracted herself free. She lowered herself onto the bed pillows and stared up at the ceiling. He waited patiently, resting a supportive hand against her upper thigh.

“Do you want to talk about it?”

She shook her head, fighting to find her voice as tears threatened to choke her once more. “Do you ever dream about your wife?”

“I did in the beginning.” He settled his frame against the headboard. “I blamed myself for what happened to Cassie. I barely slept. The fear of seeing her face and hearing her voice blaming me for not keeping her safe haunted me.

“You got revenge on the man that did it.”

“It took longer than I wanted, but yes, I did. It didn’t change the guilt I experienced at not protecting her, but at least I knew her death didn’t go unpunished.”

Isabella sniffled, and he took her hand in his, lacing their fingers. “You’re a good man, Xavier.”

“Verdict’s still out on that one.”

She allowed him to pull her close again.

“Tell me about him,” he whispered. “Mikhail’s father.”

She wanted to object, but since he had been open about his own loss, it seemed cruel to not expose her own pain. She had dealt with the grief behind Nikolai’s death for so long that not talking about him felt like an insult to his memory.

“He was kind to me.” She stared at the rotating ceiling fan. “That’s the first thing I remember about him. I was working at a casino in Vegas when I first saw him. You could tell he was someone important from the way people broke their backs to make him happy. He didn’t care about any of that. A part of me thought he looked bored by all the attention.”

“How long were you in Vegas?”

“I grew up in Reno and moved to Vegas right after I graduated high school. A guy got a little friendly with me at a blackjack table while I was working at the Bellagio. I barely realized what had happened when Nikolai was suddenly in his face.”

“Did you know what he was at first?”

“I realized he was someone of great power, but I didn’t know he was head of a cartel. He didn’t like talking about that part of his life. Even after we were married, he tried to hide as much of it from me that he could, but everything changed the day I found out I was pregnant.”

“He was trying to protect you.”

“I wanted to know everything about him. I didn’t want him to have to face those things alone.”

“That wasn’t your burden to carry.”

She couldn’t stop the dry laugh that escaped her. “It is now.”

Xavier pressed his lips against the side of her forehead. “Does Mikhail remember him?”

“Bits and pieces. I make sure I talk about him every day. I’ve shown him pictures and old videos. When he’s asleep, I pray I forget what happened that night and how thankful I am that Mikhail never had to watch what happened to his father.”

“You’re doing a great job with him. Nikolai would be proud of you and what you’ve done.”

“I don’t want Mikhail to grow up wanting this life,” she sighed. “I would give it all up if it meant I could have Niko back.” She didn’t care how that sounded or if it hurt him to hear the words. Until the end of time, she would give up everything she Earthly possessed to have one more moment with Nikolai again, not just for her but for her son.

Clearing her throat, she tightened her arm against his waist. “Will you tell me about Cassie?”

The question caught him off guard, and he took a deep breath. “Cassie was… a light. She had this infectious laugh that could brighten any room. Even on my worst days, she knew how to make me smile.” His gaze drifted to the ground, lost in thought. “She was loyal. When you were in her circle, she’d do anything for you. She had this wild side, too. We’d have spontaneous road trips at midnight, just the two of us and the open road.”

Isabella smiled, but a hint of sadness lingered in her eyes. “She sounded like an amazing woman.”

“She was,” he said, his voice thick with emotion. “I was in a dark place for a long time after she passed. I didn’t think I’d find joy again.”

“And now?”

“Now, I’m trying to find my way back. Cassie will always be a part of me, but you’ve helped me see that it’s possible to feel again, to open up to someone new.”

“You don’t have to forget her to move forward. I’ve learned it’s okay to carry those memories with you.”

“I know. It’s just… it’s a lot sometimes.” He pressed his lips against her skin once again. “Can you sleep now? ”

“I’ll try.” She knew it was impossible, those nightmares always stealing her sleep from her until the morning light, but she laid there next to him and listened to his soft breathing, her eyes locked on the fan as it continued to spin in circles long after he fell back asleep.