Dopplebanger (Meet-Cute #5)

Chapter 17

SEVENTEEN

Holy shit, I was screwing this all up. Everything I wanted to say had all these strings attached, and if I could follow through on those strings, I’d be all for attaching them.

That thought hit me like a sucker punch. Hadn’t I decided that I didn’t have time for a relationship right now?

Figures that I’d find a girl I’d want to take a risk on in the one place I couldn’t go. At her mention of her charismatic friend who talked her into crazy things, my mind went right to my brother. Although I didn’t miss cleaning up his messes and the trouble I’d ended up in because of him, now and then I missed our misadventures. I’d told myself that I had to grow up, and I had, but sometimes it felt like I’d forgotten to let go.

To have fun.

Until I landed here on this road trip with Gwen, who’d reminded me how amazing it could be to let loose a little and live in the now. Which was why I was glad Evan wasn’t here for this mess of an adventure. It meant I got to be the one with Gwen’s feet in my lap, with her opening up to me, which caused more of that gut-wrenching confliction.

Living in the now, remember? Not like it was much of a choice. Once again, leaving her without a reliable ride— preferably one she didn’t want to murder and leave in the woods—wasn’t an option, and after everything she’d told me, I refused to do anything that’d cause her to have to go to tomorrow’s wedding alone, either. It’d be selfish to confess to relieve my guilt only to leave her without someone to lean on.

Or maybe that was yet another justification, one that’d later be piled to my list of crimes.

“Is it weird that taking on the world sounds easier than forgiveness?” she asked, and it took my mind a second to recall what we’d been talking about before my inner monologue decided to present closing arguments.

“You don’t have to forgive everyone by tomorrow.”

“It’d make things a lot easier.”

“Maybe. But forgiveness is easier said than done. That said, I also think we could all use some forgiveness once in a while.” It was such a lawyer thing to do, setting up a defense in advance, just in case. My dad would be proud. Under different circumstances, I might be.

“True. And I know that my sense of fair and right has often made me come across as a wee bit judgy.”

“Justice is important—it’s something I’m a big advocate of.”

“You are?”

“Why do you sound so surprised?” Duh, because Evan didn’t care about the law like I did, but I decided that standing in for my brother didn’t mean I couldn’t be more honest with her about who I was. With any luck, it’d help me deal with the guilt. “I do work at a law office, after all.” Or I would soon, and I had before, and now my definition of honesty was tiptoeing toward a gray area.

This is trickier than I thought.

“Yeah, but I thought you just filed and stuff like that. I had no idea you cared about the cases you were doing paperwork for.”

“Admittedly, I’d like to move beyond filing. I’m going to get more serious about it, too.”

“If you’re passionate about it, I think that’s a good idea.”

“I am.” I was also about to nerd out, but I couldn’t help myself, and more than that, I wanted to tell Gwen. To go a bit deeper and talk to her the way she’d talked to me when she’d admitted the stuff about her past and her friends. “Some people like law because they say it’s always the same. A set of rigid rules. But that’s not necessarily justice. Justice means being impartial or fair, and it can change depending on the circumstances. It wouldn’t be fair to simply punish all people the same way without looking at what led them to their crimes. Every person has different problems going on in their lives, and I like to help them solve their problems, or at least try to help find a way back from them.”

Funny, because in some ways, cleaning up my twin brother’s messes had meant a lot of problem solving. Maybe growing up with him was simply great hands-on training. “There’s also a dignity about the courtroom and the privilege of representing others, along with the challenge to do it fairly and effectively. The other thing that I love about the law is that it protects those who need protecting. Children. The neglected, the abused, and the at-risk are given a voice.”

“Hearing you talk about it that way, I’m surprised you’re not looking to become a lawyer yourself.”

“Well…” I glanced at her. “That’s actually the goal.”

“Not to sound judgy—the way I admitted I sometimes can—and I mean this in the nicest and most supportive way possible, but you might want to get started if that’s what you really want.”

I laughed. “Don’t worry, I realize I’m not getting any younger.”

