Defining Us (Rocky Waters)

Chapter 21

21

AINSLEY

W ho would have thought Grayson would have so many opinions on our wedding? The venue, the flowers, the time of year, the fucking napkins. He was starting to drive me crazy with all of it so I started ignoring it. All of it. The planning of my wedding. I put it on the back burner and changed the subject every time Grayson brought it up. And the guy couldn’t even get mad at me; after all, I learned that skill from him.

Even though it was the beginning of the semester, I up and quit my job. I regretted it for about half a second and then realized who was I kidding? I was never going back to the college world so if it looked bad on my part, it didn’t really bother me. And well, Grayson more than made me feel better about it. The thing I found the most difficult was not having any “spending” money of my own anymore. Not that Grayson wasn’t willing to pay for everything; he was, even transferring money into my account every week, which more than covered my needs. Except when I asked him for a semi-loan. He questioned and pestered me about what it was for, but I wouldn’t budge. He eventually gave in and said he’d transfer the amount into my account, even though the amount was somewhat crazy.

You’d think with so much money, he’d be laxer about how and where it was spent, but I’m learning he’s not. He logged on to the accounts every damn day so I couldn't even hide any purchases that way. And by hide, I meant things I wanted to buy for him. I didn’t care that he saw where I spent money or even how much. He never told me to stop spending the money or that I was spending too much nor did he make me feel like I couldn’t spend the money any way I wanted. As much as Grayson isn’t a “controlling” person, when it comes to money, apparently he is. Oh, and the wedding. But I’m still ignoring that right now.

At dinner one night, I hear my phone vibrate with a text. I push out of my seat and when I see that it’s Kylie, I open it up.

Are you with Grayson?

Yes, why?

She’s okay, but Bella’s been in an accident.

Without realizing it, I gasp aloud. When I feel Grayson’s stare on me, I mutter, “Fuck” and try to come up with a lie to cover up until I can get more info from Kylie.

“What’s wrong?” he asks.

Thinking quickly, I say the first thing that comes to my mind, while furiously texting Kylie. “Natalie and Caleb had a fight. I may have to go out with her.”

What happened? What can I do to help?

A car barreled into hers. We’re at the hospital and she’s likely broken her arm. Waiting to hear if she needs surgery. Bella says don’t tell Grayson anything yet.

Easier said than done.

Please. Give us some time to find out what she needs and then she will text him.

I’ll do my best but can’t promise anything.

K. Thanks. I’ll be in touch soon.

Do you need anything?

She stops texting for the moment.

I feel Grayson come up behind me and in my haste to put away my phone, it drops to the floor. “Shit,” I say, trying to pick it up but having trouble since my hands are shaking.

“What the hell did Caleb do that’s making you so nervous?” he asks me, trying to grab my phone.

“Huh?” I’m confused at first until I remember my lie to him. “Oh, she didn’t even say. Just that he’s being an ass, and she wants to go out for drinks.”

“You seriously want me to believe that nonsense you just spewed out of your mouth?” he asks, his facial expression getting harder.

“Why do you think it’s nonsense?” I stand by my lie. I do my best to convey it’s the truth, but clearly he’s not buying it.

He just stares at me, waiting for me to give it up. I stand my ground against him, even though he’s so much bigger and taller than me. Until this comes out of his mouth. “Have it your way. You can tell me the truth about who you are texting or you can tell me why you need so much money.”

“You already told me I could have the money,” I plead. For about two seconds, I consider telling him why I need the money. But then I throw Bella under the bus because he’s going to be so much more pissed about that than he is about how I’m spending the money. “Sit down.”

“No, I think I’ll stand,” he argues with me.

“You might want to sit,” I suggest as kindly as I can.

“Ainsley, tell me what’s going on.” His voice is deep, teetering on the brink of angry. “Now.” And there it is.

“I don’t know all the details, except that she’s okay,” I lead with. His face hardens with more anger because I’m not giving him what he wants. “Bella was in a car accident. ”

My words sink in fast. I know this because his face goes sheet white. And then it turns red with anger. “And you weren’t going to tell me?” he practically yells in my face, his eyebrows furrowed.

“Bella didn’t want you to be upset. She thinks it’s just a broken arm, but they are waiting to see if she needs surgery.” His face gets even redder as his anger starts to boil. I cower a bit when he starts speaking.

