Darling Little LeeLee (Doctor Darling’s Clinic #2)

Chapter 12

CHAPTER TWELVE

Everleigh

Stretching my arms over my head, I took a few minutes to appreciate the rise and fall of Leo’s chest as he slept. One lock of his gorgeous brown hair fell across his left eye. I gently pushed it behind his ear. The movement stirred him awake.

“Good morning, babygirl. Did you sleep well?”

“Yes. I feel much better.” I kissed his cheek and pushed the covers off.

“Where do you think you’re going?”

A tiny prickle of something I couldn’t name tickled the inside of my tummy. Leo had announced that he was going to be in charge of everything, including my time, but he wouldn’t fathom making me use the diaper I was wearing. Or would he? Panic filled me, and I whimpered.

“I asked you a question, Leelee. You aren’t in trouble. Relax.”

“I’m going to the bathroom,” I replied in the sweetest tone I could muster.

“Try again.”

“You can’t prevent me from going to the bathroom!”

“No, little lionheart. You are absolutely free to make any decision you choose. However, there are consequences when you decide to disobey. In case I wasn’t clear yesterday, you are to ask me for permission.”

“To use the bathroom? No!” I glared at him, not caring what he did. That was a hard limit, not that I’d shared it with him.

I tried to calm down but I’d slept longer than usual and the growing pressure in my bladder was not helping the situation or my temper.

“Come on. I’ll bring you and explain what I mean along the way.”

Leo rounded the bed and lifted me into his arms, settling me on his hip. I couldn’t remember anyone ever carrying me in such a way. His gentle handling had my younger headspace peeking out instead of battling him. Leo assisted me out of my onesie and threw away the diaper. But when he gestured to the toilet and didn’t appear to be leaving, I froze.

“I can’t… go with you in here.”

“I’ll give you privacy, sweetheart, but I have a few rules to clarify.” He stepped to the tub and perched on the edge, closing his eyes.

He technically didn’t give me any privacy at all, but my bladder didn’t care. I used the bathroom while keeping my head down. I wasn’t as mortified as I thought I’d be, but I wasn’t enjoying the moment. At least he hadn’t ordered me to use the diaper. I liked the safety and security it brought to me, but I couldn’t picture getting to the point of actually using it as intended.

“To reiterate, Leelee, I’m completely in charge of your care for the next two days. Every single thing. When you eat, what you eat, how often you nap, when you go to sleep. If you want to do something, anything at all, you will ask me for permission first.”

“I can’t ask you to go to the bathroom. I’m not attempting to be defiant; I really don’t think I can.”

Leo opened his eyes and pushed off the tub. He cupped my face in between his hands. “Please understand something. I’m not going to deny you a basic need. Not ever.”

“Then why do I have to ask?”

“I want you to lean completely on me, babygirl. Give your overworked, overwhelmed brain a rest. You don’t need to worry about anything at all for the next two days.

“I’m very embarrassed having this conversation while I’m exposed and vulnerable.”

He kissed my forehead before releasing his hold. “I will honor your limits, Everleigh, but I might push against some of your boundaries. I hope you know that everything I’m doing is with kindness, consideration of your well-being and love.”

“Yes, but I’m still naked on the toilet, Daddy.”

“I’d like you to be comfortable around me no matter what you are doing or what state you’re in. Stand up.”

Oh, I did not like the look of determination in his eyes. I reminded myself that Leo was a doctor and he’d seen all sorts of people from all walks of life in their most vulnerable moments. As I lifted myself off the seat, my legs trembled. He took care to clean me before helping me up and setting me down on the rug.

I rubbed my eyes, thinking I was about to cry. Leo turned on the faucet to the tub, adding my new favorite scent: lilac rose garden. It smelled heavenly as it wafted through the bathroom. It distracted me from becoming overly emotional for no reason.

“I think big Everleigh and Little Leelee are warring.”

“I know, babygirl. All I can do is give you space to relax. Will it help ease your mind if I tell you the plan for the morning?”

“Yes, Daddy.”

“All right. A quick bath before we get you dressed. I’m making a very special breakfast this morning. Would you like to guess what it is?”

“Brussel sprouts and eggs?” I guessed with mock seriousness.

“Oh, gross! I hate those green bundles of earthy, foul-tasting dirt.” He stuck his tongue out.

I giggled like crazy even as he wrapped an arm around my waist and planted me in the tub. I sank into the bubbles, the warm water relaxing my body and mind.

“Hm? Okay, how about oatmeal?” I purposefully named foods I knew Leo hated.

“Paste? I’ll pass. I’d rather hang wallpaper with it. No, babygirl. Daddy is making Belgian waffles with strawberries and whipped cream plus your favorite sausage.”

“If I was feeling bigger, Daddy, I might say you should probably wait for us to have sex until after we eat.”

“You naughty little thing. Maple-sugar sausages.”

Leo waggled a finger at me and I nipped it playfully.

“I’m attempting to keep you relaxed in your Little space, sweet girl.”

“But you’re so tempting.”

“Relax, Leelee,” he scolded.

Leo washing my hair and body in an intimate but no-nonsense fashion helped me sink back into the headspace I’d been avoiding lately.

It had been a dumb move on my part, working so hard to deny that part of myself. Connecting to my Little gave me a profound sense of peace. For me, whenever I allowed myself to explore, so many stresses fell away.

“It’s almost as if I’ve been punishing myself by not allowing myself to be in that space, Daddy. It’s like I don’t think I deserve to feel peaceful and happy.”

Leo paused his action and cupped my chin. “You deserve whatever makes your heart soar. No matter what that is or what it involves. If coloring makes your Little side happy, then do that. Or petting animals or riding horses or crafting. Do you understand? I want to be the one who gets to see you experiencing all the things that make you smile.”

