Twenty-Four
Cain
I drive one car, Lincoln the other. They all have a black bag over their heads, and we help them out of the car one at a time. I remove Uncle David's mask, but only his for now. He’s my Uncle, the closest thing I have to a father, he needs to see everything from the start.
He looks around the black wall, with branches of trees down it, twigs with leaves and weed stuck to the wall. We’re in the woods, the middle of fucking nowhere. If you screamed, no one would hear you. He waits for me to say something, but what do I say about this place? There is only one thing I can say.
“Welcome to my home.” I place my hand on the wall, and wait for it to scan my print to let me in. There are only two people's hands scanned to open the main door:- mine and Lincoln’s. I see a few of the people down here jump when the wall starts opening. My uncle looks at me with eyes wide open. He probably has a million questions going through his head right now. I know he will ask me every single one of them. But not tonight, and maybe not even tomorrow, but here and there he will ask a random question for me to answer, and from this day on, no matter the question, I’m answering it.
Lincoln walks behind everyone and tells them to walk and I move to the side until they all get in, and once they do, I close the door once again.
“You can remove the bag.” I tell them all, Lincoln and I get the masks ready to hand them. These will fit their face better, and have holes for them to see through. I lock eyes with Hayden, as he’s the only one not looking around. He doesn’t need to say the words, because the look in his eyes asks the question for him. “I’m good,” I tell him and he gives me a nod, knowing I’m lying. “No one talks in there, I move you move.” Lincoln throws a mask to everyone, and I look at my mom, who is standing next to Logan. “You stay with Lincoln. Everyone is in their cage, no one is wandering around, so there is no need to worry about anything.” They all put their masks on, and I turn to Lincoln, as he walks through the door first and I hear him talking.
“Keep an eye on the cameras, open only the doors I tell you to open.” Lincoln looks over his shoulder at me.
I take a deep breath in. “Let's go.” The metal gate opens, and I lead the way through the doors. The damp smell hits me hard, the dried-up blood, the burnt skin smell lingers in this place like it lives here. Even up here, you can smell The Pit before we even get to the last step.
Walking down the stairs, the stone wall still haunts me, the jet black with a charcoal mixed in the walls, the stones still look the same as the day I first arrived. My back still feels the hard stone digging into it, reminding me of when I was weak.
We reach the bottom, and I look at the dirty brown solid wood door, which weighs a lot more than any door should weigh. It opens, with a loud scraping on the floor as it does, and I look down for a moment because my family is about to walk through hell.
Walking through the door, I hear everyone shouting at each other, names being shouted from one side to the other, or poles hitting the metal cages to get the attention of someone. Being here can make anyone crazy after a while. Some of them stop when they see me, a few of them call my name wanting to talk, but I ignore them as I walk around the path. The whole Pit is a circle, floors of cages to the sides of it. The middle is the fighting area, with a big circle chandelier hanging with fire blazing from around it, which links with the fighting area as it also has fire all the way around it. Even now the fire is ablaze, burning bright, ready for someone who wants to fight. It reminds them all they don’t get the chance to sleep, no one fucking sleeps here.
My body shivers, remembering the first time I got burnt from fighting here, they beat me hard enough that I lost my balance, and the flame hit the skin, be it my hand, side of my body, a finger, anything,, and it was the worst pain I had ever felt. But it reminded me to never walk to the edge to fight again. Always stay in the middle. “This is where you fight, with the fire around you, and the weapons of your choice. If you’re lucky you both fight until you’re tired and you live another day, but if not then you leave in a body bag.” I point to the fight pit, as I stand by the rail looking down at it, remembering every single fight I had. Remembering every person I killed to survive another day. “I’ve got a lot of blood on my hands, and I don’t regret any of them.” I walk away from the rails and continue my way around the cages. I know Logan and the other two will see their dads here. I just have to hope they keep their mouths shut.
Walking around, we get to the third floor and I stop and introduce my pet to them all. “This is my dog, his name is Jasper. He hurt someone-” I stop and lock eyes with Travis. “-who meant the world to me, now he lives like a dog.” I have to say Jasper looks a fucking mess. I took all his clothes from him, and never gave him any since. He eats what dogs eat, he’s chained like a dog. I won’t let him die, because every day he will suffer for what he did to Tess. “He will die slowly.” Travis gives me a small nod, then looks at Jasper. I can’t see under the mask, but I hope he’s smiling.
