Delivery to the Farmhouse (Havenwood Cowboys Romance #4)

Chapter 27

Chapter Twenty-Seven

C olton and I hadn’t spoken since our chat about me leaving. Any other time, one or the other of us might try to dredge up a conversation and act like things were normal between us.

They weren’t.

He was too quiet when he came to pick me up to take me to the farmhouse. Oh, he smiled and asked how my day had gone on the site. He talked about how much progress he and his crew had gotten while thinning beets.

But things died off awkwardly every time. It was like neither of us knew how to carry the conversation once the attempted topics died untimely deaths.

It didn’t help that I also had Belle’s suitcase in tow to return it to her. Having it sitting on the backseat only reminded me of our trip and of the one I intended to take.

I’d bought my own suitcase since returning, but that wasn’t something I mentioned to Colton. And it wasn’t something he mentioned again. In fact, you’d never know we’d spoken about me taking any kind of trip whatsoever.

Like he was trying to avoid the topic. Which of course only made me want to ask him if he was serious about being so supportive of me going.

“Here we are,” he said once he rounded the bend on the road leading to Belle’s house and climbed the slight incline up to the driveway.

If I wondered why we weren’t all gathering at Dawson and Bex’s apartment to meet the baby, this was why. While their parking lot was crowded, this driveway was spacious.

In fact, Belle’s farmyard was full of pickups. It was like a truck convention. While almost all of them were in some kind of competition to see how high the lift kit was or how shiny they were, one truck stood its ground, looking rusty and vintage. It was a soft blue color and probably dated back to the seventies.

“Old Blue,” Colton muttered, shifting into park.

“Whose truck is that?”

“It belonged to Belle’s grandpa,” he said, sliding out and coming to get my door.

I waited and smiled in thanks as he took my hand. Once my feet landed on solid ground, he didn’t turn toward the house. He was pensive, not unlike the morning he’d kissed me.

Something had been on his mind, then. Something was on his mind now—probably the reason for his silence.

It was almost as though he’d been fighting himself the whole drive here and had finally made a decision.

“Hang on,” he said, snatching my wrist as I turned toward the house.

I stiffened as if bracing myself for an incoming tidal wave.

“We don’t have to go inside,” I said.

This gave him pause. A line appeared between his brows.

“What does that mean? You don’t want to go?”

“No, it’s not that.” I looped my fingers around his wrist. “It’s just that you don’t seem like you want to. If you want to stay out here for a while, we can. We’ll go inside in a minute. It looks like you have something on your mind. ”

His shoulders shook. “I’ve been thinking…”

My stomach rolled into a wad. This was it. He was letting me down easy.

Just like it wasn’t fair for Cambry to break up with Kyler so she could date other guys and still expect to be friends with him, it wasn’t fair for me to expect Colton to wait for me while I went a-roving.

The door to Belle’s farmhouse banged open, and Bryce’s voice carried across the yard.

“You two coming in or what?” he called.

“Leave them alone,” Debra muttered as the door closed once more.

Colton pressed his forehead to mine. “Guess we’d better head on in.”

“Only if you want to.”

“Do you?” He met my gaze.

“Yes,” I said. “I want to be with you. I want to meet your new nephew.”

He bobbed his head a few times, clenched his teeth, and then released them again. “All righty. Let’s go inside.”

“Tell me later,” I said. “Or text it to me once we get inside.”

We could have a whole conversation right in front of everyone without any of them knowing.

“Nah, it’ll keep,” he said. After helping me get Belle’s suitcase out, he threaded his fingers through mine and brought my hand to his mouth, planting a kiss on my skin.

That kiss injected itself into me, streaming through and leaving me wondering what he’d been about to say.

Together, we climbed the porch steps and went inside, where Colton left her suitcase by the door. The house was cool compared to the afternoon’s warmth. Kody bounded to the door so enthusiastically, his glasses slipped from his nose.

“We have a new baby brother!” he said.

“Yeah, and he’s a potato!” Paisley added, bouncing .

“A potato?” Colton said, cottoning onto her enthusiasm. “I thought he was a baby.”

“Come see, come see!” She grabbed his hand and towed him toward the living room.

And me by default since Colton didn’t let go of my hand.

Debra greeted us, pulling me into a hug. “How’s my favorite soon-to-be?” she asked, pressing her cheek to mine.

“Soon-to-be?” I asked.

