Dangerous Pursuit (OSI Dark Ops #3)

CHAPTER FIFTEEN

“Lucas, hold up.” Jonathan’s footsteps rang out on the stone path that led to the driveway.

Dammit. He’d almost made it to his truck.

Lucas took a breath, forced a smile, and turned to Jonathan. “S’up, cuz?”

“I’m sorry about all … that in there.” He tipped his head toward the house.

“All what?” Lucas tugged his keys from his pocket, ready to avoid the conversation he knew was coming.

“Cole and I going on and on about our kids.” Jonathan rubbed the back of his neck. “I shouldn’t have—”

“Shouldn’t have what? Talked about your children?” Sure, it hurt like hell to know he’d been so close to having what they had, but it wasn’t their fault. “Are you kidding me? I’m thrilled for you guys.”

Part of the reason he’d avoided … well, everyone was because he hated the thought of people walking on eggshells around him. Just because his world was torn apart didn’t mean the rest of the world came to a screeching halt .

“Thanks.” Jonathan clamped a hand on his shoulder and gave it a little shake. “Do you really need to leave? I was hoping you could hang out a bit. We haven’t really had a chance to get caught up.”

“I just …” Need to get the fuck out of here before I reveal too much . “I’ve got some paperwork I need to get to.”

“Are you sure you’re okay?” Jonathan asked.

Lucas opened his mouth, prepared to give him the standard response of I’m fine or I’m good , but his cousin held up his hand to cut him off.

“And don’t give me some bullshit answer, either.” He crossed his arms. “I’m sure it was painful for you to hear Cole and I in there.”

Lucas looked away for a few seconds, then back to Jonathan.

“I have bad days and slightly better days.” Mostly bad days.

“That’s what I figured,” Jonathan said. “Look, Lucas, I’m worried about you.”

“Don’t be.” He turned from him and started to reach for the door handle on his truck.

An inexplicable rage had begun to churn in his gut, and he really needed to get the hell out of there.

“Come on, man. Talk to me.” Jonathan set a hand on his shoulder and stopped him. “I’ve been where you are. I know what you’re going through.” He dropped his hand. “I was devastated when I found out Marilyn died during premature labor, and then having to watch Ashling fight to survive in the NICU almost destroyed me.”

“Oh, you know how I feel? Really?” Says the man with a wife and two beautiful children.

The restraints on the anger held deep inside of Lucas for three long years snapped, and he had to fight the powerful urge to punch his cousin in the face. Instead, he unloaded on him verbally like he was the enemy.

“Your wife wasn’t stabbed to death trying to buy fresh fruit! And your daughter is still alive!” Lucas stepped close to his cousin and pointed in his face. “You have no fucking idea what I’m going through!” His voice rose, and he knew he was being a dick, that he was unleashing his ire on the wrong person, but the seal had been cracked and there was no turning back now. “Those fucking animals killed my wife and son!”

He pounded the butt of his fist on the side of the truck, leaving a deep dent next to the one he’d put there a few weeks ago.

“I never should’ve let her go to that damn market. I knew shit was getting dangerous, but I didn’t listen to my gut, and now she’s fucking dead!” Having vented his fury, he dropped his shoulders, and a boulder of emotion lodged in his throat, making it difficult to speak. “They’re both dead, and I could’ve prevented it.”

For several seconds, the trill of cicadas and a rumble of far-off thunder filled the silence between them .

“You’re right, Lucas. I don’t know what you’re feeling. Not exactly. My wife wasn’t murdered, but she did die, and I wasn’t there for her. I was thousands of miles away at some fucking forward operating base in Afghanistan.” He scrubbed his hand down his face and stared over Lucas’s shoulder for a few seconds before continuing. “That ate me up inside—like I’d swallowed battery acid or something. Never in my life have I felt so fucking helpless.” His gaze returned to Lucas. “I was a Navy SEAL, right? A problem-solver, a fixer. But I couldn’t fix that, and it nearly sucked my soul into oblivion. So, what did I do? I dove into a bottle of scotch and refused to come out. I completely cut everyone I cared about and who cared about me out of my life.” He cocked a dark brow up. “Sound familiar?”

Painfully familiar.

Lucas’s head fell forward on a long sigh. “The nights are the fucking worst.”

“Oh, believe me, I get that.” Jonathan seemed unfazed by Lucas’s outburst. “I would lay in the dark, feeling penned in while my brain hammered me with things I should’ve done differently. The only solution for me had been to grab a bottle, go outside, stand in the middle of my backyard, and stare up at the sky. I became one hell of a broody SOB.”

“I flop down on my ratty couch in my shitty bungalow with a bottle in one hand and Norah’s wedding ring in the other.” He lifted a chain from beneath the collar of his shirt.

The overhead streetlight shined off of the simple gold band dangling from the chain.

“I close my eyes and I can still fucking see her smile, hear her giggle.” The gold ring was warm between his fingers. “I gave away all of her clothes and sold the little house we were going to raise our children in, and yet, there are times I swear I can still smell the body spray she used to wear.” He swallowed against the pain of his next disclosure. “But lately, it’s happening less and less often, and that fucking terrifies me. It’s like losing her all over again.”

