Defining Us (Rocky Waters)

Chapter 24

24

GRAYSON

A fter everyone finally leaves for the evening, I find Ainsley curled up on the couch. She’s on the brink of sleep, but when I sit down, she huddles in close to me. I can’t help but instinctively pull her closer to me. Her eyes remain closed, her breathing is slow, and if I let her, she’d be asleep in a few minutes.

Despite my better judgment, I ask her, “What’s up with Natalie?” While it’s not my usual inclination to pry, Natalie was so unlike the happy-go-lucky person I know, it was kind of frightening. And Caleb was even quieter than usual except when he was snipping at Natalie, and that’s saying something. I knew he wouldn’t talk to me about it.

I can feel Ainsley still beside me, her breathing quickening the slightest bit. “Can we talk about it in the morning please? I’m really tired.”

“Sure thing, darling. Come on, let’s go up to bed.” I gently coax her off me and push up off the couch. With her eyes barely open, she sits up, putting her arms out for me to help her up. Grabbing her arms, I help her stand up, but then I quickly bend down and grab her to toss over my shoulders. She lets out a tiny squeal on the way upstairs to our bedroom.

Before I can even toss her on the bed, she’s wiggling in my arms, trying to get herself down. I gently release her to the floor, and she shoots to the bathroom. When she returns, she’s yawning and looking overly exhausted. Over the last months, I’ve learned the hard way that when she’s tired, just let her go to sleep. There was one time that I made her feel bad about wanting to go to sleep, and well, it totally backfired in my face the next few days when she withheld sex. I’ve become smart and just let her go to sleep when she’s tired because she will always make it up to me.

Just for shits and giggles, and not to rile me up of course, she climbs over me where I’m already lying in bed. After she gets herself comfortable, she cuddles in close to me. She brings my hand closer to her and puts it in her hair. Then she starts speaking.

“Fair warning, I’m tired and going to sleep, but just need you to know something.” I go to speak, but she cuts me off as she continues. “There is no way I would have survived this weekend without you, Grayson. I most likely wouldn’t have gone, and I wouldn’t have regretted it, even though I’m sure it would have driven an even bigger chasm between both my mom and me as well as me and Drew. And I wouldn’t have cared all that much; it’s what I was used to. But you coming with me, I not only got to show up and walk tall, but I realized that no matter what happens from here on out, you are all I need.”

She stops speaking. I can’t see her face, but her voice is strong throughout her speech. My fingers are twirling her hair. Not wanting to ruin the moment, I bask in what she’s just told me. It’s by no means news to me, but I know she’s still somewhat learning to share her feelings, especially when it comes to me. And while I know that I’m head over heels in love with this beauty, knowing how much I mean to her makes me fall even harder for her. And I can never figure out how that’s even possible, so I’ve stopped trying.

In a few more minutes, I realize she’s asleep but I can’t help but whisper, “You are something special, darling. Don’t you forget that.” I let her hair slip from my fingers, wrap my arms around her a little tighter, and bring her closer to me.

“Love you,” she mumbles, settling in even nearer to me. Kissing the top of her head, I close my eyes and try to find a way to get to sleep.

The alarm goes off way too early the next morning. Wiping the sleep out of my eyes, I gently push a still sleeping Ainsley to her side of the bed. Unlike most mornings, she doesn’t just roll over but starts to get up with me. “It’s early, darling. Keep sleeping.”

“I’m making you breakfast,” she declares with a yawn. “I’ll be downstairs.” She sashays out of the room. My eyes follow her until I can’t see her anymore. With a shake of my head, I shed my clothes and go shower.

When I get downstairs, I’m met with not only the sight of a PJ-clad Ainsley but a tear-streaked Nat as well. Ainsley’s got her arm on her back, gently rubbing it as they sit at the table. Natalie’s a tired mess, which given the early time of day, I would figure she’d be tired, but there’s more at play here. Nat’s not a crier. I think I can count on one hand how many times I’ve seen her cry in all the years I’ve known her.

Taking in the scene, my first instinct is to ask what’s going on, but as I try to take a seat at the table, Ainsley’s eyes fly to mine, almost panic-stricken. She shakes her head and then says, “Your shake is in your mug. What time will you be home later?”

