Darn Knit All (All Access #3)

Chapter 5

CHAPTER 5

MAI

Mai

How was your date?

Theo

The guy was nice but we agreed we’d be better off as buddies

Mai

Ouch!

Theo

Indeed. I am really letting down the bisexual stereotype. So greedy and yet I can’t land a partner to save my life

Mai

You’re the Oliver Twist of bisexuals

Theo

Please, sir, can I cum some more?

Mai

We’re both going to hell

I placed a tray of tea and snacks on my coffee table, then crossed to the small sewing area I’d set up years before. Hunched over the humming machine, Theo diligently fed the fabric through the needle, attempting to complete the hem of a shirt for what felt like the millionth time.

We’d spent the last week holed up in my apartment, teaching him the basics of fashion design. It was going… slowly.

“Ah ha!” he declared, releasing his foot from the pedal to stop the machine. “We have success.”

He snipped some loose threads and flicked the shirt out with a showman’s flourish before handing it to me.

I examined his work, trying not to smile as he fidgeted in place, awaiting my judgment.

“This hemline is looking more like a seismic graph than a straight line,” I teased, holding up the lopsided fabric. “But I can see improvement.”

He made a wounded animal sound clutching at his chest. “Come on. You gotta admit it’s not bad for a guy with one leg.”

I snorted. “Because your leg impacts your ability to follow a straight line.”

“Exactly.” He nodded, plucking the shirt from my hands. “I’m glad you understand.”

He pulled a seam ripper from the back pocket of his jeans and began to unpick each thread. His fingers moved deftly, surprisingly sure and agile for guy who’d only just begun to understand the basics of sewing.

“Getting good at this,” he said with a grin. “Perhaps you could employ me as your lead seam ripper.” He held up the small tool, pretending to call to an audience. “Seam ripper! Seam ripper! Forty bucks a seam!”

“It says a lot about you that destruction is your favorite part of the creative process.”

With the seam disassembled, he reached for a small pincushion full of needles, his fingers moving quickly to re-pin the fabric.

“What rating this time?” he asked with a grin.

“I give you a D plus,” I responded, straight-faced, though laughter threatened to bubble up my throat. “But an A plus for effort and enthusiasm.”

“I thank you for the crumbs from your table. I—ouch!” He winced, sticking his fingertip in his mouth to suck at the pin prick. “For the record, when I signed up for this gig, you failed to mention anything about blood pacts.”

“Think of it as a hazard of the job.” I nudged him playfully with my elbow as I leaned in to inspect his work. “You’re doing really well, Theo. Seriously. I couldn’t have asked for a better….” I paused, unsure of how to describe our fake relationship.

“Partner in crime?” he asked cheekily.

The apprehension, guilt, and panic began to breakthrough the opaque barrier I’d erected, oozing into my stomach and slithering up my spine.

“We still have time,” I whispered, all sense of lightness disappearing under the avalanche of stress that threatened to overwhelm me. “We could just call them and say we’ve made a mistake. That we broke up or that we?—”

“Shhh,” Theo hushed, stepping away from the sewing area to wrap me in a warm, tight hug. “We’ve got this. I promise. No one’s going know that we’re faking it. No one’s going to even suspect this isn’t real. You’re going on that show, you’re going to do your best, and that’s all anyone could ask.”

I closed my eyes, letting him hold me for a long moment as I listened to the steady beat of his heart against my ear. I took comfort in the warmth his skin radiated against mine.

My brother and Theo had been friends for years—ever since Ren had returned to the Cove upon graduation from the academy. My brother had only ever wanted to be a firefighter, and his graduation and placement back in the Cove had been a source of great joy and pride for my family.

And not a small amount of relief to my haha , who had worried over my brother since the day she’d brought him into the world. As her eldest child—and only boy—Ren had paved the path for my sister and I to follow our dreams. But he’d also left a chaotic mess in his wake, bringing others along with him for the ride.

Looking back, I still wasn’t sure exactly how Theo had managed to wiggle his way into my life. One second, we’d been kind-of acquaintances, and the next we were fake dating.