“Where is she?”

“At the hospital,” I squeak out. He stomps his way to the garage. “Grayson wait.” He stops moving but doesn’t turn around. I run up to him. “She doesn’t want you worried about her. Let’s just wait until Kylie lets me know what’s going on.”

He spins around and stares me down, the anger radiating off of him. I’ve never seen him this angry, this unhinged. And it hits me that he’s not angry; he’s fucking scared shitless. I can’t even begin to imagine the things that must be swirling around in his mind right now, so I won’t even try. I interlock my fingers with his, and tell him, “I know.”

“No, you don’t. You have no clue,” he replies, looking away from me. He tries to pull his hands out of my grasp, but I use all my strength not to let him.

“She’s okay. Kylie said she’s okay. It’s just a broken arm.”

He takes a deep breath and brings his eyes back to mine. The anger has been completely replaced by fear. And sadness. “They told me my mom was fine. Until she wasn’t.” He’s fighting back tears, trying to hold himself together. “Can we go, please?” He’s begging me.

Knowing there’s only one answer to his question, I pull him into me, wrapping my arms around him, knowing it’s not enough, but it’s all I can give him. “I’m so sorry, Grayson. I didn’t know.” His body struggles against mine, warring with itself to either give in and accept my comfort or to pull away to get to his sister. The former part wins out, as I feel his body go heavy in my arms, his body wracked with sobs. As carefully as I can, I lower us down to the ground before I topple over with the weight of him. Once I manage to get us to the ground, he puts his head in my lap. I run my hands through his hair, trying to offer even the slightest bit of comfort.

I don’t know how long we stay like that, but I don’t dare move until he does. He eventually stops crying, his breathing returning to normal, even a bit slower than normal. I think he could almost be asleep, but he jumps at the sound of my phone vibrating. He lunges out of my lap for the phone, which is still on the ground. He hands it over to me, his hands shaking as he does so. I read the message.

“It’s from Kylie. She doesn’t need surgery. They are going to cast her arm and then she can go home. It will probably be about an hour or so.”

“Text her and let her know we’re coming to drive them home.” It’s not going to go over well with Bella, but I do as he asks. It isn’t a suggestion.

Before getting up, he slumps down against the island. He looks my way, his face pleading with me for comfort. He’s still scared, I can see it in his eyes, in the way his shoulders are slumped, in the fear he’s trying to hide on his face. I slump down next to him, and he brings me onto his lap. I lay my head on his chest, and he takes my hair in his fingers and starts twirling like crazy.

“My worst fear is that I’ll lose her,” he starts, his voice barely above a whisper. “Had you not been here, I probably would have raced to the hospital, and stormed in, demanding to see her. And she would have been pissed. But she doesn’t get it; she doesn’t know what it’s like to get that call, the call that changes your life in an instant. She doesn’t know because I didn’t tell her. I didn’t tell her that our mother was alive when they brought her to the hospital, that only our dad had died instantly. She doesn’t know that I got to the hospital thinking my mom was still alive, and when I learned she didn’t make it, it broke me. Because by the time I told her, it was just easier to say they both died in the car. That was enough to break her; she didn’t need any extra burden.” He swallows hard. I can’t see his face, but there’s no way I can look at him now anyway. Tears fall rapidly down my face, crying for this man who has lost so much in his life, and yet has to be strong every day for his sister. He swallows once more before speaking again.

“Thank you, Ainsley, for being here. For loving me enough to know what I needed when I broke down. For seeing through my anger for what it really was. Fear. Fear of losing the one constant in my life since I was three years old. Since my parents died, I’ve always put Bella first in my life, above any woman that came into my life.” He clears his throat again before he continues. “I realized tonight that as much as I love Bella, as much as I will always fear losing her, she’s been replaced as number one.”

He stops. The enormity of his words hit me hard. Like, so hard, that my breathing stops for at least a minute, as my heart stops beating. I can’t move, I can’t speak. And he senses it, so we stay huddled like that for a bit.

“Ainsley?” he asks quietly after some time has passed.

“Yeah?”

“Is it okay if we get up now? My legs are falling asleep.” He starts to stand up, shaking out his legs.

