Don’t Let Go

34. Aurora

34

Aurora

Chloe wouldn’t leave my side, turning me into a prisoner trapped inside her loft as we binge-watched 90s romcoms. My stomach had enough sticky candy, buttery popcorn, and bubbly soda for a lifetime. It probably didn’t help I haven’t eaten real food since Lizzy died.

It still didn’t seem real. When I left school earlier, I drove by her elementary school to pick her up. Seeing her friends’ faces as they shuffled to their mothers’ cars reminded me I had no one to pick up anymore.

My finger and thumb pressed into my eyes, just enough pressure to make my eyes burn in their sockets.

Chloe slapped my arm. “Stop it. You’re going to injure your damn eyes. They are too pretty to be replaced by glass or an eye patch.”

A sigh slipped past my lips as I sat the giant pink bowl of popcorn that was lying on my lap on the coffee table in front of me. “When can I go home? This is the third movie you’ve made me watch.”

Chloe tsked, rubbing the butter and salt on her fingers onto her Eeyore pajama bottoms. “Don’t tell me you don’t love the classics. You’ve always loved Dirty Dancing , Sleepless in Seattle , and Pretty Woman . Don’t deny the power these movies have on your well-being. They help heal.”

I pulled on the ends of my hair until it hurt at the roots. “I do love those movies, and having you glued by my side has been… charming, to say the least.” I gave her a grimace. “But I need to go home.”

Chloe hit the back button on the remote, killing the credits and returning to the movie’s page on the streaming platform. “Nope. I think you should stay here a little longer. I think a change of scenery is good for you.”

This hostage situation grew tiresome. She thought I'd do something stupid, but I wanted to get all my ducks into a row before popping someone. Before killing someone, you need to make sure they have the appropriate target on their back and never kill the innocent.

“I appreciate that, but it’s the middle of the week. I want to sleep in my bed and not on your couch.”

Chloe frowned, biting her bottom lip as she thought of her next excuse. I got to my feet before she found another movie to put on and got me sucked back into the couch for another two hours. “I’m going to be okay. I will go home and stay home. You don’t need to worry. You’re not my mom.”

Chloe’s face fell—I struck a nerve. Her mouth twitched, but she didn’t say anything. Instead, she flipped through the movies and landed on something. “You wanna watch Twister and then go home?” she asked, hope clung to her words.

That girl knew I loved that damn movie with all its action and slow-burn romance. I stretched my back, making it pop, and sat back down. “Fine. One last movie, and then I’m going home. You know I’m a sucker for Helen Hunt and Bill Paxton.”

She clicked on the film, and it started. “I’m going to get some more soda. You want anything?”

“Just a bottle of water, please. I’m probably going to break out with all this sugar.”

Chloe’s mouth squished to the side. “I know. I wish having a good reason for eating a ton of sugar gave you a pass.”

Chloe returned with my water bottle and a cup full of clear, bubbly soda. She took a sip and placed it on the coffee table and grabbed the popcorn bowl.

“You ready to survive the storm?” she joked, wiggling her eyebrows.

God, she was weird, but I loved her. She always meant well.

“Yes.”

I leaned my head on my best friend’s shoulder. She munched on popcorn and threw a handful of popcorn at the TV as the tornado took Jo’s beloved father. I knew that gut-wrenching feeling myself.

“Tornados are amazing and so damn scary,” Chloe said, shoving more popcorn into her mouth.

I sat up, settling into the comfy seat and pulling a throw blanket over my legs. Her chewing gave me a headache. “You need to calm down, or you’ll choke.”

She ignored my comment and continued her little rant. “One day, you’re living a normal life, and then dark clouds roll in with rain and thunder, and a sinister funnel of wind comes down and steals everything you know and love.”

Chloe took the remote from me, pausing the movie. “Do you wanna talk about the twister that ripped apart your life?”

Talk about a head spin.

My throat ached at all the unshed tears I kept locked inside. There was a time for grief and a time for action, my brother had said. That didn’t have to apply to the same person. My family could grieve for Lizzy, and I would avenge her death.

“Not tonight. Not yet. I want to watch this and forget about reality for a bit. Okay?”

Chloe wrapped an arm around my shoulders. “Okay.”

She snaked her arm back so she could resume eating all the popcorn.