I am bamboozled by this relationship.

As much as I loved my friends—and Annie, Frankie, and Flo were as closer to me than my own sister—I had to admit that what Theo and I had was different. Somehow, he’d stormed past my defenses to become an essential part of my life.

Theo adjusted his hold on me, recognizing that I needed to be held more than I needed him to let go—despite how awkwardly long this hug had become.

But then, that’s who he was. Theo just happened to be the type of guy who felt the best way to support someone was with a kind word and a gentle gesture. Unlike many of the men in my life, he had no apprehension in offering physical touch—understanding the comfort that came from a tangible connection.

I couldn’t help but admire his determination to be a source of positivity in a world that seemed determined to be negative. That he had directed his attention and friendship toward me would forever remain a source of confusion.

The longer he held me, the more aware I became of how tight his arms banded around my body. He smelled intoxicating and soothing all at once, the scent of his cologne tickling my nose. His fingers were splayed, one hand cupping the back of my head, the other pressing against my back to cradle me to his chest. His fingers at my nape absentmindedly played in my hair, gently stroking through the strands.

Goose bumps rose on my arms as my stomach gave a little flip.

Uh-oh.

I blinked, stiffening as my body reacted to his closeness.

Oh no!

At some point, Theo had become an essential part of my life. And if my reaction was anything to go by, it appeared that I was nursing a crush on a guy who only offered friendship.

Such was my life.

I released him and stepped back. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to do that.”

Theo gently tucked my hair back behind my ear, the gesture sweet but caring.

“I did.” He dipped slightly to catch my embarrassed gaze, his eyes warm and full of understanding. “I’m a good cuddler.”

Therein lay the crux of my issues. Because Theo Garrett wasn’t a “good” cuddler. Theo Garrett was a world-class cuddler. If cuddling was an extreme sport, Theo would be the world champion.

As a person who’d grown up in a loving and supportive, but touch-restrained, family, his kind of freely given physical affection really strained the boundaries of our relationship—at least in my own mind.

Honestly, how could anyone resist such a man?

“How about we try teaching you how to measure a live person?” I changed the subject, needing to shift us from the slightly flirty place to which we’d navigated, back to safe waters.

He tilted his head to one side. “Is it very different to measuring the road test dummy?”

“The adjustable mannequin,” I corrected. “And yeah, it really is. Precision is key.” I laced my voice with mock severity as I picked up a soft measuring tape. His eyes locked on to mine for a moment, and I felt that familiar flutter in my chest—the one I refused to identify.

Don’t do it to yourself, Mai.

“Right, precision,” he echoed, clearing his throat while unfolding the tape. “Where do I start?”

“You need to ask the model a few questions—like to stand naturally, upright and with feet hip-width apart.” I demonstrated. “Next, you check their clothing.” I gestured to his plaid overshirt. “If they’re wearing layers, get them to remove the outer garment. You don’t want to be creating something that will be too big because they’re wearing a puffer jacket.”

He chuckled. “No puffer jackets—got it.”

“If they’re female, check if they’re wearing the same bra that they will be with the end product.” I gestured at my breasts. “Cup sizes can make or break an outfit.”

His gaze dipped to my chest, and I swear I saw him swallow. He turned his head away, a slight flush touching his cheeks. “Noted.”

“Theo,” I said slowly, delighted I’d managed to unsettle him. “Are you worried about being near my boobs?”

His blush deepened. “Not at all. I’m just worried about you worrying about me being near your boobs.”

“Nawww.” I lifted some plain marking tape from the table. “Come learn how to measure a living person before you lose your nerve.”

I instructed him on how to wrap the tape around my waist, which would help him to take length measurements down or up to the same point.

“Now,” I instructed after he’d tied the tape around my waist, “we measure my neck.”

I showed him how to place the measuring tape around my neck, laying the plastic flat against the dip in my collarbone.

“See?” I asked, demonstrating. “This is the measurement you want to capture.”

He nodded, his gaze narrowing as he observed my movements.