Well okay. This is how it’s going to go down? I think to myself. Not knowing what to do, I answer her with, “Noonish. Thanks for the shake.” I grab the shake from the counter, toss a, “Hey Nat” in her direction, and literally grab Ainsley out of her chair.

She protests. “Gray! Let me go.” I ease up my grip slightly and once we are in the living room, I let her go completely. “What the hell, Grayson?” Her tone of voice is harsh, matching the hardness on her face.

“What do you expect me to think, Ainsley? She’s here, crying, at 6:30 in the morning. If you can’t tell me what’s wrong, just tell me she’s okay. That she’s not hurt at least.” I’m really at a loss of what’s going on. I’ll have to text Caleb later. Now that I think about it, he seemed off last night too.

“She’s not hurt.” Ainsley speaks, her face softening a bit. “But please don’t ask me to tell you why she’s here and crying. Please.” In her voice, I hear the pleading. Against my better judgment, I know I have to respect her wishes.

“Okay,” I relent, “but if it gets to the point where she’s not okay, I trust that you will tell me?” I tip up her chin with my thumb.

She nods. “Thank you.” She lays her hand over my heart and damn it if my sour mood doesn’t just melt away. Without even trying, this girl knows what my heart needs. No matter how many times I try to explain it to her, she doesn’t understand, how she could mean so much to me. So I stopped telling her and just show her now. It’s really a win-win for us both; no arguing and just loving gestures.

“I’m going to go now. If you need me, text me. I’ll be home around noon, like I mentioned. I’ll make lunch when I get home unless you get to it first.”

“Sounds like a plan. I may just veg all day, depending on Natalie. Thanks again for understanding.” She pushes up on tippy-toes and plants a sweet kiss on my lips. Wanting more but knowing now is not the time, I let her walk away, loving how her short shorts hug her sweet ass and curves in all the right places.

Realizing I left my stuff in the kitchen, I follow her back in there. I make myself a cup of coffee to go as the girls are huddled at the table, intently focused on their conversation. Natalie breaks free for a moment and gazes up at me. She’s just so sad and so unlike herself. Before I know what’s happening, she’s coming over to me. I truly don’t know what to make of the situation but will surely be in touch with Caleb as soon as I’m out the door.

“Grayson.” It’s never a good thing when she “Grayson’s” me. “Ainsley says you don’t know what’s going on.”

“Nat, I have no clue, no clue what to think about you being here so early in the morning, crying no less. You’re not hurt?”

She lowers her gaze to the floor but shakes her head no .

“Look, Nat,” I start but wait until I know I have her attention. “Whatever is going on, you know you can talk to me. We’ve been friends practically forever. And while I’m glad you have Ainsley to confide in now, it’s a little unnerving that you’re shutting me out. You’ve never shut me out. And I’m pretty sure that you were the one who was going to kick my ass if I shut you out when all that shit went down with Molly. Is that how you want to play this?”

She’s quiet, which again is surprising. She’s so quick-witted that she usually has a comeback for everything. “I’m sorry,” she stammers out and takes off running down the hall.

“Grayson!” Ainsley shrieks. “Really?” She’s standing now, hands on her hips, a mad as hell expression on her face.

“What?” I ask. “How am I the bad guy in all of this? I don’t even know what’s going on!” My voice starts to rise, my anger fueled by the lack of knowledge of the situation. I dig my wallet out of my shorts pocket, take out a few bills and toss them in Ainsley’s direction. “Do something that will cheer her up.” With a shocked look clouding her face, I grab my stuff and blow out the door.

Opening the passenger side door, I toss my bag in but am more careful with the two liquid containers. When I get around to my side, I throw open the door and climb in, exhaling a deep breath. I put the car in reverse and back out of the garage, escaping from the drama inside the house.

Even though I’m slightly behind schedule, I send a quick text to Caleb before entering the gym.

Dude, your girl’s at my house. She’s crying. Care to explain?

I’m not expecting a response being that it’s still so early in the morning, but my phone dings with a text about two minutes later. I halt my steps and almost drop everything I’m carrying as I read his response.

She fucking cheated. She can cry all she wants .

