Don’t Let Go

32. Aurora

32

Aurora

Mamma came home and collapsed outside on the front porch with a phone pressed to her ear.

I shook her shoulder. “We need to go to the hospital!”

“No, fiore mio. She’s gone…”

And that’s when the numbness took over.

Sometime later, the police officers showed up at our front door. A female officer explained what she believed occurred to my mamma. She said the events matter-of-factly as reporters did on the nightly news. It sounded distant as if it had happened to some other family. This couldn’t have happened to us. We were supposed to be untouchable.

“Excuse me,” the male officer said, making me come back to reality.

I stared at him. The badge on his chest said his name was Detective McMann. He probably told me that when they first arrived, but I couldn’t wrap my head around words. His blue eyes studied me, wondering if I brought this upon my baby sister. There was a pinch of gray in his chestnut brown hair and beard. Was he older or looked it because of his occupation?

“Are you with me, ma’am?” Detective McMann waved his hand in front of my face.

Tyler hugged me around the waist. “Rory, it’s okay. Shh.” He rubbed my back in large, slow circles as if that would help my racing mind process what happened.

“What was the question?” My mouth felt dry as if I’d gone without water for days.

Detective McMann tapped his pen on his notebook, impatient that I didn’t give my statement as semi-smoothly as Carmen and Tyler, minus the few times they choked on their words. As for me, my world crumbled before me. All that I knew was nothing. All that I saw was red.

“Do you or anyone in your family have any enemies?” His tone was scratchy. Maybe he was a smoker.

We belonged to the most notorious Italian mob family. There were a few names on the list.

Paolo was suspect number one in my book. Three motives already popped into my head: I knew Paolo and his cousins were getting their hands dirty with the Mexican cartel, Paolo was angry and vengeful after I broke up with him, and/or he was gunning after Tyler because of the basketball team.

“Not that I’m aware of,” I mumbled, looking down at my trembling hands. I washed off the blood, but they still felt sticky. My baby sister’s blood was poured all over me, and I couldn’t do anything to save her.

He nodded. “Your sister told me you witnessed your father’s murder a few years ago. Do you think this has anything to do with that?”

I blinked back tears; they were turning more into tears of rage than grief. “What happened to my papà was a robbery gone wrong. We were in the wrong place at the wrong time. I doubt a drive-by killing my baby sister has anything to do with that,” my voice was razor sharp.

“We want to look at every possible lead. I’m sure this is hard on you.” Detective McMann put a hand on my shoulder. He meant it as a gesture, but it felt insulting. They were wasting their time. I was going to figure out who did this and kill them myself. I didn’t care if it was or wasn’t Paolo. Someone was going to pay for Lizzy.

“I don’t know who would do this. I don’t know if they were targeting my family, if it was mistaken identity, or for kicks. All I know is my little Lizzy is gone.” My voice shook, and I hated myself for that. I wanted to remain strong. I had to for Lizzy.

The female officer returned to the living room. My brothers were on either side of my mamma, helping her sit in her rocking chair.

“If you think of anything, even the smallest of details, please call us.” Detective McMann handed me his card.

I took it, fingering it between my pointer and thumb. “Okay,” I managed to reply.

The officers left, and the house remained still. I felt like this family was cursed. That I was cursed. I wasn’t going to tailspin like this and allow another loved one to die without being avenged.

I stood up, wiping away the last of my tears. “We need to figure out who did this.”

Franco glared at me as he massaged Mamma’s shoulders, trying to get her to relax a little. “Not now. There’s a time for sorrow and a time for punishment.”

How could he say that? How could we all sit around crying when we could act? How was I the only one more pissed than sad?

I grabbed handfuls of my hair, pulling until my scalp ached. “I don’t have time for sadness. All I want is blood for blood. An eye for an eye. A life for a life.”

My family was broken. Carmen sat at our mamma's feet, leaning her head on Mamma’s leg. Franco gave me an evil glare as he stood behind Mamma, acting as if he were the man of the house. Lorenzo gave me a puzzled look as he sat on the loveseat with his hands glued to his knees. How could they not want to rise at this moment for vengeance? Why was I the only sane one? I couldn’t sit around and cry over Lizzy and reminisce about her short life. Not again. Not after we did something similar to Papà and then he was slowly packed away. Safely stored in the back of our minds and our hearts, but all traces of him around the house had been erased. There weren’t even photos of him up anymore.