“Next we do the shoulders.” I stepped closer, tilting my body so he could see how I laid the tape across my shoulders.

“We measure from the collarbone across to the end of the collarbone, here.” I pulled the neckline of my shirt away to show where the knobby part of my shoulder ended. “Generally, you measure on both sides then average it to get the shoulder numbers.”

“Generally? When would you not do that?”

“If someone has one arm larger than the other or has a disability. You want to make sure that the fit is comfortable for them.”

Theo nodded.

I ran him through the other areas, showing him how to measure my breasts, waists, hips, thighs, and other areas.

“Okay.” I handed him the measuring tape. “Your turn.”

I rolled my shoulders back and turned to face him more fully. He gripped the tape, his quiet inhale brushing my hair as he leaned in.

The tape took on a different feel as he laid it gently against my skin. His fingers were warm as he manipulated it to take the first measurement.

“Like this?” he asked.

“Perfect,” I murmured.

He hummed to himself as he moved to my shoulder. The tape slid across one shoulder, then the other, as Theo asked me to turn this way or that.

“Next, bust,” I said, trying to sound professional as he finished recording the number.

I tried to ignore the heat crawling up my neck when his hands hovered inches from my body. He met my eyes briefly, a question lingering in his gaze. I swallowed hard, gesturing for him to continue.

“Sorry if this is awkward,” he murmured as the tape encircled me at chest level. His knuckles brushed lightly against my sides, sparking a trail of goose bumps along my skin.

As he moved from measurement to measurement, my thoughts became a jumble of scattered pieces. My attention narrowed to where his hands touched my body, where the tape rasped across my clothes, where his breath brushed against my skin.

He pulled a chair closer to sit in as he began to measure my lower body.

“Easier than crouching,” he murmured, nodding his head toward his prosthetic.

I nodded, unable to speak as a coil of tension wound tight in my middle. Leaning forward, Theo frowned a little as he began to measure.

The heat of his hands penetrated the thin fabric of my leggings, his touch gentle as he wrapped the tape around my thigh.

“Like this?” he asked, glancing up.

“Uh, yeah.” Our gazes held for a long beat, something unexpected passing between us.

This is Theo. You’re not interested in Theo, remember?

I watched his Adam’s apple bob before he dipped his head, continuing with his measurements.

“Calves next,” I murmured, hyperaware of Theo being so near to my abdomen.

He nodded once, leaning further forward in his seat to reach my lower legs.

The gentle rasp of the tape and our breathing were the only sounds in the silence of the room.

“I think I’m done.”

I let out a breath I hadn’t realized I’d been holding, feeling a little wobbly as I stepped back.

“You did great.” The words felt far too benign when compared to the aching tension he’d managed to build. I turned away, clearing my throat. “There are snacks on the coffee table.”

He perked up. “What kind of snacks?”

“Does it matter?” I asked lightly, striving to navigate us back to familiar waters. “We both know you’ll eat anything.”

He chuckled, following me across to the low table. “True. But I’m always wary after you fed me those wasabi peas.”

I groaned, settling into a seiza position beside the low table. “I get you to try one new thing and you hold that over me for years.”

He made a face as he sat cross-legged on the other side of the table. “I don’t think I’ve cried that much since Astipia lost to Spain in the Football World Cup.”

I snorted, lifting the small teapot from the tray. “You cried that much in the kids’ movie we watched the other week.”

“Hey! So did you!”

I poured us some green tea. “Ignoring our mutual angst over animated characters, we should talk about what happens tomorrow.”

“Before we do that.” He leaned over, stretching his long body until he could hook a finger into the strap of his bag. Dragging it across the floor, he rummaged inside until he could pull a small gift bag free.

“This is for you,” he said, placing it on the table.

I finished pouring and handed him his cup. “What is it?”

“A present.”

I inclined my head toward the coffee table. “You already brought me grapes.”

Theo had once asked why Ren and I brought gifts when we came to his house. I’d explained that gift-giving is a tradition in Japanese culture, and that gifts are often used to express gratitude or care.