“Part of the family,” Dawson supplied, unhooking his thumbs from his belt loop and hugging me next, clapping me on the back.

“Congrats,” Colton said to his brother, receiving the next hug and not commenting on the statement.

Soon-to-be part of the Holden family? Exactly what had Colton been talking to them all about?

Or did he have anything to do with that label at all? Was it just Debra’s wishful thinking?

Either way, I couldn’t say I minded the label. In fact, it stirred hope inside of my stomach.

Bryce sat on a dining room chair that had been brought in, talking in hushed tones with Luke, while Allie sat with Sophia and Bex on the couch. The two-year-old’s feet barely reached the end of the cushion, and she giggled at the tiny newborn swaddled in a bundle on her lap.

“He’s sleepy,” she said, baring her teeth in an adorable grin. Her blonde curls stuck out at all angles.

“He is,” Colton said, kneeling in front of her. He stroked the baby’s soft cheek with one finger and looked at Bex. “Sure looks like a beautiful boy to me.”

“Thanks,” Bex said.

“He is beautiful.” I knelt beside Colton in front of them. “You look good, too,” I added, taking in her bright cheeks. She looked tired, but other than that, none too worse for the wear.

Her blonde hair was pulled back in a ponytail, and she wore a large t-shirt and stretch pants .

“Thanks,” Bex said. “I feel like death warmed over sometimes, but I’m doing pretty good.”

“I done,” Sophia said, pushing the baby so he nearly rolled off her lap.

Every adult nearby lunged. Belle shrieked from her place on the couch across from us and shot out her arms as though she could catch the baby from here. Dawson startled. Bryce shot to his feet.

I startled, but Colton swung in, reaching the baby before I did.

“Whoa, now,” he said, sliding his hands beneath the little bundle, who looked only mildly stunned before closing his eyes once more. “I got him.”

With the baby in hand, Colton rose to his feet and cradled him to his chest.

“Thank you,” Bex said with a note of relief, sinking back onto the couch. She then whispered softly to Sophia about being careful with the baby. Sophia’s eyes widened, and she nodded.

“He sure is precious,” Colton said, hooking his finger through one of the baby’s tiny fists sticking out of the top of his blanket.

I was struck by the sight of the handsome cowboy holding a baby in his arms. It pricked something inside of me like a drop of water on a still pond. The ripples expanded their way through me in a way I didn’t anticipate.

I’d wanted kids, sure, but that had always been an eventuality, not something I needed any time soon. I’d seen my brother-in-law holding Chelsea’s babies, and that hadn’t ever affected me like this did.

But seeing Colton Holden with a baby in his arms? It was like the turn of a kaleidoscope, altering the shapes and images in my mind. I swallowed back the sudden longing I wasn’t sure I’d ever felt with anyone before.

“What are you doing all the way out here?” Colton asked. “Instead of staying at your own home?”

“There’s more room here,” Dawson said, resting on the floor at Bex’s feet. “We thought it’d be more comfortable. ”

“Plus, my mom can’t get away to help,” Bex said. “So when Belle offered to have us stay here so she could help with the kids while we’re all adjusting to the new little guy, I couldn’t resist.”

She beamed at Dawson and then adjusted her feet beneath her on the couch. Sophia slid off the cushions and darted out of the room. To find her siblings, probably. I wasn’t sure where they’d gone.

“I’d just hire Cambry Bennett to come live with me if it wasn’t so far from Bridgewater to Burley. I need to find a new sitter, but finding one as good as she was?”

The mention of Cambry made me think of Kyler. I glanced first at Colton, who caught my gaze and shook his head as if to say, The others don’t know.

Where was Kyler? When was he coming home?

“Just stay here,” Belle said. “I can help with the kids like I did before. It’ll be good practice for when Hugo is born.” She placed a hand on her belly.

Luke’s voice barreled down. “We are NOT naming the baby, Hugo.”

Belle chuckled and leaned back to see him sitting on the chair behind her. “What—Hugo Holden is cute!”

“No!”

“Oliver, then,” she said.

“Not Oliver, either!”

She grinned at the rest of us.

“He’s so finicky about this,” she said under her voice before raising it again. “There is nothing wrong with either name.”

“Hugo?” Bryce countered. “Sounds like something from a movie.”

The others chimed in with their opinions, and I silently chuckled.