No. I wanted action for my baby sister’s life. I wanted the bastard in the ground for hurting Lizzy. My heart longed for payback. My soul craved the fear in his eyes as I snuffed out his life.

“Aurora Silvana, we don’t talk like that around here.” Mamma’s eyes darted to Tyler. The innocent boy who still didn’t know we had so many criminal ties it would make his head spin.

“I can’t,” I said, backing away. If I remained there, I’d unravel. My family would pull the loose thread, and that would be my undoing.

Tyler followed me upstairs. He grabbed my arm before I slammed my door in his face. “Rory, I don’t understand what you’re going through. I can’t imagine. Please don’t shut me out.”

I stood tall. All my emotions needed to wither away. I needed my sorrow to be put into a little box and hidden deep inside my mind. My bleeding heart needed to cease in its agony. “I need to be alone.”

His hand slid down my arm and held my hand, squeezing it gingerly. “I’m scared, too,” he whispered.

I pulled my hand away. “I’m not scared. I’m pissed off.” I slammed the door in his face and slid down onto the carpet.

I’m not going to break. I’m not going to break. I’m not going to break.

My life is nothing but lies. Hence why it’s so easy to lie to everyone, claiming I’d catch up at the funeral. Mamma was already at the church since this morning making sure everything was perfect. I think she needed to keep her hands and mind busy.

I opened my closet and grabbed the black dress I wore to my papà’s funeral. It had a lacy top and a cute little skirt that touched the tops of my knees. I sat on the floor to dig in the back for my black flats and came across a box decked out with fake stamps of European countries all over it. I wanted it to be my treasure box once I traveled the world and put my favorite things inside for safekeeping. Instead, I put my papà’s 9mm Glock 19 inside with a pink scarf to keep the gun from banging around when the box moved. It had a clip loaded with the safety on and two backup clips. My papà enjoyed collecting weapons, mostly knives, but Mamma wanted to get rid of them. She claimed they would only bring trouble, and she didn’t want to expose Lizzy to any unneeded violence.

I picked up my gun. When I first held it about seven years ago, it was heavy. I didn’t know how anyone could make a perfect shot with a metal monster in their hand. That was until my papà taught me how to shoot while we hung out on our weekend road trips.

The cool metal bit into my skin. I examined the gun and decided I wanted to hide it in my car in case anything panned out about Lizzy’s death. I hiked up my skirt and placed the gun in the waistband of my black leggings. The last thing I wanted was for the neighbors to see me carrying heat around.

I found my flats and grabbed my purse, finally ready to leave. My brothers had a family friend repair my car and scrub out the blood stains from the interior. But in the center console was Lizzy’s phone. Tears pricked my eyes as I grabbed the phone, hugging it to my chest. I started the car and selected her princess playlist, leaving the volume on low. I closed my eyes and imagined Lizzy in the back seat, as happy as ever, singing along.

It hurt too much. My hand shot forward, clicking it off as if by instinct. My heart splintered and stabbed at my other organs. I wiggled the gun out of my leggings and hid it in the glovebox. As for today, I was a grieving sister, but later, who knew what I’d be capable of? I backed out of the driveway, listening to the voices in my head argue as I drove to the church.

Lizzy’s funeral was heartbreakingly beautiful. The pews were filled with friends and family from all around the state and country. Mamma leaned on Carmen for support. It was strange seeing my mamma, the pillar of strength, shattered into numerous jagged little pieces. I remembered my papà’s funeral. She cried as the pastor spoke of his praises, but once everything was over and done with, she swept her emotions under the rug. She told me, “Life must go on, I’m afraid. Your papà would want us to remember the good times and continue with our lives. I live on for him and you kids.” Then his pictures began to vanish off the walls a few months later until all that remained was the one in the living room, hidden away from sight.

While everyone bowed their heads in prayer as the pastor spoke, I looked around the room. The sun shined through the stained glass of Jesus, making a rainbow filter down and touch Lizzy’s little pink coffin. The entire stage was engulfed in white lilies, her favorite. All around me were bowed heads, a sea of so many different hairstyles and colors. In the last row of the church was where Paolo and his cousins, Vincenzo and Marcos, sat with their backs straight, looking forward at the sea of grieving people. Their expressions were cold as if they were playing a poker game. Paolo’s eyes slid over and met my gaze. I stared him down. He smirked and hit Vincenzo with his shoulder. The bastard had the nerve to wave.