Once I’d explained the significance, Theo had then adopted the custom, surprising me each time he came over with small gifts like fruit, cookies or tea.

The practice of temiyage, had been drilled into my siblings and I from a young age. My obaachan had lived with us for most of my younger years until we’d moved to the Cove. She’d moved to Astipia as a young bride with my ojiisan .

She’d spoken only rudimental English at the time and had struggled to find work to sustain her. It was through the diaspora community that she’d met other skilled seamstresses, becoming good friends with many of the women. Together, they’d established a small store for mending, tailoring and the occasional design, until she’d retired many years ago. She’d been my first teacher and had encouraged my love of design.

Theo lifted the mug in both of his hands, blowing gently on the hot liquid, sending steam swirling gently across his face. “This is different.” He nodded at the gift bag. “Open it.”

I reached for the bag, feeling slightly self-conscious as I rifled through the gift.

“I know you’re nervous about this,” Theo explained as I withdrew a fluffy brown unicorn. “I thought this might help.”

The stuffed toy stared up at me with gentle brown eyes. Urma the unicorn has been my favorite adults’ cartoon for years—the snarky, foulmouthed equine always made me laugh.

“Thank you.”

Theo reached for a cookie with a shrug. “There’s more.”

I smoothed the soft fur of the unicorn and put it aside, reaching in to withdraw a small candle. The label branded it as being created by my friend Flo, who owned “Common Scents.” She made everything from candles to perfumes to oils, each tailored to the individual’s preference.

Gently pulling the lid off, I drew in a deep breath, inhaling the scent of salt and wind.

“I had Flo design it for you,” Theo explained around a mouthful of sweets. “To remind you of home if you get homesick when we’re away.”

A warm, aching feeling radiated from my chest. “This is very thoughtful. You shouldn’t have.”

He ignored me, reaching for another cookie.

I tipped the bag and two small packages fell out—one a gorgeous box, the other a small, hand-wrapped circle.

I opened the lid of the box, my breath catching. Inside nestled between silky pieces of fabric sat a small gold ring. On the ring sat the kanji for person, 人 .

“I read about hito wo nomu ,” Theo explained, leaning over to touch the ring. “Though I’m sure I butchered that pronunciation. I thought I’d get the symbol made into a ring so when you’re nervous you can look it and hopefully feel calmer.”

An old Japanese tradition, the idea was that when nervous in front of an audience, you wrote hito, 人, three times on the palm of your hand with one finger and then swallowed it, which would help you feel calmer.

“Shit, is that inappropriate?” Theo shifted in his seat. “I thought because you can’t always spare a hand when you’re busy, but you can always glance at it and think about—fuck. Sorry.”

A lump formed in my throat at his thoughtfulness.

I shook my head, slipping the ring on my middle finger. “It’s lovely, Theo. It’s a beautiful, meaningful gift.”

He relaxed, a small grin pulling at lips. “I’m glad it fits. Now open the last one, this is my favorite.”

I cleared my throat. “That doesn’t bode well.” I tugged off the paper and pulled the small wrist pincushion free. A photo of his laughing face took up the entirety of the surface cushion.

“Theo!”

He chuckled. “Now when I annoy you, you can prick me instead of yelling at me.”

I slipped it on my wrist, laughing. “You’re ridiculous.”

“But you like me anyway.”

“I’ve been brainwashed,” I agreed, lifting my cup of tea. “Thank you for the gifts.”

“Anytime.” He shifted, his grin lingering. “Now, let’s talk about what happens when we get to the studio.”

I nodded, my heart rate kicking up as my amusement faded. “If we’re going to….” I couldn’t bring myself to say the word.

“Stretch the truth?” Theo asked, tilting his head to one side.

“Sure, let’s go with that.” I swirled my cup absently, taking comfort in the familiar warmth of the ceramic in my hands. “We should ensure we’re clear on our origin story.”

“Not to mention boundaries.”

“Boundaries?”

Theo nodded. “You know, touching, kissing, that kind of thing.”