I had to say, I sided with Luke on this one. Where in the world did the name Hugo come from? Unless she’d just picked a random name with which to drive him crazy. Which was a total possibility .

Debra leaned forward. “You could come over to my place,” she said, tapping Bex’s knee and holding out her arms toward Colton. The gesture was obvious. She wanted to take the baby. “I’ve got plenty of room now!”

“I’m not done with him yet.” Colton hugged the little guy to his chest, making the rest of us laugh again.

“Thanks,” Bex said. “But if it’s all the same to you, I think we’ll stay here at Belle’s. The kids had their own rooms here once. They’re familiar with Belle’s, and they love the animals here.”

“That’s right!” Belle said. “Luke has been talking about hiring some help. Kody loved pitching in before. Maybe he could offer a hand.”

“He’s only nine,” Bex said with a smile and a shrug, “but I’m sure he’d love to pitch in where he can while we’re here.”

“Do you mind, Dawson?” Debra asked. “Living here for a week or two?”

“I don’t think so,” Dawson said.

“This place is in his heart, too,” Bex added.

I smiled, and Colton turned to me. “You want to hold him?”

“Sure,” I said, “but Debra?—”

“You go right on ahead.” She fluttered her fingers at me as though trying to sweep the air in my direction.

Beaming, heart giving an excited rap against my ribs, I slid my hands beneath the baby, feeling Colton’s fingers brush against mine as I did so. That touch had traces of magic. It tingled up my fingertips and straight to my shoulders.

“He’s so sweet,” I said, staring down at his cherubic face. “What are you naming this sweet thing, anyhow?”

“Tate,” Dawson said, leaning his arm onto Bex’s knees.

Colton leaned in closer to me, stirring the left side of my body and making me shiver. Bryce and Luke stepped nearer with him, along with Allie, who wiggled her fingers excitedly at us and leaned in to coo over the baby.

Dawson rose to his feet and did a game show presentation with his hands toward his newborn son. “Everyone, we’d like you to meet Tate Toby Holden.”

“Toby?” Belle squeaked, pulling her feet from off of the coffee table and straightening.

Bex beamed at her. “After your grandpa.”

“After you,” Dawson added.

Luke stalked behind where his wife sat and placed a hand on her shoulder as if knowing she needed the connection. Belle placed her hand on his and gaped at her brother- and sister-in-law.

“You two are the reason Dawson and I got together in the first place,” Bex added. “If it hadn’t been for you and this house…” She inhaled.

The baby made a squeaking noise in my arms. He wriggled, his face squinching. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Kody and Paisley run across the front lawn, followed shortly afterward by Sophia.

“I get me, but grandpa?” Belle asked, resting a hand on her stomach.

“Why not? He inspired you,” Dawson said, “because he was always taking people in.”

“Room to spare,” Belle said reflectively lifting her face to look directly up at her husband.

Luke mumbled something and leaned down to press his mouth to hers.

The sight pricked me right in the center. Unable to explain why, I needed air. I passed Baby Tate to his grandma. I hugged Bex, told her congratulations, and made for the door.

The minute I was outside, it was like I breathed for the first time. I swallowed air, pressed my hands to my stomach, and sank onto one of the wooden rocking chairs on the porch. It swayed beneath me, tilting the way it felt like my life was.

The sound of the screen door closing jarred me, and then Colton was there. “Everything okay?”

“I don’t know,” I said, speaking to the view of the parked trucks and of the corral and the llamas in their enclosure across the gravel drive.

He sank into the partner rocking chair beside me. His made a creaking noise when it rocked back.

“Is it the baby?” he asked. “You looked pretty good with the little guy in your arms.”

“He’s so cute,” I said, trying to process. Trying to figure out why I felt so claustrophobic in there.

“So what’s the problem?”

“Your mom said something when I got here,” I told him, watching the black llama slowly meander from one side of its pen to the other.

“The soon-to-be thing? Is that what’s bothering you? Does it bother you that I want that for us?”

I sat up and looked into his deep blue eyes. “You do?”

Is that what he’d tried telling me when we first got here? Maybe he’d said something to his mom and hadn’t had the chance to run it past me yet. The idea was a match in my stomach, lighting a flicker of heat that a strong gust of wind might just blow out.

He rested his hand on my leg.

“I know it’s too soon to make any promises, but the thought of you leaving town, Nat? It does something to me right here.” He pressed a fist to his stomach. “Why do I get the feeling if you leave, you won’t be coming back?”

