Deceit (Gallows Hill #1)

41. Chapter Forty

Chapter Forty

Skyla

M y mind is so wrapped up in yesterday that I hate to say, I have no idea what Maggie has been talking about for the last ten minutes. All I can think about is us in that classroom. Not just Liam and I. Liam, Asher and I– us.

I was so lust drunk, so caught up in the moment, that my brain wasn’t even functioning properly. I was excited the second my eyes landed on Asher’s, his shocked expression only fueling that excitement. Then, when he shut the door and blocked it, signifying he was staying, I was practically ready to come from that alone.

It’s no secret that Asher Putnam is gorgeous. He’s easily one of the sexiest men that I’ve ever laid my eyes on, and to have his eyes on me? His attention on me? It was an overwhelming sense of gratification. I wanted to keep his eyes on me forever. Which wasn’t that hard of a task because he seemed unable to look away, no matter how hard I could tell he was trying to.

When Liam asked me if I wanted him to touch me, I only paused because I surprised myself with how fast I wanted to say yes. I wanted him to touch me, more than I wanted my next breath. I honestly don’t know who I’ve become in all this. Isn’t it bad enough asking three men to share me with each other? Now, dizzying thoughts of adding a fourth to our dynamics is equally tempting and terrifying.

How would the others react? How would Asher react? My assumption is both would not be good. But if anyone was going to be added to this…thing, why shouldn’t it be Asher? I know that he said the guys would be welcome anytime, and that he would be discreet when he would see women once we are married, but I don’t want that. At all. The very topic turned my stomach, if I’m being honest.

Oh god. I think I have feelings for him. Not just lusty you’re hot and I bet we would have amazing hook-ups together, feelings. Me not wanting him to see other people, to sleep with them. I think that counts as the real deal ‘I want you for myself’ feelings….shit.

“So, I don’t know what to do. She’s nice but she literally told me she was wanting to experiment. If I’m being honest, being the straight girls one night ‘experience’ has gotten really old. I want someone to want me for me, not for the thrill or taboo factor, you know? I thought I had that this summer, but she was just like all the rest,” Maggie says, with a frustrated sigh.

I frown, feeling like total crap that she was bearing her heart and soul to me while I was daydreaming about what it would be like to have a fourth boyfriend. I’m the worst.

“What happened to her? The girl this summer?” I ask.

Maggie looks at me as we ride the elevator up to my room.

“Nothing, really. One day we were wrapped around each other in bed, admitting heavy feelings, the next we were here, and she was pretending I never existed outside of these walls,” she laughs, though it’s a sad bitter sound.

I pull her in for a hug, rubbing her back soothingly.

“I’m sorry, Mags.”

She sniffs once, before clearing her throat and shaking her head as she pulls away.

“It’s whatever. I’d just like to get over her by getting under someone that would actually be interested in dating me, not just fucking me, you know?”

I go to respond when she cuts me off.

“Oh wait, you don’t know because you have three boyfriends. You don’t know about such issues, when everyone and their mother is desperate to be a part of your little harem.”

I roll my eyes, shushing her as I look around the halls.

“Ears everywhere, remember?” I scold, as we step out of the elevator.

“Relax. You’re golden for now. You’re not getting married until June. The heat will really come right before then. All eyes on you.”

“Actually,” I say. “It’s been moved up. October.”

Maggie stops in her tracks, eyes wide as she leans forward.

“Excuse me?”

“I think it’s supposed to be a secret, but Asher and I are legally getting married in October. On Halloween of all days,” I laugh bitterly. “We are still going to have the wedding in June, but no, eyes are very much on Asher and me, right now.”

“Wow, uh. Are you ready for that?” she asks.

I laugh and shake my head. “Not in the slightest,” I say, as I swipe my key card and step inside, a heavy feeling of dread sinking in instantly.

There is a white piece of paper resting on my bed, along with three pictures. Shakily, I step forward taking care not to touch anything this time as I read the letter.

My jealousy is bitter and unwavering

Do you enjoy seeing the way you have me shaking?

You have always and will always be mine

So I have to ask, why waste their time?

The clock will strike twelve and along will they go

Off to their duties, other women, they’ll leave you all alone

I’ll always be here to pick up your pieces and lick away the pain

Just let me in, my love, scream out my name

Beneath the poem is something new. Two scribbled sentences that look a lot less thought out than this creepy rhymey poem.

Are you trying to make me jealous? Because it’s working.

My stomach bottoms out when I see that the three pictures are of me and each of my guys. There is a picture of Ronan and I in his car, his hand resting high up on my bare thigh. Then there is Liam and I walking to class, his pinky hooking with mine as we walk. The last is Vincent and I. He has me pinned against a wall down the side of a building he swore no cameras could see. His hand is on my throat, other hand buried in my hair and his lips on mine.

Fuck.

Suddenly, my breathing becomes ragged. I’m unable to catch my breath, to think, to stand. The world becomes dizzy and hazy, and I stumble to the ground, laying on my side as I tuck my legs to my chest.