What the fuck, I think. This situation keeps getting worse. And interesting that Ainsley is keeping it from me, but now I know why Natalie’s tightlipped. Suddenly, I know what I have to do.

I’m done at noon. What time can you meet me at the boat club?

He doesn’t respond right away, so I continue to the gym. Just as I’m about to ditch my phone for my clients, I see his reply.

Pick me up on your way from the gym. I’ll be home.

K

My focus is off at work, which isn’t good. Luckily I only have two clients this morning, ones I’ve worked with for a while so it’s easy to maintain my composure with them. In my downtime, I spend the time in my office, contemplating what the fuck is wrong with Natalie. I never would have guessed that’s what the problem is; Caleb screwing up, not screwing around, would have been my guess.

I shoot Ainsley a text letting her know I’ll be home later than I planned.

She starts to write something but then stops. Then the bubbles appear again but just as quickly disappear. I place my phone on my desk and start to pack up my stuff. I’m thankful today was a light day, with just being back from vacation and now the whole Natalie fiasco. Yes, I said it; it’s a fiasco. And it’s not even my life! But I wasn’t lying when I told Nat that she’s probably my oldest friend, and we don’t keep secrets from each other. Well, we never have before. And I hate to admit that she’s seriously losing points in my book right now.

Before I can continue down this rabbit hole, my phone dings with a text.

O k

I know I shouldn’t but I expect more from her, but when it doesn’t come, I wrap up everything for the day, sign out at the front desk, and head to pick up Caleb.

He’s standing on his front porch as I approach the house. He doesn’t even let the car come to a complete stop before he’s opening the door and hopping in.

“Thanks, man,” he grumbles as he settles into his seat. I don’t expect more, and well, I don’t pry with Caleb, just as he doesn’t with me. It’s the way we work.

We drive in silence to the club and only once he’s seated at the bar with a beer in front of him does he finally open up.

“I wish she would have said she was unhappy instead of fucking around behind my back.” I knew he’d be angry and bitter, but he’s almost beyond that to I don’t even know what.

“She told you?”

“Not at first. I knew she was hiding something, knew something was eating her but she wouldn’t talk about it. It’s just so unlike her. I’ve never known her to be at a loss for conversation. She’s always going on about this or that; hell, half the time she won’t shut the hell up. But now? When I need her to talk? She clams up. Go figure.”

He gulps his beer, practically sucking the entire bottle down in one swig.

I feel for the guy. Not that I’ve ever been in his shoes, fortunately for me. He’s a disaster. His hair is standing up, sticking up every which way, his clothes are wrinkled, well more wrinkled than normal, and he’s got the days-old scruff going on. By habit, he shaves every day. And well, it’s a Monday afternoon and he’s sitting in the bar drinking instead of being at work. Not that I can blame the guy, but my brain won’t allow me to venture down this line of thinking as it applies to Ainsley. Nope, not going there. Ever.

“So what are you going to do?” I ask tentatively.

“I haven’t a fucking clue. After we got home from your house last night, she may have gone back out. And when she wasn’t home this morning, it didn’t even occur to me that she’d be at your place. Not that I gave it much thought truthfully. I’m a little surprised she confided in Ainsley, truth be told, but well that girl of yours is special and has a knack for drawing things out of people.” He pauses, deep in thought. I can only imagine what’s going through his head right now. He finishes his beer, and promptly motions for another one. The bartender brings it over and he’s already gulping that one down.

“Is it over with the other guy?”

“She refuses to answer that. She won’t even confirm she actually cheated.”

“Huh?” I ask, bewildered as I turn in his direction. “I thought you said she cheated on you.”

“She says all she did was kiss him.”

“And she thinks that’s not cheating? Oh Natalie.” I shake my head, mostly in disgust. Disgust at a girl who I consider one of my closest friends. And while I’m not a judgmental person by nature, I have certain moral standards I expect the people I love to live up to.

Caleb goes quiet, nursing his beer. I realize it’s all he’s going to say on the subject, and I have to respect him for it. After he pounds back three more beers, he tells me he’s ready to go home. I pay our tab and notice he’s walking with a slight hitch in his step, but nothing worse than I’ve seen before.

As we approach his road, he mutters, “I hate that she’s put me in this position. The girl’s been my rock for so many years. I’m not sure I know how to be Caleb without Nat.”

