Darcy, Knight Errant (Elizabeth and Darcy True Love Multiverse)

21. Chapter Twenty

Chapter Twenty

Elizabeth woke up with a feeling of all-encompassing dread. The night before had been a hazy mix of pain and tears. Between the ache in her feet and her heart, Georgianna and Mrs. Annesley had not left her alone and were constantly plying her with tea or wine laced with laudanum. She was determined that she handle everything that day without the aid of the laudanum. She did not like the way it made her feel and had heard stories of people becoming far too attached to the substance.

On a normal day, she would have gotten out of bed and gone for a long walk to help her sort through the turbulence in her mind, but that was out of reach for the moment. Her error in not changing into her boots the day before had left her feet bruised, battered, and blistered. When Georgianna caught sight of Elizabeth’s feet, she immediately considered summoning the apothecary. However, the urgency of maintaining secrecy dissuaded her from doing so.

They had undergone the painful process of cleaning and bandaging her feet themselves, and Elizabeth had to admit that she was grateful for the laudanum. She had little expectation of seeing much improvement that morning. Wiggling her toes beneath the covers, Elizabeth attempted to gauge the extent of her discomfort. It was not as bad as she thought it might be, but it was certainly not comfortable.

Looking over, Elizabeth spotted Georgianna asleep in the bed next to her. Despite feeling slightly guilty for imposing, Elizabeth found it endearing that her friend was so willing to sacrifice her privacy and share her bed. Unable to lie there any longer, Elizabeth sighed and, sitting up, swung her feet over the side of the bed. Surely, she could make it at least to the sitting room so that she could sit up and maybe read.

Elizabeth had often thought it impossible to think over serious maters while laying down. The longer she lay there, unable to escape her swirling thoughts, the more she felt the urge to give in to her emotions, potentially resulting in rash actions such as crying or screaming out against her frustration. Biting her lip, Elizabeth let her right foot come to rest against the floor and slowly brought her weight to bear. Breathing deeply through her nose, Elizabeth changed her destination to the chair in the corner of Georgianna’s room. Perhaps she could make the five or so steps it would take to get there.

By the time she reached the chair, Elizabeth felt an overwhelming desire to express herself more forcefully than simply saying it hurt. She wondered if the origin of the phrase “curse like a sailor” was rooted in the fact that sailors often injured themselves. It made sense that they would want to find a more expressive way to cope with their pain. It might have nothing to do with that, but it certainly helped to take her mind off the pain in her feet and allowed her to chuckle.

Elizabeth sat there breathing deeply for a few minutes before she looked around and spotted a small stack of books on the side table. As much as she wanted to read and forget all her worries, Elizabeth knew she could not. As kind as everyone had been, it was not as if she could stay at Netherfield indefinitely. She would have to leave sooner rather than later. But where would she go?

She could not go to the Gardiners in London. Her father would simply demand her return, and she did not want to risk them getting in trouble somehow. Just a mere six months older, and things would be so much easier, but then again, she would not be in this situation if she had already reached her majority. Elizabeth could have just gone to stay with her aunt and uncle in London and be done with her parents.

The daunting task of evading her father’s detection for the next half a year loomed before her, and she couldn’t devise a single plan to accomplish it. Elizabeth had put some funds aside, hoping to be of use as a small dowry, but she was uncertain if she could arrange all that would be necessary. She would need to find a companion and a small cottage somewhere to wait until her father lost his hold over her. The thought of being forced home after what had occurred was too much.

Her biggest fear of being forced to return home was the possibility that her mother or father might stage a compromise. Not only would that ruin her, but her sisters as well, if she did not comply to their wishes. Marriage was for life and if God did not strike Mr. Collins down for his heretic ways, her life would not be worth living.

Elizabeth looked down at her feet in frustration. If there was ever a time to pace, this was it. She knew she might take a position as a companion or possibly a governess, but both options had their drawbacks. If she took employment, she would give up her societal status and any hope of ever marrying well, if at all, would be gone. Despite her reservations, Elizabeth had consistently believed that she would be happier working rather than being trapped in a loveless marriage that lacked respect.