Mom is looking around, as is everyone else. They’re looking in the cages, at the people, and at the fire. Hayden looks up at the only light we have coming into The Pit. The top is open, only a little to give light to the dark area. It has handles for you to go up, but before you get to the handles, you have to work your way through the rocks, and some jumps. It’s a maze. One wrong move and you fall all the way down. It has to be a good ninety feet up before you get to the handles. That’s what I had to climb every time I wanted to see Tess.
Continuing to walk through, I stop by my cage, which is open and empty, no one gets this cage, it’s a reminder to me, where I lived. “Welcome to my home.” I walk in, and look over at the wall which grandad and I knocked the bricks out of. “My bed, grandad's bed.” I point to the other one just behind the wall. Everyone walks in, which is going to be tight, because there isn’t enough space for everyone.
Uncle David walks through to the other side and looks around at grandad’s room and so do Hayden and Mason. Mom looks around, and stops by the bed, while Logan walks around slowly, looking at everything. Old blood is stained on the walls and the bars. It still smells like piss in here, but they get to see where I lived.
Uncle David taps the walls to get my attention, then points to his fingers, then mine, then up to the door.
“We don’t have names here, we have numbers. They burn them into your chest-” I lift my right hand. “-my number.” Then my right hand. “Grandad's number.”
One by one they all walk out, taking one last look around, Uncle David stays in grandad's cage for a moment while mom looks down at what my bed was, and I hear the sobs escaping her. I have to say she’s staying strong, I thought she would have asked to leave by now. Both my mom and uncle leave the cage, and I stay where I am for a moment. Looking around what was my home for most of my life, I walk into grandad's side and close my eyes. I remember him telling me stories. “I’m sorry,” I whisper the words to him.
I see Lincoln has taken them around to the next floor. He knows how hard it was for me to walk in here. How much I need the time alone, even if it was for a few seconds. Walking around to catch up with them, I hear a few people behind the cages asking for food, or fresh air, or something, but I ignore them.
I know where Lincoln is taking them, the one place they will understand the headaches.
Walking into the white room, everyone is looking around, there isn’t anything to see in here, the room is white, nothing else in here, white marbled floor, white walls, white ceilings, there is no color at all in this room.
I say nothing when the loud noise begins and the lights start flashing, something I’m used to now. Everyone covers their eyes or ears. Lincoln walks out of the room. He never stayed in this room, he was lucky. The lights and sounds stop, and everyone looks around at each other.
“This was their torture for me. The longest I was in this room was just over a week, then they sent me out to fight. Then I was thrown back in here. It fucked me up bad, headaches, pain in my eyes, loud noise it all fucked me up.” Every set of eyes are looking at me, but I turn away from them, because I don’t need them feeling sorry for me. Most of them are rubbing their ears to ease the pain, as the others are rubbing their eyes. Every single one of them locks eyes with me, and I can see they all now understand what I went through. Pity, guilt, hurt, anger, each one of them has something hitting their eyes, but I don’t want any of that from them. I don’t need their pity.
I step closer to Uncle David and tell him to remove his mask. “I’ve lived in hell, and I’ll fight here again if I have to protect anyone I care about. With everything Grandad and I went through I won’t let anyone just walk out of here.”
“Son, the five of us are with you. You need to fight, we will be here, you need protection, we are here. You’re not alone.” Hayden, Mason, Miles and Declan all take a step forward, standing next to their dad.
“You have family, let us in. ” Miles is the first to talk, and I give them a nod, then tell them to put their mask back on.
“They're in the room,” Lincoln whispers to me, and I give him a nod, letting him know I’ll be out soon. “And you have a parcel.”
“The hand?” I ask.
“Yes.” I knew Yang would send the hand, he knows I wasn’t bluffing about his head being delivered in a box.
“Lincoln will take you out, you three stay.” I point to Logan, Travis and Blake. Once everyone leaves, I look at the three of them looking between each other. “Follow me,” I leave the room, hearing them behind me. Getting onto the next floor, I walk into the room and move to the side, letting the boys in.
I walk around I believe that they have the right to see the men they have in here.
“Remove your masks.” The three of them do, and they stare at their dads. “Thought you’d like to see what they have been going through. Don’t look like the same men do they?” I ask.
I knew Blake would love it, the smile on his face shouts I beat you, fucker. Logan walks closer to his dad and whispers something to him, I have no idea what, that’s between him and his dad. Travis stands in front of his dad and smiles.
“Mom says hello.” His dad’s eyes widen, and Travis punches him in the face.