I blinked rapidly. “You think they’ll want us to kiss?” My gaze flicked to his lips, then darted away, a small flush creeping up my neck.

I couldn’t deny I’d imagined kissing Theo once or twice. Okay, maybe a few more times than that. But it didn’t mean anything. It was a natural reaction to having known someone so long. You wondered things about them. Like if they kissed hard or soft. If they enjoyed tongue or lip-nibbling teases.

You know, the normal stuff one wondered about their friends.

“Babe….” He seemed to be fighting a grin. “This is a couples competition. Of course, they’re going to want us to kiss.”

I blanched, feeling the blood drain from my face. “But… but….” I swallowed rapidly. “But we’re not—that is—I mean?—”

Kissing Theo? Thinking about it felt completely different to considering the actual act. I mean, what if I liked it? What if it changed things between us? What if?—

Theo butt shuffled around the table until he was seated beside me. Wrapping an arm around my shoulders, he squeezed tight.

“Don’t overthink this. Breathe.”

I did as told, but it felt like a blockage had been put in place at the top of my lungs, preventing the air from reaching my chest.

I hadn’t had enough time to consider all the possible outcomes of kissing Theo. I mean, I had in a theoretical sense considered it at some point—because hello anxiety. But pushing this all on me right now felt overwhelming. I needed time to think about what this would do to our relationship. Who we would be after we kissed. What would happen next.

I wheezed, panic constricting my chest.

“Slower,” Theo coaxed, his voice soft and low. “With me.”

He caught my hand and pressed it above his heart. The solid, even thud under my palm felt reassuring as his chest rose with one long breath. Theo held it for a beat of four before letting it out slowly.

I followed him, hating that I needed his guidance in how to do something every human on this Earth knew how to do since birth. Anger, frustration, and embarrassment swirled as I tried to do what my psychologist had taught me—to detach my thoughts from the emotion.

“You can observe your reactions and emotions without judgment, Mai,” she’d told me. “There is no need to be afraid or apologetic about what you’re feeling. Anxiety and panic have kept us alive for centuries. Acknowledge them and let it pass.”

’Twas easier said than done.

“Are you sure Linc is okay with you taking six weeks?” I asked, trying to distract myself.

Theo nodded. “Now that Garrett-Harris Paper has evolved into a thriving enterprise, I’m all but superfluous to their needs.”

I forced a laugh out of my dry mouth. “That’s a sixteen-point word in scrabble.”

He chuckled. “Little nerd. What I mean is, I’m not really sure why I’m even still there.” A strange look crossed his face, something vulnerable and uncertain, before he wiped it away behind a mask of good cheer.

“Don’t do that.”

His eyebrows rose. “Do what?”

“Hide your uncertainty.” I gestured between us. “If you have my back, let me have yours.”

“I don’t want to burden you with my insecurities.”

I reared back. “Is that how you see me? As a burden?”

“What? Fuck no.”

I swallowed. “Then why not let me help?” I practically read his mind as he opened his mouth, then snapped it shut. “God forbid, Theo. You better not have been about to say, ‘but this is different.’”

He had the decency to look ashamed. “It… kind of is?”

“No, it’s not.”

He sighed, pushing up from the ground to shuffle around my living room. His movements were awkward, twitchy. He seemed to need to move to process the uncertainty that had settled on his shoulders.

“I don’t love my job.” I could hear the apprehension in his voice. “And yet, I can’t see myself working anywhere else. I don’t have the drive to go to university, don’t have a burning desire or dream to fulfill, I’m just….” He shrugged. “Floating.”

The hairs on the back of my neck stood up. There was something about the way he said “floating” that worried me.

“Are you okay?”

His lips tilted up, but his smile didn’t reach his eyes. “Let’s concentrate on your dreams and getting through the next six weeks before we worry about me.”

I wanted to protest, but the words slipped away from me when I saw the guarded expression on his face. Experience had taught me that Theo rarely enjoyed revealing aspects of his life before he felt emotionally ready to dig into an issue. If I pushed, he’d deflect with humor.

