Deeply Personal

Chapter 45

Jessica

Jessica’s eyes fluttered open as she heard the rhythmic sound of an oxygen pump and the bleeping of a monitor. The smell of antiseptic wafted through her nostrils and voices mumbled outside her door. A bell clanged in her nervous system. She realized she was lying on a hospital bed in a small room with a picture of daisies on the wall facing her. Waves of fear rushed onto the shoreline of her awareness. Her chest felt bruised, aching. Where was Paul?

A tall, black-haired nurse was standing beside her, noting the readings of the machines next to her bed. “Ah, you’re up,” she said. “Very good. I’ll get Dr. Dershowitz.”

An IV needle had been lanced into the back of her left hand, which was attached to a drip bag, and there was an oxygen saturation monitor on her finger. She exhaled heavily and rubbed her forehead. It all came back to her. Collapsing, feeling sick, her heart galloping like a wild horse.

Soon enough, a doctor entered the room. Medium height. Bushy hair. “Aaron Dershowitz, M.D.” was embroidered on the pocket of his starched white coat. He furrowed his brow and gave her that doctor look that summoned up all kinds of ghastly things in Jessica’s mind: MRIs, surgeries, and weird-sounding medical jargon that made no sense to her.

He spoke softly. “Ms. Chandler? I’m doctor Dershowitz, the cardiologist on call today. How are you feeling?”

Jessica surveyed her body, feeling her heartbeat, which was back to normal now. She had a slight headache, but nothing terrible. “Honestly, I’m not quite sure. Not too bad, I guess. What happened?”

“You had an attack of tachycardia. Your heart rate went as high as 185 beats per minute temporarily, and a normal rate is 72 beats per minute. You also had arrhythmia in the mix. We gave you an infusion of two hundred milligrams of diltiazem, and it calmed your heart rate down fairly quickly. It’s beating normally now.” He rubbed his chin, scrutinizing her. “How’s your overall health?”

“I think it’s okay,” she pondered. “But then again, maybe not, seeing as I'm currently in a hospital bed. I do try to work out and eat right, though. But I'm by no means perfect.”

“Who is?” He shrugged. “In the long run, what you’ve described will definitely help. But right now, your heart’s still struggling. You may also have a genetic component to all of this as well. Do heart problems run in your family?”

“Not really,” Jessica said. “My dad hasn’t had any issues, but I’m not sure about my mom. I have a twin brother and he hasn’t had any problems either.”

“Are you under a lot of stress, by chance?”

Jessica nodded.

“There. We have it. You need to work on reducing that if you can. Stress can really impact your heart.”

Easier said than done.

“See your cardiologist as soon as possible. Plus, we’re going to run a few more tests. The good news is that your blood pressure is within the normal range now, with diet, exercise, and these new medications, you should get control and do just fine.” He gave her an encouraging smile, but she wasn’t reassured at all. “As far as the blow to your head, I’ve scheduled you for an MRI this afternoon. I’d like to keep you overnight, but if everything remains stable, you can be discharged tomorrow.” He looked down at his tablet and entered something. “Any questions?”

“I guess not,” she said sadly.

She just wanted to recover from all this and live—peacefully and quietly. Get back to her business and make sure she could keep the Buchanan project running smoothly. She licked her lips and drank some water, feeling dimmed down, suppressed. It was probably the drug she was on.

“Honestly.” Dr. Dershowitz leaned forward. “If I were you, I’d find a good personal trainer and let them work with you. At any rate, make an appointment with your cardiologist and we’ll go from there.”

“Thank you,” Jessica said. Her throat felt thick, clamped. She was close to sobbing.

Life was so ironic sometimes.

“Take care,” the doctor was saying. “And please don’t hesitate to call my office if you have questions.”

As Dr. Dershowitz exited the room, Paul rushed in, practically knocking the doctor back. Seeing Paul, Jessica felt a twinge inside her. He was here, with her. And she was alive. Gratitude swarmed through her. She recalled him lifting her off the ground at the Turkey Trot, carrying her in his arms. She’d felt so protected. And seeing him now gave her that very same feeling.

He drew a chair close to her bedside and took her hand, gentle with how he cradled her fingers. Worry lines etched throughout his face. “Are you all right? I’ve never been so terrified.” He swallowed, and she watched his Adam’s apple bob. “Please tell me you’re okay.”

“I think so,” she said pensively. She shifted in the bed and pressed the fingers of one hand to her wrist. Her pulse was still steady and normal. The fear and concern in Paul’s eyes touched her deeply. “The doctor said I should be back on my feet soon.” She looked away, and then straight at him. “Oh, Paul. I was having such a hard time with my thoughts about leaving you for the travel and all.” She shifted in the bed and felt a small pain at her side. “I was so scared. I became terrified of losing you.”

“It’s okay to be scared, Jess. I’m scared too. The point is that we can be scared together.” She laughed. Why not? She recalled them huddling together in Mr. Buchanan’s wine cellar as the tornado passed nearby. Scared together. It was so much better than being scared alone.

“You’re right,” she said, a torrent of emotion spreading through her. “I don’t know what I was thinking. If I’m ever scared, I’d rather it be with you.”

Jessica thought about her father and how he hadn’t been too afraid to fall in love again after the heartache with her mom. And then of Mrs. Worthmore and how she’d stayed through her marriage, divorcing, and then coming back together at the end. And the Buchanans too. They were all penguins, through and through, living their lives together. Yes. Penguins. Happily-ever-after stories after all was said and done. Why couldn't she and Paul have the same?

Jessica said, “Traveling doesn’t have to end our relationship. I shouldn’t feel guilty about it. You’re okay with it, and you know what?”

“What?”

“If you’re happy, then so am I.”

“Perfect.” Paul beamed and tenderly stroked her face. “I don’t care how much you have to travel. I want to be the one for you. The one who’s there when you come back home, always. And I want you to be the one for me. I want you , Jess. Just you.”

His words softened her. She’d been wrong to be worried.

“You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me, do you know that?” he said. The soft skin around his eyes tightened, small lines of tension deepening into wrinkles as he watched her. “And you know what else? It wasn’t commitment I had an issue with at all. It was just that no one was… you .”

Hearing this made Jessica’s heart light up with emotion. “Oh, Paul. That’s so sweet.” For a moment, they said nothing. The air between them seemed to buzz as if a new connection was forming. “I was afraid to try again too,” Jessica said finally, admitting her innermost fear. “It made me want to push you away, but I had no reason to. I really didn’t. You’re the one for me too, Paul. It could only ever be you.”

Paul reached down and kissed Jessica so tenderly on the cheek that her heart fluttered. Her feelings rushed over her like Niagara Falls, love pouring down inside her.

“I always want to be with you, babe,” he whispered in her ear. “Truly.”

“Paul, I love you,” she said. It summed up everything. Three simple words, which sprung from her lips as naturally as breathing, words that revealed the innermost feelings of her heart.

“And I love you too,” Paul said softly, gently, kissing her again on the cheek.

She wrapped her arms around his neck. They stayed that way, even when the nurse walked in to check on her. But Jessica didn’t care.

She was flying again, flying like a bird—but this time, right into his arms. They’d build their nest together. Their hearts would be each other’s homes.