Destined Bear (Windridge Den #3)

5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

Finn

After Patrick tried once again to get me to speak to the Alpha—doing his Beta responsibilities—I knew it was time. I couldn’t live like this. Once upon a time I thought there was hope, that one day he would sense me as his and take me as his mate. But no. That ship had sailed. He already sensed me—probably had from the get-go. He just didn’t care.

He looked at me like I was a random den member—no one special. I wasn’t okay with that.

I emailed my boss requesting time off, then went home and packed away my laptop. I looked around at all the things I’d need to pack up in my little house. I had amassed quite a few things I enjoyed—knickknacks, souvenirs. I even had a quilt from Miss Murray, who made custom quilts and other knickknacky things.

If you’d asked me even a month ago, I’d have said it would be my forever home. My fated was here, how could it not be. All items I’d acquired made me feel like a part of this den.

Yet, I wasn’t. Not really. Not in the way that it mattered. I was a guest. Nothing more.

I texted Aydan, asking if we could speak, and he let me know that he had time right then. It caught me off guard. In my head, I’d have had to make an appointment, and it would give me time to plan out what I was going to say. But of course Aydan made time for me. That’s what Alphas did.

My nerves increased with each step. Would he be mad? Glad? Confused? Would he try and talk me out of it? He wasn’t a dick, but his job was to make sure that he did what was best for this den, and increasingly, I realized that wasn’t me.

When I arrived at his home, Jayce was there, playing with the baby. I smiled at the sweetie. It was cute to see Jayce with his little one. Jayce and I hadn’t interacted a lot when he first arrived. I’d suspected he held some jealousy or ill feelings toward me in the beginning. How could he not? They might not have known they were mates, but they’d have sensed it.

Stupid skunk.

When he and Aydan finally realized they were mates, I worried he might be uncomfortable with me. Everyone in the den knew I was considering mating his mate. No one thought it was a love match. Politics were politics. If he held a grudge for me dating his mate, then he never showed it. He treated me like a true friend, and it meant more to me than he could know.

Turned out all the jealousy came from my direction. Jealous because they had what I did not. A happy mated relationship and children. I didn’t like that about myself, but I couldn’t control how I felt.

“Finn, thanks for coming,” Aydan said. “If you need more time, don’t worry. We can talk for as long as you need.”

I smiled. “This won’t take long. Actually, you both might as well hear this—if you don’t mind, Alpha.”

“Of course,” Aydan replied. “Whatever you need, we’re here for you.”

I took a deep breath. “I think the time has come for me to return to my home den.”

“You’re sure?” Aydan’s eyes softened, and I nodded. “Has anyone done anything?”

I held up a hand, waiting until he stopped speaking so I wouldn’t interrupt him. One did not just interrupt the Alpha when he spoke. He might be one of the kindest men I knew, but at the end of the day, he was my Alpha—at least until I drove away, leaving this place behind me.

“Everybody here has been amazing.” Patrick not wanting me didn’t change that. I loved the den, but it hurt too much to be here, to see my fated every day and know that he didn’t want that. “I just... I stayed here for one reason. I mean, well, one main reason. I love it here, but that’s not the reason.”

Jayce smiled sadly. “We know the reason, Finn. It’s okay.”

“Thank you,” I replied, grateful they weren’t going to make me say it out loud. Mate rejections were so rare. It never occurred to me I’d experience it. “I’ve come to realize that what I hoped for isn’t going to happen. By staying here, I’m just causing myself heartache every time I… and it’s time for me to go home.”

Jayce looked almost as if he was going to cry. He came over and pulled me into a hug. He truly was a fantastic Alpha Mate.

“It’s not a lost cause.”

I laughed softly. “I really think that it is.” If there was even a sliver of a chance that he’d change his mind, I’d have been planting my feet in the ground and refusing to move. But there wasn’t.

“I can talk to him.” I appreciated Jayce’s offer, but no good could come from that.

I shook my head. “No, no, that’s... that’s not necessary.”

Aydan gave me a sad smile, and I hated the pity in his eyes. “If you change your mind, you are always welcome here. Even if you change your mind the minute you walk out the door... just know you’re always welcome.”

He meant it too. If someone left my old den the way I was, it wouldn’t have been as easy as that to come back. The only reason I was welcomed home was because I was here with a purpose, one that didn’t come to fruition. And even with that, things would be awkward, and I might find myself feeling obligated to accept his offer.

“Thank you. I’ve taken a week off work, so tomorrow I’ll pack up my things and start the journey home.” Or maybe I’d leave it all here. Now that I’d made the decision, I wanted to get it over with.

“Do you need someone to drive with you?” Aydan asked.

I shook my head. “No, I’m sure Griff would prefer that, but I’m a grown adult. I can drive back to my home den. It’s not far.”

“Of course. Thank you for everything, Finn,” Aydan said.

“Thank you,” I replied quietly. I turned and left before I did something incredibly humiliating, like cry on my Alpha’s shoulder.

I walked home, the cold slapping my cheeks. It was good, feeling pain that was physical and not the emotional. Instead of going inside, I walked around back and sat down on the steps, opening my jacket and welcoming the cold long enough to make it the forefront, putting my heartache back enough to give myself some reprieve.

Shucking my clothes, I dropped them on the step and fell back, letting my bear rip through me. If I went inside, my brain would be replaying the day over and over again until I cried myself to sleep. I needed to run, to let my bear wear us out, to fish, and to distract me from my life.

All of my problems would still be there in the morning.

He took off, lumbering through the snow toward the tree line, in the direction of the river. And because my bear felt my pain, my needs, he did exactly what I needed, pushing me so far back that the world faded away.