Dear Santa, Send Me a Cowboy

Chapter 1

Chapter One

DIANA

“ S ilvan Robert Ward!” My shout vibrated off the walls in the kitchen, as a wave of frustration simmered within my gut. My patience was running thin with everything and everyone. My son, work, Jaxon, it was as if they decided to all band together to try to ruin the holidays for me.

Okay, maybe I was exaggerating a bit about my son. He was only twelve years old, for god’s sake, but lately he’s been acting like a spoiled little brat. Constantly arguing with me and testing my limits to see how far he can push me.

“What?” Silvan casually strolled into the kitchen with his portable PlayStation/Wii/Game Boy/whatever the fuck it was glued to his hands like usual. My nostrils immediately flared from the sight of him completely ignoring me and giving all his attention to the screen in front of him.

“Put it down and look at me before I throw it in the blender,” I growled while crossing my arms and summoning the best “I’m not fucking around” glare I could. Though at a whopping five-three, and thick glasses that covered my face, I couldn’t have been more intimidating than an ankle-biting dog. Thankfully, my son wasn’t a complete asshole and reluctantly lifted his eyes until they collided with mine.

“Thank you,” I mumbled, already feeling overwhelmed with the number of things I needed to get done before we left. “Now, can you please tell me why all the clothes I packed for you are now sitting on the kitchen table?” I nodded toward the pile of now unfolded clothes and the miscellaneous items that I had stowed away in his bag earlier.

Instead of answering, he shrugged his shoulders nonchalantly. My jaw ticked, but I remained calm.

“Silvan…”

“I already told you I don’t want to see him,” he grunted while his lip curled in annoyance. I almost smiled as I was thrown back into a memory of a pouting four-year-old boy who, to this day, still made the same face when he was upset. “And I sure as crap don’t want to stay with him for five whole days.”

My heart splintered at his confession. Although I would much rather he spend this time with me, Jaxon was only given a couple weeks out of the year to spend with him and unfortunately, one of those visits was during the holidays.

Silvan averted his eyes as the vein in my forehead throbbed. Every visit was a battle, but it only seemed to be worsening.

“It’s just a couple days, Sil.” My tone softened as I closed the distance between us and pulled him in for a hug. “It’ll be over before you know it and… I know he’s been looking forward to spending some time with you.”

Jaxon hadn’t explicitly stated it, but deep down I hoped it were true.

“It’s the same every time. He says one thing, and does the exact opposite,” he grumbled into my chest as my heart cracked with each word. “He’s all about himself… He could care less about me.”

“Hey…” I reached for his cheek and forced his eyes on mine. “He cares about you, Silvan. He just… He just has a shitty way of showing it.”

“Could have fooled me.”

“At least try to give him a chance, okay? For me?” I begged with a subtle pout on my mouth that had Silvan averting his eyes immediately.

He hated seeing me sad.

“Even though he isn’t my favorite person, I want the two of you to have a relationship. I want you to have your father, so please, just… do this for me.”

I could sense the reluctance in his gaze. The annoyance, the uncertainty, but with a defeated sigh, he dropped his shoulders.

“Fine! Okay, I’ll go, but I won’t like it.”

I smiled.

“At all.”

Pulling into the snow-dusted driveway, I could already sense Silvan’s withdrawal. Quiet as a mouse and his restless feet bouncing against the floorboard, they were both clear signs he was less than thrilled to be here.

With it being only his fourth time staying here, I immediately noticed the struggle in his eyes as he grappled with the unfamiliar environment. Jaxon’s home was a modest two-story build that bore a faint resemblance to mine, but no matter how similar they appeared to each other, it just wasn’t the same to Silvan.

“You ready, baby?” I asked once I shoved the car into park and glanced over at him.

“No,” he grumbled.

Sighing, I reached for his hand but he quickly pulled away and shoved open the door.

Shit.

Pulling on the door handle, I stepped outside in hopes of stopping him, but he was already climbing the steps of the front porch.

“Silvan!” I shouted after him as I trudged carefully across the icy patched driveway. Once I had caught up to him, Jaxon was already there waiting with the door open and a wide smile spread across his face.

“Silvan, you can’t just walk away from me like that,” I demanded, completely ignoring the fact his father was there watching our interaction.

“What's going on?” Jaxon asked as he glanced back and forth between the two of us. Clearly he enjoyed seeing Silvan pissed off at someone else rather than him.

Bastard.

“Nothing,” he grunted before turning to face me. In his gaze, all I could see was, “please, don’t leave me here,” and it broke my heart. If I could take him back home, I would, but Jaxon and I had already agreed to this.

And I had no desire to go back to court, so there wasn’t much I could do.

“I’ll be back in a few days, okay?” I cupped his face with my palms. No longer holding his little boy features, he now was turning into a young man. “If you need anything, call or text me, okay? I’ll have my phone on me at all times.”

With a tear falling from the corner of my eye, I placed a salty kiss onto his forehead.

“I love you so much, I’ll miss you.”

A reluctant sigh escaped Silvan as his arms went around me. “I love you too.” The sincerity in his tone warmed my heart.

Returning his hug, I placed a flurry of kisses onto the top of his head before pulling away to acknowledge his father.

With his hands shoved into his pockets, he stepped to the side, granting Silvan access to the inside of his home. As soon as he vanished from view, I glared heavily at Jaxon.

“Please don’t fuck this up like you did last time,” I snarled with a finger jabbed in his direction.

His response was to roll his eyes.

“I won’t. I got all kinds of shit planned for us to do.”

Right…

I wanted to believe him, but his track record of keeping promises wasn’t the best.

“Keep him safe, okay?” I pleaded, the vulnerability in my voice exposed.

“You know I will.” He sighed.

And with a tearful nod, I reluctantly turned around and went back to my car with a slightly cracked heart.

The holidays weren’t going to be the same without Silvan. The only things I could do now was embrace the solitude for a couple more days until I could finally feel whole again.