Deviant

Chapter 23

Rowen

Elias tightens his chokehold around my throat, making it almost impossible to breathe, while he continues to roughly fuck me from behind.

He hadn’t been kidding when he said I needed my rest. I’ve barely slept two full hours the whole night without being woken up with his dick inside me.

“That’s a good little slut,” he praises in my ear, as I wince in pain as my torn up panties—that are currently fastened around my wrists behind my back—begin to slice into my skin with each merciless thrust. “Take it all. Just take it.”

And I do as he commands—happily and often.

Thankfully, with all the screwing around we’ve done, his cock doesn’t feel like it’s going to tear me apart anymore. Now it feels like it was perfectly fashioned with me in mind.

And the filth that comes out of his mouth…

If I had heard anyone else speak that way to someone, I would feel second-hand embarrassment for them. But I love every word that comes out of his obscene mouth, just as much as I love the feel of his strong hands dominating my body. Even now, as he chokes me to the point where I’m about to lose all my senses, I beg and moan for more.

He’s right.

I must be sick in the head if I’m turned on by such cruelty.

Maybe it’s because of my guilt that I crave such punishment.

Or maybe it’s because I’m a masochist, just like he once accused me of being.

Whatever my damage, all I know is that I’ve never felt more taken care of than by him in the last eight hours.

“Fuck, you’re missing quite the show. I wish I could film this so you could see how your pussy takes my cock like it wants to swallow it whole,” he grunts, releasing some of the pressure around my throat just so I can take in a deep breath.

That’s the other thing.

It takes trusting someone unconditionally to allow such games to be played in the bedroom, or in our case, a tent. Last night I proved that he could trust me when I let him fuck me without a condom, and vice versa. I’ve been on the pill since I started my period, something my diligent father imposed on me early on, for fear that some Larsen boy might impregnate me one day. I always thought he was talking about Aidan when he said those things, but now I’m starting to believe that maybe my father had Elias in mind.

Not that getting pregnant is something that I’m scared of now, since the chances of me ever becoming a mother are zero to none. I’ve already signed my life over to Elias. It’s his now to do with as he pleases. And though I know Elias would love nothing more than to kill me as soon as possible, I trust him enough to know it won’t be like this.

When he does finally kill me, he will be cold and unfeeling.

And right now, he is anything but.

Now is not the time I die.

Not even when he fucks me within an inch of my life.

“Oh God! Elias!” I almost scream, biting down hard on my bottom lip to stifle the loud wail that threatens to come out. I’ve fucked Elias enough times last night to know he doesn’t want anyone to hear me come. Those wails of ecstasy are for his ears and his ears only.

“That’s it. That’s it,” he praises as I come so violently, my legs shake.

I’m still riding my orgasm when he pounds into me three more times before pulling out. Seconds later, I feel hot cum being squirted all over my ass and lower back, the pad of his fingers spreading his cum all over my body. When he releases his grip on my panties, my legs give way, forcing me to fall face first onto our makeshift bed, Elias falling on top of me next. His weight crushes me into the sleeping bag as he tugs my hair back with one hand, only to shove two of his digits into my mouth with his other.

“Suck them,” he orders, his black eyes still mad with desire.

I do as I’m told and suck his fingers clean, his salty taste awakening my tastebuds.

“Such a fucking good girl.”

I’ve always hated that expression. Hated it like I’ve never hated anything else in my life. But when Elias says it… he’s not praising me for being good… he knows that I’m not… he says it when I’ve pleased him… pleased him in all the devilishly dirty ways he likes.

I always knew that I wasn’t good, but for him… I want to be more than just bad.

I want to do every perverse thing his deviant imagination orders me to.

Once he’s satisfied I’ve done a good job, he gifts me such an incandescent smile, I almost do something stupid like swoon at the sight. If I did that, Elias would never smile at me again, and it is far too precious a thing for it to be a once in a lifetime occurrence.

He then pushes himself off me to gently untie my binds, inspecting the damage he’s done and then kissing the chafed marks around my wrists. That’s all the kissing I ever get from him. Every bruise, bite, or injury wins me his tender kiss, while my lips go without. Once he’s made sure that I’m well taken care of, he then falls behind me, placing his chin on the crook of my neck and wrapping his arms around my waist.

“By the loud ruckus coming from outside, it sounds like everyone is already awake,” he says, placing another sweet kiss to my shoulder blade where I’m sure his teeth marks now live.

I don’t say a word, too afraid that I might give in and beg him to kiss me.

“We should start getting ready. I’m sure another long hike awaits us.”