Treading lightly, I state, “Just don’t give her an ultimatum. It will never work the way you want it to.” That’s the only piece of advice I have to offer him.

He nods in agreement. “I still love her and nothing’s going to change that for me right now, but I truly don’t know if I can forgive her.”

“Give it time, talk to her, see if she regrets her actions in a few days. Maybe she’s just going through a rough time and needs to work some things out. ”

He shoots daggers my way. “Do not make excuses for her behavior. She made a conscious choice to cheat. She should have just talked to me.”

“Calm down. I’m not making excuses for her. It was horrible what she did, but maybe ask yourself why she didn’t talk to you.”

“Yeah, you’re right. Thanks for the beers. I’ll talk to you later.” His door is open and he’s hopping out, all the goodbye I’m going to get. As I watch him stumble to the door, I can’t help but wonder what path he’s going to take and what the hell I’m going to say to Natalie about the situation, without allowing it to come between Ainsley and me.

Ainsley’s car is in the garage when I get back. Grabbing my stuff and walking inside, there’s a disaster in the kitchen, but the girls are nowhere to be found. I hear the slight murmur of the TV drifting in from the living room, so I follow the sound.

Ainsley’s asleep on the couch, curled up into a ball at Natalie’s feet. Nat is zoned out, staring at the TV but in no way absorbing whatever she’s watching. I step right up in front of her to get her attention. Slowly, she drags her eyes up to meet mine, her face still covered in tears.

“I have to shower but when I get back down, we are talking. Don’t you dare think about leaving.” I know my tone is harsh, but I want her to know where I’m coming from.

My shower gives me more time to think and stew about what to say to Natalie, not always the best thing. Back downstairs, she’s still in the same spot on the couch. Ainsley’s still sound asleep. “Kitchen. Now,” I indicate to Natalie. She begins to move, but it’s at a snail’s pace. Once there, I sit down at the table and motion for her to do the same. And then I let her have it. “What the fuck, Natalie? Are you seriously cheating on him?”

“Calm down, Gray,” she dares to tell me.

“That’s your comeback?”

“What do you want me to say?”

“I want you to tell me the truth. ”

She goes quiet and drops her head into her hands. In a voice barely above a whisper, she says, “Yes.”

“Wow,” is all I can manage. “You want to explain why?” I’m trying to decide why I’m so pissed at her. One, because Caleb doesn’t deserve it. Two, she’s not a cheater. In fact, she stopped talking to Bella when she cheated on one of her girlfriends, who she’d only been seeing for a few months. Natalie and Caleb have been together for years.

“You can hold your judgment and your lectures. I don’t want to hear what you have to say. I’ve already given myself the lecture multiple times and yet, I can’t stop myself. And I fucking love Caleb. I do. I love him, and I know he’s so fucking hurt right now, and it’s all on me, but I don’t know how to fix it. Or even if I want to fix it at this point. You should have seen the look on his face last night when we got home. And I get it. I did this to him, to us. And I have no excuses so I’ll at least spare you that.” She manages to get all of that out in one long breath so when she stops, she has to catch her breath.

“Why? What made you do it?” I ask, because well, I have to know.

“I don’t fucking know!” she practically shouts at me, finally looking back up at me. There’s wildness in her eyes, a wildness I haven’t seen since we were younger. “No wait, that’s not true. I do know. I see the way you look at Ainsley, the way Caleb used to look at me, and I was jealous. Jealous of her and jealous that you finally found someone who makes you ridiculously happy. And you fucking deserve it, Gray. You deserve everything Ainsley offers you and then some. You truly are the best guy I know, and she’s fucking perfect for you. And I fucking want that. I thought I had it with Caleb, but I started questioning it. And there was this guy, and he made me feel special. And I fucking slept with him. I’m a horrible person because I was so fucking jealous of my best friend.”

I’m floored. I literally have no words. Thank goodness Ainsley walks into the kitchen. She takes one look at the situation and walks closer to Natalie. “You lied to me?” she asks, her voice unsure, quaky, her face bearing an expression of confusion.

