Deviant

Chapter 21

Rowen

I can’t sleep.

Though every bone in my body aches from today’s long hike, my mind refuses to quiet down. No matter how hard I try to clear my thoughts in hopes of getting a little rest, it all feels futile.

And it’s all Elias’s fault.

He put my tent up.

Why would he do that?

He hates me.

And yet… he has been one of the handful of people to have shown me any kindness or affection lately. While it may be a stretch to call any of his actions affectionate, he has looked out for me in his own way. First when Aidan tried to manhandle me at his mom’s wake and then now by pitching up both Abbie’s and my tents. And let’s not forget our encounter in the alley by the park. He definitely took care of my needs then too.

Though he hasn’t said a word to me since last night. Not even to gloat that it was him behind the wolf mask.

Maybe the reason he hasn’t said anything about it is because it wasn’t him.

I pull my pillow over my head and let out a little scream.

No.

I refuse to believe that.

It was Elias.

It was him.

I’m certain of it.

Are you? Are you really?

I grab my pillow and start punching it with all my might, as a way to purge those awful doubts out of my head. I’m so consumed in beating it to a pulp, letting all my frustrations out, that I don’t even hear someone opening my tent.

“Keep it down. Some people are trying to sleep, you know?” Elias says as he crawls his way inside, leaving his backpack in the corner.

“Just what do you think you’re doing?” I half whisper, half yell.

“What does it look like? I’m getting ready for bed,” he explains nonchalantly, taking off his jacket and tossing it to the corner.

“You’re going to sleep here? Why?” I stammer, pulling my sleeping bag over my chest.

“Hmm, I wonder why I need somewhere to crash? Could it be because I spent most of the night pitching your tent and that of your friend’s and didn’t have enough time to pitch my own? Could that be the reason?” he states, annoyed, as he sits down at the edge of my sleeping bag to pull his boots off.

I bite my inner cheek because what can I say to that?

It’s not like I’d leave him out in the cold. I’m not heartless.

Though there are other alternatives available to him, and I make sure to remind him of that.

“Why don’t you sleep in Andy’s tent? You two looked like you were getting pretty chummy. I’m sure he wouldn’t mind you sleeping in his, since it’s obvious he’ll spend the night over at Harper’s.”

“Kid sure does have game, I’ll give him that.” He chuckles, but when he continues to take off his socks, acting like he didn’t hear me, I give him a good kick in the ribs.

“What the fuck was that for?” He turns to face me.

My mind goes blank for a second just staring at his full lips before I remember what I was about to say.

“I told you to go and sleep in Andy’s tent. You can’t stay here.”

Like an agile mountain lion, he crawls up my sleeping bag until he’s basically on top of me.

“Listen and listen carefully, Roe. This is where I’ll be sleeping for the rest of this trip. Nod if you understand,” he warns, those dark eyes of his silencing whatever excuse I could muster up to kick him out. “Good girl.”

My chest heaves at the unprovoked praise, swallowing down hard when he slithers off me and stands up to take the rest of his clothes off. My throat becomes parched as I watch him pull his long-sleeved shirt over his head, revealing hard abs and a Celtic sun tattoo over his left pec. The man looks like he was carved from marble stone—hard, cold, and absolutely breathtaking.

When his hand goes to his pants and begins unbuckling his belt, my heart stops.

“A little privacy, please?” He smirks when he catches me staring.

I quickly avert my eyes, hating how my cheeks flush bright red. But more than that, I hate how Elias always seems to have the upper hand when it comes to these types of awkward situations.

“I’m just fucking with you. You can look all you want. I don’t give a shit.”

I’m tempted to sneak a peek at the thing that almost split me in two last night, but I force myself not to, just in case this is one of his tricks.

“Are you done?” I ask after I don’t hear movement for a while.

“Almost,” he replies before pulling my sleeping bag off me.