Her hold on her knees loosened and she reached across the console and placed her hand on my forearm. “You know that’s not what I was saying. I guess I just want you to know that I believe in you. That if you want to be a lawyer, I believe you’ll not only be one, you’ll be an amazing one.”

Even though I’d already been through law school and passed the Bar, hearing her say that sent an unfamiliar sensation through my chest, one that was squishy and strange, yet oddly comforting. “Thank you. What about you? Are you happy at your job? You said you kind of fell into it.”

“I did, and while it’s not what I first pictured when I was getting my accounting degree, I love my job. I get to see a ton of cute animals and occasionally play with them, and I work with amazing people. There’s also new challenges that arise every day, which appeals to my squirrel nature.”

She grabbed a packet of M&Ms, tore open the top, and tossed a couple in her mouth. “Okay, one more question, and I want you to be completely honest…”

Tension crept across the line of my shoulders, but I promised myself I would tell the truth, even if I outed myself.

“You’re afraid to let me drive, aren’t you? Afraid I’ll scratch your precious car?”

“No.” A tiny part of me enjoyed the idea of her putting a scratch on it—it’d serve Evan right for not appreciating what he had. But the literal thought of a mark on such a beautiful, pristine car made my lungs seize up.

“O-M-G! You’re practically hyperventilating at the thought! I’ll have you know, I’m a really good driver—that flat tire wasn’t my fault.”

“But I like driving. I like being able to push faster on the open road, and more than that, I like having you as copilot. You’re good with the snacks…”

She tossed an M&M at me, and when I caught it in my mouth, she clapped like I was a circus monkey. “You can keep going with the compliments. I pick the best music…”

“Hell, no.”

“Ah!” She tossed an M&M at me, hard and without an arch, and I brought up my shoulder just in time to block it from pelting me in the face. “Oops, sorry,” she said with a laugh.

“That’d be more convincing if you weren’t laughing. Now you don’t get to hear the rest of what I was going to say.”

“Oh, come on. I’ll even get the M&M before it melts.” She shifted, pushing onto her knees and then leaning over the console and fishing around on the floor at my feet.

Let the record show that I, Ethan Haynes, resisted making a “while you’re down there” joke. Barely, but it still counts.

Gwen popped back up, so quickly that if I hadn’t jerked back, the top of her head would’ve smacked my jaw.

“Woman, you’re going to wreck us.”

Her lips stuck out in a pout and she crossed her arms, which only emphasized her cleavage. “That was the worst copilot compliment ever. I’m about to throw more M&Ms at you, and if you think I’m going to retrieve them now, you’d better think again.”

Since I wanted to get my mouth on those alluring lips—and the cleavage to be totally honest—I said, “I was going to say, you also have the best sense of humor about everything, and…”

She leaned closer, her sweet scent invading my senses. The exit that’d take us toward D.C. was coming up, and if I didn’t pay attention, I’d miss it. Of course right now, I was thinking a detour would be a great idea, which was why I should stay the course. Also why I shouldn’t say what I was tempted to. “And…?”

“And I like the feel of driving a fast car and having my girl by my side.” Yeah, my self-control clearly sucked.

The smile she flashed me gave me more wicked ideas and had me clenching the steering wheel tighter, fighting my inner Jekyll. Or was it Hyde? Whichever was the inner villain—that was the one who was winning. “Are you saying I’m your ride or die chick?”

I chuckled, then locked my eyes on to hers. “Call it whatever you want, as long as I get to call you mine.”

“If you keep talking like that, tonight’s going to end much better than last night.” Her voice dripped with innuendo, and my cock swelled, testing the confines of my zipper.

As torturous as it was, I’d liked last night. And while I would definitely like what she was suggesting, it didn’t change the fact that I couldn’t go there.

Regardless of the way my mind flooded with a sexy image reel of exactly how I’d like it to go down. Claiming her mouth with mine. Peeling off her clothes one at a time. Kissing my way down her body.

Holy shit I was in trouble. In the matter of minutes I’d gone from worrying I was accidentally screwing it all up to wondering if it wouldn’t be better for all parties involved if I fucked things up on purpose.

Before I went and did something neither one of us would ever forgive me for.