Natalie looks in her direction and when she realizes Ainsley heard it all, she gets in her face. “I couldn’t tell you the truth. I saw the judgment on your face; I saw how you thought what I did was so horrible. I couldn’t risk you hating me anymore. So yeah, I lied.”

Scratch what I said before; now I’m speechless. “Wow” slips out of my mouth yet again.

Looking over at Ainsley, she looks like she’s going to start bawling. And I have to shoulder some of the blame here. I practically threw this new best friend on her and now, she’s realizing that Natalie lied to her. The one friend she could truly count on.

“Wow.” Ainsley echoes my sentiment. Taking a deep breath, she continues. “You cheating on Caleb has nothing to do with me, or Grayson. That’s all on you. And until you figure out why you not only felt the need to cheat on that man but deflect the responsibility onto one of your oldest friends, you aren’t welcome here. I’m sorry if you have nowhere else to go, but I really think you should leave.”

Natalie’s eyes go big as they fly up to Ainsley, shocked as the realization of her words sinks in. And then her armor cracks, and the girl I’ve known most of my life finally peeks through. “Oh my god. What have I done?” Tears spill from her eyes as she looks back and forth between Ainsley and me. She’s muttering things under her breath, things I can’t even begin to decipher. While she’s doing that, I get Ainsley’s attention and motion her over to me.

Once she reaches me, I pull her head closer to mine to whisper in her ear. “Is it wrong I’m highly turned on right now? Because that was damn sexy, you standing up for yourself.” Ainsley pulls out of my grasp. Turning to face me, she glares in my direction. I’m about to ask her why she’s upset, but Natalie’s “ugh” distracts me for the moment. She’s wiping her eyes with her sleeves. For the first time today, I really take her in. And shit if I don’t finally notice what’s really eating her: she’s scared. Of what, I don’t know, but her eyes are full of fear .

Looking back over to Ainsley, I say, “Darling, go upstairs and I’ll be up in a few minutes. I need to talk with Nat alone. Say goodbye, or don’t; that’s up to you.” I could add more, but I wisely decide to hold my tongue.

Ainsley looks back to me, her face plastered with confusion and still clouded by anger. “Yeah, okay.” I can see in her face that she’s torn over how to address Natalie, but in the end, Natalie’s friend wins out. Tentatively she throws her arms around Natalie and whispers something in her ear that has Natalie nodding. Before she lets her go, Natalie says, “You’re right, for what it’s worth. It’s all about me. I’m so sorry that I not only lied to you, that I dragged you and Grayson into my mess. And I’m sorry that I put you in a position where you had to choose to keep my secret from him. I’ll give you a few days, but if you decide you can’t forgive me, I will be crushed but will understand.” She’s extremely sincere; there’s not one hint of the girl who was speaking before.

Ainsley chooses not to say anything more and instead walks away. There are so many things that I want to tell her right now, most of all how proud I am of her for forever choosing the high road when things get tough.

Once she’s gone, Natalie turns herself to face me. She’s looking at me for answers.

“He’s pissed, Nat, and rightly so. And he’s hurt. Truthfully, I don’t know what I would do in his situation except to say that if it were Ainsley, I would demand the truth, demand to know why she didn’t come talk to me before acting impulsively. And I’d want to know what I could have done differently, but this is all on you. If there’s any hope of getting him back, you fucking take all the blame.”

“I know. It’s all on me. I just wish sometimes he was a little more forthcoming with his feelings and would talk to me more.”

“Natalie,” I warn. “That’s a cop-out, and you know it. You know who he is; he’s not going to change. You can’t use his personality against him; that’s not fair. ”

“Damn you, Gray, for being so smart. And sentimental. When did you get this sentimental?”

I shrug. “It may have something to do with the girl you tried to tear to shreds.”

“Ah, fuck. I screwed up with her too. You going to have to do damage control?”

I shake my head. “Nah, not too much.” At least I don’t hope so. “But if you ever blame her for something you’ve done again, I won’t be so nice.” She smiles at that, and well, my friend is back. I cover her hand with mine. Startled, she looks up at me. “Fix it. Fix it soon, or I will sic Bella on your ass. And she will not be nice to you.” She laughs a little harder.

“I love you, Gray.”