Still, Elizabeth hesitated to consider employment to solve her current problem. Her father’s last cutting comment about having prepared her for a life of employment made her resist such an option. Elizabeth knew him well enough to understand that he found the notion of her debasing herself by seeking employment rather than obeying his desires and becoming the mistress of Longbourn quite comical. The thought of doping something he would be happy to laugh at made her sick to her stomach.

For all her thinking, when she finally heard movement from the various preparations for the day, Elizabeth had not come to any conclusions besides the fact that she felt like an orphan, and she would refuse to acknowledge either parent as such again. They were to be Mr. and Mrs. Bennet when she addressed them, even in her thoughts. Never again would she say the words mother and father or any of its derivations.

Somehow, it did not surprise Mrs. Annesley to find Miss Elizabeth awake and pensive so early in the morning. She first saw her hobbling into the sitting room from where she had slept with Georgianna. Mrs. Annesley hurried to her side, helping her settle on the settee. Concern etched her face as she asked, “What were you thinking, trying to walk about?”

Taking up one of the nearby pillows, Mrs. Annesley propped up Miss Elizabeth’s feet and looked at her with concern. It was easy to note the lines of pain around the young ladies, mouth and eyes when she said, “I just could not sit quietly any longer and I did not want to wake up Georgianna. I stopped and rested for a while in the chair in Georgianna’s room.”

Tsking at Miss Elizabeth, Mrs. Annesley knelt near her feet and examined the bandages she had put in place the day before. They looked well enough. At least there was not anything seeping through. Rising, Mrs. Annesley moved to sit in a nearby chair and said, “I would have preferred to have summoned the apothecary to look at your wounded feet, but as we cannot, you really must stay off your feet. I really do not know what we might do if they get worse.”

Sighing, Miss Elizabeth ran a hand down her face while being careful to avoid her bruised cheek. Looking back at Mrs. Annesley with weary eyes, Miss Elizabeth said, “I understand, but it will be a struggle. Whenever I’m feeling unsettled, the urge to go for a walk always takes hold of me. It brings me a sense of peace, and as I tire myself physically, I also find that my thoughts become more organized and focused.”

“I can only imagine the conflicting emotions that must be swirling within you, having gone through so much hardship and simultaneously being deprived of the pastime that used to bring you solace.” Mrs. Annesley watched as Miss Elizabeth nodded.

It was sad to see Miss Elizabeth brought so low, but Mrs. Annesley knew from experience that life was often unfair. Mrs. Annesley almost wished that she would have a good cry instead of trying to be so strong and self-contained. It was wiser to sway with the storm rather than risk breaking under its force.

Finally, speaking up, Miss Elizabeth said, “Mrs. Annesley, I feel lost and unsure of what to do with myself. I cannot tell if I want to cry or scream and as I cannot do what I would normally do, I am growing weary from the struggle of trying to maintain my composure.”

“I realize this may not align with societal expectations for women, but I believe a good cry is exactly what you need right now.” Leaning forward, Mrs. Annesley focused on Miss Elizabeth, waiting for her to look up before she continued. “I do not think that trying to maintain your control will help you in the long run and you will find that I am a good listener. Let me be there for you as you have been there for others in the past.”

Having said what she wanted to Mrs. Annesley waited. Waiting quietly often led others to fill the empty space with words. It had helped her to learn many things in the past. After waiting for only a few minutes, Miss Elizabeth said, “I really cannot understand how I feel, or rather, I am feeling too many things at once to sort through them.” Miss Elizabeth hesitated, appearing as if she was about to sit up and swing her legs around, but then halted and huffed in frustration. Cradling her head in her hands, she muttered, “One of the chief things I am feeling is frustration at this moment.”