Respecting his request, I nodded, tucking our conversation away for further exploration when he was ready to do so.

“Good.” He made a move to sit back down beside me, but instead, awkwardly rolled on his prosthetic, tripping onto my couch.

I bit my tongue to keep from checking on him, already knowing Theo would hate me fussing.

“Pass me those cookies?” he asked, gesturing at the plate as if the trip had never happened.

Wordlessly, I obeyed.

“So,” he said, munching happily. “What’s our play?”

I sipped my tea, thinking. “The closer we stick to our truth, the easier it will be to maintain the lie.”

“Right.” He nodded, passing me a cookie. “I approached you about a cake, fell in love with your cooking and then your personality.” He winked. “They do say the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach.”

I groaned, tossing a small throw pillow at him. “Please don’t say that on camera.”

“Too late, it’s in my pun box.”

I shifted to sit cross-legged on the floor, leaning back against the couch behind me. “What was our first date?”

He tilted his head back in thought. “That time we went to the roller derby, and I ended up having to break up the fight between the two women after the game.”

I snorted with laughter. “Oh God! Your black eye!”

He winced, touching his left brow as if the pain remained. “She must have been a professional boxer. She had quite the right hook.”

“She did apologize.”

“Yeah. Didn’t make my eye feel any better though.”

We exchanged a grin.

“Okay. So that puts our relationship at….” I mentally did the sums. “Wow. Nearly four years.”

“Has it really been that long since Frankie’s wedding?”

I gestured at the photo that hung on my wall. Frankie wore a magnificent wedding dress that fit perfectly with her pink wheelchair. Her husband, Jay, sat in her lap, his arms around her shoulders as they laughed at the camera. Behind them stood our friendship group in various stages of laughter. I wore a crimson silk dress that I’d created and had my arm draped over Flo’s shoulder. Flo’s blonde hair had been decorated with a flower crown, and when paired with her blue flowing dress, it made her look like a bohemian pixie. At her side stood her yellow Labrador guide dog, Ace, looking dapper in a smart bowtie. Annie stood beside me, all golden skin and sensual curves.

That had been the night Linc had finally made a play for Annie—beginning to repair the relationship that had been broken between them.

“A lot has happened since then.”

Theo nodded thoughtfully. “Yeah, I guess it has.”

I cleared my throat. “I can’t say that your dance moves have improved.”

Theo laid a hand on his chest in mock outrage. “How dare you! I am a superb dancer.”

“Sure. If one likes being slapped in the face by their dance partner.”

“Some people are into that kind of thing.”

We grinned at each other.

“Back to the issue at hand. What else do we need to confirm to make this relationship seem real?”

I tilted my head to one side, considering all the scenarios. “They might ask when we started designing together.”

“That we can be honest about. A year later, and I’m still a mess.”

My stress eased a little. “That’s true. We’ll be up against those who are likely ten times better than us.”

“But we’ll try our best. If nothing else, it’ll be good exposure for you.” He clapped a hand on my shoulder and squeezed. “I’ll try not to hold you back.”

A grateful lump formed in my throat. “You won’t. We’re in this together.”

He made a rumbling sound. “Now on to the touchy-feely shit. What are we doing about PDAs?”

I clasped my hands together in my lap, surprised to find my palms had grown sweaty.

This is Theo, I reminded myself. Nothing to be nervous about.

“We should probably hold hands. Maybe an arm around the shoulder kind of thing.”

His glance slid toward me, hesitating for just a moment too long. “What about kissing?”

My cheeks warmed. “M-maybe one or two. For authenticity.”

“Right, authenticity.”

We both glanced away, a weirdly uncomfortable silence falling.

“Should we… practice?” he asked, his voice strained. “You know, so it looks natural.”

My heart kicked up, thumping heavily against my ribcage. “Um….”

“We don’t have to,” Theo rushed to assure me. “I mean… plenty of couples don’t do PDAs.”

He had to be right, but I just couldn’t think of any off the top of my head.

“Like who?”

“Charles and Camilla?” he said, referring to the king and queen of England.