“Oh my god! Skyla! Are you okay?” Maggie says as she drops beside me, looking me over as if she can find something physically wrong with me.

“Can’t,” I heave. “Breathe,” I rasp. In and out. In and out. I’m desperate for an ounce of oxygen but coming up short with each attempt. “Call,” I gasp. “Guys.”

The more I focus on how much I can’t breathe, the worse I get until I’m full on hyperventilating. I can’t do this. I can’t take this. I’ve tried to brush it all off, tried to forget it. There is no forgetting it, though. Someone has been actively stalking me for weeks now and I’m officially terrified.

He can slip in and out of my room with no issues, he can follow me and my guys around and none of us are any wiser. He has to be on campus. He’s near me, close enough to touch me. And that thought alone, sends me spiraling into another panic attack.

I don’t know how much time goes by before I hear the sound of heavy footsteps thunder across the floor. Ronan steps into the room first, his panicked eyes flicking around the room. I didn’t hear Maggie call him, but she must have. His eyes take in the bed, before he drops to the floor beside me.

“Baby, are you hurt? What happened?”

My breathing is loud and erratic as I try to speak.

“H-he,” I huff. “Is b-back,” I say, as a choked sob tears through me.

Ronan instantly gathers me into his arms, rocking me like a child as I sob and choke on the air around me. My head is so light, it feels like I’m practically floating. I feel so close to passing out, and all I can do is suffer in this strange space between consciousness and unconsciousness.

The door gets thrown open again a few moments later, a drop of sweat falling down the side of Vincent’s face as his eyes scan the room, gun in his hand.

He’s always the one to pull a gun first, and ask questions later. Which, I guess when your girlfriend has a deranged stalker isn’t the worst motto to have. His eyes run over the note quickly, before he is in front of me.

“Siren,” he says steadily, reaching a hand to my cheek. “Can you feel this?”

I shake my head, feeling numb. His eyes are patient but his face is thunderous as he nods.

“Okay, what do you see? Name five things you can see.”

“I-I c-can’tttt,” I whine, in between labored breaths.

“She can’t breathe, let alone talk,” Ronan snaps.

Vincent ignores him, keeping his eyes on me.

“It’s okay, Siren. I’m here. Deep breath in through your nose,” he says, demonstrating it like I’m an idiot or something. “Deep breath out through your mouth,” he breathes out.

He continues doing this over and over again, until I find myself trying to follow along. I take a choppy breath in, blowing out shakily.

“Good, that was good. Again. In and out,” he says, breathing on pace as he does.

Soon I’m able to get a breath or two in before he nods.

“Now tell me three things you can see.”

“Y-you, the c-couch and my b-bed,” I say as I begin to panic again.

“Shhh, shhh,” Vincent says, as Liam and Asher rush into the room.

“What happened?”

“What’s going on?”

“Shut the fuck up!” Ronan practically snarls as he holds me tighter.

“Eyes on me, Siren. Two things you can feel,” Vincent says, reaching out to rest his hand on my cheek again.

I feel my eyes close, sinking into his touch.

“Y-your hand and…and…Ronan’s-s arms wrapped around me-e,” I say, only having a few stutters this time.

“That’s so good. Almost there. One thing you can smell.”

I try to inhale through my nose as best as I can.

“Ronan’s cologne,” I answer.

Earning a tighter squeeze from Ronan and an encouraging nod from Vincent. He doesn’t smile but he rarely does so that’s no surprise. His hand does cup my face tenderly though, his thumb rubbing against my cheek as he presses his lips to my forehead.

“You did so good, Siren. I love you so much, don’t ever scare me like that again, okay?”

I hear Maggie softly ‘aw’ in the background, but I ignore her and everyone else around us.

“I… I love you too.” I say, thankfully not stuttering for lack of oxygen, but out of shock. I don’t know. I had hoped he loved me, but it feels…different to hear him say it out loud. Reassuring.

Vincent leans forward, capturing my lips with his as rustling happens over my shoulder. He can tell the moment I hear it because I tense up at the reminder. He deepens the kiss, allowing his tongue to tangle with mine as his arm makes some kind of motion. I feel the air shift like people have stepped out, but I’m too wrapped up in this kiss to care.

When he pulls away I feel a tug come from my jaw, my head tilted back for Ronan who bends down to meet me. The kiss is so vastly different from Vincent’s or even Liam’s, but it’s addicting all the same.

As we break apart, Ronan smiles down at me lovingly and it forces a smile out of me as well.

“There’s my beautiful baby’s smile.”

I smile wider as I feel Vincent’s hand in my hair, slowly massaging my head as Ronan’s fingers dance along my jawline .

“Okay, you guys are so cute I want to barf. I’m also seriously considering switching teams, because I want someone to look at me like that,” Maggie says from the corner. Ronan and Vincent both shoot her irritated looks, but that doesn’t stop her. “Seriously babe, you’ve gotta be able to spare a boyfriend or two for a night, right? Think any of them will let me peg them?”