I turned around, bowing my head and digging my nails deep into my palms. I’d be surprised if my crescent moon wounds didn’t bleed.

Ty sat next to me. He laid his hand on my thigh as if showing he was there for me. He had no idea what I was going through. He couldn’t. He was too green. He didn’t know what it took to take someone down and make them disappear out of existence.

My brothers went up on stage next to share a few words and stories about Lizzy. I couldn’t bear to go up there myself. I’d choke on my tongue, and I couldn’t look weak. Not when I was planning someone’s demise.

For the rest of the funeral, I went through the motions. Standing and singing when we were supposed to, staying behind to shake everyone’s hand with the rest of my family. Swallowing snarking comments as everyone told me how sorry they were and how sweet and precious little Lizzy was. As if they understood what we lost. What I lost. The light in me was snuffed out, and my purpose was gone. I was supposed to protect Lizzy, lay down my life for hers, and I failed.

If I was going to be cast into the darkness, then I wasn’t heading there alone. Whoever took my sister was going down this hell of a rabbit hole with me.

As the church emptied and everyone moved on to the wake to get some food and talk, I spotted Chloe motioning for me to join her by the side exit.

“I’m going to take a moment. I’ll see you there,” I told Mamma, kissing her cheek. She nodded and followed Carmen’s lead outside.

I felt the eyes of both my brothers dig into my back as I met up with Chloe. One look behind me and they left, probably thinking being with my best friend wasn’t anything to be suspicious of.

“Are you okay to be by yourself? I could come over.” Chloe whispered as she hugged me.

“I’m fine. Don’t worry.” I glanced behind me. The church was mostly empty; the only people left were the choir packing their stands and songbooks.

She sighed as she reached out and grabbed my arm. “I am worried about you. I don’t want you to do anything you might regret.”

My nails sank into her wrist. “I can take care of myself,” I said through clenched teeth.

She let me go and took a step back. “You’re becoming someone I don’t recognize.”

“Maybe this was who I was meant to be,” I replied, rolling my shoulders back.

I walked outside and slid on my sunglasses. As I opened the driver’s side door, Tyler ran up to join me. “Rory, wait!”

“What are you doing here? I thought you left with my family.” I adjusted my sunglasses, thankful Ty couldn’t look me in the eye.

“It was a tight fit, so I said I’d ride with you. Hope that’s okay.” He toed at a rock in the parking lot.

He threw a wrench in my plan. I wanted to ditch and say I was sick. I needed to get the ball rolling on seeking my revenge.

“Fine. Get in.” I sank into my seat and started the car.

The radio station we listened to went on a commercial break and Tyler turned the volume down instead of finding another station playing music.

“Beautiful funeral,” he said awkwardly.

“It was. I don’t want to talk about it. I’ve been to many funerals, but that was...” I lost my train of thought. That was the worst one. The most painful one.

He brushed his hair back. The smell of his spicy cologne once made butterflies dance in my stomach, but now it gave me a headache. “Talking is a bad idea. I get it. I had to attend two funerals for my old man.”

At a red light, I gathered my hair and sat it on my right shoulder, trying to create a barrier so I couldn’t see Tyler from the corner of my eye.

Tyler wrung his hands in his lap. “Deep in earth my love is lying. And I must weep alone.”

I tilted my head, confused. “Why are you quoting Edgar Allan Poe?”

He released a deep breath and said, “You said a random quote to me when we first met at my dad’s funeral.”

That felt like a lifetime ago.

“Oh…” I was lost for words.

“Do you have a napkin? This mint is like fire.” Tyler opened the glovebox before I could tell him not to.

In full display was my papà’s 9mm Glock 19 that I had stashed away earlier.

I should’ve covered it up in case my glovebox popped open. Rookie mistake.

“Why do you have a gun?” His voice shook as fear crept into his eyes.

I reached over and shut the glovebox. “A girl needs to protect herself.”

He rubbed his hands back and forth on his pants. “Aurora, I don’t think—”

“I didn’t ask for your opinion,” I shot, gripping the steering wheel tighter.

Tyler stared at me agape as I pulled over, parking along the street. The wake was at a good family friend’s house. We got out of the car, and I walked past Tyler. I didn’t have time for his questions. I’d make my appearances and then resume my mission for retribution.