I snorted. “I don’t think they count.”

“Umm… there’s bound to be others.”

We stared at each other, then burst out laughing.

“We’re hopeless.”

He nodded. “That we are.”

Our gazes locked, our amusement draining away.

Theo leaned in, his eyes trained on me, his jaw tense.

“Yes or no, Mai?”

I drew on my courage, nodding my head slightly at his question.

A small grin tipped up one corner of his mouth. He slid onto the floor beside me, moving into my space until I was pressed against the couch, Slowly, deliberately, he cupped my face, sliding his thumb across my bottom lip.

“I’m gonna need words.”

My heart pounded in my chest, a tight shimmering ache beginning deep between my legs. I liked that he wanted verbal confirmation of my permission. I liked that he didn’t just assume.

But fuck if it didn’t make it ten times as hard to answer him.

Sucking in a deep breath, I locked eyes with him. Settling my hands on his chest, I gently tugged at his shirt, pulling him toward me.

“Ye—”

A knocking on my door interrupted us. We both jumped, springing apart as if we were teenagers caught making out on his parents’ couch.

“Let us in!” Annie called from the other side. “We have wine!”

I closed my eyes, uncertain if I was grateful or annoyed by the interruption.

“Coming,” I called. “Sorry, it’s Red and Read night.”

“Ah.” Theo pushed up to a stand, then leaned down to help me stand. “I understand.”

I walked with him to the door, trying to process the weird mix of disappointment and relief that the girls’ interruption had stirred.

Theo put his hand to the doorknob, then paused.

“Fuck it,” he murmured.

I opened my mouth to ask what he meant when he spun. His fingers wrapped around my elbow, drawing me in.

“Just once,” he said, his voice strained. “Just to break the ice.”

My breath hitched when his hand found the small of my back, drawing me close until our faces were inches apart.

“Ready?” he asked, searching my gaze.

“I….” I swallowed, my heart pounding so loud I was sure he could hear it. “I think so?”

“Say no.” His lips tilted into a grin. “Or kiss me on the count of three. Ready? One.”

“Two,” I spluttered.

“Three.”

His head dipped and paused a hairsbreadth above my lips—leaving me to close the gap between us.

Do it, an inner voice I didn’t recognize encouraged. Take what you want.

I lifted on tiptoe, and our lips met in a soft, tentative kiss that stole the air from my lungs.

Oh, my heart seemed to sigh. This is what we’ve been missing.

At first, Theo kept the kiss light and easy, allowing me space to break away. But I didn’t. A million thoughts flickered through my mind in the spaces between my heartbeats.

I should pull back.

I should kiss him harder.

I should… I should… I should.

He made the decision for me, stepping closer and adjusting the angle of our kiss. Heat washed over me, flooding my body as the kiss shifted from sweet and gentle, growing deeper, hungrier, filled with need.

Sensations assaulted me as his hand slid up my elbow to cup my neck, his thumb stroking my pulse point.

I opened my mouth, wanting to taste him.

“Mai! Open up!”

The amused shout interrupted us. We jumped away from each other, both of us flustered and blushing.

Theo cleared his throat and adjusted his clothing, his hand back on the doorknob.

“Well,” he said, avoiding my gaze. “We know that’s not going to be a problem.”

A hysterical giggle bubbled up my throat and burst out of my mouth. I slapped a hand across my lips, staring at him wide-eyed as I tried to find some calm.

His lips twisted into a half smirk. “Good night, Mai.”

“Night,” I whispered, sobering.

His hand snaked out and he gently, if not awkwardly, patted my head before walking out the door.

“She’s all yours, ladies,” he said to my friends before speed-walking away.

Annie stared at me, her eyebrows raised.

“Excuse me,” she said, tilting her head to one side as Theo left. “Why are you all flushed and sweaty?”

Flo jerked upright. “She’s flushed and sweaty?”

I groaned, slapping a hand over my face. “This is a nightmare.”

Frankie pushed through my door, wheeling toward my couch. “Get inside, we need to hear all about it.”