“I’d much rather stay here,” I admit, turning my head over my shoulder just to look at him.

He still has that beautiful glow on his face, radiating such calm and tranquility, it almost makes him look like a completely different person. Not that it matters which version of himself he decides to show me, since I’m pretty sure I’d be enamored with all of them.

“I don’t think the others would be thrilled if we delayed our hike just to fuck like bunnies. They have a game to win, remember?”

The little happy bubble I created in my mind for the two of us, bursts with that one reminder.

Yes… I remember.

I remember how David, Big Mike, Mackenzie, and even Ruby, were disappointed that he didn’t snap his neck or drown in that lake. I remember how reckless he’d been to jump off a waterfall that high. I remember how close I came to being killed by some stranger in The Scourge instead of it being by Elias’s own hand.

But most of all, I remember that crippling feeling when I thought I lost him.

I couldn’t bear it if that ever came to pass.

“Hey? What’s wrong?”

“Nothing,” is my clipped reply as I get up and ransack my bag for some wipes to clean myself off.

But just as I’m about to wipe his cum off my body, Elias grabs hold of my arm and stops me.

“Leave it.”

“But—”

“I said… leave it.”

Since I’m already on the verge of tears with the thought of losing him, I don’t put up a fight and do as he commands. I begin to get dressed, uncaring that his cum is seeping through my pores, while doing my best not to look him in the eye. He must take my silence for defiance, or worse, disgust, because he starts to get dressed at record speed. Before I’ve even put on my boots, he’s already storming out of the tent, not bothering to say another word to me.

Damn it.

I know I’ll have to explain why I turned so cold all of a sudden, but I doubt he’d be open to such a frank conversation. I saw how his body stiffened when I hugged him last night. It was just too much intimacy for him to handle. If I told him that the thought of losing him… just the mere idea that he might die, scares me more than my own death… let’s just say that Elias wouldn’t take it all that well. He’d probably end up walking away and leaving me talking to myself, just like he did this time.

But can I really blame him for being this way?

The women he loved most… the ones he was most vulnerable with… all died. It will take a special kind of woman to crack his black heart open again, and make him feel safe enough to allow such strong feelings in.

I am not that woman.

I can’t be.

Not when my days on this earth are closely coming to an end.

Still… how self-centered and selfish am I, that just the thought of this faceless woman has me mad with jealousy?

Elias deserves better.

He deserves so much better than me.

When I’m finally composed enough to step outside, everyone is sitting around the campfire, eating their porridge and drinking their cups of coffee, Elias included.

“Can I have some of that?” I ask Ruby since she’s the one in charge of making breakfast today.

“Sure thing.” She throws a fake smile at me and instead of placing the porridge inside my bowl, she purposely drops it to the ground. “Oops, how clumsy of me? Shame since it looks like I didn’t make enough for everyone, so you’ll have to go without. Or if you’re really hungry, you can always pick that up.”

Yep, survey is in. Ruby definitely hates me.

“Do you have a problem with me? Did I offend you in any way?” I ask softly, needing to get to the bottom of her animosity toward me.

“God, you’re so… so… ugh! Your whole face offends me, how about that?!!” she barks out, dropping the ladle to the ground before turning her back on me and storming off.

“What is her deal?” I mumble under my breath, but Chris is close enough that he overhears me.

“Who the fuck knows? Ruby has always been a bit of a grouch. Remember that one year when she dyed her hair green, and we started calling her Oscar the Grouch? Shit. Good times.” He laughs like he just told the most amazing joke.

I stare at Chris and wonder if his parents dropped him a few too many times on his head. He isn’t mean for mean’s sake. He’s just not the brightest tool in the shed, so what he believes to be funny is most often in poor taste. Calling a fifteen-year-old girl names for trying to express herself with a new hairdo definitely falls under the category of bullying, in my opinion.

“Here. You can have some of mine if you want?” Chris says, handing me his half-eaten bowl of porridge.

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah, I’m sure. I’m good with what I ate and we all have to keep our strength today, so you’ll need to eat, too.”

Okay, so maybe Chris isn’t that bad. He might have little tact, but at least his heart is in the right place—something I can’t say about his friends.

I take my bowl and sit down, my eyes scanning for Elias now that he has finished his own breakfast. I find him easily enough since he’s busy pulling down our tent and packing our stuff into our respective bags. Even mad at me, he still takes care of me.

“Oh man, you got it bad,” Harper says, plopping beside me on the log.