“Lucas, Norah will always be with you in here.” Jonathan tapped his fingertip against the center of Lucas’s chest. “And do you seriously think she ever would’ve tolerated you locking her away just to keep her safe?” He gave him one of those serious, piercing looks that would make most grown men crumble. “If I remember correctly, she wasn’t the kind of woman who would tolerate being bossed around.”

“Yeah, she would’ve busted my ass, then gone out and done it anyway.” He chuckled.

The brief moment of levity helped to disintegrate the thick tension that had been building between them.

“Lucas, I’m going to ask you a question, and I want you to give me an honest answer.” Jonathan continued, “ Would she have wanted you to isolate yourself the way you have? To bury yourself in misery?”

“No.” The answer came instantly. “All Norah ever wanted was for me to be happy.” His wife had believed in living every minute of every day to its fullest. Something he’d stopped doing in favor of hunting down the people who murdered her.

“I know too well how hard it is to let go of that guilt, but dealing with it head-on and allowing yourself to be happy is the only way you’ll be able to move forward and live your life in any real, productive, fulfilling way. You said it yourself: All Norah ever wanted was for you to be happy. If you can’t find a way to do that and you continue with this … lifestyle, I’m afraid we’ll lose you, too. And I really really don’t want that to happen.”

“I know you’re right … up here.” Lucas tapped his fingertip to his temple, then laid himself bare. “But my damn heart can’t seem to grasp the concept.”

“It takes time, but you’ll get there. I promise,” Jonathan said.

“How? How did you finally shake it?” Lucas was hoping for a magic pill that would mend his broken heart.

“Honestly? I had to hit rock bottom. I ended up standing out in a pretty intense rainstorm, yelling at the sky, drunk out of my damn mind. I was carrying around so much guilt for not being there when Marilyn needed me and absolutely furious at her for deceiving me. And I was so consumed by the fear of losing Ashling, too, that I did everything I could to avoid her. What a fucking dumbass.” He shook his head. “So, there I was, standing out on this bluff, numb and soaked to my core. I turned around and there was my dad, standing at the edge of the woods. I will never forget the deep fear and worry I saw on his face. In that moment, for the first time in my life, I felt ashamed, because my behavior put that look on his face.” He recounted how his father had given him some hard, much-needed truths about life, fatherhood, and moving on. “If it hadn’t been for him being concerned enough to come looking for me, I truly believe I would’ve lost everything, including Andi.”

From what Lucas had heard from his other cousins, when Andi went to work for OSI, she and Jonathan hadn’t gotten along. There’d been some not-so-great history between them and a major misunderstanding about something that happened to a buddy of Jonathan’s during the war in Afghanistan. They eventually cleared things up, got married, and she adopted Ashling. Then about six or seven months ago, Andi gave birth to their little boy, Declan.

“Uncle Michaleen is a great guy.” Lucas’s father and his uncle were incredible men, and he held them in the highest regard.

“You’re going to make it through this, Lucas.” Jonathan pulled him into one of his massive, strong hugs. “I promise.” After a quick clap on the back, he released him. “ But first things first. We make sure that the people who dared to take Norah from all of us learn what a huge mistake they made fucking with the O’Hallerans.”

“I won’t settle for anything less than destroying every last fucking one of them.” He thought he hadn’t needed help, had insisted on going it alone.

What an idiot.

“Consider it done,” Jonathan said.

For the first time since Norah died, Lucas was able to take a step back from his own grief and realize he wasn’t the only one who’d lost Norah. She’d been part of the O’Halleran family, and whether by genetics, marriage, or friendship, that meant you fell under the umbrella of their love, acceptance, and protection.

“Cole, do you know what’s going on with Lucas?” Calliope couldn’t contain her curiosity. “He bolted out of here so quickly.”

“That’s not my story to tell. What I can say is, Lucas has every right to want to destroy the Trianos.” Cole pulled his phone from his pocket. “Excuse me. I’m going to call Dulce.”

“Tell her I said hi and to give that cute little boy a hug from his Auntie Calliope. ”

“You bet.” He smiled and put his phone to his ear as he walked back toward his room.

She’d gotten choked up the first time Dulce referred to her as Auntie Calliope.

Cole’s wife had simply said, “You’re family,” and handed the baby over to her to feed him a bottle.

A cell phone vibrated across the console table beneath the large screen. She picked it up and saw a photo of Andi with their children. She debated for a split second about whether to answer it or not, then tapped the screen.

“Hey, Andi, it’s Calliope. Jonathan’s out front with Lucas.” She started walking toward the front of the house. “I’ll get him for you?”

“Nah, don’t worry about it. So, how are you?” Andi and Calliope were currently the only two female field operators at OSI, so they’d formed a pretty cool bond. “Any word from your dad yet?”

“Not yet.” Calliope felt so lucky to work with people who cared enough to ask about her dad.

