Dopplebanger (Meet-Cute #5)

Chapter 26

TWENTY-SIX

That was… amazing and horrible and I was a bad person, and if I let go of Gwen, I might never get to hold her again. Everything had spun out of control so quickly. I shouldn’t have drunk as much as I had. My restraint around Gwen was never as strong as it should be, and between the drinking and frenzied desire…

My mind replayed the last few minutes in erotic bursts. Touching her, removing her bra; tasting her skin. Removing her panties; tasting her. The sounds she’d made; how she’d shuddered under my ministrations. The way she looked down at me with hooded eyes as I looked up at her and admired every inch of her amazing body.

She was perfect and she was going to hate me, and I fucking deserved it.

God, it about killed me when she’d called my brother’s name as she’d come undone. It was the one thing I’d really wanted to avoid, and a pit formed in my chest. But by the time I’d managed to breach the surface of the lust-haze I’d been drowning in and remember that I couldn’t sleep with her, she’d told me she needed me not to stop.

I’d assured her I’d give her whatever she needed.

I’d also already embraced that I was going to hell for this. Figured I might as well ensure she had a killer orgasm before I wished her goodbye on my fiery decent.

The way she’d tasted and felt as her slick walls clamped down on my fingers was going to haunt me for the rest of my life, a torturous memory that I’d recall anyway because it was also one of the best moments of my life.

When had my life gotten so fucking complicated?

Gwen moved her lips to my jaw, bringing me back to the here and now. Reminding me that it was when this hurricane of a girl had blustered into my life and obliterated everything else I’d always thought I wanted.

I had one more hard line I couldn’t cross, and it didn’t matter what I wanted. Not till she knew who I was. Not till she’d call the right name while I was deep inside of her.

She reached for the button of my slacks, and if I didn’t stop her fingers from following through with their plan, that line would get too fuzzy. I wrapped my fingers around her wrist and her gaze lifted to mine. Her eyes were still slightly hooded, a sated look on her face, and… yeah, I was going to have blue balls for the rest of my life.

“I was promised skinny dipping,” I said. “Get your ass in that pool.”

“But—”

“We didn’t ignore hazard signs and break all kinds of trespassing laws to come this far without seeing if the water’s as amazing as everyone claimed. Get started and I’ll be right there.” I was delaying the inevitable, but not for totally selfish reasons. For one, she’d broke in to try the pool, and I wanted her regrets about tonight to be limited. Two, it was nearly impossible not to feel vulnerable while you were naked and exposed, especially if the other person had clothes on—I needed to level the playing field. And three, there wasn’t a cold shower around, so I’d have to hope the pool was icy enough to take the edge off the raging inferno burning inside of me and doing its best to incinerate every thought that didn’t involve burying myself between her thighs.

She stood, exposing that perfect body to me, and clearly I hadn’t thought through my plan very well. With the sun down, only the light of the moon and a few overhead lights, you’d think the effect of her naked form would be muted, but all it did was highlight every place I wanted to touch and lick and…

I blew out a harsh exhale. The light splash made it clear she’d jumped in.

Okay, so leveling the playing field while also staying as far down the field from her as possible. Sure. Like that’d help. Part of me thought I should run. Just climb the fence and high-tail it out of here until I could get a better grip on the restraint I’d momentarily lost so I wouldn’t go losing it again.

But unlike my brother, I didn’t flee to leave someone else to clean up the mess. I shucked my pants and then dived into the pool, hoping the mineral water would also be powerful enough to give me the strength I needed to tell her what I had to.

I didn’t want to ruin the night. Didn’t want to make her feel used. I debated the right way to come clean, but I’d surpassed what was right long ago. With the alcohol wearing off, I only felt shittier.

Then I worried about how buzzed she still was, and there were rules about alcohol and swimming. I spun around, searching for her in the inky black. The surface of the water rippled and then she bobbed up and slicked her hair off her face. “Ahhh.” She flashed me a smile. “The pool’s even better than I imagined, especially since we don’t have to share it with anyone else.”

She swam closer and I automatically backed up, leaving a few feet between us. Her gaze dipped down and she tilted her head. “Um, that’s cheating. I’m naked and you’re still wearing your boxers.”