I walk out the room, leaving them to inflict whatever they need on their fathers for what they put them all through. Especially Travis’ mom. I don’t need to be part of their fucked up drama. I have enough of my own. Looking around The Pit brings back the memories of when I was the little boy who was beaten, kicked, and used as a fucking ashtray. Now I fucking own it, and no one will take it from me.
I promised my grandad I’d have this hell, and I’d rule it. And I have, nothing will stop me now.
Throwing my suit jacket on the kitchen counter, I grab the bottle of whiskey and a glass, then sit on the couch. It’s been a long night, it’s two in the morning, that’s how long it’s been. It’s always a long night when you go to The Pit, but taking my family down there is something I never wanted to do and it was hard.
I didn’t give anyone a chance to talk to me afterwards, mostly because my head was not in the right space to be talking to anyone. I needed some time away from them all. Plus, I think they all need time to register where I took them, and finally get to see where I lived and why I am closed off from everyone.
I smile when a sexy floral scent hits me. She’s awake. I thought she would be sleeping, I didn’t want to wake her up. But when she’s around me, I feel a small ounce of peace. I still have to talk to her, explain everything which is going to be hard. I don’t want her to look over her shoulder all the time, but I know she will.
Autumn stands in front of me and smiles as she sits on my lap. I close my eyes when her hands move through my hair, how does she do it? How does this one simple action make me feel like the weight has been lifted from me?
“How did it go?” The question escapes faintly, as if she’s scared to ask, or worried someone will hear her. “Are you okay?” she asks as both her hands move through the side of my hair. I never want her to stop.
“Now they all know where I lived. Mom cried, while the guys all looked at me, understanding why I am the way I am.” Finally, I open my eyes to see her beautiful face. “I know they have questions, I’m just waiting for them to ask.” I finish my drink, placing the empty glass on the side table, and place my hands on her bare thighs. “You’re not sleeping?” I ask her.
One thing I’ve enjoyed about Autumn being here, she wears my t-shirt to bed, and wears nothing under it either.
“I was worried about you, and I enjoy sleeping next to you.” She learns in closer and gives me a kiss.
As much as I want this night to be done, and tell everyone about my past, I still need to talk to her, I still need to tell her what’s happening.
“I know before I left, it was… I need to tell you the truth, too.” Her hands stop moving through my hair, her eyes locked with mine. “I never want you to live in fear, and all I can do is promise you no matter what I’ll protect you even if it means dying myself-” I stop when she places her finger on my lip. Gently holding her hand, I move her finger away. “You mean too much for me to hurt you, but my past is coming, and I don’t know what they will do. The shop has cameras so I can see what’s happening, but this man will come for you to get to me.” I feel her body tense up on top of mine. “You want to walk away, I won’t stop you. But if you stay-”
“I’m staying, I love you Cain Crawford, and I know you’ll do everything to keep me safe.” The warmth in her tone is everything I need right now, knowing she has faith in me, knowing I’d do anything to protect her.
“Today it’s this family, tomorrow it might be another.” I bring my hands up her body.If she thinks sitting on me with nothing stopping me from touching any part of her body, then she’s crazy. “All I can do is promise you I’ll never leave your side.”
She leans forward planting a soft gentle kiss on my lips and whispers, “I know,” then another kiss. “Now, if you want, I've been itching for something.” Quickly my hand moves to the back of her head, because God, I need this right now. I need to be buried inside her, to show her how much she fucking means to me.
I know she wants to go to the sixth floor, and one day I will take her, because I’m going to make her strip for me, then do things I’ve wanted to do to this sexy body on that floor.
My cell beeps on the nightstand, as I’m kissing Autumn’s shoulder. I turn around to check the time. Four in the fucking morning.Why the hell is my cell beeping? Sitting up in bed, I open my app to see who the hell is at the back of the building wanting to get into my apartment.
Fucking hell, the last person I ever thought I’d see at my place, and at this hour, too. Grabbing my sweats off the floor, I put them on, and exit the bedroom. I unlock the back door and open the elevator for Logan.
I make my way to the kitchen and grab a bottle of water from the fridge as I wait for the elevator to get to my apartment. This is the first time he’s come to my place, fuck no one but Lincoln and Hayden have been here. Logan has shown no interest in me, so why the hell would he ever want to come here?
The doors slide open, and I stare at Logan as he steps out looking around my place, then locks eyes with me.