I looked over at my friend. She mouthed along with the dialogue; we both knew the film by heart. Part of me wished I could give in to my sorrow and allow my family or Chloe or even Tyler to hold me together, but I couldn’t put that kind of pain and pressure on them. Everyone had their baggage to carry. Some people had heavier bags than others.

Tonight, I’d rest and watch movies and go home to sleep like a normal teen girl. Tomorrow I’ll plot my revenge, dotting all the I’s and crossing all the T’s. If that meant I sold my soul to the devil, then so be it. At least my baby sister’s spirit would be at ease. At least I would have some peace of mind.

Everyone was asleep when I arrived home, so I crept up the stairs and locked myself in my bedroom. I changed into my pajamas but didn’t feel like sleeping. Every time I closed my eyes, all I saw was Lizzy. Her smiling, singing along with her Disney princess songs, laughing at a silly joke, happily eating something I made her, and seeing her short life fade away in my arms.

I sat on my bed, pointing and then relaxing my toes. My room was dark and quiet, the only noise coming from my ceiling fan, occasionally making a ticking sound as it moved. I wanted some fresh air and to look up at the empty inky sky. Tyler was probably still out at that party or asleep because his room seemed quiet.

A couple of days ago, Carmen boxed all of Lizzy’s things up and put them in the garage while I was gone. She said she couldn’t sleep in that room with all of Lizzy’s things waiting for her to come back. I understood why she did it, but to see all my baby sister’s belongings in boxes was heartbreaking. It made it all the more real that she wasn’t coming home.

No one wanted to donate Lizzy’s things, so for now, they’d stay in the garage. When summer came, the heat would slowly eat and destroy everything she loved. Last night I dug around in the boxes to grab a few things to keep for myself. To remind me of what I was fighting for. To remember why I was allowing myself to fall so far down and do things I swore I’d never do.

I saved a coloring book Lizzy and I spent days coloring away at and writing notes on the sides saying who it was by and who we colored it for. We always gave them to each other but never ripped them out. I also saved her homemade photo album of her favorite memories, her phone, and her well-loved stuffed bunny.

When I wanted to hug Lizzy, I’d hug her bunny. I was worried the bunny would be ruined by the end of the year because of how much I needed to hold and touch the poor thing.

I grabbed the bunny by its paw and padded over to my window, moving the curtains aside and opening the window. The breeze was gentle and felt good on my warm face. I sat on the window ledge, holding the stuffed bunny on my lap.

“If only it was me instead of you, Lizzy,” I said softly to the bunny. Fat hot drops spilled over the rims of my eyes and fell onto my hands and the bunny.

My tongue licked away my salty hears from my dry lips. “I don’t know who I am anymore.” Every day I was trapped in quicksand, and no matter how hard I fought, my body sank in deeper.

My fingers ran along the bunny’s soft left ear. There were bendable wires in its ears. Lizzy always loved to bend one ear a little at the tip. She said it was cuter that way.

The window next to mine opened in a single whoosh, scaring the crap out of me. I almost dropped the bunny on the ground below.

Tyler popped his head out. “Mind if I join you?” He was already straddling the window as he asked the question.

“I was fine alone,” I said bitterly, looking at the dark sky and tracing the big dipper with my eyes.

He sucked his teeth as he sat on the little window ledge. I ignored him, but I could feel his eyes watching me.

I looked over at him and spotted shiny golden flakes in his hair. “Did you get into a fight with confetti?”

His eyebrows pushed together in confusion. “What?”

I motioned toward his hair. “You have a new style goin’ on. Is that intentional?”

Ty ran a hand through his gorgeous locks and found a handful of golden confetti. “There was this pi?ata full of glitter and shit. It broke open when I was cruising by to leave.” He blew the confetti in my direction. I swatted at it like they were insects.

“Looks like I missed one hell of a party.” I stared at the red nail polish stain on Lizzy’s bunny. I remembered when I polished her nails last year, and the first thing she did was grab this bunny, smudging the color. She was so upset.

Ty readjusted himself so his feet hung over the window ledge. “Nah. You go to one party; you’ve been to them all.”

“You’re a hero around here now. You defeated your old team. Slew your demons. Conquered your fears. How do you feel?”

He surprised me by asking, “Do you want the truth, or are you more comfortable with a lie?”

I concentrated on my left foot as I pointed, then rolled it around in circles until my ankle popped. “It’s going to be like that now?”