I can’t help but to let out a chuckle. I tilt my head up toward his, as he looks down at me. “I love you, Gray.”

“Ditto,” he replies, putting a kiss on my forehead. “Thanks for tonight. I hope you know I was never angry with you.”

“I know,” I reply honestly.

He hugs me one last time before he walks down the hall. Once he’s back, he tosses keys in my direction. “I’m in no shape to drive, but I need to get to Bella.”

“Come on. Let’s go see what havoc she’s causing at the hospital.”

“One more reason why I love you, darling.” He smiles at me as he follows me out of the house.

At the hospital, we hear Bella before we even get to the door of her room. From the sounds of it, she’s yelling at someone. “Well, she sounds just fine,” I say with a grin as we walk down the hallway hand-in-hand. Even though he’s doing better, Grayson won’t completely be okay until he sees for himself that Bella is okay. The worry he feels is etched on his face, and his hat is completely pulled down low on his forehead to shield his eyes from onlookers.

When we get to her door, Kylie’s walking out, shaking her head. “Oh thank god,” she declares when she sees us. “I need help with her. The pain meds are making her loopy, even crazier than usual. And they want me to take her home. Tonight! She may just drive me batty.” She looks frazzled. Her hair is up in a messy bun, but strands are falling every which way. It’s probably because she keeps tugging at her hair, even in the few minutes we’ve been here. Her clothes are wrinkled and her shoes are untied. She needs a hug, so without thinking, I wrap my arms around her and pull her in tight to me.

“Are you okay?” I whisper against her face. She shakes her head. I turn back to Grayson. “Gray, I’m taking Kylie for a walk. Go see Bella and make sure she’s okay.” His head nods slightly as he heads into her room. I turn my focus back to Kylie and just hold her for a few minutes. When she pulls out of my embrace, I tell her, “Let’s go get some coffee.” Her eyes are wet, but she gives me a small smile. I put my arm around her shoulder and her body melts into mine.

In the cafeteria, I sit her down at a table and go grab us some coffee. Returning with the coffee, she seems a little less frazzled, even if it’s the tiniest bit. Before I can ask how she is, she looks at me, concern overtaking her face, and asks, “How’s Grayson?”

“He’s been better. He’s scared, but it came out as anger.”

“That’s what I was afraid of.” She looks down into her coffee cup.

“You’ve got enough on your plate. I’ll take care of him.” I lay my hand on her arm, and it seems to help calm her even a bit more. “How’s Bella? What happened?”

“It was just a fender bender, but the guy that hit us, rammed into the car at a high speed and on impact, she hit her arm the wrong way, and it cracked. Luckily for her, well all of us, I guess, it was a clean break that didn’t require surgery. Just shoot me now if that had happened.” She laughs.

Without thinking, I ask, “Do you want us to take her home to our house? I’m sure it would actually make Grayson feel better anyway.” I hope she takes my offer as purely a way to help her, not that she can’t take care of Bella herself.

She contemplates her answer for a moment. “So, I don’t know how to answer that.” As she speaks, her eyebrows scrunch up in concern. “I don’t want Bella to think I’m bailing on her, nor do I want to burden you guys with her, not that she’s even a burden.” She puts her hands over her face. “Oh my god. I can’t even believe I’m thinking of sending her somewhere else. I truly love her, but she’s not the easiest person to handle. And in this condition? Ha! She would kill me if she knew what I was saying.” She starts to breathe a little heavier.

“Hey, calm down.” Putting my hand on her thigh, I wait to continue until she moves her hands off her face, so I know she can process what I’m saying. Once her hands come down, I take them in mine. “It was just a suggestion. But I will totally tell Bella that it will make Grayson feel better, which isn’t far from the truth anyway. She will never know what we talked about and how you feel, which is due to the stress of the situation.” And then I quickly add, “You can come too. Grayson will totally cook breakfast in the morning. It’ll be fun.”

She seems to light up at that thought, but then the smile starts to fade. “Please. It’s the least we can do.” I try to convince her, knowing she doesn’t want to be a burden. And then I get an idea. “Don’t tell Bella, but he’s giving me the money.” A snort escapes my mouth.

Her eyes bug out. “Seriously? How did you convince him of that?”