A laugh bubbles out of me. “Probably Liam,” I say.

“I heard my name,” my adorable goof says, with a smile as he pops his head in the door.

“Maggie asked if any of my boyfriend’s would like to get pegged and I said probably you.”

“Fuck yes,” he smirks, “but only by my girl, sorry, Bartlett.”

Maggie gives him an exaggerated ‘oh shoot’ snap as she shakes her head.

“Dang, almost had you too.”

The air in the room lifts lightly, for a moment I forget about the stalker, the pictures, and everything to focus on the most important piece of information. Liam would want me to peg him? I don’t know how I feel about that…it could be pretty hot, I guess. Nope, scratch that. I think it would be really hot. Shit. Maybe one day.

Liam comes to crouch beside me, taking one of my hands into his as he gives me a concerned smile.

“You okay, babygirl?”

Having all three of their hands on me is like the best kind of drug. It numbs and soothes me simultaneously. My body instantly relaxes, melting into all of their touch as I nod my head softly.

“I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be,” Ronan says. “We all let down our guard.”

My eyes come to Vincent who has his jaw clenched and his eyes turned away.

“Vincent? Are you okay?”

Slowly he turns to me, his eyes so sad they break my damn heart and his mouth smashed into a firm line as he shakes his head.

“I’m so sorry, Siren. I usually check your room every day before you get back. I thought you and Bartlett were going to her place. I should have checked.”

I frown at that.

“It’s not your fault. It’s not like you could have known that he was going to choose today to leave something.”

All three guys share an uneasy look as Asher steps in through the door, a gloved hand holding the piece of paper as he nods.

“He’s left you something every day this week. We’ve just been able to intercept it before you could see.”

“What?” I ask, as I whip around in Ronan’s lap so that I can face Asher head on.

His posture is rigid, jaw set like he’s prepared for me to come unglued.

“So, you guys have been lying to me? What else has he left?”

“Just pictures of you, more of your ruined panties,” Liam grits out with a disgusted shake of his head.

“And more poems, all adoring and loving,” Ronan finishes.

My eyes come to Vincent’s first, before moving to Liam, Ronan and finally landing on Asher.

“I can’t believe you guys kept this from me! How am I supposed to trust any of you if you’re keeping things from me? It’s my life that could be in danger. Does that not mean anything, to any of you?” I scoff.

“It means everything, to all of us,” Vincent says fiercely.

“Then, why the fuck would you think it was a safer plan to have me let my guard down? How is it better for me to think the situation is getting better, instead of keeping my defenses up to protect myself?”

“We didn’t want you to worry, babygirl,” Liam says.

“We just wanted you to have a little bit of a normal life. For just a bit,” Ronan finishes.

I let out a bitter laugh.

“Whose brilliant plan was that?” I practically snarl.

Liam begins to speak. “We—”

“It was me,” Asher says.

All eyes swing to him as he remains unmoving.

“I decided it was best to keep you in the dark. I didn’t want your messy emotions getting in the way of things,” he says, as he gestures to where I sit on the floor.

That jab felt especially painful, poking at a tender part of my walls that were slowly coming down for him.

“I forced them not to tell you, it’s on me. I’d do it all over again, because you’ve smiled more in this last week than I bet you have in your whole life.”

I open my mouth to argue that fact before I nod in agreement.

“See? You’re welcome,” Asher says, in a way that raises my hackles.

“Shut the fuck up, man,” Liam grumbles. “What can we do for you?” he asks as he faces me again.

“This. Can I just have more of this?” I ask, gesturing to the fact that they are all touching me.

They all nod as Ronan stands up, keeping me in his arms as he does before laying on my bed and setting me in the middle. Vincent takes up the other side while Liam crawls between my legs, resting his head on my upper thigh.,

“Thank you,” I whisper softly, allowing my body to relax into the feel of them all.

I look around the room to find that Maggie is gone. She probably wanted to make a quiet escape in the heat of everything, and I don’t blame her. I’m grateful she was here, because I don’t know how I would have been able to call the guys otherwise.

The only person still standing is Asher. The letter in his hand is clenched tightly by his side, his eyes flicking between the four of us before settling on me. There are so many emotions in his gaze and yet I struggle to name any of them. I feel like I’m crazy, like I’m seeing what I want to see, not what’s actually there.

I want to see desire deep in those melted chocolate eyes. I want to see envy and lust, wishing he was with us right now. I want to see pure desperation for me and only me.

How fucking selfish am I?

If any of those emotions were there, they are gone in a flash before he straightens up and nods.

“I’m gonna go try to lift some prints. Keep your eyes on her,” he says before turning and heading out the door, closing it behind him as he does.

Despite it being the middle of the day, I feel my eyes begin to flutter closed, the exhaustion of the panic attack taking full control of my body as I drift off to sleep surrounded by the three men who hold my heart, and I theirs.