Don’t think about the fact that she’s naked, I chanted over and over again, like it was even an option, and all the silent chanting did was make the word “naked” run through my mind on an obsessive loop. At least the water did a better job subduing her form than the darkness, only now that’d I’d seen every inch of her it was burned into my memory. Not that I was complaining. I’d be holding onto that image forever, whether I deserved it or not, and I knew I didn’t.

She drifted closer and ran her hands up my arms, her body bumping into mine. Nope, this water wasn’t nearly cold enough. Thus the extra barrier of my boxers, not that they were doing much to quell my reaction to her being all wet and slippery and fuck, the pool was a bad idea.

I wrapped my hands around her wrists before she locked her fingers behind my neck and brought herself flush against me in that move that made me forget my name—and that’d been when we were fully dressed. “Gwen…” Her name ripped from my ragged throat, more of a plea than anything, I just wasn’t sure what to beg for first.

The skin between her eyebrows crinkled. “Uh-oh. You’ve got your serious thinking face on again.” She moved her hand to the side of my face. “Look, I know I’ve been a bit more uninhibited than usual tonight, and I worry that you’re drawing all the wrong conclusions as to why. Do you know why I feel like I can let loose like this tonight?”

“Massive amounts of alcohol?” I automatically muttered, and she giggled.

“No, it’s being with you. I’ve never been able to open up to anyone like this before—especially not after what happened with my last relationship—but it’s like you get me in this way no one else does. And not to use a word that’s been overly used tonight, but over these past few days we’ve had this amazing connection… It was just like, boom, there, sorta out of nowhere, you know?” Her thumb brushed across my cheek. “Please tell me you know.”

I dumbly nodded, warring with myself, because she’d made it clear that the past few days were different. That it was me, not my brother. Now how did I go about telling her that without destroying that connection? “I feel it, too,” I said, another shovel-full of dirt out of my grave and in a mound to the side, where it could later be used to bury me. I opened my mouth, but due to all her speed-talking practice, she was faster.

“It’s just… being accepted for who I truly am and knowing you have my back no matter what, and that you care about me and I can trust you… it makes me free. Makes me feel like I can actually take on the world like you said I could.”

The words were so fucking nice, yet it brought up sobering thoughts I’d rather keep repressing. “I have no doubt that you can do whatever you set your mind to. You’re crazy smart, as well as beautiful and funny and kind, and no matter what happens, this will be one of the best nights of my life—this whole trip was nothing short of amazing. I need you to remember that.”

Confusion flickered across her pretty features. “Why does it feel like you’re pulling away again? You’ve been dropping hints about sex for weeks. Like not even dropping. And I quote ‘just say the word and we can take this to the next level.’ I thought I’d made it pretty clear I want to go all in, and hello, I already had an orgasm.” A rough, lustful edge entered her voice. “Like a really amazing orgasm. But in case you need it spelled out for you, I’m saying the word.”

Did that usually work for Evan? Yo, say the word and we’ll have sex.

And now I was thinking of her kissing my brother. Of his hands on her. Jealousy roiled, growing toxic in my gut, and I wanted to take this part of her that my brother hadn’t. Not because he hadn’t, but because unlike him, I cared about Gwen in much more-than-a-friends way, and it felt like she was slipping through my fingers. Honestly, I’d grasp at any way to keep her in my arms a little while longer.

I wanted her because I’d wanted her the second I’d laid eyes on her and now that I knew her better, I wanted her more than anything I’d ever wanted before.

But because of that—because I held out foolish hope at a chance for all that—I couldn’t have sex with her right now. All I could do was come clean and pray that after I told her the truth, start to finish, that she wouldn’t hate me forever.

I cleared my thought, although it didn’t seem to clear. “You have no idea how badly I want to delay this conversation and give you exactly what you want.” My eyes met hers and a band formed around my chest, squeezing tighter and tighter, even as I tried to suck more air into my lungs. “The truth is, I’m falling hard for you, Guinevere Cosgrave, and because of that… I’m trying not to be a total asshole here.” Even if I was a bit late for that.