“Hey, what the hell?” I ask, uncaring if I’m being too loud or not. Immediately, I pull my knees up to my chest to cover myself, since I’m only in a white tank top and panties.

I half expect to find him smirking at me but am completely taken aback when all he does is grab my foot to inspect my ankle.

“Blisters. I knew there had to be a reason for you to be limping,” he groans, letting go of my foot and grabbing his bag.

“It’s nothing. It’s my stupid fault for not lacing my bootlaces tighter. It’s fine. Don’t worry about it,” I tell him, though he doesn’t seem to be listening to me anymore.

I watch as he pulls out a first aid kit from his backpack and then grabs my leg until my foot is on his lap.

“When these burst, it’s going to hurt like a bitch,” he mumbles to himself as he dabs a cotton ball with some peroxide.

“I thought you liked seeing me in pain,” I say softly as he presses the cotton ball to my blisters, making me flinch at the sting.

“I said I take pleasure in being the one who hurts you. There’s a difference,” he explains before blowing on where it stings most.

“Oh, okay,” I reply a little too breathlessly for my liking. But Elias taking care of me like this has turned my brain to mush.

Ever so slowly, he continues on with his care, first pressing the cotton ball with peroxide to each blister and then blowing on it to take the sting away. By the time he starts applying the antiseptic ointment on them, I’m a little turned on, and more than intrigued with my caregiver.

“You’re good at that,” I compliment him.

“I’ve had plenty of practice,” he replies while putting everything back into his first-aid kit.

“With your mom?”

He nods, packing his stuff back into his bag. “Not only with her. You forget that I had to look after my brother and sister growing up. When they were younger, they would get up to all sorts of mischief, and I had to learn fast how to take care of every scrape and bruise they came home with.”

I lay back down and put my arm under my head to take in the magnitude of his gorgeous face. His strong jaw, high cheekbones, and cleft chin are a sight to behold, but it’s his piercing gaze, framed by thick lashes, that I’m completely enamored with. His eyes hold such deep intensity that you can’t help but be absolutely captivated by them. Sometimes, his eyes have this beautiful midnight blue hue to them, reminiscent of a peaceful starless sky. But other times, when he’s more beast than man, his eyes become so pitch-black that you could almost believe they can swallow you whole, engulfing you completely, until you become as lost as he is to the empty abyss.

“What?” he says when I haven’t said anything in a while.

“Nothing. I was just thinking how it must have been hard to have grown up that fast. You gave up your childhood to ensure your siblings had theirs. It’s noble the sacrifice you made for them.”

“If you want to survive the night, how about we don’t talk about my siblings, yeah?” he grunts, his blue eyes turning a shade darker.

I seal my lips shut and lean forward to pull up my sleeping bag over my frame, only to have Elias tug it roughly out of my hands and sneak his way inside it. I open my mouth to protest and explain that this bag is only big enough for one, but the small growl he makes is all I need to hear to keep my mouth shut. Now is not the time to irritate him any more than I already have. So I lay there silently, staring at the tent’s lining as Elias makes himself comfortable, his body turned to mine.

“Aren’t you going to go to sleep?” he asks after a while.

“I’m too wired for that,” is my explanation.

I could say that the half-naked man who has sworn to cause me immeasurable pain doesn’t help to take my insomnia away, but I doubt he’d see the humor in it.

“Hmm. I can think of one surefire way to help you fall asleep. Too bad you caught me on an off night,” he jokes, turning to the other side so his back is now turned to me.

I bite my bottom lip and decide that now is as good a time as any for him to come clean.

“You didn’t seem like you were on an off night last night. I guess being older, you need more time to recuperate and all.”

“I beg-your-fucking-pardon?” he says, turning to face me again.

I turn to my side and look him square in the eye.

“You heard me.”

“Did you hit your head on a branch or something?” he continues to joke. “I have no idea what you are talking about.”

“Yes, you do. The park. The alley. The wolf mask,” I insist, only to gain a confused glare in his eyes.