“Yeah, yeah. You sure have a funny way of showing it lately. First you kiss my fiancée, then you go and cheat on your boyfriend, for real, and then you take your problems out on Ainsley and me. You’re damn lucky I love you.” I get up and drag her up to standing so I can hug the shit out of her. She’s going to be okay, even if she doesn’t work things out with Caleb. I’ll check in with him in the morning. He needs more time to stew. “You going home?”

“I have nowhere else to go and well, I owe it to Caleb to at least try to explain where my head’s been at lately.”

“You okay to drive?”

“Yeah, I’m good, but thanks for checking.” She squeezes me one more time and then pulls herself out of my embrace. “You’re going to go have makeup sex now, aren’t you?”

“You better believe it. That girl upstairs deserves it and then some. I’m sure she’ll call you in the morning and fill you in if you want the details.” I walk her to the front door.

“I’m perfectly fine without knowing,” she giggles, “but tell her to feel free to call me. I’m pretty sure I owe her a better apology.”

“Yeah, you do. Bye, Nat. Stay safe.”

Walking out of the door, she glances back at me and throws a kiss in my direction. “I’m damn lucky I have you for a friend, Gray, but Ainsley’s even luckier.” With that, she dashes to her car, and I shut the door.

I avoid looking at the disaster that is the kitchen and head upstairs, shedding my shirt as I go. I stop halfway up the stairs to find a curious Ainsley perched at the top. Her expression is only a bit softer; she still appears mad. “You heard?”

“Pretty much everything.” Without another word, she stands up and turns to head to our bedroom. As she’s walking in the door, I hear her comment, “You can’t have makeup sex if you haven’t made up yet.”

As I walk to the bedroom, I contemplate her statement. Clearly, she’s still mad. I just can’t understand why. Once I enter the bedroom, I find her already under the covers, facing the wall. We’ve never gone to bed angry, and hell if I’m going to let shit with Natalie be the reason that it happens tonight.

Taking a seat on the bed, I ask, “Care to tell me why you’re mad at me?”

“Not particularly.” She sighs heavily.

Well, that’s interesting. “So, you’re just going to go to sleep being angry at me?”

“Pretty much. If you stop talking so I can actually go to sleep.”

“What the fuck, Ainsley?” Running my fingers through my hair, I sigh as I wait for some sort of response from her. I turn to look at her, but she doesn’t stir. As she continues to ignore me, it fuels my anger. Besides her being mad at me, I don’t even know why I’m angry.

After a few minutes of her silence, I push off the bed and finish getting ready for bed, hoping it will curb my anger slightly. It’s hard to do when the entire time I’m brushing my teeth, I think about why she’s angry with me and in turn, I just get madder. By the time I’m done, I think I’ve come up with a conversation starter. If she’ll actually speak to me, that is.

I dig in my drawers for a pair of shorts to wear to bed. I’m by no means quiet with my actions. However, when I hear Ainsley’s harrumphs, I know she’s still awake at least. So I make my getting ready for bed a little more dramatic. And way more exaggerated than necessary. It’s childish but effective when Ainsley practically shouts, “Grayson! Do you mind?” She doesn’t move an inch but her tone is laced with ire.

“Actually I do.” I bound onto the bed causing her to be jolted slightly. She quickly whips her body around to face me, her face hard set and her eyes shooting daggers.

She finally relents. “You want to know why I’m mad?”

“I think I’ve made it pretty clear that I do.” I keep my tone as expressionless as possible.

“Nat needed you to be a friend today, Gray. And you weren’t there for her.”

I start to say something, something I’ll most likely regret, so I decide to keep quiet. But really? She thinks I needed to be there for Natalie today? And how was I “not a friend” to her? I realize that my opinions on the subject matter too, and so I don’t hold my tongue. “Truthfully, I needed to be there for Caleb today. She cheated on him. For no reason. That’s not okay in my book. And she blamed you. And yet, you’re defending her.” I pause, wondering if I should say more of what’s on my mind, to let her know more of how I feel about cheating, but she interrupts me.

“I’m not defending her actions. I’m just saying she needed a friend. Good people make bad decisions sometimes. It happens to all of us. We don’t know why she did what she did, but who are we to judge her?”