Her arms dropped, and I hated the absence of her touch, even as it made it slightly easier to focus on what I needed to say.

The words lodged in my throat, trying to refuse to come out, so I had to force them past my lips. “There are things you don’t know about me, and if after I lay it all out you still want me, I promise there will be nothing that’ll stop me from carrying you to the nearest surface and showing you exactly how eager I am to go all in.”

She blinked at me, her confusion growing by the second. I told myself to just rip off the Band-Aid, but my thoughts were crashing into each other, everything I needed to say getting jumbled up on the tip of my tongue.

There were probably a hundred better ways to do this—not while skinny dipping and not after such an amazing night—but I’d put it off too long and it wasn’t like there were rules for this kind of thing.

“I haven’t told you everything about my family.”

Relief flickered through her expression, making it clear she had no idea how bad the truth was going to be.

“You see, I have this brother?—”

A loud scraping noise broke through the quiet, followed by a gruff voice. “Is somewhere out here? No one’s supposed to be out here.”

Gwen’s eyes flew wide, and we scrambled for the side of the pool as quietly as we possibly could. We yanked clothes over our heads, the fabric not cooperating with our wet skin.

“This area’s off limits! If someone’s out here, I suggest that you show yourselves now, before it gets worse for you.” The beam of a flashlight showed through a couple of slats, and we froze in place. Gwen’s lips parted, and I covered them with my hand, afraid that beautiful mouth of hers would get us in trouble. Everyone knew that “come on out and it’ll be better for you” line was bullshit—it was way easier to defend someone who hadn’t confessed. Or been caught, for that matter.

I gestured to the far corner where there was a table we could use to help us climb and flee away from the security guard—presumably—and she nodded.

Then she looked at the bra and panties she had waded in her hands as if she couldn’t figure out what to do with them.

The gate to the pool rattled, the sound of jingling keys sending my heart rate skyrocketing. I snatched Gwen’s underwear from her, stuffed them in the pocket of my pants, and nudged her toward the table.

She climbed on, and I boosted her up so she could grab the top of the fence. In spite of the fact that we so didn’t have time for distractions, I took a longing glance up her skirt, thinking I was a damn fool not to have taken more time with that particular area of her body.

Pervy, probably, but I was only human, and it wasn’t like I’d climb over her. And now I’m thinking of how much I’d like to climb over her.

As soon as Gwen cleared the fence and disappeared on the other side, I heaved myself over, hitting the ground next to her.

Behind us, more rattling noises sounded out, along with the repeated phrases about “off limits” and “show yourselves.”

I grabbed Gwen’s hand, and we ran, full-out, across the property, dodging trees and sticking to the shadows as much as we could.

By the time we arrived at the building where we were staying, we were both gasping for air.

A wheeze came from Gwen’s lips, and I was worried she’d somehow ingested peanuts, but then she started laughing. “Oh my gosh. That was…” She sucked in a breath of air. “Awesome.”

“I’d choose a different word,” I said, which made her laugh harder, which made me laugh.

A shiver racked her body, and I quickly shed my jacket and draped it around her.

Her face fell, and it made me remember that we’d been about to have a shitty conversation, one I didn’t want to finish, but knew I had to. Could’ve used a few more seconds enjoying the adrenaline buzz, but such is life.

“My shoes,” she said.

My brain searched for context but couldn’t find any. “Your shoes?”

She bit her lip. “Not sure whether to tell this to a future lawyer or not, but I left my shoes at the scene of the crime. Really they’re at the spot before the off-limits area, so I can just claim that I kicked my shoes off there but never crossed, right?”

“Sure,” I said. “I’ve never heard of anyone being convicted because of a pair of shoes.”

“Convicted?” The bold girl who’d brazenly ignored warning signs turned genuinely worried. “Wait. Don’t they catch people because of their shoeprint sometimes? That’s pretty much the same thing as shoes.”

I cupped both of her cheeks and tilted her face up so her eyes would meet mine. “You’re not going to be convicted of anything. We could argue a hundred things. Circumstantial evidence, too dark to see the glowing sign…” I flashed her a teasing smile. “Temporary insanity.” I looked deep into her eyes, switching back to reassuring mode. “I’ll take care of you, I promise.”

