Deeply Personal

Chapter 3

“A man’s gotta do what a man’s gotta do. I’m here to tell you—it’s true. Don’t be surprised if he up and leaves you blue.” —Patty Preston, YouTuber, The Allegiance, 5.5 million views.

Jessica

Jessica was sitting on her bed, watching Patty Preston on YouTube, with a bowl of popcorn in her lap and a glass of white wine at her side. It was still Thanksgiving, but now close to midnight. She’d had a hilarious and massive dinner with Lenny and his family, Haley, his wife, and his two young children, Dylan and Cullen. Haley’s chocolate pecan pie? Out of this world. They’d Zoomed with Dad too and it was great catching up with him. He was in London and promised to be home for Christmas. She was surprised at how content she felt right now.

Outside, the crescent moon looked restful and serene in the dark sky, hanging there as if it was ready to lay back for a massage given by one of the stars. Through Patty, Jessica was reinforcing the belief that she’d done the right thing. It was close, though, real close.

She’d definitely considered saying yes to Paul “Blue Eyes” Brady when he’d asked her out, but she’d stayed strong in the end, and she was glad. She had to stay strong. There was no room for a man in her life now. Absolutely none whatsoever. Someday, maybe, she’d take the plunge again—once she built up the courage. But for now, she simply wanted to learn to live on her own and feel intact without “man-dependence,” as Patty put it.

Besides, why in God’s name would she ever want or need another relationship that would just wind up carving her heart out with a knife? Go through that again? Never.

“Ladies, it all started like this.” Patty was sitting by her pool overlooking a gorgeous sparkling blue-sky view of the Pacific. What a life she had. Jessica had googled her and found that her net worth was around $50 million. She was sipping on some white wine. “See, he was playing guitar in this cover band, and I was singing in the band, and love smacked us across the face. It was heaven. What else can I say?” She stood and walked over to the edge of her pool and the camera zoomed out on her view, a cascading valley that overlooked the ocean. “We wrote songs together,” she said, sitting down at the edge of the pool, wind blowing through her hair, “we harmonized together, and eventually, of course, as everyone now knows, got married. We were broke at first, but we didn’t care. We had it all. Cheers.”

She took a long sip of her wine.

“But Eddie Tyler turned out to be, you know, the Eddie Tyler. He got hold of the gun of fame, the weapon of fortune, and his entire world just blew up. And what happened to our love? It exploded right along with everything else.

“He changed, ladies. That’s all I can say.” The camera went close up on her, her lips downturned, her eyes growing misty. “The fame went to his head. He could buy anything he wanted. And all those women throwing themselves at him? It was too much. My world ended. I was devastated. I couldn’t continue living.” She stood and dipped her toe in the pool. “That is what love gone bad can do to you, friends, in case you haven’t found out yet. It turns you inside out, upside down. But finally, finally . . .”

Jessica mouthed the words along with Patty. She’d seen this particular video at least ten times.

“Finally,” she took another sip of wine, “I crawled out of that hole of my own making. And I rose from the ashes. That’s right. I rose from the goddamn ashes!” Her face—totally determined. “And when I was healed and felt like a human being again, I made a vow to myself right then and there: Never again. Never ever again.” Patty raised a fist in the air. “To thine own self be true. I will never ever let a man control my life like that. He’s gone, and that’s that. I have to find self-worth on my own. Someday I may find another man, but right now, I will be content in my own skin.”

As the video ended, Jessica sat there staring at the screen. She raised her glass in awe of Patty, then took the last gulp of wine. What an inspiration. She was just so deep into her resolve. So self-affirming.

Damn. Jessica’s relationship with Adam had gone sour as well—similar to Patty’s with

Eddie. She hoped she could be as strong as Patty Preston. Surely, she could at least try.

Never again. You have to stay strong. I won’t let a man control my life. I’ll be content in my own skin.

Find your self-worth by being on your own.