Leave it to this one to be rational about the situation. Here I am, all emotional not only about Natalie’s actions, but how it’s affecting my relationship, and Ainsley’s removed all emotion from the situation and focused on the part about Natalie needing someone to listen to her. I’m just about to tell her that, when she pipes in with, “Guess I know not to cheat on you, huh?” As soon as it’s out of her mouth, she turns her face away from me.

That gets my attention. My mouth drops open. Before I can think about what I’m saying, the words are flying out of my mouth. “That’s something you’ve considered? ”

She sighs but doesn’t say anything for the longest time. But now I need an answer. When she’s still silent after a few more minutes, I settle myself into a more comfortable position for sleeping. It appears that tonight will be the night we go to bed angry.

It’s only been about ten minutes, but the fact that we are sleeping with our backs to each other is not something I’m enjoying. Since that first night she slept in my bed, she’s never not slept tucked into me. I flip over and just watch her. She’s not sleeping; I can tell by the way she keeps moving her legs, almost as if she’s trying to find a comfortable position. And then she finally speaks. It’s just one word, in a whisper, but it’s something.

“No.”

Part of me wants to push her for more of an explanation, but the part of me that doesn’t want to continue this fight tonight wins. With one last glance in her direction, I turn back around.

Despite how tired I am, sleep doesn’t come easy. Not when I keep replaying the day’s events in my head, wondering how I could have reacted differently to not be in this damn predicament I’m in now.

At 4:30, I give up trying to sleep. Ainsley finally fell asleep, but it was fitful for her too. Good to know she’s affected by our situation as well. I quietly get dressed and then mosey on downstairs to make some coffee. At this rate, I’ll need a few cups even before I make it to work.

Seeing the mess the girls left in the sink does nothing to help improve my mood. I’m not quiet as I clean it up, but there’s still no noises coming from upstairs. Not that I expected any; it’s extremely early.

As I drink my first cup of coffee, I look over my schedule for the day. I have three clients in the morning and then two after lunch. I groan as I notice who my last client of the day is. Not what I need after last night and such an early morning.

I make myself a protein shake and toss some lunch together. As I’m slipping my feet into my shoes, I hear the upstairs toilet flush. I contemplate what to do. Do I see if she comes downstairs? Do I go back up there and talk to her? Do I just leave for work with the status quo? Having no clue as to what the “right” choice is, I stall for time to see if she’s going to make an appearance. Just as I’m about to give up and leave, I hear her footsteps on the stairs. When she comes into view, she’s surprised.

“Oh, you’re leaving already?”

I take in her appearance and while her outfit doesn’t look any different from any morning, nor does her usual morning hair falling around her shoulders, her face conveys it all: regret, sadness in her eyes, and no sign of last night’s anger. And while my heart wants to pull her close to me, my head makes me stand my ground.

“When will you be home? We need to talk.” Her voice is hesitant and if her fiddling fingers are any indication, she’s nervous.

“Oh, now you want to talk?” My tone is clipped, harsher than I intended, but I’m not going to apologize.

She’s taken aback by my words. She’s about to retreat out of the kitchen, but then she’s suddenly turning on her heels. “Fine, go to work. I’ll be here when you get home to talk.” And then she turns back and stomps in the direction of our bedroom.

Despite not wanting to fight with her, I have to admit that a pissed-off Ainsley turns me the fuck on. I smirk to myself as I grab everything I need for work and finally head out the door.

The day is slow. Like really slow. Knowing Ainsley’s stewing at home leaves me unsettled. Not being able to text her doesn’t help. And picturing her stomping away riles me up. In between clients, I get a workout in myself, text Caleb to check up on him, and make some follow-up calls. It’s when the last client of the day shows up that the sour mood of the day rears its ugly head.

I always know she’s here before I actually see her. Besides her chipper voice, it’s her smell that alerts you to her presence. She must douse herself in her perfume. To come work out at the gym. I’ll never understand it. Nor will I understand how I am the unfortunate soul who ended up as her trainer. She sounded so pleasant on the phone, like someone who really wanted to change her habits and needed to work out. Yeah, not so much. But her ex-husband pays her a shit ton of alimony and she clearly has nothing better to do with her time than parade herself around the gym as she pretends to work out. Today is no different.