Ty lifted a shoulder and dropped it. “Up to you. Are you ever going to explain why you have a gun in your glovebox?”

I picked at the nail polish on the bunny, making a low clicking sound as my nail went over the hardened paint. “Are you going to tell me what Chloe said while I was in the restroom after the game?”

“She wanted me to talk some sense into you.” He laughed, but it had a bitter edge. “She said you won’t listen, and for some weird reason, she thinks you’ll listen to me.”

I tried to laugh, but it came out hoarse and twisted. “Chloe is looking out for me. I’m not stupid. I’m not going to shove a gun in someone’s face and demand answers. I know she thinks I’ll do something wild like that.”

Ty motioned to the bunny. “Do you think Lizzy would want this?”

Tyler was lucky I didn’t have the gun on me because I felt the urge to pistol-whip him across the face. My grasp on the bunny’s neck made his head tilt to the side. I tossed the poor thing onto my window seat before my anger could cause it any more harm. “Does it matter anymore? What’s done is done.”

“You can’t mean that,” he said so softly that his voice felt like a caress on my skin. I knew Tyler cared about me. At one time, I wondered what it would’ve been like to kiss him again, but I couldn’t afford to think like that anymore.

“My papà and I were like this,” I raised my hand, crossing my forefinger and middle finger together. “We were two peas in a pod. That’s what my mamma used to say.”

Ty nodded, showing he was listening.

I let out a deep breath and stared up at the stars again. “He took me camping, fishing, and hunting. He taught me how to shoot. My brothers were over hanging out with him. They wanted to be with their friends, but I was always up for an adventure. Carmen hates the woods, and Lizzy was too little, so it was always the two of us.”

“You two were close. Best friends,” he said quietly.

“Yes. We were.” I squeezed my eyes closed to keep myself together. “That gun you saw, that was the gun I learned to shoot with. I didn’t like the shotgun much, but that handgun and I got along well.” I paused for a moment, biting my inside cheek. “When he died, Mamma wanted to move all the guns into a more secure place. She hid them in the towel closet behind a false wall. She claimed it was for Lizzy, but I think she didn’t like seeing the gun cabinet in her bedroom, knowing a gun is what took my papà’s life.”

I let out a shaky breath. “Anyway, so I grabbed my handgun and some extra clips before the guns were moved. You never know when you might need one. It lived in a box in my closet, tucked away for years. When Lizzy… when we had her funeral, and I had to dig my black dress out again, I found the box. The gun felt good in my hand. I took it with me, put it in the glovebox, and drove to say my final goodbyes.”

He was quiet, mulling over my words.

The silence between us felt heavy like a lead jacket was laid upon my shoulders. I faked a yawn and shifted my weight. “It’s late. I should get to bed,” I lied.

For some reason, when Tyler and I sat on that window ledge alone in the darkness, I felt safe, like I could tell him all my secrets, and he’d understand. How could he? We were from two different worlds.

“No. Don’t go,” he said barely above a whisper.

I slipped into my room. “I have to.”

In one smooth movement, Tyler stood and grabbed my window sill, leaping onto my ledge. He stepped into my room. We were chest to chest in a matter of seconds, and all I could do was look up at him through my lashes.

“What are you doing?” I wasn’t sure if I said the words out loud.

Tyler’s hands cupped my face. “You can’t sleep, can you?”

My skin felt warm under his touch. I felt alive. “No. Every time I close my eyes I—”

Tyler hugged me close like he was trying to mend my broken heart with the force of his arms.

“It’s okay to be sad. I can stay if you want me to. I can be the strong one for once.”

I sniffed, inhaling his heavenly scent. “It’s hard always being strong,” I said as my voice broke.

Tyler took my hand and led me over to my bed. I sat down and moved over. He laid on top of my blanket and allowed me to curl up against his chest as his arm wrapped around me.

“I’ll stay awake so you can sleep,” he said softly, his voice like velvet.

I placed my hand on his chest, and his heart pounded underneath my touch. “You can sleep too if you want. I don’t want to be alone right now. My thoughts take me to some scary places.”

“I’ll stay here all night and protect you.” His arm tightened around my waist, making me feel at peace for the first time since I lost Lizzy.

“Please don’t let go,” I whispered, drifting off to sleep.

“Never,” he whispered back.