A warm, squishy sensation flooded me as she threw her arms around my middle and nuzzled my neck with her nose. “My hero.”

Not even close. I really wished I was, though.

“I mean superhero,” Gwen said. “Even though I’m still not sure which one we settled on. Hulk was the one you wanted to be, right?”

Some of our superhero jokes seemed a lifetime ago, and yet they were part of why I’d fallen so hard for this girl. It was as much of a challenge to keep up with her brain as it was her mouth.

We were a handful of feet from our room—the room I didn’t want to step inside because then I’d have to finish the conversation I’d barely started and never wanted to finish. I wished I didn’t have to ruin us with something as simple yet complicated as the truth.

Only as I dug into my pocket to retrieve our room key, a figure emerged from the shadows.

Gwen tensed at my side. “Paige?”

The blond bridesmaid stepped into a pool of light that revealed her slightly disheveled state and red-rimmed eyes. “Gwen, please. I just really need to talk to you now, before you head back to North Carolina. Everything’s changing, and it feels like I have no one, and I know it’s my fault, but…” Her chin quivered and tears spilled down her cheeks, taking what little mascara she had left with them. “If you can forgive Kyle, why can’t you forgive me? I’m way sorrier than he is.” She frowned as if she’d realized how that sounded. “That came out wrong. But, Gwen, you were like my sister.”

Gwen looked at me. I shrugged—it was so out of my league, and I could hardly be fair when it came to how much I wanted her to be able to forgive someone. I hated that her supposed friend hurt her so badly, but if I told her not to forgive Paige, the same could be said about not forgiving me. Even if I liked to think mine was driven by purer reasons. Which probably made me even guiltier.

“I know we were kind of in the middle of something,” Gwen said, her hand coming up on the center of my chest, right over the spot where my heart beat solely for her. “A lot of things.”

“It’s okay. It can wait,” I said.

Gwen sighed, an invisible weight pressing down her shoulders, and I saw the effort it took to smooth her expression to a more neutral one. Then she turned toward the still-sobbing bridesmaid. “Okay, we can talk,” she said, and Paige surged forward and hugged her. Gwen awkwardly patted her head and it might’ve made me laugh if I didn’t see the edge of hurt and other conflicting emotions in her big hazel eyes.

“What do you want me to do?” I mouthed. I’d be there as they talked if she wanted me to be, in spite of the panicky feeling that rose at the thought of tear-filled conversations and how clueless I’d be on how to help or fix it, or any damn thing.

“You have a room nearby?” Gwen asked Paige, who straightened and sniffed loudly.

“Yeah. A couple of doors down. Don’t worry, Kyle’s not staying with me tonight.”

Gwen flinched slightly but hid it fairly well. Her gaze flickered to me. “Go ahead and settle in, and I’ll be back as soon as I can.” She wrapped my jacket tighter around herself. “But just so you know, much like your hoodie, I’m keeping your jacket.”

“I’ll freeze to death come winter, woman.” I kept my tone light and teasing, and even though it sucked to have this ticking time bomb over my head, I was glad I hadn’t had the chance to come clean quite yet. Then Gwen might also be crying right now, and she’d already had to deal with so much emotional shit tonight. As hard as it would be, once she got some closure with Paige, whatever level of closure it was, I knew she’d feel better about this trip. Just like I knew she was strong enough to handle it without getting walked over.

Not that I was letting myself off the hook. I hated that she’d get back only to deal with more, but I couldn’t go one more night pretending to be my brother.

I pulled Gwen to me for a hug and a way too quick kiss. I used the hotel key to open the door, propping it with my foot and then dropping the key into Gwen’s hand. “Call me if you need me and I’ll be right over.”

She nodded and sucked in a fortifying breath. I watched the two girls walk down the way and disappear into Paige’s hotel room. Once they were safely inside, I went into our room and leaned against the closed door. I let my head drop back and then lifted it and let it drop one more time.

As soon as Gwen returned, I’d come clean. Then I’d get started on apologizing and begging for her to give me a chance to prove that I was the guy she fell for. The guy who liked her exactly the way she was.

The guy should be with.

Forever.