“I’m coming back,” I said, sliding to the edge of the rocking chair’s seat. The chair tilted forward, making Colton adjust his leg.

But even as I said it, the words tasted raw.

“You still never told me why you’re leaving.”

“Jensen is still here,” I said, voicing the easiest reason. But that one wasn’t even pertinent anymore. Not after the conversation he and I had had earlier.

“So am I.” Colton grew adamant. “Doesn’t that mean anything? Look, there’s something I want to tell you before you go. ”

I wrapped my fingers around the ends of each arm rest. A gentle breeze swept through the honeycomb-shaped porch, stirring my heart and my unease. I pushed to my feet.

“I can’t do this now.”

I strode to the steps but didn’t take any. Colton sidled in next to me.

“Please,” he said. “I think…I think I’m falling for you. I’m in love with you, and I think I have been since you stayed to help clean up after Belle and Luke’s wedding. God’s been giving me hints all along since then, telling me not to let you out of my sight.”

His mention of God made things all the worse. I wasn’t getting the same message. And I needed to see if I could.

“I just… It feels off. Not you. Me. I feel off, Colton.” I wasn’t sure how else to explain it. “I can’t take that kind of chance.”

He swallowed and lowered his chin. Pain tore through my chest at the thought that I was causing heartache for him. Seeing how devastated Kyler was, knowing what I’d gone through myself, I never wanted to be the cause of hurting in anyone else.

But I’d prayed for direction. I’d prayed for help—and I hadn’t gotten it yet.

I placed my hand on his cheek, feeling the scruff there. “Please don’t take it personally. I need to find my way.”

He dug into the pocket of his jeans. “I thought you might say that. That’s why I brought this.”

Pulling his hand free, he removed something palm-sized, round, and dark. With careful fingers, he popped open the lid to reveal a dizzying compass spinning with every move his hand made.

Confused, I looked at him for an explanation.

“I got you this because I wanted you to know, I’m not him,” he said. “I’m not going to hurt you like he did. And I’ll let you go as long as you promise me you’ll be coming back. This compass is in case you forget your way back to me. And take this. In case you get lonely.”

He reached in his back pocket and pulled out a folded piece of paper, placing it in my hand with the compass.

Curious, I pulled at the folds, but he stopped me with his hand.

“Hold up now. Are you lonely?” he said in a chiding kind of way.

With him around? “What? No, I’m not.”

His mouth kinked at the corners and his warm hands closed the objects in mine. “Then wait. It’s only for when you get lonely on this journey of yours to…where are you going?”

“The Grand Canyon,” I said.

I’d picked through the Anywhere But Here binder and settled on it before coming to Belle’s house.

He whistled. “All righty. The Grand Canyon it is. You might get lonely standing there at that rim. Open the letter then. Only then—got it?”

I swallowed, my mouth dry. I couldn’t formulate any words so instead, I nodded. It was only then that he lowered his hands away from mine. I held the compass and the letter, curiosity burning through me to open it right now and see what he wrote.

Colton cleared his throat. His boots struck the boards on the porch as he inched closer and took my face in his hands. That touch, the sad acceptance in his eyes, nearly melted my resolve. I stared at his mouth, eager for the kiss I hoped was about to come.

He bent toward me, stirring my desire. I tipped my face up, ready to meet him.

Colton hovered, keeping his lips molecules away. His warm breath stroked my mouth, stirring my blood. I fisted my hands.

“I’m not kissing you goodbye,” he said, stroking his thumb along my jaw and driving me wild with that one touch. “That’s something you’ve got to come back for, too.”

I wanted to tell him what I told Jensen. That I loved him, too. His admission had muddled me completely, making me wish even more for that sign from heaven that choosing him was the right path for me.

“Thank you, Colton,” I said instead.

I wanted to assure him I’d be back, but what if I didn’t? What if along the way I found I liked Arizona’s warmer climate or the terrain of the rust-colored ridges I’d researched all along the way?

What if he was right, and I decided not to come back?

I wouldn’t do that to him. I had to prove to him, and to me. And for whatever reason, I felt like the answers I needed were out there. Anywhere but here.

“I’m sorry,” I told him, not understanding the reservations inside of me. It made no sense. Logically, everything in my life pointed me to him.

So why did I still feel like I needed to run away?