Logan walks closer to me, and I pull out the bar stool to sit down as Logan stands staring at my chest. I didn’t put a t-shirt on. There is nothing to hide from them now, they’ve seen it all.
I wait for him to ask me for whatever has brought him here at this time in the morning. only come to me when they want information. Not one of them has come to me just to talk. Travis is trying, but even I know he’s only doing it because he thinks he owes something to Tess. He doesn’t, and he needs to move on from it.
Taking a sip of my water, I wait for him to say something, it’s been a few minutes of him just looking around my apartment.
“Logan-”
“Mom’s been crying all night, fuck I haven’t been able to stop thinking about The Pit.” Logan finally looks at me. “I thought mom had no choice to have me because of what the asshole did to her. You were the one she wanted, but I never thought about how you saw it. Seeing The Pit was fucked up, but I understand why you hate-”
“I don’t hate Mom, I needed her to see what her decision did to the family. She broke me.” I tell him, I could never hate her, dad loved her, grandad spoke nothing but good things about her, even after what she did. I just have to put my anger to the side and forgive her for everything.
“Cain, I’m sorry for everything that happened to you, and-” he stops and swallows hard. “-I’m sorry for how I’ve been with you.” Logan stops when his cell rings, and he pulls it out of his pocket and ends it without even looking to see who it is. “I hated you for hiding yourself for so long, from mom, and even me. Now I understand why you did it, to protect us. In your own way it was to protect us from The Pit.” He takes a deep breath, and looks over to the bedroom when Autumn walks out.
“Cain?”
“It’s okay, I’m still here,” I joke with her, and she shakes her head then looks at Logan. “You get back to bed.” Autumn gives me a small nod, then walks back to the bedroom, and I look back over at Logan.
“All I can say is I’m sorry, and if you’re still interested in-” He stops and puts his hand into his jeans pocket, shifting his weight from one foot to the other. “Once you think it’s safe, thought we could-” he stops again, and looks at me.
“Logan, when it’s safe, I'll let you know.” I know what he is trying to say, but I also understand it’s difficult for him. I would be the same. Showing our feelings is something I don’t do. The only difference between us is that he doesn't have a good poker face.
“I know it’s difficult, but if you could talk to mom. It really hit her hard… I know it’s not going to be easy to forget or even to forgive, but please can you talk to her.” I stare at him for a moment, and I can see that it was hard for him to ask, but I wish it was that easy to do.
I look away from him for a second, before I turn back to him. “You know when I was in The Pit, for years I hated you. I hated you for taking my mom away from me, I hated you were living in heaven while I was in hell because of your dad. For years I kept telling my grandad when I got out I was going to kill you, just to hurt your dad.” I take a sip of my water, before I continue. “But I got out, watched you and your brothers, you hated your dads, just as much as I did, but you got my respect for becoming men by yourselves, I liked the way you three worked. Plus, my grandad kept telling me, it wasn’t your fault, I knew it wasn’t, but for me to hate you as much as I did, and to then put it aside, should show you I had forgiven you, in my own time.” I get off the barstool and walk closer to him, and he stands tall. “One day I’ll forget what mom did, but I don’t think I will ever forgive her. Maybe that day will come, but until then, if it makes you happy, I’ll talk to her, and put all my feelings to the back of my mind. You’ve seen me play happy family, you’ve seen me smile in front of her, and I will continue to do that, but I’ll do it for you. And, when the day comes that I forget everything, and forgive mom, you’ll be the first to know.” I pat his shoulder a few times.
“Cain-”
“Logan, I’ve tried to forget what happened, I've even tried to forgive her. But then I close my eyes and some fucked up memory hits me, or my eyes burn, I feel like I want to smack my head with a sledgehammer, fuck when I look in the mirror and see this-” I point to my body. “-The pain, the nightmares, it all overpowers the forgiving part. But again, for you I will try.” I remove my hand from his shoulder, and take a step back.
“That’s all I’m asking.” He places his hand on my shoulder this time. “I’m sorry, I misjudged you.” He takes a few steps back and smiles. “I’d better get back, Meadow is going crazy with the cell calls now. I kind of didn’t tell anyone I was coming here.”
“Logan, my door's always open, if you need help, or if you want to talk.”
“And I want you to know, you have a brother, who’s open to being brothers.” With that, he presses the button, the doors open to the elevator, and he leaves.
So, it took him seeing hell to finally let me in. I’ll take it. I’m open to building something with him, I have from the start. Maybe things will be different now.