They spent a few minutes chatting, and she heard a child’s voice in the background.

“Mommyyy!”

“I’ll be there in just a sec, honey,” Andi called out. “Well, duty calls. Just have Jonathan give me a call when he’s free, okay? ”

“Will do.” They ended the call, and Calliope made her way to the front door, opened it partway, and stopped when she heard Lucas's voice.

“Those fucking animals killed my wife and son!” There was a loud bang.

Calliope flinched.

Oh, my God. Her stomach dropped, and her hand flew up to cover her mouth.

“I never should’ve let her go to that damn market. I knew shit was getting dangerous, but I didn’t listen to my gut, and now she’s fucking dead!”

She shouldn’t be eavesdropping, but it was as if the pain wrapped around his words cemented her feet in place.

“They’re both dead, and I could’ve prevented it.” His voice was suddenly lower, as if all of the steam had been let out of him.

Calliope fought against the near overwhelming compulsion to rush outside and try to somehow alleviate the heartache she’d heard in Lucas’s voice. But who the hell was she? She knew nothing about him or what he was going through. Last thing he needed or wanted was her snooping into his private business.

Jonathan began to speak, and she forced herself to slowly pull the door shut.

Calliope sniffled and wiped away surprising tears as she walked back to the theater room and set Jonathan’s phone on the table. She lowered herself onto one of the chairs, drew her knees up, and wrapped her arms around them.

Her heart felt suddenly heavy, and she struggled against the immense sadness she felt for Lucas. To lose someone you love in such a terrible way … She couldn’t begin to imagine the pain he dealt with. His life was really none of her business, but that didn’t prevent her from sitting there and stewing over it.

She felt terrible about how badly she’d misjudged him.

Heavy footsteps came down the hall, and she quickly wiped her hands over her eyes just before Jonathan entered the room.

He stopped when he saw her sitting there and tilted his head to one side. “You okay?”

“What? Oh, yeah, I’m good.” She lowered her feet to the floor and reached up to hand him his phone. “Andi called and asked that you call her back when you get some time.”

He looked at his big tactical watch.

“Shit, it’s almost bedtime for the kids.” His brows drew together, and he gave her a long look. “But first, how about you tell me what’s bugging you?”

She could play dumb and not say anything, but her conscience wouldn’t allow it.

“We can talk about it later.” She forced a smile. “You better hurry if you want to talk to your kiddos. ”

“I’ve got a few minutes.” Jonathan moved over and sat in the chair next to her. “What’s got you looking so sad? Is it your dad? Did you get some bad news?”

She’d been a fool to think Jonathan, one of the most observant humans on the planet, wouldn’t have noticed something was bugging her.

“No, no, Dad’s fine.” She chewed her bottom lip. “Um … here’s the thing. After Andi called, I was coming to give you your phone, and … well, when I opened the front door—”

“You heard us talking.”

“I swear, Jonathan, I didn’t mean to eaves—”

“Calliope, relax. It’s okay,” he said. “How much did you hear?”

“I heard him say his wife and son were killed.” Such an unspeakable loss to endure. “As soon as I heard that, I closed the door. That’s such a horrible thing to go through, and he should be the one to decide who knows about it and who doesn’t.”

Since he’d never mentioned it around her before, he obviously didn’t want her to know about it.

“Actually”—a slow smile broke across Jonathan’s face—“I think you’re the exact right person to talk to him about what happened.”

“What?” She gave a quick shake of her head. “No, no way, I can’t do that. His personal life is none of my business. ”

“I’m afraid I have to disagree with you there.” He was silent for a few seconds, as if weighing whether to say what was on his mind. “Look, we’ve all been worried about Lucas. Ever since Norah was killed, he’s been in a very dark place. But I’ve noticed that whenever he’s around you, I see hints of the old Lucas shining through. He’s laughing again, and that spark in his eyes we thought was gone forever seems to be returning.”

“That’s just us cracking on each other. The same way I do with the other guys.” Though it felt different with Lucas. Her stomach didn’t flip-flop all over hell and back with her teammates the way it did whenever he was near or even when she thought about him.

“Once again, I respectfully disagree.” Jonathan was relentless. “But you need to do what you think is best.” He reached into his pocket and pulled out the rabbit’s-foot keychain. “He’s at the pub.” He lifted her hand, dropped the minivan keys into her palm, and closed her fingers around it. “Just in case you change your mind.”

Calliope’s thumb caressed the soft fur of the rabbit’s foot.

“Now I’m going to call my wife.” He stood and looked down at her. “Think about what I said.” Then he turned and left her sitting in the theater room, brooding about her next move.

What if Jonathan was right and she was the person who could help Lucas? What was the worst thing that could happen? He could tell her to mind her own damn business and send her away.

Okay, yeah, that would hurt like hell. But if there was even the slightest chance she could bring him some small measure of joy, then she had to go for it.

Decision made, Calliope pushed up out of the chair and headed back to her bedroom to grab her pistol.

After all, she was no fool. Current actions to the contrary.