“I’m fucking exhausted, Rowen. I have no idea what you’re talking about, and frankly, I really don’t give a shit. If you don’t want to sleep, that’s your problem. Some of us need at least a few hours of rest to function. And if you think I’m a brooding grump now, just wait until I go without at least a couple of hours of sleep.”

My brows pull together in utter confusion as he turns his back on me again, determined to sleep.

“Elias?” I stammer.

“What?” he retorts, annoyed.

“What animal mask did you wear yesterday for the Harvest Festival?”

“An owl’s. Why?”

“Not a wolf?” I swallow dryly, my heart falling to the pit of my stomach.

“Fuck no. Almost every asshole at that festival had a wolf mask on. Fuck, half of the guys here wore one. I think I’m a bit more original than that. Now, can I please go to sleep?”

Tears sting my eyes as I stifle my scream by biting into my knuckles.

It wasn’t Elias.

It wasn’t Elias!

I was sure it was…

I would have bet my life on it.

But apparently… I was wrong.

Maybe my mind created that fantasy so that I could detach myself from what was really happening to me.

Oh my god!

Someone tried to assault me last night. No… someone did sexually assault me.

Oh… no… no… no!

I had given my full consent to Elias, not some unnamed man. Not some faceless stranger. I don’t care how tender he was with me in the end. I wouldn’t have willingly slept with someone unless he had been… Elias.

‘Good girl.’

That’s what Elias called me just a few minutes ago, the same endearment used by my attacker. And his scent… it was the same sage and mint that is currently overpowering the air in this very tent.

Even as a child, I’ve never had a wild imagination, nor was I one to make stuff up in my head.

Well, you did hear Nora’s voice every time you tried to fling yourself off Grove Bridge.

That was different.

That was my grief talking.

Last night had nothing to do with grief but more with closure, with needing to experience something beautiful, even if ugly to the outside world, with the one person who actually sees me. Sees me for who I really am, scars and all.

No matter how convincingly he tries to deny it, I know the truth.

It was Elias.

I know it in the deepest parts of my soul.

But just as that certainty takes root inside me, so does the fact that there must be a reason why Elias wants me to believe it wasn’t him last night. That he had no part in giving me the best orgasm I ever had. That reason being, that he wants me to lose touch with reality, until I’m so far gone that I question everything else in my world.

Elias’s objective is but one—that I lose my mind.

He promised me pain.

He promised me punishment.

It just never occurred to me how deviant and vile his plans for me truly were.

“I’m not sure I can go any further,” Abbie says beside me as we continue with our hike. “I really need to stop.”

Two days and we are still walking to parts unknown, completely unaware of where these watches are leading us.

“You’re doing great, Abbie. Just a couple of more hours, and we’ll make camp for the night.”

Elias must hear my voice because he turns his head over his shoulder to check up on us.

“Everything alright back there?” he asks, Andy turning his attention to us too.

“We’re fine,” I reply coldly.

“Are you sure?” Andy asks, stopping altogether and coming over to us. “You don’t look okay, Abbie.”

“She looks dehydrated,” Elias says as if he can tell what’s wrong with her with just one glance. “Here. Drink this. You need some electrolytes.”

“Thank you,” Abbie says before chugging the liquid down her throat like it’s the best thing she’s ever drank.

Okay, so maybe he was right on this one occasion and helped Abbie out, but that won’t stop me from being angry at him.

Actually, I’m beyond angry. I’m livid.

He actually had me believing for one split second that I had gotten sexually assaulted.

What kind of monster does that?

Well, I guess I’m looking at him.

“Do we have a problem?” Elias asks, not one bit abashed by the way I’m glaring at him.

“I don’t know. You tell me? Do we?” I cross my arms over my chest.

“Is this because I didn’t bring you breakfast in bed this morning?” he jokes, making a show of crossing his bulging forearms over his large chest.

