Delayed Penalty (Empire State Hockey #5)

Chapter 19 – Harris

Chapter Nineteen

Harris

I feel like I’m back in junior high about to meet a girl at the school dance, and as a twenty-eight-year-old—damn near twenty-nine-year-old—that feels ridiculous especially because all I’m doing is walking to my kitchen to come face to face with my bride. No big deal, though. It seems silly that seeing her in a white dress is capable of instilling such strong emotions in me, but it has. I feel an overwhelming need to touch her, to be near her, and it started the second I saw her walking toward me.

When I reached for her hand, the trembling began, but the moment I held her hand in mine I could tell she was starting to relax. Avery has always been someone who relies on physical touch to feel safe, to feel cherished. It’s one of my favorite things about her because it’s something we have in common. I don’t even mean that how it sounds, I mean, obviously I love having sex with her—who wouldn’t? But she’s made it clear that all it will do is complicate our lives and I’m trying to respect that.

Until she’s changed her mind, if ever, I’m cherishing the small moments, her holding my hand, a soft hug, or the way she allows me to lead her down the streets, my hand on the small of her back. Those little moments of contact provide me with such security in both myself and with her and I can’t get enough of them.

It’s because the connection we share, the one we’ve shared from the first day we met, that allows us to really understand each other. It allows me to realize, in the silence of this room that is so loud it’s almost deafening, that we really do care about each other, words just have never been our specialty. The thing about us is that in the quiet, intimate moments where the only thing you can hear is your own heartbeat, we let our bodies do the talking—speaking in a language only the two of us know.

As I head to the kitchen from the opposite side of my apartment after setting Kelly up in the guest room, Avery comes into view, still perched on the kitchen island in her dress, eating the leftover crackers and cheese Ellie had brought over earlier. I tried to tell her crackers and cheese were basically just a bagel and cream cheese, just a different form, but she argued how different they were.

The makers of the tiny humans don’t need logic, their word is gospel and I’m merely at her service.

“Did she get all settled?” Avery asks after another cracker, sitting back in her chair and crosses her legs.

“Yeah, she seemed tired. Said she was going to call her kids to say good night and then relax a bit. What’s your plan?”

“After I finish this last cracker I’m going to go get changed and crawl in bed and read.”

“Sounds relaxing. Would you like me to show you what room she put all your stuff in?” Avery nods as she grabs the last cracker, so I head the other direction I just came from, toward the hallway with the other rooms, mine included.

When Kelly came over with Avery’s stuff this morning, we just threw it all in the guest room because we had enough shit to deal with today. Since we fell asleep on the couch last night, she hasn’t really seen too much of the place, but I hope she likes the bedroom. When she told me she was pregnant I asked Ellie to help me decorate a couple of rooms for me. I wanted Avery to feel comfortable and to at least have a start on a nursery.

While I’m not na?ve enough to think Avery will live here for the rest of our lives, it’s definitely still a hope for me. That being said, this apartment has five bedrooms, two next to mine with the other two being on the opposite side of the apartment, one of which I set Kelly up in tonight.

I had Kelly set Avery up in the bigger of the two guest bedrooms, mainly because it has an attached bathroom and if she’s still dealing with morning sickness that’ll probably come into handy. The other reason is a little more selfish and I know Avery is going to want to be next to the nursery, and if she’s still here when that happens, I also want to be next to the nursery.

At least this way, if she’s not in my bed, at least we’re still close.

Opening the door to the room next to mine, Avery walks in and smiles immediately.

“It’s beautiful,” she says, and she’s not wrong.

Ellie did the room in neutral colors, but it turned out very pretty, very Avery. It looks very cozy and comfortable, and I hope she feels like she can relax here.

“Thanks, Ellie helped out when I found out you were pregnant. I wasn’t sure what was happening, but I wanted to make sure to be prepared.”

She pauses, her mouth opening and closing as she looks at me in disbelief.

“You did this? For me?”

“Yeah… I want you to be comfortable here, happy even.” I shrug.

“Th-thanks,” she says, looking over at the bed.

“Is it calling your name?” I chuckle, and she just nods, a big grin on her face.

“Naps have been my favorite; exhaustion is no joke.”

I’m taking this as my cue to go. She’s tired, talking about getting comfortable, and while I always dreamed about spending my wedding night together, naked in the sheets with my wife, that’s just not the reality.

“I’m going to let you get some sleep. Let me know if you need anything,” I say, turning to walk toward the door. Slapping my palm right next to the door, I stop myself in indecision, turning to look at Avery. “You look beautiful, Avery. You always do, but I will forever remember today.”

This time I don’t stop, just let the door close behind me.

Or at least I think I do, but Avery stops it.

“Harris…” she says quietly, and I can’t help but hope she’s thinking the same things I am.

Her body. My body. Together again.

“Yes?”

“Could you… help me? Kelly had to lace me up and zip me up, I don’t think I’ll be able to undo it on my own,” she says, her eyes bouncing around like she’s too nervous to focus on me. “I can always just ask Kelly,” she adds quietly.

I glare.

“Turn around,” I growl, walking back into her room.

When she turns around, I see the white lace dress she’s wearing has a zipper from right below her neck, all the way down to damn near her tail bone. Grabbing the clasp, I slowly start to slide it down, the quietness of this moment is too much as I can hear the individual clasps of the zippers being separated as I slide it down.

I’m acutely aware of every move she makes, the shallowness of her breathing as my fingers graze her skin ever so gently as I unzip her completely.

“There you go,” I whisper, afraid of speaking too loudly and scaring this moment away.

“Umm… Could you… could you do the rest?” she asks, and I look down and see the laces she was talking about.

Fucking lingerie.

“You and your goddamn lingerie are going to be the fucking death of me,” I growl as I start to unlace her lingerie, slowly loosening it enough to where she’ll be able to slip it off.

She laughs a light, breathy laugh that catches me off guard, a sound so sweet I want to lap it up, taste it with my tongue.

That’s not the only thing I imagine tasting with my tongue as I help her out of this. The immediate comparison to the night that started this all is not lost on me. I spent that night relearning her body and I’m ready for another study session. I want to be an expert; I want to be the one who can make her body sing like no one else.

But I also want to be the one that makes her feel safe, that makes her laugh instead of cry, smile when life is tough.

I want it all.

Until I can be that person for her, until she’ll let me, I can’t bring myself to try for another night like that. She’s right, it’s not worth it since we have a baby. The only difference is I don’t mean we aren’t worth it. I mean a hook up without an actual commitment is not worth it. Until she realizes just how committed I am to her, I’m just going to keep showing up until she does.

So, I take a deep breath and start naming cereal brands to keep myself in check.

When I’m finally finished, I move my hands and slowly take a step back.

“All done,” I whisper, and she turns ever so slowly, her hands holding her dress up as she watches me with a look I recognize. She wants this too.

“Thank you,” she says, her eyes dropping down to my lips and I know I could close the gap, claim her with my mouth and my cock again, but I can’t.

In a move that shocks the entire world, I take another step back.

“Good night,” I say with a smile. “I’ll be in my room if you need anything. Sleep well, wifey.”

She looks surprised, but smiles, shaking the lusts from her eyes as she closes the door behind me.