“Excuse me? I have no idea what you’re talking about,” I retort, preferring to play dumb rather than tell her the truth—that I’m starting to suspect that ‘I’ve got it bad’ doesn’t even cover it.

“You can deny it all you want, but you’d have to be blind not to see how you have gone gaga for that man. Not that I blame you. He’s all sorts of sexy,” she says, nudging me with her elbow.

I’m not sure how I feel about another woman looking at Elias like he’s a snack.

Scratch that.

I know exactly how I feel.

I don’t like it. Not one bit.

“Aren’t you like… dating Andy?” I ask politely, because asking her if she’s screwing Andy doesn’t have quite the same politically correct ring to it.

“Why? Did he say that?” she asks excitedly, completely forgetting about Elias and searching for Andy instead. When she finds him helping Abbie out with her tent, she bites her lower lip and sighs. “So did he tell you if we were dating or not?”

“Not really, no. But then again, we don’t talk much.”

“Oh,” she mumbles disappointedly, averting her eyes away from Andy just to pick up a rock from the earth and hurl it into a tree. “Wait… did he say anything about me to Elias?” she adds with a hopeful glint to her eyes.

“I’m not sure. We don’t talk much either.” In fact, the majority of the words he said to me last night revolved around ordering me to take his cock like a good girl. I’d rather not have to go into those specifics with Harper if I don’t have to.

“Can you ask him?”

I look over at Elias, who is walking in Andy’s and Abbie’s direction, probably off to ask them if they need his help, and frown. “Are you asking me to ask Elias if Andy has ever spoken to him about you?”

I mean, just because most of us went to high school together, doesn’t mean we should revert back to how we behaved there.

“I know… I’m being silly,” Harper says, her cheeks blushing in embarrassment. “It’s just that… and please don’t tell him I told you this… but… I kind of always had a crush on Andy since high school.” She sighs. “Have you ever watched that old show The O.C.?”

“No, sorry.” I shake my head regretfully, while also confused by where she is going with this.

“Well, you’re missing out. Anyway, that show introduced me to the delectable Seth Cohen, and after that, geek chic became my yum. Of course, in a town like Blackwater Falls that’s mostly filled with brainless no-good-for-nothing neanderthals,” she tilts her thumb back over her shoulder where Chris, Big Mike and David are huddled together – laughing at something moronic, most likely – to prove her point, “I thought I’d never meet my Seth. That is until freshman year when I got placed in one of Andy’s classes. He checked all my boxes. He was cute as a button, funny, sweet, and a little bit nerdy, with the way he was always walking around school with a new comic book stuffed in his back pocket. What can I tell you? It was love at first sight. He was the Seth to my Summer, if Summer was a blonde, that is.”

“I’m really trying to keep up with you, Harper, but I’m getting lost with all these metaphors,” I explain apologetically again.

“Fine. The CliffsNotes version then. I’ve always liked Andy, and there was a time around senior year that I thought maybe he was into me too. But he never asked me out or made a move, so after we graduated and parted ways, I thought maybe I had lost my shot. Who knew being selected to the Harvest Dozen would give me a second chance with him?” she exclaims, her whole face lighting up with glee.

My stomach churns at the hope in her eyes.

Harper is so infatuated with Andy that she’s forgotten one major plot point in being selected for The Scourge. Most everyone here will die, save for one. And that means the chances of her and Andy walking out of this alive and in love, are slim to none. Since I don’t have the heart to remind Harper of such a thing, I decide on kindness instead.

“Tell you what? If I learn anything about Andy’s true feelings for you, you’ll be the first person I run off to tell.”

“Really?” She beams. “Thanks, Rowen. I always knew you were a cool chick. I don’t care what Mackenzie and Ruby say about you.”

My friendly smile falls from my face the minute those names leave her mouth.

“Shit. Maybe I shouldn’t have said that,” Harper mumbles after she realizes she’s put her foot in her mouth.

“That’s totally okay. I already had a feeling Ruby wasn’t my biggest fan, though why, I have no idea. And Mackenzie probably has an issue with me because I was dating Aidan at the same time she was hooking up with him.”

“Yeah, I already knew about Mackenzie and Aidan. They didn’t make much of an effort to keep their sexcapades on the down low. Every party she threw at the mayor’s house, she made it a point to have him there, just so she could show off to her friends that she was hooking up with an older guy. I only know that because my sister was in Mackenzie and Abbie’s grade, and let me tell you, my little sis loves to gossip.” Harper laughs, trying to take away the sting of me being cheated on.