“If I recall correctly, I wasn’t the one who woke up all alone this morning,” I taunt.

“That must explain why I slept like a baby in the early hours of the morning. There was no one there to hog all the blankets.”

“God, you’re infuriating!”

“Oh, and you’re such a fucking delight?” he counters sarcastically.

“Guys! Guys! Guys!” Andy tries to butt in. “I’m definitely feeling some sexual tension between you two, but that’s going to have to wait. ‘Cause look!” He points to the others who have suddenly disappeared on us.

“Great. Now the rest of the group has left without us. Happy now?” I scold, throwing my arms in the air before rushing to catch up with the rest of our party.

“Are you saying it’s my fault they left us?!” Elias growls behind me.

I stop in my tracks, ready to give him a good telling to, when Abbie says, “Does anyone else hear water?”

“Yeah. Now that you mention it, I think I do, too,” Andy agrees, both of them skipping on ahead toward the sound and leaving the two of us behind.

“You mind telling me what has gotten up your ass today?”

“You, Elias Larsen! You have!”

“Oh, I think I’d remember if that ever happened.” He smirks, eyeing my ass like he wants to eat it.

I hate how every inch of my body comes to life with his stare.

My hand is about to slap that smug smile off his face when Andy starts shouting at us a few yards away, with Abbie at his side.

“Come! Come quickly!” he yells excitedly. “What’s the hold-up? Why aren’t you coming?”

“Huh. I’m getting this weird deja vu of hearing Aidan scream out something similar from his bedroom. Aren’t you?”

Jerk.

“I’m sure you’re confusing it with your own sexual experiences.”

“Now, Roe, you of all people know I have no problem making a woman come.”

Gotcha!

“Or are you forgetting our little porch session together?” He arches his brow.

Damn it.

“Can you just shut up for a minute to see what Andy is all excited about?” I grumble, hurrying my steps so I can put some distance between us.

I hear him chuckle behind me, but I’m too angry to care.

But to my amazement, all that anger, all that rage, evaporates into thin air when I see what all the fuss Andy was making, is about. It’s as if I’ve stumbled into a hidden paradise, a secret oasis, and for a moment, everything else fades away—even my anger toward Elias Larsen.

“It’s a waterfall!” Andy says, tossing his boots off his feet.

“I can see that.” I smile, finding everyone already in the water, having a merry old time.

“Come on! The water isn’t that cold,” Harper shouts at us in her bra and panties.

“I’m coming, babe! I’m coming!”

“Babe?” I cock a teasing brow, gaining a sly smirk from Andy.

“What can I tell you? Once you have a taste of this, there’s no going back.” He winks, rushing to pull off his shirt and pants to race over to Harper.

“You go on ahead. I’ll stay here and watch over our things,” Abbie says, sitting on the ground, next to Andy’s discarded clothes.

“Are you sure you don’t want to take a dip?”

She shakes her head, frowning as she looks over to the other guys in the group, who are currently dunking each other’s heads underwater. Aside from Andy, Lucas, and maybe Chris, I wouldn’t trust those guys further than I could throw them, either, so I get why Abbie prefers to keep her distance.

I, on the other hand, would love nothing more than to swim my worries away. Hence why I quickly take off my clothes, leaving only my tank top and panties on, and rush over to the pebbled shore before diving into the lake. When I break the surface, I feel exhilarated, all my previous concerns and grievances washing away with the cool water.

“What the hell does he think he’s doing?” I hear Lucas say, in concern.

I turn around to see what everyone is gawking at, only to find Elias in his boxer shorts, climbing up the rocks that lead to the very top of the waterfall.

“God, he’s hot,” Harper blurts out.

“Babe!” Andy says, feigning hurt.

“I’m sorry, babe, but you’ve got eyes. Tell me that isn’t one fine specimen of a man? It’s like his entire body was sculpted to perfection.”