Sighing heavily, I knew there would be no escaping their questions. Resigning myself to a night of interrogation, I pulled my cell from my pocket.

“Pizza?” I asked.

Annie eyed me as she took a seat on my couch. “You might want to put in an order for a six-pack, while you’re at it.”

How true her words were.

The best and worst thing about friends is how well they grew to know you. Sometimes I didn’t need to say a word for them to know exactly what I wanted—be it chocolate, a hug, or space.

Other times, it sucked ass that you couldn’t slip anything past them.

“We were just practicing,” I repeated for the millionth time as we finished our dinner. “It meant nothing.”

Annie pointed her pizza crust at me, her expression filled with scepticism. “Don’t forget, I’m married to a Garrett twin. I know how those boys work. They suck you in with sweet words and gentle touches and before you know it, they’re bending you over a table and fucking you pregnant.”

I made a face. “Jesus, Annie! TMI!”

She waved a hand dismissively. “As if you haven’t heard this before.”

“Or seen it,” Frankie muttered with a shudder.

“Hey, you’re the ones who didn’t knock.”

“You were screaming like someone was murdering you!”

“He was,” Annie agreed with a wide smirk. “With his dick.”

Flo leaned into me, pressing her shoulder against mine. “The question you haven’t answered—and the one in which I’m most interested—is how did you feel kissing him? You guys have been friends a long time. I know how your brain works. Is there any interest?”

As a person who identified as demisexual, I didn’t experience sexual attraction until developing a close bond with someone. Primary sexual attraction—the kind a lot of people experienced upon first meeting someone—just didn’t happen for me. I could appreciate a person’s attractiveness objectively, but it wasn’t until I knew them that I began to experience arousal.

Based on the way my body had responded to Theo—and the arousal still simmering through my blood hours later—it appeared I’d subconsciously moved him from friend to crush.

“I don’t know,” I groaned, slumping back in my seat to stare up at my ugly popcorn ceiling. “I’m confused.”

Frankie knit her hands together under her chin. “What is your confusion stemming from?”

I shrugged. “I’m normally pretty good at identifying when I’m beginning to develop feelings for a friend. Tonight took me by surprise.” I sighed. “I guess I’m confused if it’s actual genuine feelings or if I’m just experiencing a physical reaction. It has been a while since….” I gestured to my crotch.

“You beat the bean?” Annie asked.

“Fed the kitty?” Frankie offered.

“Nulled the void?” Flo said, her voice strangled with amusement.

“I hate you all.”

They burst out laughing.

Flo laid a hand on my knee. “Are you going to be okay to pull this charade off for the next six weeks?”

Ah, as always, she cut straight to the heart of the issue.

“I have to be,” I said earnestly. “I want this opportunity. All it takes is one design that people love for your career to take off. I want to try for the prize money, and while I know that’s unrealistic because, let’s face it, Theo is an unmitigated disaster with a machine, I can try. And hopefully that translates to outside of the show success, which will then feed into money I can save to buy into Bloom.”

Annie wiped her hands with a napkin. “If you need a loan, I can help.”

I forced a smile. “I know. I want to try and do this myself first.”

“I respect that.”

“We’re here if you need us,” Frankie said, brushing stray pink strands from her face. “Seriously. Call any time.”

Tears of thankfulness burned at the back of my eyes, but I forced them away. “I know. I love you guys.”

“Nawww.” Flo flopped onto me, wrapping me in a hug. “We love you too, little stitch.”

I chuckled. “Okay, enough mushiness. Let’s talk books.”

“Oh my God.” Annie shot upright, startling Ace who had been dozing by Flo’s feet. The dog’s ears twitched before he settled back down to resume his sleep. “Did you guys get to chapter eighteen? I swear I had to call Linc to come home and help me out after reading that scene.” Annie fanned herself. “Phew! That author should take out shares in vibrators.”

Chuckling, I let the conversation soothe the rough edges that today’s events had chipped into my calm, grateful for my friends and their support.

What will be will be , I reminded myself. Tomorrow would be here soon enough.