I shrug. “I just flat out asked. And with a little convincing, none of which was sexual in any way, he finally caved.”

“Wow. You are something special. I mean, you are , but damn. Although, I don’t know why I should be so impressed. He’s always so generous, and he would do just about anything for you. No, not ‘just about anything’; he would do anything .” She’s quiet for a moment or so. “Bella’s going to flip when she hears that he’s giving you the money. Please let me be there when you tell her.” Her lips curl up into a smile. “Yes, I think we will come home with you. But don’t let Bella know I made the decision.” She winks at me.

I pull her into a hug. “Grayson will be so happy. And it will be our secret.” I push up out of my chair and grab the coffee cups. “Come on, let’s go see what that wife of yours is up to.”

When we get back to the room, Bella is sitting up in the bed, a cast on her left arm, and her head is resting on the pillows behind her. She looks like she’s been through the wringer, a few scrapes on her face. Grayson’s sitting on the edge of her bed. He looks a little more at peace now, definitely less worried, but his face still has that concerned look to it.

“Hey,” I call out, coming up to stand in front of him. Almost on autopilot, his thighs move apart, and he grabs me into his chest, wrapping his arms around me. “Is she okay?” I ask against his chest, hoping she can’t hear me.

“She’s been better,” Bella answers my question. I pick my head off Grayson’s chest in time to see Bella pick hers off the pillow. She looks over at Kylie. “Can we go home now?” Her voice is about as un-Bellalike as I’ve ever heard. Kylie’s face scrunches up, a look of worry coming over it.

“Bella, you want to stay at our house tonight? Grayson will cook for you.” I feel Grayson’s stare, so I give him a weak smile. I look over at Kylie. “You too,” I say in her direction.

Kylie looks to Bella for her answer. She closes her eyes again. “Only if I can take a bath in Grayson’s tub.”

“Deal,” I tell her as Grayson squeezes me tighter. “When can we spring you out?”

“She’s all set,” the nurse replies, entering the room. “The follow-up and discharge papers are in this folder.” She hands the folder to Kylie who’s standing at the entrance to the room. “Bella, take care of yourself.” She gives her a wink which Bella returns with a grin. As she makes her way out of the room, she pats Kylie’s shoulder. “Good luck to you.”

“Hey, I heard that!” Bella shrieks. We all laugh. “Kylie, help me get dressed.”

Grayson and I take that as our cue to leave the room. He grabs my hand and tells his sister, “We’ll be right back to take you home.” He leads us out into the hallway and once there, he leans up against the wall, pulling me next to him. His head falls back against the wall and his eyes close. He lets out an audible sigh and the breath he’s been holding since I told him about Bella. “Do you know how much I love you?” he asks, his eyes still closed.

I push up on my tippy-toes and put a kiss on his cheek. “I have a pretty good idea,” I reply with a giggle. I face him, straddle his legs, and wrap my arms around his waist, snaking them behind him as he still stands against the wall. I put my hands in his back pockets and lay my head against his chest. His heartbeat pulses against my cheek as his arms drape over my shoulders.

“What did I do to deserve you?” he asks quietly. I have no answer to that question, so I just shrug. “Well whatever it was, I’m glad I did it.”

“Me too,” I whisper back to him. I gaze up at him, but he’s still got his eyes shut. The day-old stubble on his chin demands to be touched, and as I pull my hand out of his pocket to touch it, Bella and Kylie come out of the room.

“Jeez, guys. We’ll be home soon. Can’t you wait until you’re back in your bedroom to get it on?”

“I see you are back to feeling like yourself, Bells,” Grayson retorts, still not letting go of me. He opens his eyes. “You ready?”

She nods. She starts to walk down the hall and then abruptly turns around to face us. “Kylie and I will sleep in the downstairs guest bedroom tonight. I’m not drunk this time, and I’d prefer not to hear your bedroom shenanigans.” Her face doesn’t even crack a smile before she turns around to keep walking.

I look back up at Grayson, panic on my face. “I told you!” I screech. He just shrugs and cracks a smile .

“Darling, trust me when I tell you it was purely payback for years of Bella’s bedroom antics I’ve had to endure.”

From in front of us, without turning around Bella gives him the middle finger. “Love you too, Gray.”

I can’t help but giggle.