Maybe I should be pissed that Aidan thought he could parade his relationship with Mackenzie so out in the open without fearing any repercussions from me. But to be fair, I have been a little distracted this year to pay him or anything he did much mind.

“Girl, don’t even waste your time thinking about that loser. You upgraded hard by nabbing his sexy older brother. I can tell you that much.” Harper nudges her shoulder with mine.

I’m starting to realize that Harper doesn’t have a filter and that there is no real malice to anything she says. That her finding Elias hot, like she blurted out yesterday at the lake, and to some degree, again today with me, doesn’t mean she’s interested in him. Not when she made it painfully obvious that she’s all in with Andy.

“Now, speaking of being on the down low,” she lowers her voice in such a way that I’m forced to lean in closer just to hear what she has to say. “I know why Ruby hates you. Everyone who went to Blackwater Falls High does.”

They did?

“You do?” I ask, unable to hide my surprise.

“You bet I do.” She smiles conspiringly at me.

I wait impatiently as she scours the campsite to find Ruby in a heated debate with Mackenzie, completely oblivious that we’re talking about her.

“Since you were bound to find out anyway, Ruby was madly in love with your bestie, Nora, back in the day. I mean, she was obsessed with her. Nora threw her a bone and went out with her a couple of times. But down-low hookups weren’t what Ruby had in mind, so she decided to give Nora an ultimatum instead. Ruby told her that if she wanted to continue seeing her, she wanted more of a commitment from Nora. Ruby went as far as to pour her heart out and confess to Nora how in love with her she was, only to have her heart broken when Nora shut that shit down quick.”

“How do you know all this?”

“Because I was there in the school hallway when Nora broke things off. Ruby made such a scene that it will forever live rent free in my mind as one of the best—or worst—meltdowns our school had ever seen. Not that Nora didn’t poke the bear when she told Ruby that the reason why she could never commit to her, much less fall in love with her, was because she was already in love with someone else. I guess Ruby did the math and decided that the only other girl in Nora’s life was you. Hence, why she hates you with the power of a thousand suns.”

“How did I not know this?” I mutter to myself in disbelief.

“Hey, don’t be too hard on yourself. You were never the kind of girl who hung out much since your dad was so strict. It’s only normal that these teen dramas passed right over your head.”

“But Nora was my best friend. Why didn’t she tell me she had been in a relationship with Ruby?”

“Probably for the same reason she never came out and told you how she really felt about you. She didn’t want to screw up your friendship.”

I flinch as the memory of that gruesome night comes to the forefront of my mind.

That god-awful night, Nora told me exactly how she felt about me. Not only that, but she also said she had made her peace with the fact that I couldn’t love her back. But if that was true, then why didn’t she allow herself to be happy with someone else? Even if that someone else was Ruby? The only explanation I can find that makes sense is that Ruby came on too strong and scared Nora off. Or maybe Ruby just wasn’t Nora’s type.

Whatever Nora’s reasoning, it beats the one currently tormenting me, that my best friend was somehow still holding out hope, and that maybe, one day, I might come to love her back in the same way she loved me.

My eyes land on Elias, who is laughing at something Andy said, my heart swelling in size.

Even if that was Nora’s true intention, me falling in love with her could never have happened—not while Elias walked this earth.

“Hey, are you okay? Did I say too much?” Harper asks, sounding genuinely concerned for me.

“No, I’m fine. It’s just a lot to take in all at once.”

“Yeah, I get that. But look on the bright side, you’ve got yourself a man that both Mackenzie and Ruby are intimidated by. No way will they mess with you while you have him on your arm.”

I’m about to open my mouth to explain to her that Elias and I aren’t together like that, when we hear David call out for all our attention.

“Chop-chop, everybody!” he shouts like he’s in command. “We’re losing precious daylight time.”

“God, what a tyrannous prick. I swear, if I have to hear him order us around another second, I’m going to lose my shit.” Harper rolls her eyes. “Come on. Go get your man, while I get mine.” She winks mischievously.

“Actually, I’d rather continue hiking with Abbie,” I say, pointing in Abbie’s direction.

Harper’s cheerful smile turns serious as her gaze bounces from Abbie and then onto Chris, David, and Big Mike, who are still huddled up together just a few feet away from her.

“Actually, that’s not a bad idea. We shouldn’t leave little Abbie on her own too much if we can prevent it. Too many predators out here as it is.”

The off-color remark leaves me confused, but Harper doesn’t linger for long to explain it to me either.

I walk over to Abbie and help her with her backpack before putting mine on. Once everyone has their gear on, we’re off, with Andy and Harper in front and Elias trailing behind us in the back.