“Yeah, okay. I’m comfortable enough in my sexuality to admit that. I can’t even hate on him.” Andy smiles from ear to ear, wrapping his arms around Harper’s waist.

“Hot or not, that idiot is about to get himself killed,” Ruby says, shaking her head in distaste.

“Nah, Elias’s got this,” Andy says, though there’s a worried glint in his eyes.

“Maybe we’ll get lucky, and he’ll slip and break his neck. That way, we all might actually have a fighting chance at winning The Scourge, ” Big Mike says, fist-bumping David.

“That is completely uncalled for,” Lucy defends, Lucas nodding behind her, to back her up.

“Doesn’t make it any less true,” Mackenzie interjects, her gaze never leaving Elias as he continues to climb up the slippery slope. “We all know he’s the favorite to win. With him gone, it’s anyone’s game.”

“I find it funny how some of you see The Scourge as just some game you can win. It’s not. At least not for us. We’re nothing but pawns in someone else’s amusements. We have no free will to speak of. If we did, we’d still be back home instead of here. The sooner you realize that there are no true winners, the better it will be when your time comes up,” I state, my cold gaze locked on Mackenzie’s.

“There is always a winner, Rowen. And just like I won your boyfriend, I intend to win this game too.”

“If you think Aidan is such a prize, then you’re more delusional than I thought.” I scoff.

“I guess you would say that, being a sore loser and all.”

Why, this little—

“He’s going to jump!” Andy screams out, pulling my attention away from Mackenzie and onto Elias and finding him already at the very top of the waterfall.

God, please, don’t let him get hurt.

I hold in a breath as he jumps off it and dives into the air. Seconds feel like hours before he hits the water. Lucas, Lucy, Harper and Andy cheer and clap their hands, waiting for him to resurface, to congratulate Elias on his dive.

But when he doesn’t, my hackles begin to rise.

“Elias? This isn’t funny. Elias!” I shout, swimming to where he dove in and frantically looking for any sign of him.

“Guess we got our wish after all,” I hear David say behind me.

If I wasn’t in such a panicked state, I would have punched the asshole.

Oh God, what if he’s really dead?

No.

That can’t happen.

Nora would never forgive me if I had let her favorite brother plunge to his death and did absolutely nothing to stop him. I can practically taste my fear and that of my friends, as we all wait on pins and needles for him to reappear.

“Elias! Stop kidding around!” I yell, slapping the water beside me while my throat clogs with unshed tears.

Please, please, don’t be dead. Please don’t be dead.

“I don’t see him. Do you?” Andy asks, alerting me to the fact that both he and Lucas are beside me, having already swam underwater in search of him.

“No. The water is too damn murky to see anything under there,” Lucas retorts, his expression just as worried as Andy’s.

“How long has it been? A minute? Two?” I ask, my entire body feeling suddenly cold.

“More than that,” Andy responds disheartened. “By my count, it’s been about four minutes at least.”

I crane my neck back and stare up at the waterfall, verifying that it is a good fifty or sixty feet high. Maybe even more.

What was he thinking?

“Elias!” I shout at the top of my lungs, my heart taking its first beat in ages when he finally reappears behind me.

“Jesus, woman, I heard you the first time.” He chuckles, wiping the water from his face and running his hands through his damp hair.

I should be angry at him.

I should be fucking furious.

But instead of reprimanding him for being an idiot, I swing my arms around his neck and hold on for dear life. Thankfully, he doesn’t push me away or make some wisecrack to offend me. He lets me hug him, going as far as wrapping his arms around my waist until I’m no longer shivering in fear.

But when my terror subsides, I see the faces of a lot of displeased people who wished for a different outcome.

The Scourge hasn’t even begun yet, and already they are pining for his death.

I won’t let that happen.

Come what may, Elias will survive The Scourge. I’ll do everything in my power to make it so.

And after he’s a shoo-in to win, he’ll grant me my own wish—to die by his hand and avenge Nora for good.