Tears fell from my eyes like a waterfall, and I nodded several times. “I trust you, Daddy. And I want that too.”

“Good. I’m glad we’re on the same page.”

He finished the bath and carried me back to his bedroom.

“Do you know I have these neat limbs called legs that allow me to move from place to place?” I wiggled my toes.

Leo planted a kiss on the top of each foot. “Careful, Leelee. You’re being cheeky. I’m well aware that you know how to walk. But you won’t be doing it much today if at all. Now let’s get you dressed.”

I craned my neck to see what outfit Leo selected, but couldn’t from this angle. He held up the lightest cornflower blue onesie along with a pair of darker blue shorts. They had ruffles along the back of them, so if I crawled the movement would make them dance.

I’d once confessed that I thought that was the cutest way to travel as long as I had someone appreciating the view. Leo had grown quiet and contemplative before a grin broke out across his mouth. No doubt he’d already been envisioning me on all fours, crawling across the floor. I touched the pretty ruffles. They had the same light cornflower color on each one plus darker flowers, like a vintage teacup pattern. They were beautiful.

My Daddy dressed me in the outfit, adding a diaper and knee-high socks done in the same pretty color palette. Leo beamed at me as I looked up at him adoringly. The pinching anxiety already eased back to a manageable level.

“You’re so handsome, Daddy.”

Leo leaned down and kissed my temple. “I’m glad you think so, babygirl.”

I raised my arms to him but he shook his head. Curious, I watched him hold up a strange-looking contraption with straps and an odd-shaped cushion. It was a pretty color, lavender dotted with butterflies and flowers but what did he plan on doing with it? Leo brought it up to my waist and before I had time to wonder, he adjusted his arms through the thick straps. My legs were around him, and I had room to either lean my head against his chest or rest my arms there. The cushion was an extra spot to support my bottom. An adult baby carrier! I marveled over the comfort and the pretty pattern.

“Won’t you get tired of hauling me around?”

“Don’t talk like that. Daddy is much stronger than he looks, and if I need to put you down, I will.” Leo fixed my hair while I looked up at him and he turned around, his back to the mirror so I could see the details. He braided better than I did, looping the strands across the back of my head. My hair shined like golden ropes with the way he pinned it. I didn’t think my heart could grow any fuller, but seeing myself against him with my new outfit and beautiful hair did it.

“I look so pretty.”

“Yes, babygirl. You do.”

Popping a flowered pacifier in my mouth, Leo kissed my forehead and whispered sweet words to me as we walked downstairs.

Though I’d been concerned about him carrying me in such a device, he was strong. The gentle rocking soothed me, and I curled into him. Leo spoke softly as he gathered the ingredients to make breakfast, telling me each step and what he was doing. He talked about the fun things we were going to do today. Leo mentioned swooping me away for a long weekend up to the mountains or some of the nearby beaches. We hadn’t talked about our favorite places yet, but whether it was a cabin in the woods or a bungalow by the ocean made no difference. I wanted to explore everywhere with him. Leo was quickly becoming my favorite person, my best friend.

We seemed to be moving faster than I thought we would, but sometimes when you met the person you were supposed to be with, things fell into place. My tummy rumbled loudly, starling me out of my thoughts.

“Breakfast will be ready soon. Don’t worry, little lionheart. We’ll give into your tummy’s demands.”

Further surprising me, Leo took me out of the carrier and set me into a highchair. I raised my eyebrows but he tapped my nose.

“If you’ve got a hard limit that Daddy needs to know about, tell me. Otherwise, I’d like you to just relax. You have your safewords always. As well as your colors.”

I popped the pacifier out of my mouth. “Non-verbal safeword. I think we need that.”

“You’re so smart. Yes, especially if you are very Little. Do you have something you’ve done in the past?”

“No, Daddy. Whenever I felt safe enough to explore this type of space it was only by myself. I would keep my phone by me. If something upset me or I wound up in a bad space I’d text Harlow. She’d either come over or call me and talk me through the trigger. I didn’t think I could trigger myself if I’m being honest, but it happened all the same.”

“What a sweet friend. That’s an excellent plan. Let me think.”

My tummy grumbled loudly, reminding him that it needed food.

“All right, all right. I’ll think quicker,” he teased, cutting up a few strawberries before he set to cooking.

I ate each one, being careful not to make a mess on my pretty outfit while watching him. The waffles and sausage were done quickly, and he cut them up into bite-sized pieces. Leo set a plastic bowl filled with more strawberries on one side of the tray and a bowl of whipped cream on the other. It was slightly worrisome considering what I could do with those items but somehow he knew I wasn’t the sort to make messes. At least not unless it was accidental. He leaned closer and fastened a bib around my neck.

“Did you take all the things I’ve ever wanted directly out of my brain, Daddy?”

“Something like that, Leelee. You look adorable.” He grinned. “Oh! I’ve got it. For a non-verbal safeword you can poke or tap me twice. Anywhere you can reach is fine, whether it’s my leg, my arm. Or tug my hair twice. I’ll know what it means.”

“That’s a good idea, Daddy. I’ll do that if I need to.”

“Good girl.”

Leo sat down at the table, staying close to me physically. We ate breakfast and he fell into easy commentary again while I listened. I could listen to him read the most boring medical journal and I’d still be fascinated. I loved the way he handled the Littlest parts of me. I couldn’t have put into words everything I needed, and yet he still found a way to play it out for me. Though I hadn’t been able to see it at the time, quitting with respect was the best thing that I could have done in order to get myself to a better place.

My Daddy knew exactly what I needed.