She starts by calling, “Yoohoo, Grayson. I’m here.” No shit, Sherlock. I smelled you the minute you walked in.

Pushing up out of my chair, I plaster my work face on before greeting her. Sixty minutes, I tell myself. You can pull it together for one hour and then go home and deal with your personal shit with Ainsley. And by deal with, I mean fix the personal shit.

Taking a deep inhale, I greet Gretchen. As she runs her hands down my arm, I mentally begin the countdown. Fifty-nine minutes to go.

I take a quick shower before I leave the gym. I need to wipe away Gretchen’s germs and her smell off me. She touched me no less than fifty times today but at least it was all above the waist. I shudder as I recall the time she grabbed my ass. “By accident,” she sweetly said. Accident, my ass. I’m pretty sure I got more of a workout than she did, as she made me demonstrate every single move. You would think I’d be used to the attention from her by now, but it never gets easier. The only woman I want ogling me is Ainsley.

I do my best to wipe the day away as I go into the house. I’m about to call out to let her know I’m home, but I find her in the kitchen, elbow-deep in flour. It shouldn’t surprise me that the kitchen looks like a tornado hit it, nor that there are dozens upon dozens of baked goods scattered on top of the counters.

She looks up at me from where she’s mixing the ingredients and with a shy smile, some of my anger fades away. She must see it too because she quickly takes her hands out of the dough, rinses them off, and approaches me, some hesitancy in her body language. “Hi,” she speaks, her eyes looking everywhere but at my face.

“You baked?”

She nods sheepishly as she glances around the room. “I didn’t have anything else to do and I couldn’t just sit and stew. I needed to be busy.” She reaches her hand out like she’s going to touch my arm, but I grab her wrist before it reaches me. My actions catch her off guard and her surprised eyes dart up to mine, questioning me. She goes to pull away, but before she can, I tug her into me and wrap my arms around her. It takes her a minute to understand my gesture but soon enough she’s melting into my embrace. I hear a muffled “I’m so sorry” and she brings her arms around my waist. I revel in just holding her for a few minutes, inhaling her scent to erase earlier ones. With one final squeeze before letting go, I’m overwhelmed with the fact that no matter what comes our way, what obstacles we have to face that may drive us apart, even if only temporarily, I need this girl by my side.

“Sit,” I instruct, pointing to the table once I’ve let go of her. “We’re talking.”

Without argument, she pulls out a chair and sits down. Then she grabs one of the muffins from the table and breaking off a small piece, stuffs it in her mouth. I take the seat across from her and grab a muffin for myself. Instead of mimicking her actions, I take a huge bite. Once I’ve swallowed, I say, “The banana flavor is strong in this one. Makes the muffin really tasty.”

“Thanks. I added an extra banana to see how it would change it up. Glad you like it.” She grins in my direction, then hastily adds, “I’m not used to navigating these kinds of waters, the friend versus the fiancé. And while I realize it’s not you against her, I needed to be there for Nat yesterday. And with the way you were first judging her, you weren’t there for her.” She looks like she wants to add more but her mouth closes instead.

With a deep breath, I begin to speak. “Darling, I’m sorry. I’m not used to these kinds of waters either. All we can do is try to navigate them a little better and make sure we don’t lose focus of what’s important for us.”

There’s more I want to say, but she cuts me off, a finger to my lips. “I get it, Gray. I always get it when it comes to you. We both reacted poorly, and for my part, I’m sorry.” When I think she’s done, she quickly whispers, “I would never cheat on you, Grayson. It wouldn’t ever cross my mind. I love you too much.”

I close my eyes. Because once again, this girl has weakened my resolve with just her words. It’s like I’m unable to stay mad at her. I slowly open my eyes. Between the look of remorse on her face, the fact that she’s apologized, and the fact that my world has been unsettled since yesterday morning, I crack, and all of my anger slips away.

So without thinking anything else through, I ask, “Are we made up yet?” I waggle my eyebrows in her direction and she giggles. Her eyes scan the kitchen and the mess she’s made. “It will still be here after we’ve officially made up.” The girl goes to protest, but through gritted teeth, I state, “Leave. It. Upstairs. Now.” With that, she doesn’t hesitate.