Then, after waiting even longer, Elizabeth admitted, “I have always tried to be a good daughter. The only thing I ever do for myself regularly is take my morning walks. I give, and I give, and I give, and when I finally come to a line that I cannot cross—that if I cross, I will be no more—I say no. I finally say no and what do I get? A slap in the face and condemnation. I am told that I am reprehensible and that I should be glad that I have a chance to sacrifice my joy, my sanity and my very virtue on the altar of my mother’s happiness and security.”

Breathing heavily, Miss Elizabeth rubbed at her eyes, her voice turning weak when she said, “Who I am and what I can do is not enough for them.” Looking at Mrs. Annesley, she begged, “Why is who am never enough? What did I do to deserve such treatment from both my parents?” Glancing over at Mrs. Annesley with tears glistening on her lashes, “Have all my sacrifices been for nothing?”

Shaking her head, Mrs. Annesley said, “I could never understand why people are so driven to mistreat others. Though you might be able to answer the reverse. Why do you treat other people well?”

A surprised “oh” escaped Miss Elizabeth’s lips, but her demeanor quickly shifted to a more serious one. Taking a moment to consider, she said, “The sight of a smile on someone’s lips is much more pleasing to me than the sight of a frown. Knowing that I have lived a privileged life compared to others, I cannot fathom why I would ever want to exacerbate someone’s circumstances instead of working towards making them better.” Blinking, Miss Elizabeth glanced at her clutched hands for a moment before looking back at Mrs. Annesley and adding, “It is simply not in my character.”

Mrs. Annesley had known her answer would be something of the sort. Hoping to provoke further thought, she asked, “I know you have worked hard not just to be kind but to care for the poor and Longbourn’s tenants. Were you seeking any personal gain from your actions?”

Shaking her head, Miss Elizabeth quickly explained, “When I knew that no one else was doing what needed to be done, I took up the reins myself. I have worked tirelessly at Longbourn because I couldn’t bear to see tenants suffer without offering my help. I did not do it in hopes of any sort of compensation.”

Mrs. Annesley smiled warmly at Miss Elizabeth, admiring her kindhearted nature. She knew that living in a small hamlet, Miss Elizabeth had yet to experience the vastness of the world. She was, however, realizing how dark it could be. So she counseled Miss Elizabeth by saying, “In this world, there are individuals who navigate through life solely driven by self-interest, always on the lookout for what they can take from others, including their own family. There also exist individuals similar to you, who possess the ability to perceive the hardships of others and possess a deep desire to bring happiness to their lives. The key, Miss Elizabeth, is to choose to not let those who are selfish and who take from others, to stop you from being the sort of person who gives. It is not always easy, but I think you are capable of doing it.”

Watching her closely, Miss Elizabeth nodded in thanks. They had little time for any other conversation before Georgianna woke and joined them. Soon Miss Georgianna’s maid brought up an overly burdened tray of breakfast foods for them to break their respite. As they ate together, the three of them, Mrs. Annesley hoped that Miss Elizabeth had been able to settle her heart somewhat.

Darcy looked over his shoulder to confirm that Mrs. Annesley was sitting in the corner of the room to maintain propriety. Though she smiled briefly at him, she went back to the embroidery project that she always seemed to work on. He was grateful for her apparent inattention. There was a long list of topics he needed to discuss with Elizabeth, and he knew it would be an emotionally charged conversation. Hopefully, they could make some plans before Georgianna finished practicing her piano.

Moving to sit near Elizabeth, he could not help studying the bruise on her cheek. The bruise on her face had darkened during the night, becoming an unsightly blemish on her otherwise beautiful face. Clearing his throat, he addressed Elizabeth by saying, “Elizabeth, thank you for agreeing to discuss matters with me this morning. I know the last twenty-four hours have been difficult for you, but it is important we act swiftly.”