Though it’s a bit colder today, it’s a cloudless day with sun shining brightly above as our watches continue to show us the way to parts unknown. Andy and Harper snicker away at each other while Abbie and I remain silent, keeping our focus on clearing our path. But with every step I take, I can feel Elias’s eyes burning a hole in my back. And after almost ten hours of this… of feeling his glare at my back, without him so much as talking to me, I decide I’ve had just about enough. One of us has to bend. Might as well be me.

“Abbie, do you mind if I gave Elias a quick word?”

“Of course not. Go right on ahead.” She grins widely at me.

“Thanks. I promise I’ll be right back.”

“No worries.”

And before I chicken out, I stop in my tracks, forcing Elias to stop in his.

“Just what do you think you’re doing?”

“I’m not mad,” we both say in unison.

“You’re not?”

“I’m trying to apologize,” we say in tandem again, provoking a little grin to curl up at the corner of his lips.

“How about I shut up and you talk,” he suggests, but now that I have his undivided attention, I’m not sure what to say. So instead of telling him the real reason why I went quiet on him, I decide to ask him something else, that is around the same ballpark as the truth.

“Why don’t you ever kiss me?”

His eyes widen in surprise, as if that was the last thing he’d ever expect I would ask.

“Is that why you got upset with me? Because I haven’t kissed you?”

I hate that there isn’t a yet attached to the end of his question.

“I’m just confused. You seem pretty happy doing everything else with me, but kissing seems to be off the table for you. I just want to know why?”

“First of all, we’ve barely touched the surface of things I can do to you, and secondly…” he starts but then goes quiet, staring deep into my eyes with a look I’ve never once seen on his face before, as he tucks a stray lock of hair behind my ear. “I guess I haven’t kissed you yet… because you haven’t asked me to.”

My throat goes instantly dry at the way his dark blue eyes shine down on me.

“So if I asked…” I say, eating the small distance between us, “you’d kiss me?”

“If you ask,” he whispers softly, taking a step closer to me until our chests are pressed up against each other’s, “then yes, I will kiss you.”

I lick my lips, his gaze darting straight to my tongue.

“Then kiss me.”

My order comes out barely above a whisper, yet Elias hears it just the same. He softly grazes his palm over my cheek before sliding it to the nape of my neck, while his other plants itself on the low of my back. My skin is buzzing with electricity as I lose myself in his tender gaze, needing his lips on mine more than I need air to breathe. When he leans his head down, his lips mere inches away from where I need them most, my heartbeat accelerates at rapid speed.

“Guys! Hurry! You need to see this!” Andy screams out, officially ending the spell we were both under.

“I’m going to kill that kid,” Elias groans, taking a step back.

I’ll help you.

“Come on, Roe. Let’s see what all the fuss is about this time.”

Grumbling, I follow his lead, hating that once again he got away without giving me that kiss.

However, as we rush to meet up with the rest of the group, we find ourselves stepping out of the dense forest and into a large open clearing, save for the mansion that sits at its very center surrounded by an iron gate. Every fiber of my being screams that we should have stayed hidden among the trees, where no one could see us, because now… I fear it might be too late to turn back.

The mansion stands like a decayed giant, its walls weathered and worn by centuries of neglect. Its towering facade, once grand and regal, now seems to leer down at us with a cold, lifeless gaze. The rows of dark, empty windows, like hollow eyes, peer out into the overgrown courtyard, daring us to approach. Crumbling stone arches at the base hint at hidden passageways beneath the building, as if the earth itself is trying to swallow the estate whole. Twin towers rise at either end of the structure, their spires crooked and sharp against what was once a promising sunny morning.

I swallow dryly imagining faceless figures standing in those windows, watching, waiting, lurking just beyond sight. Shadows cling to every corner of the mansion, thick and heavy, suggesting that whatever haunts this place has no intention of ever leaving. The mansion itself looks alive, as if the air it breathes into its lungs is filled with forgotten tragedies and unspeakable secrets, eager to add more to its long list of devastations.

We all stand there and gawk at the sinister sight, imagining the worst. I don’t know why I do it, but I slide my hand in Elias’s, needing some form of human connection to purge this chill that has fallen over me. Thankfully, he doesn’t push my hand away and instead holds it tighter, as if needing to keep me close to him too.

David breaks away from the pack by taking two steps closer to the monstrosity in front of us, before turning around to face us again, with an evil smirk playing on his lips.

“Looks like playtime is over, children. Now is when the real fun begins.”