Though Elizabeth smiled, it did not reach her eyes, and her shoulders were drooping. After licking her lips, Elizabeth said, “Recent experience has proven that it is best to confront a problem head on rather than try to avoid it.” Then, after grimacing, she continued, “I must admit that I have been thinking of nothing but what I might do since I awoke this morning and have come up with a few satisfactory ideas.”

Without being able to rely on someone for aid, a young lady like Elizabeth would have little recourse in such a situation. The fact that her father had to know that only made Darcy madder. Fortunately Elizabeth was not alone. Her goodness had attracted friends like himself who would ensure her safety and discourage those who sought to harm her from benefiting from their cruelty. Darcy hesitated, unsure exactly how to explain his plan to Elizabeth, but after a moment he said, “I want you to know you are not alone in this, Elizabeth. Bingley, Georgianna, Mrs. Annesley, and I are all eager to lend a helping hand. I only ask that you let us.”

Elizabeth’s eyes widened, and he observed her struggle between appreciation and self-reliance. “As lovely as it is knowing that you are all so willing to help, I cannot let myself become a burden on you. Though it would be wonderful if you could provide transportation for me, I have yet to decide on a destination,” she responded.

Darcy somehow knew that she would be so self-effacing, and he wondered if a life under her unappreciative parents had caused her to lose sight of her worth. With determination in his voice, Darcy said, “Will you deny us the opportunity to reciprocate your kindness?”

Shaking her head, Elizabeth protested, “I have only done what I should have, helping where I could. There was nothing spectacular about anything I have done.”

Reaching out, Darcy lay his hand over Elizabeth’s. He knew he was acting beyond the bounds of propriety, but he needed her to know how much what he was about to say meant to him. “What you have done both for me and Georgianna may not have been spectacular, but it was significant. How many people had seen my sister as she suffered from her harrowing experience from early this summer before you stepped in and befriended her? Have you seen how much she has blossomed since meeting you? What you have done means the world to me and those that love her. We had tried to bring her out of her despair and yet we failed where you succeeded. Not only that, but drawing closer to my sister has also allowed me to make positive changes in myself.”

Tilting his head so that he could hold her gaze, Darcy added, “You are worth protecting, even if your mother and father cannot see it, and I think I have found a way to do so.”

Elizabeth blinked away tears, her voice trembling as she agreed. “I suppose I must accept your help to avoid seeming ungrateful.” When she managed a smile, Darcy saw the sparkle in her eyes that seemed to have been missing since everything horrible had begun.

Smiling in response, Darcy said, “Yesterday, Bingley went to Longbourn and paid a call on your sister. He went for two reasons. Above all, he wanted to convey to Miss Bennet that you were here at Netherfield and well cared for. Another reason was to ensure the well-being of your sisters and confirm that your parents weren’t trying to shift Mr. Collins’s attention to one of them.”

Fright spread across Elizabeth’s face as she attempted to stand, crying, “I cannot let them force Mr. Collins on one of my sisters in my stead. I cannot believe that it never crossed my mind. If they were so cruel to me, of course they would behave no better to my sisters.”

Standing, Darcy pushed gently on her shoulders to keep her from getting up. He knew from Mrs. Annesley how badly she had injured her feet, and he would hate for her to hurt herself further in her panic. Looking down in her tear-filled eyes, he crooned, “They are safe. Do not worry, I will not allow them to be harmed by either your parents or Mr. Collins.”

Blinking, Elizabeth questioned, “How can you know that? They are at Longbourn, away from your attention.”

Sitting back down, Darcy answered, “My valet went to Longbourn with a message for Mrs. Hill. If necessary, she will get word to us before anything happens. In fact, she sent me a message letting me know your parents did not even realize that you were missing until well after dinner last night and she overheard them discussing the plans to go to London to retrieve you in a few days. They wanted to wait until Mr. Collins had left. So it seems we have time to put a plan into place to protect you and your sisters from their selfish machinations.”

“How can you promise to protect my sisters from him in the long run?” asked Elizabeth.

Grinning, Darcy said, “That is where my plan comes into play.”